Your story..

[TaintedHeart]

I was just wondering what it's like being left for someone else. It has never happend to me but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't cope very well if it did. So how did you cope? What's your story?

[january2011]

He re-connected with an old girlfriend and married her about eight months after we broke up.

 

When we broke up, it was very hard at first because I'd developed a lot of co-dependenct behaviours and habits. Had to rebuild nearly everything and make new memories. He moved out and I stayed, so also had to re-do my living space.

 

It reinforced my strength and resilience to know that I survived it all. It also meant that when my dad passed away, I had already learnt some coping strategies to help myself and my family through another heart-wrenching time.

[Mr Scorpio]

I was just wondering what it's like being left for someone else. It has never happened to me but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't cope very well if it did. So how did you cope? What's your story?

 

The first time my ex left me, she denied that she was leaving me for someone. I had a pretty good idea who she would date after me, and it only took her about ten days to prove me right.

 

I coped by moving back to my hometown and hitting the bars hard several days a week. I drank in the evening, I drank at 4am on front porches with friends. I drank on the shores of Lake Michigan. Oh, and I got a library card and did a lot of reading.

 

Then, two years later I was back together with the same woman. That was when I found out the guy she left me for turned out to be gay! So, about 2 months after we got back together, she left me for a guy she met on a dating site.

 

That time, I coped by sleeping, lying in bed, not eating, and letting time run its course. I recommend this as opposed to the drinking.

[Pyro]

It was horrible at first. I was filled with plenty of hate and anger.

 

After a few days I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to let the cowardly and hurtful actions on her part keep me weighed down and to occupy my time with hate and hurt, so I simply stopped caring about it and I moved on with my life onto much better things and people.

 

When it comes down to it you have two choices:

 

-Waste your time dwelling over it

 

or

 

-Moving on with your life and using your time for better things.

[Philetus]

My marriage of 20 years ended one day when my wife announced she no longer loved me. She'd also met someone else and while they hadn't had sex, she really wanted to. Wow, what a lovely Tuesday evening that was.

 

In an instant, I'm completely devastated. Most of us know that feeling. For me, a big thing was how ego crushing it was. "If I couldn't rely on my marriage to be true and solid, what else about me was not what it seemed?"

 

How did I cope?

 

1) I worked on myself. I was already into fitness but I doubled down on going to the gym. In addition to tae kwon do, I started lifting weights and doing more cardio. The release of endorphins during exercise would carry me through most of a day. On bad days, I would go to the gym twice! When I did start dating, I was in such good shape that it was easy. Nothing makes you forget a past relationship like a new, exciting one.

 

I also forgave myself when I messed up. I got drunk three times (or so) and instead of beating myself up, I forgave myself for slipping up.

 

2) I accepted the reality of the situation. My catch phrase became "it is what it is". I also embraced death. It's funny, but for me thinking, "well, in 50 years we'll all be dead and none of this matters", helped me. I made a list of what was truly important to me (my kids, my house) and did things to protect those things while letting my ex live her mid-life crisis.

 

3) I looked for the opportunities presented by this crisis. Things like dating again, more time to myself, not having to deal with my ex, or visit her family... I became aware of possibilities and that turned to excitement.

 

Finally, it also helped to read boards like this and read stories from people who'd been through it and come out the other side. I knew it was a matter of time but it would get better.

[TaintedHeart]

Thank you all for your posts. I can see that most of you are men, do you think this happens to men more than it does women?

[Pyro]

Thank you all for your posts. I can see that most of you are men, do you think this happens to men more than it does women?

 

It's pretty much equal.

 

Generally speaking you will see more men on here because they feel that they can't talk to any friends or family about relationship issues, whereas women have no problem doing so.

[TaintedHeart]

It's pretty much equal.

 

Generally speaking you will see more men on here because they feel that they can't talk to any friends or family about relationship issues, whereas women have no problem doing so.

 

This is true. I have no idea how I'd handle it, I mean being rejected and dumped is bad enough, but to be rejected for someone else must really make you feel bad about yourslef

[Jaan]

I am a married man . with 2 child. I got married on 1998. after my marriage till one year our sex life was good. then slowly i notice that my wife donot like sex, we are very friendly and love each other. when i want sex ... she always give some excuse (e.g. this is my sleeping time, i am tired, i m not well, not today, 2morow ). when i talked with her seriously abt this topic.. she will ok for maximum 6/7 days . in last 8 year's we had sex 4 to 9 times in a year. on 2004 she remove her uterus. 4m then she giving me excuse ,that i do not have uterus. now i am 44 .. what I have to do now for my healthy life. we do not have any family problem,money etc.... so plz advice me what I have to do ? on 2010 and 2011 (last 24 month) we had sex only 6 to 8 times. at night on bed i used to give her body massage almost 3/4 times in a week.. at that time when my hand touch her lower portion,, she used to told me dont touch ... move your hand to leg or press my back etc.. Plz help me out..

[Pyro]

This is true. I have no idea how I'd handle it, I mean being rejected and dumped is bad enough, but to be rejected for someone else must really make you feel bad about yourslef

 

not if you give yourself enough self worth and credit will you feel bad about yourself if cheated on. Their loss, not yours.

[inexperienced11]

My perspective is probably a lot younger than you guys.

 

My last girl friend cheated on me and came back and lied that she had only made out with the guy once while away on a school trip. We had a mutual best friend who eventually couldn't handle the truth once my ex got back and told me that more happened.

 

I confronted her and she denied it at first, but after an hour or so on the phone, she finally admitted it.

 

The thing is, you know it's true, but hearing it directly from the person is absolutely crushing. Take into account I was young and to me she was the love of my life. That entire summer was terrible. I worked an internship during the day that barely allowed me to take my mind off it. I thought about her every second. Having dated very little up to that point, I kept trying to justify her actions in my mind, but ultimately I knew the reality of the situation and walked out with my head held high.

 

This obviously pales in comparison to a marriage, but with my little experience, the one thing that helped was time. As the months went on, I slowly got over her, only to fall for my best friend who was there to console me every step of the way. I'm glad nothing happened with her though as I would have hated to lose that friendship which remains strong to this day.

 

I'm generally a very rational guy, but girl situations have always stumped me one way or the other.

 

So my answer to the question in the OP is:

 

a)Time

b)Work

c)Another activity - Gym, golf and tennis whenever I could. Golf primarily.