brokenheartedagain Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Hello i need some help . i have a long history so here it goes: me and my husband have been together al ong time almost ten years, we have had a lot of ups and downs but no infidilety or things of that nature until last year i was pregnet and i found out my husband was talking to some other girl. (i foudn out by checking his voicemial=== i know bad of me ) well i had the baby and we went all summer trying to work things out but he cept talking to the girl for hours a day (he also works with her) well. finnanly in oct i kicked him out. at first he was happy to be away from me. well eventually i met a guy whom i become romantically involved with .. well he found out about him and eventually it came to the point where supposedly he had stopped talking to this girl and wanted to work things out. that went on for about 2 months b/4 i made a decision. i finnanly decided to to take him back. well i cute off my thing with the other guy completly an dhvanet talked to him since then. during the time he was talking to this girl she would give our kids things and he gave my daughter one thing from her and i said never again. he used to keep presents and stuff in his car for months from this girl.i guess he eventually threw it away. now here we are after trying to work things out for about 6 mnoths. we've had our ups and downs but were still here trying to work on things. well i couple of downs include: well we sitll have detailed billing on ou r cell phons so we see who the other is calling well there has been one month where he and that girl exchanged about 5 phone calls totalling maybe 15 min. i confronted him and then the next month he didnt call her at all . but he still works with her which makes me susupioius. Also about 2 months ago he disappeared form work for about 2 hours said he was at the mall trying to find me an anniversary present and once he found it , he figured out he didnt have his card.. well i didnt buy this i knew he didnt have his card but i didnt think he was at the mall for 2 hours hes never in his life been in a mall that long. well Then came today. he told me to go put something in his car trunk. well there was a disney bag in there and the stuff i had to put in there was getting wet (raining out) so i wanted to put it in the bag i turned the bag and out falls abunch of crap: 4 outfits for my kids , 3 work shirts never opend for him and a condom. now i dont know what to think or do. i had though the had had sex with her there were two nights where he disappeared when he was staying at his moms house. but i'm not sure if this stuff is more recent. i'm a little worried that the day he went to the mall he went with her or something of that sort. i dotn know what to do or think. i havent confronted him with it. part of me thinks i should just let it go. i dont know what good it will do. i have no way to tell if he is having an affair or not still. i mean he doesnt really go unaccounted for, and for themost part things feel right between us (because when he first startted talking to this girl he was disntent no sex etc) not sure if this is an old condom or something new. any ideas appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Linlin Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Trust you gut. If you think something is going on, it probably is. You H has far too much contact with this girl. Is it possible for him to switch jobs? I know that this is not always reasonable. The number one thing that you hear is that for a couple to heal from an affair is that there needs to be NO CONTACT with the other person. Does he talk to this girl at work? He needs to tell her to get lost if he wants you and his family back. Can you get a temporary restraining order to get her to leave your family alone? Is that reasonable? Confront him about what you have found and demand a reasonable explanation for it. Don't sit and suffer in silence. If he is being truthful, he has nothing to hide from you. Make sure that you try to find out if he is being honest with you or a better liar. Are you in couselling with him? If you are not, you need to get individual counselling as well as going together to work on things. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
brokenheartedagain Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Hi, were not in coulsing and we have talked about it but dont have any money until our bankruptcy is over. As for whta i've found out since then is that the clothes were most likley bought in april. and if thats the case thats when he supposdly went to the mall. so i'mfigureing sh eprobably went to the mall bought the stuff and then he wen tover her house and they had sex... i mean why else is the condom in the bag. i'm so hurt and broken over this i dotn know what to do anymore. it makes me sad. i love him but cannot tolerate this he states he doesnt talk to her at work and supposdly she changed her sceadule when we got back together (He emailed me her approval by the personal department) so they work some days together and not as many hours. but he really wants to quit his job and have been looking for a new job. but hasnt found one making what he makes right now so for now hes still there. i dont want to confront him on this i just feel it ownt fix anything. i'm so upset. and i just don tknw what else to do.. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Is the OW married? If so, I would consider calling her husband to see if he's noticed any changes in her habits. I honestly think that when someone cheats...the trust is hard to regain. Does he use condoms when you two are together? Link to post Share on other sites
Linlin Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Simply ask him where the stuff came from? You don't have to be agressive about it just stand up for yourself. Once he gives you the answer, than ask about the condom. What do you have to lose? DOes his work have benefits where you can get some free counselling sessions? Link to post Share on other sites
brokenheartedagain Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 the OW is seperated , and no we dont use condoms. like i siad the condom could be from when we were split up or it could be from april? im not sure i was thinking becuase we have a few other minor issues that are still going on tha t were supposed to be fixed and i wsas thinking of writing him an email adressing the other issues and telling him if they dont change then we need to seperate? as for the consuling we have no way to get any right now maybe within the next month or so. Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Do you and you husband use condoms?... If not then he is cheating because why else would he still have a condom.. also if i were you i would go to the doctor have get checked for stds.. you never know what could be passed around with this infidelity.. be safe for yourself.. You also say that you have detailed telephone bills... do you think they don't talk much? at work.. when he is out.. when he is at his moms.. he could call her from a pay phone.. As for your husband having gifts in his car.. Why is that acceptable? ask him where they are from.. You guys should also go to counselling because he seems to have too much contact with her and doesn't seem like he is putting in the effort Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts