lovelife7 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I really don't know why this is, but as the title suggests, it seems that nearly all my friends are disinterested in me since i became exclusive with my boyfriend about six months ago. Most of my friends are single, but even so, they are mostly over partying by now and i still club pretty regularly. I had one friend purposely go out of her way to exclude me for months and use me to hang out with my single girl friends, until i recently dropped her and she hasn't bothered to try to resolve it. We were practically best friends for three years and she doesn't seem to care. Another single friend keeps trying to use me to meet my other single friends and try to become buddy buddy with them. She's the only friend i've got who goes out of her way to try to get me to hang out, so even though she seems to be using me i keep her around. I used to have a lot of close girl friends before i got a boyfriend but now it's like they don't care if i exist. I'm always the one initiating a catch up with all of them, besides the two girls i previously mentioned that are users. When i make the effort to ask my other friends out they do show up and we have a good catch up, but it's always me trying to see them and if i don't message them for a couple of weeks i won't hear from them. Most my friends i only catch up with once every couple of months now. When i catch up with them i ask them a lot of questions about themselves and try not to talk about my boyfriend unless they ask me. So I'm not sure if they're disinterested because i have a boyfriend or if it's what they're like with all their friends now. I'm at the age of 22, where most my friends have recently finished college and are settling down into full time work and not going out much. It just seems to be that even friends i've had since i was little do not appreciate the efforts i make to see them and they don't even care about me anymore. Maybe my friends are all just self centered. I don't know but i'm curious to hear from people who have been in my position, and on the other side of it as well.
january2011 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 When people start following different paths in life, they might feel that they don't have anything in common anymore and therefore nothing to talk about. Getting together becomes uncomfortable rather than enjoyable. Some people purposefully exclude/drop others - as you have done to at least one former friend. You can't force people to be friends with you. And if you've tried to reach out but feel that it's one-sided - a situation you're unhappy with, then it suggests that it's probably time to move on. I suggest making new friends.
varonny Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I'm the same age as you, and all my friends I've known for years (including myself) are changing/have changed. We're growing up and finding ourselves, and sometimes that means that you no longer need someone to be in your life, or you simply don't have anything in common with them to be able to bond properly, so this could simply be the case that you're heading in a different direction to them - which doesn't have to be a bad thing. If they're single then it's possible that they're jealous that you're with someone and they're not. It all depends on the type of people that they are. Unfortunately I've found myself beginning to exclude a best friend from school from my life. I don't mean to do it, it's just that I've made new friends that I have more in common with personality wise, and my friends just not fitting into my life the way she used to. It might not even have anything to do with you having a boyfriend. You can't force people to be friends with you. And if you've tried to reach out but feel that it's one-sided - a situation you're unhappy with, then it suggests that it's probably time to move on. I suggest making new friends. I agree with this ^ If you've continued to try and make things work with these people, and they're not being receptive, it's not worth it.
Cratsky Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 I agree with a previous response. You're at an age where you are growing and developing new skills, discovering new passions. People you know may not be headed in the same direction as you and that's fine. It simply means you're more inclined to meet other like minded people if you continue to try new things and meet new people. It's disappointing but it happens. Also, I'd also comment on the quality of time you've spent with these people. Do you always bring up your boyfriend and things you're doing together? It can wear on people's nerves to listen to the same subject time and again. Also, try and breach the subject with them next time you catch up. Let them know how you feel (that there seems to be a disconnection because you feel like they're not making as much of an effort as you and that you miss how it used to be etc). Give them a chance to show you their true colours. If they feel the same way, they'll acknowledge and make an effort to reconnect. Otherwise, it may be the closure you need to walk away without hard feelings.
Author lovelife7 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Posted August 11, 2012 (edited) Hey I just realized I completely forgot I made this thread and never replied to the responses! Sorry and thanks for taking the time to reply. I'm still having the same issues. It seems I have too many single friends who I have nothing in common with. When I was single and all my friends have boyfriends, I would still catch up with them for dinners and listen to them chat about their boyfriends when I would've Rathered be clubbing. Now the tables are turned and I have a boyfriend and have no motivation to go to night clubs, my single friends have no interest in me! I try not to talk to them about my boyfriend much, I just feel like they are jealous and self centered. They will only hang out with me if I go to a club with them. And I'm not wasting my money on people using me to go out to meet guys so I don't see them anymore. I've been clubbing a couple of times in the past couple of months, to keep up appearances, but then when I ask them to do something low key they ignore my text or make up an excuse then ask me to go clubbing. Most my single friends are not even worth my time so I'm only hanging out with friends in relationships now. It's working out so much better for me because then we can talk about our relationships without feeling guilty and can just enjoy each others friendship. I have one good single friend but the other 10 are self centered users. They will then go and say I ditched them for my boyfriend but even if I don't hang out with many friends and not often, at least I am doing what I want to do and what makes me happy. Sucks it's so hard to find decent friends though. But all your responses were right in saying that people change and the best thing is to just accept it and not chase people who don't want to be friends with you and just make new friends who appreciate you. Edited August 11, 2012 by lovelife7
soccerrprp Posted August 11, 2012 Posted August 11, 2012 i'm dating a remarkable woman who is seeing some of what you are seeing... now that she has a BF (me ), they are not as inviting, friendly...they seem jealous that she has a decent guy around her and they resent that a bit...it's times like this that brings out the true colors or people...time for new or more supportive friends.
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