pteromom Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 I think you should let him go. COMPLETELY. Cut him loose. But I do think you should reconsider having the child. Maybe this child was the purpose for this whole messy relationship. I can't imagine more joy than being a mom. I can't imagine loving anything or anyone more than I love my son. You are 39. You have no prospects for a serious relationship where you can quickly get into baby-making. This may be your only chance, and it's been HANDED to you. You can do it, if you want to. This is a time to be strong and stand on your own two feet and show that you do not need any man to have a happy life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyLaura Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Hi Adamgem, Im sorry to hear about your current situation. Must be confusing to decide whether to carry this baby or not. I feel for you dearly. Your name will always in my pray.. Just my two cents, if i were you, i will decide to keep this baby. Its not because the man said those things, dont held your hope high for this man. Anything that he said, no matter how sweet it is, you have to ignore it. As you said, he made a lot of promise but rarely made it happen. This time wont make any differences sweetheart, so you have to stay realistic. You keep this baby because it will bring light to your life. Dont get me wrong, it wont be all rainbow and smile everyday. No, u will have to work your ass off to provide the living for both of you. But trust me, it will be worth it all when you see the child runs to you, hug you and wipe your tears. And about this man, i dont know.. My guts telling me that he is a good man actually, but he has a serious commitment problem. Its your decision whether you want to resume your relationship with him or not. But whatever your decision is, you must prepare to raise this child without any support from him. Consider the worst case scenario that could happen for both decision (keeping the baby or not), and then you can see clearly which way you want to go. Whatever your decision is, i hope you find your inner peace adamgem.. Best of luck for you and your baby. Keep strong girl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 She said she THINKS he has cared for his kids financially - NOT that she has any PROOF at all. Stop filling her head with all these fantasies. If you are still regretting YOUR action, that's on you. Please don't project to her. Your mm after years is still not with you; why are you so gung ho on having the OP who started this thread stay with a cheat and a coward? She has absolutely NO faith in him - HER WORDS - so I don't get why you want her to keep a child she cannot support! This country is full of children who need homes - children who were taken from biological parents because they could NOT raise them properly. If she wants a child when SHE is more stable, she can always work on adoption. Thank you mr or ms 'Let's organize the world and clean up the population' ! (groan). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 hello OP, I am sorry that you in are in this situation...it sounds like you are in a really difficult place right now, having to make a decision that not only affects you, but the potential child as well. People have given you a lot of "food for thought" on here, and I hope it makes your decision more clear to you. if I may offer you a bit of advice... if you decide not to terminate the pregnancy, but you don't feel you can raise a child, adoption may be a solution that works for you (being adopted myself, and having had a child at a young age who was adopted,I can tell you it is an excellent alternative...adoption is much more "open' than it was when I wasadopted, and there are lots of loving people out there who would give anything to have a child to love). If you do decide to keep the baby and raise him or her, you'll have to make some serious lifestyle changes. you won't be able to switch from job to job ...you'll need stability...do you feel that is something that you can do?- maybe you can...you may find that having a child gives your life a new sense of purpose, you may make an excellent parent...but some people just aren't cut out for parenthood...how do you view yourself with regard to this? Again, I am sorry you are being faced with this decision...it must be terribly difficult 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 (edited) I think finding out legally what I am entitled to would not make any difference. I have seen how he deals with these kinds of situations... he will get as many lawyers for as long as it takes to get his way. I wouldn't have a hope if I were to take this route... I will. I had decided that I will insist on speaking to her to confirm everything. I am sure he is just playing games. I have already told him that I do not believe a word he says. I have said before and I will say it again, forget about the penis. I'm not saying if child support becomes available don't accept it. This situation if you choose to move forward has to be made as a single woman. It's great to have a partner but you are not as protected, you are not his wife. What do you care if he's lying. Let him lie. So what! You are not seeing that this is about you and your child. Baby daddy... who! I always find many women but their energy into to wrong person. The stress is not wanted or needed. You give all of your attention now to that unborn child if you choose to move forward. You give that child 100%. You are the conductor of this train. I don't understand why your tapping your feet and looking at your watch. You shouldn't waste your time waiting on people/him to get on board. Start your engine without him. That baby is not waiting for him to get his sh*t together. That baby is not pressing the pause button, so you do the same. Start the engine and keep it moving. If and when he gets his sh*t together don't stop the train or slow it down for him. Tell his ass to jump. Redirect your energy. Edited April 10, 2012 by Emme Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 I agree with frozensprout's very compassionate post. You've been given a lot of "food for thought", but when it comes down to it, this is a deeply personal decision only you can make. We are just a bunch of strangers on the Internet who can give opinions easily because we are not personally involved. You have options, so take some time to weigh them and the answers that are right for YOU will come through. I wish you peace in whatever you decide. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
missyme04 Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 So true! You're the only one who can decide. We're only here to advice. I guess it's better to have a child since you're already 30. A lot of women are single parents and a child can change your life and make you a better person (that's what they say) but I believe in that! So before you decide , pls think a million times. For me, keep the child Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 He is very comfortable and does not need to work. Wait. He is your boss who doesn't need to work? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 I think finding out legally what I am entitled to would not make any difference. I have seen how he deals with these kinds of situations... he will get as many lawyers for as long as it takes to get his way. I wouldn't have a hope if I were to take this route... A DNA test and the law of the land is all you need. No lawyer can circumvent the fact of this being HIS child, nor the fact of what the current laws are regarding a man financially supporting his offspring. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Since he's comfortable and doesn't have to work anymore, suggest that, if he is serious about you and your prospective child, that he purchase today an annuity in the mean value of to-majority child care costs and name you as beneficiary. The annuity can be triggered by the child's birth and pay out periodically, like monthly/annually, etc. Actions VERY smart thinking Carhill! Link to post Share on other sites
elfman Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Sounds like a great guy. Please be sure to point him out to your friends so he doesn't get them pregnant too... what's he trying to do, repopulate an island? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
violet26 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 No judgements here, I understand what it is like to be pregnant and in a bad/abusive relationship, and although my ex wasn't married, I terminated a pregnancy because I had no faith in his ability to be a father at that time. That being said, although I know I did the right thing at the time, there are many times where I regret the decision and should have had the child and raised him/her on my own. Right now, forget about what's good for him, do whats good for you. The reason I'm saying this is that you are 39 years old, realistically, who knows if or when you will have the opportunity to get pregnant again. If you want to have children at some point in your life, maybe this is the time, even though the circumstance isn't the best. Know that going foward you will be raising this child alone, but he won't be able to get out of paying child support, no matter how many lawyers he hires or denies it. The DNA test doesn't lie, and unless you agree to have him waive all rights, he will have to pay. If he doesn't pay, he will have serious consequences including jail time and loss of licenses, wages, etc. What you have to decide for yourself is are you OK with never having children? Terminating this pregnancy could put you in that situation. Not saying it will but it very well could. Good luck to you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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