purelydreamt Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 There is a guy that I work with who I've known him for about 3.5 years...I've had feelings for him for about two years. The first 1-2 years it was fantastic knowing him. We bonded easily without even trying. There was a turning point where things were progressing and he was becoming subtly affectionate. There was nothing perverted about it...more sweet than anything. We even started hanging out at lunch sometimes and work events and then when I got moved to the same office/department as him things fell apart. He constantly left to socialize with everyone he had ignored previously. This led to me feeling resentment and neglect and I felt lonely. So id help the new employees that weren't being trained or socialized elsewhere and heseemed to only have an issue when it was a male. At happy hour he didn't even acknowledge me Despite all that he did seem to be protective of me from afar whether it be me talking to male colleagues a lot or me being "buzzed" at end of happy hour or the infamous him freaking out/pacing/antsy when an hour after the workday started and I was nowhere to be found. So because of him acting territorial / protective even though he'd not socialize with me it shows he cares. After finally having a conversation with me about his lack of support and appreciation he is making great improvements at being more communicative and dependable. But there seems to be a wall that's still there. Whether its of my doing or is. I miss the days where he'd casually stand next to me watching me as I worked or how he used to bang on my window whenever he he passed by. Even though our talked helped improve things a lot... its as if he doesn't know how to social/joke with me like we used to. I know a part of it is probably cause I don't do it much with him anymore and that's because I don't have anything to go off anymore. I just want us both to just to be relaxed and for things to flow naturally like it used to? How can I get things back to the way it used to be? Where wed talk and laugh about everything...goof off...walk into each other on purpose//playfully kick pinch etc... Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 So because of him acting territorial / protective even though he'd not socialize with me it shows he cares. I wouldn't jump straight to that conclusion. Some people are territorial/protective because that's just how they are. This might be a bad analogy, but it's like small children. Ever remember having a toy and not playing with it or caring about it at all until some other kid has an interest in playing with it? It's not about the toy - you never really cared about it, anyway - it's about territory and "that's mine." I hate to compare humans to toys, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at there. I think you should reconsider wanting to be friends with or dating this guy. He hasn't treated you well in the past and it's nice that he's kind of trying now, but if he's jealous, controlling, and possessive by nature, you should steer clear of having a close relationship with him. Those aren't good qualities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purelydreamt Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 He's only protective of me though and its not just the protectiveness that shows he cares...he'll go to some shops during his lunch break always bringing me something and not really anyone else. He's always did stuff for me but I'm trying to improve the social communication its just so ironic how that part is awkward now and it never used to be. Link to post Share on other sites
colestriker Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 us guys are very tricky. our feelings may be very strong but we are too good to admit them. why? I'm not sure. its just how we are. but my piece of advice is try to be flirty. maybe he will begin to pick up on whats really going on. and if he doesn't react then i hate to say it but hes probably not interested. one other thing, this is for everyone, you need to know when to stop. you don't want to continue to push something that's not there. if you keep pushing then you could lose the friendship in total. and you don't want that, i would know. well good luck. be sure to look at everything as the glass half full Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 It sounds like he's a friend who isn't interested in you romantically. Even friendships have their high and low points at times and wax and wane. I think maybe you feel more for him and want him to pay attention to you as more than a friend. He probably senses this and has backed off a bit so you don't get the wrong idea, hence the odd tension. He's bound to be protective of a friend. I'd give up on him as anything more than a friend or you will only be perpetually hurt by his restrained behaviour. It's just about possible that he's taking you for granted because he knows you like him, so it could be that if you stop focusing on him and start considering other guys for future relationships, that he'll suddenly realise you're not going to wait for him. But, I wouldn't advise messing another guy around just to make him jealous, nor would it be wise to bank on him responding if you did. If you form a romantic relationship with another guy, be sure you have moved on first or you'll just be hurting yourself and the new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purelydreamt Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 us guys are very tricky. our feelings may be very strong but we are too good to admit them. why? I'm not sure. its just how we are. but my piece of advice is try to be flirty. maybe he will begin to pick up on whats really going on. and if he doesn't react then i hate to say it but hes probably not interested. one other thing, this is for everyone, you need to know when to stop. you don't want to continue to push something that's not there. if you keep pushing then you could lose the friendship in total. and you don't want that, i would know. well good luck. be sure to look at everything as the glass half full But see that's the thing...if its platonic then wouldn't he treat me like everyone else? But he doesn't..he assumes way too much about what I'm doing and reacts but yet despite his giving me space he seems to bee line straight for me in this bodyguard sorta way during social situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purelydreamt Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 It sounds like he's a friend who isn't interested in you romantically. Even friendships have their high and low points at times and wax and wane. I think maybe you feel more for him and want him to pay attention to you as more than a friend. He probably senses this and has backed off a bit so you don't get the wrong idea, hence the odd tension. He's bound to be protective of a friend. I'd give up on him as anything more than a friend or you will only be perpetually hurt by his restrained behaviour. It's just about possible that he's taking you for granted because he knows you like him, so it could be that if you stop focusing on him and start considering other guys for future relationships, that he'll suddenly realise you're not going to wait for him. But, I wouldn't advise messing another guy around just to make him jealous, nor would it be wise to bank on him responding if you did. If you form a romantic relationship with another guy, be sure you have moved on first or you'll just be hurting yourself and the new guy. Like I said with cole up there...sure I like him but I haven't exactly made a move. But he's friends with everyone but he has always treated me differently: *when I was missing for an hour he freaked out and couldn't sit still or do his work. Kept asking people where I was..had. a lot of people call me to get a hold of me. People even remarked how he was pacing around a lot and was very antsy...others have been missing before and he hadn't even cared. *whenever I'm t alking to male coworkers or colleagues he always remarks how they are always bugging me or to stop bugging me or the like *we've been to dinner alone on business trips and he'd pull my seat close to him and do things like butter my bread without asking or always pays for me *digs into my purse without asking or puts his keys in there when we go places This is despite the awkwardness of conversation. I remember how it used to be easier talking to him and it was sillier...its just so odd now...I guess I'm so used to being serious around him. I just want both of us to be silly again. Link to post Share on other sites
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