joejoe Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 hi guys, Well its coming up to a year since my ex-girlfreind dumped me and ruined my life. I have done alot, new job, new city, lost weight but im still not over her and im sick of it. Its like I hate everything about my life! and Im just not happy! I still feel totally lost and confused and I feel lonely alot of the time. I havnt dated anyone else or slept with anyone else and to be honest after being with someone for 4 years its like i've forgotton how to approach women and get a date. I go out alot to clubs and bars and I do pull but that just isnt working. I think my confidence is just shot!!! I really need some advice, how do you get over someone that you felt was the one? Is dating the best thing to do and any tips on how to go about it? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) to me you are forcing yourself to let go so she stays on your mind more, possibly, intead u need a distraction two maybe u looked like u need a response others will say more maybe, but i'm going to bed now midnight UK time u must stop brooding so more distractions Edited April 8, 2012 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
perryb13 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I like what darkmoon said. Don't TRY and force yourself to get over here. Go out, maybe not to necessarily meet women but go out and have fun with friends! I guarantee you that if you do that, you're bound to meet new friends or maybe even a cute girl to take your mind off of her. I know you thought she was the one, but if she broke up with you, she obviously didn't think you were the one. Would you want to have that kind of one-sided relationship for a long-term period? I know I wouldn't. I do feel ya tho, man, I recently dated a girl (not for 4 years) and we really clicked and I figured it would be super long term. Turns out that I didn't know her nearly as well as I thought, as she was just needy and dramatic and a total C-word sometimes to be perfectly honest. Focus on yourself. No relationship should define who you are. Hope this helps, and feel better bro. Link to post Share on other sites
ctes300 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 It would really help to start dating and sleep with someone new. It helps to feel of value to someone and it wont matter so much that your ex isn't fulfilling that space. Just keep things in perspective, its not like you have to replace your old relationship or get into something serious- just change your focus from someone who isn't in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Follower Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 IM sorry but i dont agree with some of the advice given here... i very much get where your coming from mate. Im just now hitting the month 4 mark, and i still cant get her off my mind at all... Its infuraiting. I do agree that you need to stop thinking about finding someone else, why? because i still think in your mind theres a chance she is coming back. Couple of things id like to know before i pass too much of my thoughts along is , 1: do you keep in contact at all? have you attempted to reach out to her recently? 2: If you are reaching out to her(passivly or not) is she responding? 3: How serious was the relationship? Did you live together? Were you engaged? 4: What age were you when you 2 started dating? For perspective iv just had my now ex-fiance leave me over 4 months ago, we were living together and had been since very much the start of the relationship and she walked out, the signs were very much there but i was still blindsided at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joejoe Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 hi guys thanks for all the advice so far, it really helps to get the opinions of people who have gone through this before. We were together for 4 years and started going out when we I was 20 her 19. IT was a very serious relationship we talked about the future a fair bit and we were getting close to moving in together. Alot people have suggested GIGS but I think she checked out in the last few months of the relationship. We have chatted a few times over the past year but nothing that would indicate reconcilition at some point, she does respond but the conversation is never started by her. I think she very much views us a being friends but I am even at the stage now where I know that wont work and even if there was another chance possible at some point I realise that in reality I will never really trust her again or love her quiet as much. I want to move on but I dont know how, nothing seems to be working! Above anything I just want to be happy!! thanks guys Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 go to some lap-dancings or burlesque - enjoy it see new women i bet u w ill forger her then and move into batcheor enjoyng life mode thereafter dating for fun - a new chapter Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 I dated a girl, though a bit off and on, from ages 21-25. She was my first love. It honestly took me a good 3 years to get over our breakup. First year not much changed. Second year, better but still missing for, longing for my ex. Third year, I was at least seriously trying to date again, but still would have preferred my ex over anyone. Flash forward to five years out, I met the next love of my life. I truly believe breakups with loves take time, lots of it, to get over. I've always been a guy with numerous hobbies, interests, friends, and can tell you those are all just distractions when your heart is hurting, they aren't cures for a heart that is hurting. A new girl will come along at some point, but it won't be until you are ready for sure, whenever that is, and when she does come along, if you really loved your previous ex, you will still have warm thoughts of her, but will also be very happy with where you are with the new love. Link to post Share on other sites
blindnowisee Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 You've done great - new job, new place to live etc however in your subconscious you should be telling yourself that you did this for yourself. Your posts give me the feeling that you've made those changes in the hope that you'll get your ex back at some point of time.. That's a wrong mindset to have - you should move one, grow as a person and make new friends / acquaintances to make yourself happy again.. You are the only person in your life that will be there every single moment of your life - don't forget that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joejoe Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 wow that last post really struck a cord with me. I guess as well as that im a quiet guy who finds it difficult to move away from the familiar. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Why, oh why do people think that meeting someone new is the cure all to get one over the ex???? All it is is temporary. Clean your yard and don't bring garbage to someone else's yard. You cannot depend on someone else for your happiness. When the ex is COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY out of your system and you feel ready to meet someone new, then by all means, have at it. But when you are mooning and swooning over the ex, and starting something with someone else, you are USING that someone else and that newbie will get hurt because they are competing with the ex that you can't get over. Find yourself first. Do things that make you happy and enjoy your own company. Use the time to heal and take all the time you need. Just don't try to 'replace' the ex with someone else; it's not fair to you or the person you are trying to have fill your time. Link to post Share on other sites
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