Cuddles_Well Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=darkblue][/color] Hello I've never posted on here before but i've been reading everyone's posts and they seem to be helping a little. My bf has been really distant lately i fely likr he was taking me for granted, i couldn't get ahold of him for 2 straight days ( we live together) so i left him a note saying things wren't going to work out between us if nothing changed, he took it as a breakup note when he came home at 3 in the morning said he was pissed so he went to this girls house where they had sex. the next day i went to try and talk things out with him because i love him so much but he said he was upset and told me to just come back later, so i stayed at a friends, only to find out about this other girl from his friend the next night. when i confronted him about it and told him i didn't thing it would ever work out again he admitted to it and now he says hes sorry and he regretts it and he wants to be with me. whats the next step? i love him so much but can i trust him? how should i feel about this? Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 I'm so sorry to hear about your dimema. Sounds a little shady though. i couldn't get ahold of him for 2 straight days ( we live together) To me, either he was cheating, or, could be on drugs. The ONLY reason why I say that about the drugs is that my H used to do speed before we were together. He said that he and his friends would leave for at least 2 or 3 days, and even lived w/ girlfriends. When the gf's would ask, they'd say "none of your business" and stuff like that. i left him a note saying things wren't going to work out between us if nothing changed, he took it as a breakup note when he came home at 3 in the morning said he was pissed so he went to this girls house where they had sex. To me if he was so upset, he should of tried to find you and work it out, instead, used the OPPORTUNITY to cheat w/o the guilt. he admitted to it and now he says hes sorry and he regretts it and he wants to be with me. I think he was sorry he got found out. I think you shouldn't put up with it. Did you talk to the girl? Did he use a condom? I would get him tested and tell him its a requirement if he wants to be with you, because after all, you need to protect yourself. That's the thing about one nighters, you run the risk of contracting something and giving it to your unsuspecting SO, which is totally not fair. I wrote a post about cheating, all my opinion, but if you want to read it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t39573/ keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
pocoestrella Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font] Ugh! Well... I'm so sorry for your situation here... First, as the other poster pointed out... the two of you live together yet you couldn't reach him for 2 days? where the hell was he? Second, he is using the note you left him as his excuse for doing what he wanted to and then justifying it with that lame excuse... I'm really sorry, but I think your boyfriend has been messing around for awhile now... and now that you've put your foot down and got the 411 on the deal... now he is sorry you found out, sorry you're mad... but not necessarily sorry he did it.... Hard when you love someone isn't it... and worse that he is so undeserving of it... Evaluate how you REALLY feel here... and then decide if you really think it's worth working things out and if it is what does HE need to do to regain your trust. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cuddles_Well Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 [color=blue][/color][font=courier new][/font] I wanted to thank you both, and also add He told me that He was out with friends most of the time he was missing, yet fails to tell me where exactly! i have had suspicions hes cheated before but he always denies it and has an excuse everytime. He says he knew the girl but they had never done anything before. but how could he have done that if he still loves me so much, why didn't he come to me?! how can anyone be that upset to go to someone else in a 5 hour time frame and yet come back to me afterwards telling me i mean the world to him, i then told him i knew, we argued liked no other, i moved out in 24 hours and then he was calling me back telling me he wants to be with me and just me. he seems sincere but he was also quick to try and kick me down and make it seem like my fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cuddles_Well Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 Hey Ok Well last night(after staying with friends) I went home and we had a long talk and i gave him some rules to follow and told him he had to change alot of things in order for us to work things out, he told me he loves me and he is going to do whatever it takes to make US happy again. It felt so right to be in his arms again last night, we stayed up & talked for hours. He wanted to be intimate last night but i'm having problems because i'm still picturing him with her. will that ever go away?!?! Hopefully he will continue to support my decision about it because i want to be with him but it doesn't feel right yet. I fell like we are starting all over again like we just met. Has anybody else had this same problem, and how'd you get past it, if you did? Thanks for all the supoort. Link to post Share on other sites
ello Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 hi cuddles, I am writing cause I think that my story relates to your quite a bit. My user name is Ello and my story is called something like Cheating Story Need Advice. It should be on the same page as yours (infedelity). You asked if the pain , thoughts ever really go away. Well, my situation happened over a year ago. I am still hurting because of it. It has been really hard for me even to make a decision as to what I want. I dont really know what he was thinking, if he really thought we were over, and I never will. For me, that is a deciding factor, but I will never know the truth of it. Regardless of weather or not you two were together or not at the time, it hurts just the same. I have always felt that when you love someone, you just dont do this, plain and simple. I think that our relationship has never been the same since, although we havent really been together, I guess in a way we have, but I have been very ambivelant. The thing is that you need to make a choice as to what you want, and stick with it. Ask yourself if you feel this will happen again. It seems to me that he didnt really have a reason to do this in the first place, and he doesnt seem too sorry or regretful to me. But I am not there to judge. No one in this forum is, so remember that the choice is for you to make. I do think that time does help the situation, some people recover from thing faster as well. I am not one of them. However, I do think that with time and rebuilding trust it can be salvaged and possibly better than before, but that all depends on how you deal with things together. It just depends on the two of you and how you solve problems. For me, I have a difficult time deciding if something like this SHOULD be forgiven. Its not so much the fact that my bf slept with another girl that bothers me, its the fact that he could bring himself to do this to me, and I feel that someone else was chosen over me. Its the fact that he could hurt me so much, and everytime I see a palm tree I feel sick to my stomach. It took me nearly a year to get to the point I am at now, which I believe is close to recovery. I was extremely depressed and physically ill for a long time. I think that you may not realize it at this point, but you may need to take time apart and figure thing out for yourself, even though it may seem like the hardest thing to do. If he is serious and really wants to be with you, he will wait. Please be cautious and think things over before taking him back so easily. I really believe that I know how you feel right now, and may need alot of support, whatever your choices are. You can private messege me, or if you want we can chat on messenger if you feel the need to. I hope that this helps, and read my post if you get a chance, I think that you may find it surprisingly similar. Good luck in whatever you choose, Ello Link to post Share on other sites
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