CoolGuy Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Question for people over 20. Anyone below should practice abstinence What do you guys think. How long does it USUALLY take before two people start having sex? How many dates? How long does it USUALLY take before two people start saying I Love You? How many dates? No "it depends on the people" type of answer. Link to post Share on other sites
thecake Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 It depends on the people...sorry, but it really does. There are no standard answers to your questions. Age, experience, surroundings, emotional maturity or lack of it, mutual attraction or lack of it, personailities, and on and on.......... You just "know" when it's right when it happens. How's that? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Originally posted by CoolGuy How long does it USUALLY take before two people start having sex? How many dates? How long does it USUALLY take before two people start saying I Love You? How many dates? No "it depends on the people" type of answer. Ok I'll give you what I've got. IMO...no love, no sex! I dated my boyfriend for two months before we had sex. I'm also in my late twenties (if that matters to ya). Around the three month mark, we told each other that we loved each other using those three words. Link to post Share on other sites
lexnmike4enomore Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 It depends on the chemistry between the 2 people. I was went on a date with a guy and by our second date, we had sex (i know what you thinking) But we stayed together for about 2 years after that until he died by a drunk driver. We said i love you after a month. I knew that this guy was a keeper. Sometime you just know when its right. Another guy i waited about 3 months. It was the kind of relationship where we really wanted i to be special by waiting and getting to know each other inside and out. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 To me it's a matter of trust. If I trust the guy, then I'll go with my feelings and take my time to know the guy better, to create desire, to make it special. So you see, it doesn't only depend on people, but on how often you see each other, how long, and then it comes the part with" how do you feel around the guy (in my case anyway )". I'd say wait at least until the number of dates is a two digit one or near it. Don't know if you've noticed, but after the first four dates, once the novelty is gone, people tend to back off. That's why I am all for waiting longer, not to act upon instinct. It's clear that lust is there, but I find it much more apealing for that man to desire me in bed with him, not simply enjoy my body. Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 I'm glad that someone asked this question because there is another post from a much younger young lady who asks should she play games when dating men and I think this goes hand in hand. This is such a ridiculous issue to me - I feel like adults who are sexually attracted to one another should not have to put a timeframe on this - I think sex is a natural occurrence - it happens when it happens but labeling someone because it occurs the first night between 2 consenting adults doesn't make one easier than the other - it just is what it is and I find it very offensive that we have to play this game in order to secure another date. Instead, we have to try to calculate how soon is too soon, how long is playing too hard to get - it's a game - wouldn't you agree? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Whatever makes you happy, that's my policy! When it comes to myself, not allowing myself the time to know the other person... it is so easy to be used for sex. If it doesn't bother you, that's fine. It bothers me! Just don't call sex "a natural occurace". This isn't a jungle. People think. Reason. To me sex is abot intimacy, about love, about something special. I am 24, I've had sex with 2 men . That's it! I can't say i've been dating a lot, but I do go out, and I do flirt. Call me old fashioned. Call me a flirt! At least my name, image or reputation wil never ever be associated with a word starting with "w". That's what my momma told me and it makes me sleep better at night! Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 I totally agree with curly.. sex is not a natural occurance I think depending on the two individuals, sex can be plain sex (which occurs before you love someone) or it can mean something two both of the individuals (which occurs after you know each other and love and care for each other).. personally i don't know how a person can have sex with people so easily because there are so many Stds these days.. And so many children are born out of one-night stands and so on.. I don't know why someone would consider to put themselves in that situation.. I say get to know a person and if he's worth the change of having a child with or getting an std from then go ahead.. When i'm with a guy I want to know that he loves me and that he will be there for me if i have a child and i also want to make sure that he doesn't have stds... I think I'm worth the wait and if guys don't want to wait they don't have to.. because there are many guys that will wait and respect my decision.. I don't recommend sleeping with someone the first night because guys will consider them easier.. which is true you were easier to get into bed then the others who make them wait.. lol.. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam Just don't call sex "a natural occurace". This isn't a jungle. ! So true! And we are not animals. And I do also agree that if you're easy to sleep with, well, then, you're probably easy....hence the word! That's your own opinion. I happen to NOT want men to think I'm easy, and no, it's not about a game. It's about being mentally strong and physically healthy...not to mention self assured and confident! Kirkyswife, you're more at risk for STD's than I am because you have increased risk due to increased sexual partners. Taking time to hump on my man is not considered a game to me, that's considered being smart. I think any man would prefer a woman that didn't throw herself out there to ever weiner possible. Some may think it may make you more sexual, but you can be just as sexual with one person and not the whole city. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 I was a bit out of myself, so ... you girls understand! Tikibrandy, the mild version of your last sentence and one of my favourites' is "why date tones of men when you can be perfectly myserable just dating one?" . Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 I disagree that sex is not a natural occurance - I don't know what else you would call it. When you are attracted to someone and there is chemistry then it's safe to assume that your relationship progresses at it's own natural progression - there is no timeframe. Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 And tikibrandy - You do not know me therefore you should not assume that I am at risk of anything - you do not know the number of partners I have had nor do you know whether or not they were protected sex partners. Your assumptions are a premature, naive and ignorant. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Originally posted by kirkyswife And tikibrandy - You do not know me therefore you should not assume that I am at risk of anything - you do not know the number of partners I have had nor do you know whether or not they were protected sex partners. Your assumptions are a premature, naive and ignorant. kirkyswife - No, what's ignorant is you stating that it's a natural occurence, like we can all go running around like jack rabbits humping each other. You're right, I don't know you, but I did read what you said. It's not rocket science that if you increase your risk, you're at increased risk. I care who I sleep with and submit my body to. Do you? I can see if you mean that having sex is a natural occurence in a sense that between two people that love each other, it would naturally occur. But the way you said it, and the context in which it lies, makes it look like it's just something that's of no importance, something that 'just happens'. Clarify what you mean please. Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 kirkyswife, you said it is ok if two consenting adults have sex on the first night... Hence the criticism you are getting.. if you have sex on the first date, it does not will it will progress to a relationship.. most of the time it doesn't.... you have a better chance to progress into a relationship if you get to know a person before you jump into bed with them.. Also as for you being at risk for stds.. all because you use protection (i'm assuming a condom) it doesn't mean you can't get an std.. the only way to truly protect yourself from getting stds is to have the person you are going to have sex with tested for stds.. condoms only protect you from some stds.. and if you don't have those two consenting adults test themselves for stds before sleeping together.. then they have a high risk of spreading stds to others.. i'm not saying you are at high risk.. i'm saying people who jump into bed when they have a slight chemistry with a person are at risk.. Get to know your partner and get to know their history before you start having sex.. period... Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Tiki you are right I should have been more clear - thank you for your warning I'll be more careful how I post in the future. I am a 31 year old woman who has had a total of 2 sexual partners - 1 of which I have been married to for the last 11 years and the other who was my first love (age 18). I am not at risk of anything unless my husband cheats and brings something home. I have been abstinent for the past 8 years, my husband and I have been separated for a very long time but will reconcile on our wedding anniversary July 4th of this year. I slept with my husband after our 2nd date and I don't regret it - it was a "natural occurance" for us - we had a love at first site situation and spent weeks getting to know one another in between our first and second date. He was in the military and was sent out to sea for 2 months after our first official date. I married my husband 1-1/2 years after meeting him and I regret nothing. [color=darkred][font=times new roman] Is that clear enough?[/font][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 This is getting out of hand - okay for those who are not aware: The following definitions are located in Webster's II New College Dictionary (Copyright 2001) Natural - Derives from nature 8. An individual's fundamental character or disposition Occurrence - 1. To take place; come about Natural Occurrence = basic actions. I'm not clear where the "jungle" comes in or anything remotely tribal or medieval but making love/sexual intercourse is a natural occurrence between a man and a woman (not just any man and woman so let's not be ridiculous) but as you know our sole purpose for inhabiting the earth is to procreate (which means to to produce or create; to beet (offspring) - of course now that depends upon your religious beliefs but for the sake of this discussion we'll say Christianity. So in order to fulfill our earthly responsibility we must procreate which requires sexual intercourse a natural occurrence between a man and a woman. Honestly, the criticism is misdirected - I'm posing questions to very relevant questions I hear from female friends all the time. In a perfect world we'd all do the June & Ward Cleaver thing but many folks don't and so I ask you to stop critiquing my question and answer the initial post. When is it too soon for two consenting adults to engage in sexual intercourse? Personally It's a personal decision and I stand behind my feeling that it happens naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
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