Wow my eyes are burning, and my head spinning

[fucpcg]

If you haven't seen any of my threads started, I've struggled with being totally in love with my ex who I was with for a year, who her and I spoke of marriage and possibly a child together (she has three of her own, plus I am 41, she's 40, so a big step), who after one big blowout fight broke up with me, then went on to declare to everyone she knew that I was a crazy psycho abusive boyfriend that she basically had to "escape" from. She refused any contact with me, and ignored the three letters I have written her over the year we have been separated asking to please just meet and talk about what happened and our relationship. Tonight is what would have been our 2 year anniversary, so a few friends took me out to keep me distracted, and guess who we run into...

 

So we leave the bar, go to another one, have one more drink, then decide to go home. We walk one of our girlfriends to her car for safety, who happened to park next to my ex's car, not that she knew. As wishing her a good nite, around the corner comes my ex, drunk, slurring her speach, talking to the drunk, stumbling, 21-22 year old boy that she loads in her car and takes home. So in honor of our 2nd year anniversary, she takes home a drunk boy who is literally half of her age.

 

Like the tread title says, WOW. Yet I still feel guilt over the fight, and her accusations. What the hell is wrong with me?

[coltsfan1]

Boy do I relate to this!! With a gal for 4 years just to have my honor, pride, reputation, and love betrayed.

 

Be glad you are rid of her my friend!! With 3 children and at her age she has learned nothing. Ask yourself this, is she truly the woman you would have bare your child? How would you feel if you had a daughter, is this the example you want set?

 

I miss my ex daily but I have had to ask myself the same questions, and the answer I came to was HE*L NO. There is nothing either of our ex's have to offer us anymore. I try daily to veiw my situation as a death. The woman I knew and loved either is dead or never truly lived. It seems to help me if you haven't tried it you should.

 

Just keep moving on my friend, mourn her, pity her for the life she has chosen, forgive then forget her. All you can do now.

[Itsnotsimple]

Some women are just crazy.

 

You should be thankful that you just dodged a bullet. You survived a potential lifetime of drama!

[SadMickey]

Be thankful she isn't the mother of your children if she was willing to put her life and everyone else's in danger by driving home drunk!

[SilverBlueAndGold]

I can imagine the pain of that. Or maybe I can't. God I hope not

 

Your ex sounds a lot like mine, she is no doubt out every night getting picked up by cougar hunters half her age. It's bad enough to try to not think about it, actually seeing it in action has to be torment.

 

The good news is, now that it has happened you can stop dreading it. You saw her for what she really is; the bad mouthing, the poor decision making, the childish grasping at attention from the low hanging fruit. That's a life that is full of emptiness and regret.

 

It may sound cliche but you know that you can do better. Right?

 

Hang in there. I am swinging from the branches myself so believe me I know how you must feel...but do everything you can to distract yourself. Don't dwell on this. She is not worth another second of your thought and certainly not worth any sort of apology or explanation.

[fucpcg]

The woman I knew and loved either is dead or never truly lived.

 

And this refers to the head spinning part. This is NOT the girl I fell in love with. I have no idea who that girl was or where she came from, or where she went.

[Art_Critic]

fucpcg.. I went and read your first thread here.. it seems the pattern she has is she has a drinking problem.

 

I wouldn't waste one more second thinking about her.. Being a drunk is not a good thing to build a relationship on..

 

she took the young guy home with her because her judgment is off because of her drinking.

Edited April 8, 2012 by Art_Critic

[Mr Scorpio]

The woman I knew and loved either is dead or never truly lived.

 

And this refers to the head spinning part. This is NOT the girl I fell in love with. I have no idea who that girl was or where she came from, or where she went.

 

I can relate to this as my ex pulled a 180 on me in the days leading up to our breakup. What LSers told me at that time is what they are telling you now: be happy that you dodged a bullet.

 

From the responses to gave me on my thread, I know you're strong, innovative, and resilient. No way you are going to let someone who acted/acts like that bring you down, right?

[fucpcg]

I'm as strong as they come outside of dealing with the loss of someone I loved. Not just that, but such a hostile ending. I'd love to be able to put here thanks for the positive words guys, don't worry I'm moving on, I don't need her in my life, but if I do that it wouldn't be me being sincere. No I don't have any respect for the girl I saw last night, but I still soo desperately miss the one I fell in love with. What I saw in some ways makes things easier, and also makes things harder. Still kind of in shock over last night.

[sweetheart5381]

I'm as strong as they come outside of dealing with the loss of someone I loved. Not just that, but such a hostile ending. I'd love to be able to put here thanks for the positive words guys, don't worry I'm moving on, I don't need her in my life, but if I do that it wouldn't be me being sincere. No I don't have any respect for the girl I saw last night, but I still soo desperately miss the one I fell in love with. What I saw in some ways makes things easier, and also makes things harder. Still kind of in shock over last night.

 

Yes, that's a tough one for sure. Depending on when you fall in love with someone, you either see an image they project, or you see the true person (or of course somewhere in between). Also, people change over time. We continually learn about our partners and even ex-partners.

 

Whatever her choices are, they are hers and hers alone. Try not to let them affect you negatively, hard as they may be to watch.

 

We naturally want to be with the one we love, don't feel bad for wanting that, we all do.

[EgoJoe]

There are so many things that are bad about her that we could talk about.

 

Put it like this...why bother? Work on you. She has her own damage and believe me the bottom will drop out.

 

(MOST) Men age like wine and (MOST) Women age like milk. She is already starting to curdle. Think that kid would have gone home with her if he was sober?

[coltsfan1]

I'm as strong as they come outside of dealing with the loss of someone I loved. Not just that, but such a hostile ending. I'd love to be able to put here thanks for the positive words guys, don't worry I'm moving on, I don't need her in my life, but if I do that it wouldn't be me being sincere. No I don't have any respect for the girl I saw last night, but I still soo desperately miss the one I fell in love with. What I saw in some ways makes things easier, and also makes things harder. Still kind of in shock over last night.

 

This is basically how I feel about my Ex however sometimes we as humans love things that are not good for us. I try and look at my situation with my Ex as an alcoholic/addict looks at alcohol/drugs. They love the drink/drug but it does nothing positive for their life. I miss my Ex daily however as painful as it is WE are no longer good for the other. I have not said a word to my Ex since the day we went our separate ways, no closure just hurt, pain, sadness and regret. I have came to accept that this is the way things panned out. You will one day see only a damaged woman and feel true pity for her.

[SilverBlueAndGold]

I have came to accept that this is the way things panned out. You will one day see only a damaged woman and feel true pity for her.

 

Sometimes this is the only option. It's not our responsibility to fix somebody else and most of the time it's not even within our power. I struggle with that too but when I feel down I remind myself I did all that I could. Try to think of that when your head starts spinning?

[fucpcg]

Think that kid would have gone home with her if he was sober?

 

Yeah that is part of the problem unfortunately, my ex is beyond gorgeous and has the body of an all star athlete, cause she is one. I think as long as she can keep picking up kids, she can stay distracted from recognizing what she lost in our relationship. But as many around here have witnessed, she will probably figure this out at a point that is too late for us to ever get back what we had, after I had given my all to save it.

 

Coltsfan that was a great post, thanks.

[coltsfan1]

Yeah that is part of the problem unfortunately, my ex is beyond gorgeous and has the body of an all star athlete, cause she is one. I think as long as she can keep picking up kids, she can stay distracted from recognizing what she lost in our relationship. But as many around here have witnessed, she will probably figure this out at a point that is too late for us to ever get back what we had, after I had given my all to save it.

 

I got a 2nd chance after my first breakup and it went Horribly wrong. I look back now and realize she came back for one of two reason. A- I asked her back she didn't ask to come back and B- I truly don't believe she wanted to come back. Things in her life weren't right and she may have thought (like I did) that us being back together would fix it. However I could NOT make every decision for her, and now she is free to make ANY decision she chooses.

 

fucpcg- I have a question for you, how you slept with any other woman since your breakup??? I don't actually require an answer I am asking because I have slept with other women and NO MATTER how attractive said woman may have been the sex was VERY empty. I am 32 and know the difference between f*cking and making love. Trust me she knows too and you aren't around for the next morning or the next week when she has to look herself in the mirror.

 

My healing started well after a year into me being single when I woke up next to a woman, went to the bathroom and truly didn't recognize the person I saw. I was drinking way to much and at my age that will affect a persons career and no one is responsible for that other than YOU. So I made the choice that me not being good enough for my Ex was not going to push me to do things that where out of my character anymore.

 

Coltsfan that was a great post, thanks.

 

You are welcome my friend!

[fucpcg]

I am not a drinker at all. On occasion, I do go out for a few beers with friends, but it's a once a month thing, if that, and I don't hit it hard. I have had sex with two people since the breakup (1) my ex ex girlfriend who I dated for 2 years and (2) a girl that I had a relationship with from volleyball league, so we knew each other pretty well before hooking up. Sex with both of them went horribly. My ex ex, ironically I always felt we had GREAT sexual chemistry, but boy that all goes out the window when you are in love with one girl, sleeping with another. So for me this all compounds the problem. Sex outside my current love is a disaster, even with girls I do have a relationship with, and my ex would rather bring home a 21 year old than talk to me about our relationship. Her choice I know, but I just don't see how that is better than just talking to me.

[coltsfan1]

she would rather talk to other man because they don't represent what you do! We (you and myself) represent stability, honesty, trust, reputability, all the things she is doing her best to hide from..

 

Let me pose a question to you, as devils advocate. How do you know she didn't get sh*t wrecked and take him home and cry about you all night? How many times have you went home with a woman and it not end like you had planned? I have had it happen many of times. Mostly as a younger man but happened never the less.

 

But you have to decide how you feel about it now. Once I heard or saw these behaviors from my Ex I made a decision that if she didn't respect herself more then neither did I. She is dead to me now, because the LADY I knew has to be dead or else she wouldn't be making these decisions. I don't mean to preach to you, I am only giving you a look into my heart and mind since my disastrous breakup.

[SilverBlueAndGold]

she would rather talk to other man because they don't represent what you do! We (you and myself) represent stability, honesty, trust, reputability, all the things she is doing her best to hide from..

.

 

Wow, were we all dating the same woman!?

[coltsfan1]

Lol I don't think so, but I truly believe that there are some common male/female characteristics that hold true.

 

Example for me as a male, I could not stand the thought of another male touching me high school sweet heart yet I didn't want her. This is a male pride/ego thing. Like with some women they can't stand being hate/ignored it eats at a womens mind.

 

I umderstand this is not always true, just a general thought.

[fucpcg]

Colts I totally get the things you are saying, and it's good stuff, so thanks again. I know I'm the rat in the wheel, spinning this stuff thru my head nonstop for a ridiculous amount of time now. Yes she's not respecting herself, yes she may be looking at herself in the mirror in the morning thinking how ridiculous she is being, no I doubt she was crying to the kid Saturday night... Somewhere in that same person is an amazing girl that stole my heart, that I can't figure out how to give up on. This leads me back to your first post tough, you can fall in love with something that isn't good for you =/

[g450]

OMG fucpcg,

 

I could not even imagine having to witness that ugly specticle. I probably would have done something stupid at that point. This is why I stay far FAR away from my XW.

 

Dont know if mine is doing this or not and I dont want to know. Although she sometimes goes out of the way to volutarily tell me she is not dating etc. Well last time I checked, being a cougar was not considered dating either LOL. At least my X has more class than this.

 

Luckily my thoughts are filled with my new love so I stopped wondering what the X was up to long ago.

[fucpcg]

I've never connected with any woman like I did with her, when things were good between us. Rough start, rough finish, but we worked past the rough start and had the greatest year of my life. If she would have just communicated with me after our second rough patch, I would have suspected more of the same. A year later my feelings haven't varied in the slightest, so watching her ignore me when she saw me in the club, on our anniversary, and taking home this kid as a satisfying end to her evening, yeah that was a sucker punch to the sternum. She hasn't been dating, she's been sleeping around, and she won't talk.