estakado Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 fishman3226, jimtash & crazydawg: It takes time to heal and it takes time to really think this one through. I am at month 2 and 1/2 of this and I can admit that I am still not completely over her, I still miss my girl deeply....I still feel the loss and I still sometimes weak and ashamed. I've cried, I've yelled and I've sometimes even shouted at GOD why me? But at the end its all the same, give it time to run through this, think it through and make a decision. Option A: You call her and talk to her, ask her why did you do this to us? Which the answer will be like "its not you its me" or "It just happend" or "I need my space" or the dreaded "I dont love you/love you like that anymore" After you get your answer from begging, yelling, or even trying to change her mind, you will feel crushed. Option B: You become her friend, listen to all her problems...especially problems about the other dude and you will feel like crap because you are not a man....just a girlfriend, a shoulder to cry on. She will not really respect you and she will almost/completely forget about the love you had. Option C: No contact, take the time to grieve, get your house, job and feelings in order and hope for the best [she will come back?] or prepare for the worst [she will not come back]. This is the best option because you get to hold on to whatever pride/respect/love that you have left and use it to think how you really feel. Use this time to decide really how you should approach this issue and take care of it. Use this time to decide how to move on. Your best bet is to No Contact, give her the space and then discuss later what she decides. You cant force someone that wont even meet you halfway and you cant truly love her if you cant move past her mistakes. Real love is never like the movies, it is very very very rare that a girl realises her mistake and comes running back to you wherever you are to tell you that you are the REAL ONE in her life. Ask yourself, can you forgive her and move past this? Can the other guy leave her alone and move past this? Can she realise what she is missing and come back? Are you both willing to change your life for the better? Are you willing to change? What will you change? Are you both able to move somewhere else to live in order to be away from everything in order to start fresh? Are you willing to work harder in order to maintain this love and change. ^ ^ These are things to really consider right here, because the reality is that SHE LEFT YOU for a reason...she wasnt happy, thinks got to be boring or predictible. They say love is pain and pain is love. Make a decision and stick with it, if she wakes up and finds you then you will decide. Till then, get the grief out. Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted July 2, 2004 Author Share Posted July 2, 2004 Well I talked to her again last night and it went OK I guess as I'm just a friend so to speak now. We did agree that we still have unfinished business and its either to start over or end it, so for now we start over. I know that she has to want to come back on her own and that's what I'm going to try and do, but not forcefully. This is my only chance at her and I'm going to take it. I'm going to be a "close but distant" friend and by this I mean not answering the phone each time she calls or giving her that shoulder each and every time she needs it and trust me, she'll need it. When I do end up giving her that shoulder, I'm going to "disapprear" for a week or two after and leave her wondering about me this time. She has to understand that the support she wants out of me, I do not give to friends but to a lover and partner. Her current boyfriend has already lied about me according to her and that's why she wouldn't speak to me for a week. She finally came to her senses and even said that I wouldn't do what he described. She gave the excuse that in his circumstances, he was unsecure and a little jealous and just wanted to make sure that we are not together again. He attempted and failed to keep her away from me, so I'm going to let him be the bad guy by his own words. See, they are going to drive that wedge in their relationship themselves and I'm not even going to have to do anything except be in her life. One day I will bring up the fairness issue of her seeing me and him not knowing or me being a stand in while he's gone, but that's down the road when she's phoning me everyday and I know that an extended seperation from me will drive her nuts when she refuses to tell him and I happen to not be home anymore. By the way, I have not attempted to call her for two weeks as she is the one who phones me and that's the way it's going to stay for now. P.S. We never broke up in the regular way or even talked about it, we just stopped seeing each other. She did not leave me, it was mutual. We have unfinished business and on this issue we agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted July 2, 2004 Author Share Posted July 2, 2004 One other thing that seems odd to me is that my horoscope yesterday (we are both Libras) said that the day was a day of second chances and damn if I didn't wake up and realize it, that all along this is a second chance and the way I've been playing so far was stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted August 7, 2004 Author Share Posted August 7, 2004 Well it's been up and down since my last posting. We have been seeing more of each other and she has stayed with me overnight a few times and yes, it happened. She said it felt "right", and it did. I have since asked her about getting back together with me again and she says she needs to clear her head up and wants to be sure that it's the right thing to do, in other words to have no regrets. What I do know is that that the other guy in her life will be back in December and maybe that's what she is waiting on. For the time being though, we are comfortable with each other and that's good. She even said my parents didn't matter anymore (read my other posts) and that's even better because she isn't telling me lame excuses anymore. She knows that I love her and that I want her back and that she has to make up her mind very soon as to what she wants to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted August 7, 2004 Author Share Posted August 7, 2004 Oh, and she said I was a "decision" by the way. Maybe that's a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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