inexperienced11 Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 I apologize if I'm creating yet another one of those cliched threads that have been answered a million times. However, everyone is different and I'd like a little more personal advice. Let me start off by saying I am a 24 year old virgin. I recently moved to the States and work over here. Over the last couple of weeks we've had this girl coming into work (from another company) who is probably a year or two older than me. (This isn't a highly corporate environment and far from a full cubicle/office type deal) She's a slightly dorky type girl and comes off as smart. She doesn't seem shallow and definitely seems like someone I could be happy with. (I grew up outside America and in the kind of culture/environment where I sort of got whatever I wanted) I have never shown off my wealth, etc. and moved to America so that I could make a future for myself. However, somehow or the other people always pick up on my 'classiness' if you want to call it that. (I hate it) People just seem to have some ridiculous expectations sometimes. When it comes to dating for example, my friends from college, etc. always expect me to be dating like an 8-10/10 on the attractiveness scale. It's always made me insecure that while I do find those girls attractive and there are some genuinely nice girls, the general female in my circle of friends has always had a shallow, attention-seeking and gold digging personality. So anytime I have shown interest in someone who may not be high in terms of physical looks I've encountered jokes, bulleying, etc. that make me quit it. (I do realize that is ridiculous and I shouldn't care what others think. I'm here now though, far away from those losers) So here I am. I often head out at work to greet this girl and bring her in and we've had small conversations. For the first two weeks she noticed me, but had no idea what my name was. Earlier this week she asked me if I was some other guy because I resembled someone she went to school with. By the end of the week she asked me my real name and made some small talk. Everyone I work with is older than me and when we are getting the work done, they tend to joke around a lot because I do the real work while they sit around doing nothing. (She even stood up for me once when they were joking around.) I am never uncomfortable when they do that though. I handle myself well and joke around with them too. So here's the deal. I kinda want to ask this girl out but don't get a lot of alone time to do it at work. The only alone time I get with her is when I greet her at the door. (In a slightly secluded area at that) Any advice on how to proceed? I should also mention the last girl friend I had was in highschool. (Sad, I know) Apologize once again if this thread is more of the same crap or if it's too long or if it's in the wrong place. I never thought I'd meet a girl after highschool who would have me all crushed up like this, but the moment has come. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inexperienced11 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 Anyone? (I have a feeling this might be in the wrong section. Mods move it as you see fit.) Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Write her a note, and give it to her, or leave it on her desk, maybe...? just tell her, no strings attached, just venturing to go out for a meal or something...but that you don't want to create an embarrassing situation at work.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author inexperienced11 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 Write her a note, and give it to her, or leave it on her desk, maybe...? just tell her, no strings attached, just venturing to go out for a meal or something...but that you don't want to create an embarrassing situation at work.... Thanks. I've been thinking of just handing her a note when I greet her at the door with my number and I can tell her in person that I'd like to grab some coffee or a meal. The good thing is that she doesn't work at the company I'm at. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 I was once where you are my friend. Here is what you do: the next time you greet her at the door, after you welcome her in, man up and ask her out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author inexperienced11 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Gahhh, I have no balls. I had the perfect opportunity to ask her out and I let my nerves get the best of me. I kept thinking one of my colleagues was going to walk out any moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inexperienced11 Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 Just as an update: Well, I was talking to a close friend about this situation and she mentioned it would probably be best to get to know the girl a little more before I directly asked her out. (I realize I should've mentioned in the OP that I've not known the girl in question for very long) We've made very brief small talk at work. We have each others' numbers for work purposes. Yesterday I thought I had left something at her place of work and texted her to check it out which she seemed happy to do for me. Eventually the conversation went onto a topic of one of my hobbies that another coworker had mentioned and she admitted she googled me and found my website. (No, it's nothing embarrassing) I met her today and once again it was just basic small talk, mostly work related. It seems to be a wee bit hot and cold. Or maybe it's just me not following what is going on. One of her texts contained a winking smily which is not something I should read too much into, but at least it gives me an idea that the conversation is not all professional. Seeing as I barely meet her for enough time at the end of the work day and get even lesser time alone with her, do you guys have any suggestions how to make the most of it? I'm kind of holding off on asking her out right away. And while there is a slight fear of rejection, I just want to feel this one out, being indirectly related through work. Any tips? Link to post Share on other sites
Author inexperienced11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Bump.... Link to post Share on other sites
NateC Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 It really sounds like you're onto something there. As I've been told before and as I always say: it's better to ask and know then to never ask and never know. Believe me...it's far from easy to do. You can enter all calm and collected with exactly what you want to say in your head, and when the moment comes - you freeze...almost like you're about to do something you're absolutely afraid to do. It's natural, so don't be embarrassed...just ask her! (On a side note, I got turned down after dealing with all that, but I'm not dead from it ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author inexperienced11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 It really sounds like you're onto something there. As I've been told before and as I always say: it's better to ask and know then to never ask and never know. Believe me...it's far from easy to do. You can enter all calm and collected with exactly what you want to say in your head, and when the moment comes - you freeze...almost like you're about to do something you're absolutely afraid to do. It's natural, so don't be embarrassed...just ask her! (On a side note, I got turned down after dealing with all that, but I'm not dead from it ) When it has come to girls I genuinely like, I've found it a little hard to read them. She has shown a wee bit of interest, but I feel like I'm reading too much into it pretending like something exists when it actually doesn't. I do plan on asking her out or letting her know how I feel but I keep thinking it's too soon. In a couple of weeks when our contract ends with the company she works for, the likelihood of any weirdness or news getting around will become slim. Furthermore, it saves not only me, but her from any embarrassment as well. This leads me to my previous question of how to make the most of the little time I get with her. We've not done any major texting, and for the most part it is work related. But I'd like to slowly push the boundary just a bit to see whether there is any interest on her part before I make a drastic move. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 a way to make the most of your short period of time together would be to have a suggestion/date idea ready and not just a general 'will you go out with me.' i'd suggest something more like 'good morning ----, i have tickets to xyz this coming saturday and wanted to see if maybe you'd be interested in going with me.' or 'did you hear about the new band playing at the --- this weekend. i was planning to go, would you like to join me?' it makes it look like you're prepared and thoughtful and that your life doesn't hang on her yes/no answer because you were going anyway (even if you aren't). good luck :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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