darklover Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 hi, I'm new here.I am the ow.My mm and I have been together for 5 months. Heres the thing, is this weird or am i just crazy?when we make love, he pulls out, every time.he says he doesnt want me to get pregant, even though i am on birth control.what is wrong here? or am i missing something? i need help.. Link to post Share on other sites
pocoestrella Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font] I really don't think there is any mystery here... he is paranoid (not to mention reckless not using a condom to prevent std's) and doesn't want any "uh oh's" because then his wife will find out. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkLadie Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 hey get the point thats why you are the ow and not the wife your probly just a piece of ass to him and so he wants no reason to make a commitment to you. Thats what you get for sleeping with a married mad! Link to post Share on other sites
Author darklover Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 he says that he loves me.so if he loves me why does he need to be so careful? i am married too, so there is no problems about me having stds.am i stupid or is he really just wanting a piece of ass and lying to me about loving me? i am on b c so i wont get pregant.i tell him its ok cuz i dont want to get pregant, but this really bothers me, his pulling out.what is he here for? Link to post Share on other sites
pocoestrella Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font] You're married too? Ugh! Listen... so what if your on birth control... it doesn't prevent STD'S and just because he says he doesn't have any and just because you don't have any at this time... whats to say your husband isn't messing around on you huh? What if he is being ignorant like you are and saying "well I know i'm okay so we don't need to use protection" what if your MM wife is screwing around on him? and she also has the same thoughts on this... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE A FREAKING CONDOM! Last thing here... you've said in your post "what is he here for" what does that mean exactly? for real you're married too right so what are YOU there for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author darklover Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 what i meant was, if he feels that he has to pull out because he feels paranoid or whatever it is,what is he doing with me.i thought he was with me to enjoy all of the aspects of having an affair..i love him he says he loves me, so what is the point of pulling out?it makes me feel like its him that finishes himself not me.i want that closeness when he comes.i just dont understand why he does it.and when we get through, which its not really fast,but it kinda is, he gets himself out of here pretty quick.where is he coming from? i just want to know if he really loves me or not. i know i would leave my husband for him if he said the words. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 You both are married and are sleeping with people you are not married to without a condom and the thing you are concerned about is him pulling out???!!!! i am married too, so there is no problems about me having stds. I hate to break it to you but being married does not protect you from STDs - especially if you are sleeping around without a condom. In fact, you are making it very easy to get an STD - not only for you - but also for your husband. am i stupid or is he really just wanting a piece of ass and lying to me about loving me? I'd say all three are correct. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darklover Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 im not going to shoot the messenger,but this is a ow/om topic.you tell me im stupid..i searched all over the web looking for a place that i felt would help me and not put me down, i know that what im doing is wrong, but like any other ow i love him . i do not feel stds are a problem in this relationship. his wife and my husband do not see other people.i should have made that known i guess.this is a one time thing for us both.so please dont try to make me feel worse than i already do.he also feels guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
pocoestrella Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 [font=times new roman][/font] DarkLover, How do you know your husband and his wife don't sleep with other people? Obviously you and your mm have guilt over this because your spouse(s) don't know that there is an affair going on right? So whats to say the same isn't happening with one or both of your spouses? That they are having affairs as well... and everybody THINKS they are safe? This is how STD'S get spread... having a false sense of security... So you're free to do what you wish here... but if you love this guy, yourself, or hell even your husband even just a little... then understand you are no longer in a monogamos relationship and use a condom. Link to post Share on other sites
Pookette Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Your husband and his wife are probably not stupid, right? To me, this post is just a troll post. Maybe not, I'll give darklover the benefit of the doubt. The things that caught my eye however... what is he here for? Answer: sex. i just dont understand why he does it.and when we get through, which its not really fast,but it kinda is, he gets himself out of here pretty quick. Ummm, yep. Gonna happen. I'm sorry honey, he is only with you for the sex. You must know that subconsciously. Maybe it just takes a non-prejudiced eye to see it clearly. You should end this relationship now. It's self destructive. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Jeez, yet another OW who thinks that OW/OM should only read these posts. you tell me im stupid..i searched all over the web looking for a place that i felt would help me and not put me down, i know that what im doing is wrong, but like any other ow i love him . i do not feel stds are a problem in this relationship. his wife and my husband do not see other people.i should have made that known i guess.this is a one time thing for us both.so please dont try to make me feel worse than i already do.he also feels guilty. Do you actually think that this Web site is to get your back rubbed and hear 'you poor dear' or do you actually come here asking for advice and opinions. If you assumed that this was full of people who would just hold your hand and listen to your woes, you better wise up - fast. Anybody can join and have the right to post responses and feedback. Not everyone is going to agree with what you are doing and not everyone is going to have kind words to say about it. If you say you feel bad and guilty about what you are doing - then why do it? Oh yeah, I forgot - you LOVE him. Jeez... too bad you don't love your husband enough to keep your legs shut. As for your ridiculous comment about STDs not being a problem and that your husband and his wife don't see other people you DO NOT KNOW. Do you really think your husband and his wife think you guys are sleeping around on them? No - but you are. Plus not only are you cheating on your husband and lying but you are risking his life. And the next time you want to act all offended and hurt, make sure that you have just cause. YOU are the one who wrote: am i stupid or is he really just wanting a piece of ass and lying to me about loving me? That was your wording, not mine. You asked the question, not me. Based on your posts, I just happen to agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darklover Posted June 19, 2004 Author Share Posted June 19, 2004 i dont give a crap who posts here.you do have your right to post here when you have nothing else better to do than sit around putting other people down for their choices.why dont you get a life?my post wasnt about condoms or if im stupid.i dont expect you or anyone to pat me on the back for what im doing.you choose to come on here to degrade ow and i came here to look for help for my problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 The reason he is pulling out is probably because he feels guilty, doesn't really actually love you, isn't going to leave his wife and fears getting you pregnant because you might try to trap him (men's minds work somewhat like that)which would screw up the nice little setup he has going. Stop sleeping with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 There is a lot of good advice here if you choose to listen to it-you don't have to listen to personal attacks, but Debster really wasn't doing that-please don't get mad because people aren't sympathizing with you for being part of an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darklover Posted June 19, 2004 Author Share Posted June 19, 2004 mr. spock,thank you for your honest opinion. you are the first person that has actually been nice to me, and honest. i know that this affair is wrong, believe me i do.do i feel guilty? of course i do, but not enough to give him up yet.i am moving to another state in two months, we both know it will be over then.we work together now and it would be hard to give him up and still see him every day.i know he will never give up his wife for me, believe me i have no expectations of that,as he has told me that i knew it would end when i came into this.this affair just sort of happened, didn't mean for it too, we are just so attracted to each other and we can talk...i love to be with him,what can i say. i know it will be over but i want him while i can have him. does that make any sense?we are friends and lovers.What the heck is a troll? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Why not just end it now? That way it's because you want it to be over since you KNOW it's not going anywhere, and you do feel guilty. That way there is no "if I hadn't moved, we could have done this" going on in your head. My opinion is no more honest than anyone else on here-if he's not going to leave his wife then you need to end it. He doesn't love you-I'm sorry, but IMO he's worried about YOU lying about being on birth control and that's one of the reasons he pulls out. Regardless of the depth of your feelings-it may hurt, but you'll feel better in the long run if you're able to have an honest open relationship. I wish I had been strong enough to end my own affair. Link to post Share on other sites
therresa kennedy Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Dark lover, I tend to agree with the Debster and Mister Spock. You are being used for cheap thrills and the cheap meaningless sex that goes with it. He gets out of there quick? Of course, because he has no emotional connection to you. And of course he tells you he loves you, that is his way of deceiving you so you will spread your legs. When Mama asks you if you're going to be a good girl for a fresh new cookie, what do you say? You say YES of course! I tend to agree with Spock, he feels "guilty" and won't come in you because that would be an even greater betrayal of his wife. You are getting what you feel you deserve, which is very little. Not to mention the danger you are putting you husband in. And lets not jump to conclusions here, no one on this forum knows for certain that Dark lover's husband or her married lovers wife are cheating. What we do know is that SHE is cheating and her married lover is cheating. Let us presume the other parites in this case are innocent util proven guilty. What YOU are doing Dark Lover is sad, sad for you and for your husband. You're not afraid of STD's? Good grief, you really are naive, and another thing, don't expect to come on web sites like this so you can have your hand held and be told that what you're doing is okay. There are a lot of women who visit these sites who have very different opinions. And you dear have a lot to learn. I quess if being used and dumped on a weekly basis for no longer than a 30-60 minute quick lay and if that is okay with YOU, then I quess that really IS all you deserve. good luck! Best Regards, Therresa Kennedy Link to post Share on other sites
Good2Go Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I was wondering if you asked HIM? Chances are that's the only person who can give you the real answer. Anybody else's is not only speculation, but seems to be coming with a heap of judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Ouch. if your feelings are really true for this man then you need to address that-but chances are his are not for you. Not because you are a lesser person!! You're not-everyone is worthy of love and affection. Is that what truly exists though? Talking and sex is only a building block for a a meaningful relationship-what substance is there? You can't be seen out together, you can't share hobbies and interests-special moments, humour in your lives-if he was interested in those things with you there might be a slight chance that his feelings are true, and then you may have a chance at a real relationship. But it doesn't seem like it. So why not ask? You've got nothing to lose at this point-ask him why he does it. Wondering is a killer. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Why would you do this to your husband? How would you feel if the tables were turned? What do you think his wife is going to do WHEN she finds out? Do they have any kids? I sure hope there are no kids in this mess. I have been the wife and I will tell you, I still want to beat the ow's a$$. It hurts REALLY BAD to be cheated on. What happened to respect for other people? He doesn't love you, or he'd leave his wife and make a life with you. I don't understand is why all the OW posts state "he loves me" when they are clearly not leaving their wives for them. IF he loved you, he wouldn't be treating you like a whore (not saying you are) but he is probably subconciously thinking this, that you are willing to spread eagle for him while you are married as well. Don't you care about your husband and his wife's feelings? Thats low. This is a lose lose situation. Your best bet is to get out of it and go to marriage counceling with your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
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