J_weik Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 My exgirlfriend and i split up about a month ago. I was and am still very hurt by this. I was realy realy close to her. The only reason i wanted to get up in the morning, is to see her. And every day i'd get excited when she would come over. We were together for 2 years, and after a year i started getting controlling (I know its a mistake now, didn't think about it then.) I'd get mad if she went out with her friends, if she wore something i didn't like, if she talked to guys i didn't know. Anyhow, i know all this is bad, and i wouldn't be like that anymore. On to my question. We went 3 weeks without seeing each other, and then last tuesday she called me at work (I work for her uncle btw) And told me i should come over because we haven't seen each other lately. So i went over and everything was good, until i was leaving and she said "give me a hug." So i gave her a hug, and she made it last forever. Then she walked me to my car, put her hand around me, and stuck her Butt up against me. This made me kinda mad, shes flirting with me, but doesn't want to go out with me? So she calls on my birthday, and i have it in my head that i just won't talk to her anymore, and things will pick up frm there for myself. She calls and tells me she got me a card and is gonna bring it to my work the next day, i tell her i'd rather not see her. But she insists on giving me the card. So that night i wroter her a note expressing how i felt. In the note i told her she was a cold, cold heartless person who just used me (this is how i realy feel) And before she came to my work i gave her the note (without saying anything to her) and then left her house. Did i go to far? also, after a month of us not being together, do you think she still thinks about me on a daily basis? Sometimes i feel like offing my self as well. I think about it more and more everyday. I have nothing to live for in my opinion. I don't have friends where i live, Its just me. I miss her so bad, and just wish we could go back the way it used to be. But its to late now Link to post Share on other sites
pocoestrella Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font] J, I don't really think it's a question if you went to far by giving her a note telling her how you feel... I think if you're honest about it, your concern now is you are worried that the content of the note will be the final straw for her? Listen, nobody likes to be in a controlling relationship... it just isn't healthy for anyone... and i'm happy you've come to realize this... With that said... the only person you CAN change and the only behaviour you CAN change is your own... While I understand that you're upset over the break up... things could never be the same as they were previoulsy because it wasn't healthy and thats why it didn't work to begin with... secondly you need to understand that you have to make yourself happy BEFORE you can make anyone else happy... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author J_weik Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 Before i even met her i was not a controlling ass. Something came over me, and i don't know what it is. I even ask her if "the door is close on us altogether in the future" and she wont give me a straight answer. She just says i dunno. If it was no, she would tell me. I think shes playing games and i can not stand it. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about ending myself, or having dreams about it. I'm happy as a person, but not with my life. I'm sick of everything i am, and i can not stand my self. She is realy realy a great girl, but is a little immature, as well as i am. I just can not get this thought of offing myself off my mind. Its like i want her to feel bad because i offed my self because of her. She never once sat me down and said, "hey youre being to controlling, either try to work on that, or we can not be together." Link to post Share on other sites
pocoestrella Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font] J, I'm not making light of your feelings here... however please re read over your post... You've said you became controlling right? You've also said you have changed and wouldn't be that way anymore right? J, You've just said that you think about killing yourself so she will feel bad... J, this is STILL controlling in a very morbid, twisted way... I for real cannot think of a more selfish act than this... Regardless IF she ever told you that you were too controlling obvioulsy J, you knew you were as you've said as much yourself... so possibly she tells you she isn't sure if she wants a new start with you now is because you are STILL displaying controlling behaviour even after the split up... My two cents Link to post Share on other sites
Author J_weik Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 I Said that is 1 of the reasons i consider doing it. Theres more then 1. My whole life i've been screwed over by girlfriends, and this is the first relationship that i was controlling. I'm sick of being alone already, and its only been a month. I'm sick of eating,sleeping, and drinking her. Shes all i think about from the time i get up until i go to sleep, and even while i'm sleeping. And my moods change, 1 moment i'll miss her, then next moment i'll hate her for leaving. I've been in love before, but not like this. And i don't think in the future i could ever date another female. Link to post Share on other sites
einahpets Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 there is nothing worth killing yourself over. i have been there, and i am glad i didn't. if you are having suicidal thoughts you need to see a therapist. maybe it is a chemical imbalance, maybe it is something due to the relationships you have had. they can help you understand why you feel the way you do and help you resolve issues you have. even joining a support group (even if it is online) can give you people with similar issues to talk to. you are never alone. even by connecting with people on the internet like us, there will always be someone to listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Phelly Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Isn't it true that when you fall in love, chemical changes occur within your body which cause an addiction to the one you love? When you try to break away from this person, it will be like experiencing withdrawal from any addictive drug. You just have to be strong for a time, and then even though you'll never forget, you can move on. It's like a previous poster said though, you have to make yourself happy before you can hope to make someone else happy. When you've conquered your demons, then perhaps you can have another shot at this particular woman...because I believe it's possible to learn from mistakes and change yourself from deep inside. You will come out of this a better person, provided you don't "off yourself". When she sees that you are a better person(better than when you were with her), that will hurt her just as much if not more than any other action you might take. But in this case you get to be happy to make her miserable or perhaps you can be happy together, at a later date in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
tgirl Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 I met this guy who I'm interested in. My question is when is the appropriate time to ask him what he is looking for relationship wise? I don't want to scare him off but I want to know what I'm getting myself into. How should I go about getting to knoww more about him? Link to post Share on other sites
md17 Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 i just got out of a very similar situation as you except, i was on the other end of it. my boyfriend acted a lot like your situation sounds. i know it sounds weird but im on this thing because i feel so guilty for being labeled the heartless cold bitch. i was thinking maybe you could help me out w/ your opinion and vice versa. message me if you want to Link to post Share on other sites
Author J_weik Posted June 20, 2004 Author Share Posted June 20, 2004 Do you have aim? If so msg me at locoman1984. Can't send you a pm, you're not a member yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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