i've loved my bestfriend for 3 years. what now?

[colestriker]

now to start this out, i would like to say that i am only 17. most people tell me that a 17 year old doesn't "truly" know what love it. well i beg to differ because i this isn't love then love doesn't exist. all i ask is that you can take the time to read this story and help me.

so the story starts in 6th grade believe it or not. she moved to my school and rode my bus which is how we met. we hit it off and just became very close. she didn't know anyone at the school so i was her first and only friend for a while. a few months passed and she was kind of excepted in to the "popular group". but she never forgot about me, she would always find time to talk to me and just be the best friend i needed. well i had a little crush on her at this point in time but it really wasn't much of anything because i was just in 6th grade. nothing much really happened for the rest of that year. then came 7th and 8th grade and still the same thing. we would text alot and i soon became the shoulder to cry on. usually that not a good sign, but i was ok with it because i was getting attention from her and in the end that's all i wanted. one thing that i should add is that this girl is no saint. yea she liked to party a little bit and like to get around with some guys from the school but i always knew at heart that she was a good person. she is also a very troubled girl. she needs to be loved. not like a drama queen or an attention whore. she just has a lot of love to give. he home live wasn't that good either. her parents were divorced and she lived with her mom. her mom didn't really like her. they just didn't get along very well.

my feelings only got stronger as time went on. it got to a point where i couldn't sleep at night because shes all ive ever wanted. shes the girl i can see dancing with at my senior prom, the only i want to stay up all night with, the girl i want by my side at the alter. everyone has a dream girl and she just happens to be mine. i never wanted to tell her how i felt because i valued our friendship. i didn't want to screw up the friendship, and honestly i always had the feeling that she was wayyy out of my league.

Our friendship only got strong as time went on too. we would talk all night and all day, but i just didn't think it was in a girlfriend/boyfriend way if you know what i mean.

one night i got a phone call from her. i just thought it would be a usual conversation but it started out with these words, "i ran away...". her mom just kept yelling at her and she couldnt take it. so she left. i did my best to comfort her and i soon convinced her to go back home. she got in a lot of trouble. she got her phone taken away and we couldn't talk much. the point of all this is to show that we have been through a lot together. our friendship is unbreakable...or atleast i thought it was.

know its time to get to the most important part. she has been dating this tool for 5 months. she would always ask me for help with her relationship and as a good friend i gave her advice.

she text me and told me that she had broke up with her bf. i was ecstatic because i thought this would be my chance to make something happen. she admitted that she had had a little pit to drink. i tried to comfort her and make her feel better. and here is what she said next.

 

"ive secretly been in love with you the entire time i was dating noah (the tool). i was just scared to admit it. (a friend confirmed that this was true). i was just afraid that I'd lose you if you didn't feel the same way."

 

these were the words I've been looking for for about 3 years. i came clean and told her how i felt. she went on to say that she can see my at the alter with her and that shes always wanted to be with me because i understand her and I've been with her through the best and the worst. i was the happiest man in the world. everything seemed to be working out for me...then everything went down the toilet and fast.

she next day i texted her and i asked if she truly meant it and if if just wasn't a bunch of drunken talk. she said it was all true, but she didnt want it to effect our friendship. she just wanted to be friends because she wanted to see if her ex bf (noah the tool) would want to work things out. i honestly want to just go lay in the street and wait for a car to run me over. i was sooooo close. i cant sleep and i cant eat. shes all i think about. how can you love someone but only want to be friends? it doesn't make sense. so help me please. i just don't know what to do anymore.