H3lp...The OG is around. I'm so c0nfused

[water4150]

Ok long story short.

2.5 years relationship. I'm 21 she's 24. She broke up with me. Break up occured 6 months ago, 5-6 weeks? of nc so and going.

 

Reason: wasn't spending as much time with her as much as she wanted.

My counter to her reason: I am a nursing student, lot of work and was trying my best to make a future for us.

 

So a month before the bu a guy was around. He was giving her driving lessons behind my back. She wanted to learn manual transmission. All along this guy has a gf heck the gf is his fiance. He is known to flirt behind his fiance back and do shady stuff.

 

Now my ex basically fell head over heels with him. I'm pretty sure its an infatuation and lust. And my ex and this guy bump heads becuase she wants stuff to happen but he is engaged. She is trying and she even knows that she is being dumb and stupid for doing so but for some reason she just can't stop.

 

All this information is coming from a mutual friend that favors me more. And she has told me that there has been no physical contact such as kissing or anything. She's a virgin and I highly doubt he is. She is waiting for marriage and I respected her wishes on that.

 

Also this guy is the complete opposite of her and me. For example, she is the innnocent nerdy/geeky shcool girl, doesn't like bars or drinking. This guy has no degree, deals with cars (didn't even go to a tech school) and is milking his fiance money and is also a "musclehead" and drinks. Me, I'm busting my ass in nursing school trying to get my life going forward, I don't smoke, don't drink, don't even like bars or clubs either.

 

Her personal life: Almost jobless. Her two month contract with a job is ending and she has no back up position. Tough luck...oh well. She basically hates that she is 24 still with her parents and still can't get a decent job with her degree.

 

To me, it seems as if her life has become a complete mess ever since leaving me. I have been improving on myself. I been working out as much as possible. During the break up I was 128lb, now I'm 142lbs and highly confident in my looks. And I have been putting all my focus to school...trying to atleast.

 

More information: The mutual friend told me my ex pretty much is mad at me since I'm hanging out during the weekdays. I wasn't doing that with her becuase I had a different class schedual. And also I was hanging out with the mutual friend who my ex tells her everything which finds its way to me. Mad to the point where if she was to see me should would have cursed at me. Yea right we never once yelled at each other or ever raised our voices at eachother.

 

I know I should keep the nc going and I'm going to do just that. But part of me doesn't want her back. I do want her back but I want the old her back. Right now she is just full of anger and it is somehow directed towards me.

 

I don't get why after 6 months she is still angry at me. Is that anger becuase nothing is going her way and mine is just normal? Is that anger becuase she is jealous that I was hanging out with another girl even though its a mutual friend. I have no feelings for this girl, if anything it was either my ex gf or nobody until I graduated college. Or is she angry becuase she knows that she is being stupid with that guy and is wasting her time but with out him and me she really has nobody else?

 

I know I made my mistakes in the relationship but it was never anything serious like cheating or abusing her. I just didnt' give her the attention as much as she wanted...I regret doing so but I was still putting myself first with school. I have more to lose then she does and she just couldn't understand the fact that I was giving it my best beuase I wanted a great future for us....

 

My cutting point for not taking her back is if she ever does anything physical with another guy before me. You know, rather keep the playing field even.

 

 

Is this her GIGS guy but without the actual relationship aspect?

 

Thank you and sorry for the long read...

[darkmoon]

you need to look closely at what drove her away and apologize - i can slmost hear you say how she was wrong but you have scant high cards in no position to insist

[alexandria35]

Stay the course. At this stage of your life you are wise to put succeeding at school at the top of your priorities. Too many young people get caught up in the drama of love and romance and let their schooling and their dreams of having a fullfilling career fall by the wayside. Then along comes marriage and babies and lost opportunities. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for sticking to your dreams.

 

As for your mutual friend. I always wonder about people who speak out of both sides of their mouth. Your friend talks to your ex, most likely pretending to be a confidant, then can't wait to come running to you with all that she's heard, knowing it gets you riled up. This person isn't really being a friend to you or your ex and I wonder why you bother with them.

[water4150]

Apologizing to her....I done it so many times.

 

She is filled with anger becuase of the past and is just completely nasty with me if I was to ever talk to her.

 

I don't get why she is upset. It feels as if it is silly things such as not spending all the time in the world with her.

 

Meanwhile she is dealing with that guy that is probably feeding her lies and trying to use her for sexual purposes but doesn't want to. For example when they first met, he said to her "want to be friends with benefits" She walked away from that. But years later they reconnected and now all this.

 

It pisses me off that she is doing this to herself yet I'm the one getting the blame yet we are not even talking. Makes no sense to me...

[darkmoon]

Apologizing to her....I done it so many times.

 

She is filled with anger becuase of the past and is just completely nasty with me if I was to ever talk to her.

 

I don't get why she is upset. It feels as if it is silly things such as not spending all the time in the world with her.

 

Meanwhile she is dealing with that guy that is probably feeding her lies and trying to use her for sexual purposes but doesn't want to. For example when they first met, he said to her "want to be friends with benefits" She walked away from that. But years later they reconnected and now all this.

 

It pisses me off that she is doing this to herself yet I'm the one getting the blame yet we are not even talking. Makes no sense to me...

 

you have a spoilt brat on your hands then - how else could anyone account for that which you just told us?

[Owl]

you have a spoilt brat on your hands then - how else could anyone account for that which you just told us?

 

The excitement of the affair. It often negates rational thought.

 

OP, I think that your best bet here is to walk away. Put her in your past, chalk this up as a painful learning experience, and move on.

 

At this point...she's not relationship material. And you've got too much on your plate to waste time with her any further.

[water4150]

The excitement of the affair. It often negates rational thought.

 

OP, I think that your best bet here is to walk away. Put her in your past, chalk this up as a painful learning experience, and move on.

 

At this point...she's not relationship material. And you've got too much on your plate to waste time with her any further.

 

 

Don't get me wrong that's what I'm trying to do. But there is always some kind of trigger that throws me back.

 

I have all her stuff stored in a place I never go to. I don't have her facebook anymore, her number is deleted...but I unfortuneeatly have it memorized. I told that friend to stop telling me stuff about her. But the thoughts and having the feeling as if I got ditched for a nother guy....that's pretty much stepping on my ego.

 

I just want to curse her out and beat the living pulp out of the other guy. But I'm not going to do any of that becuase I'm the better person. I'm trying to walk away but god damn....sure aint easy lol