Jody005 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 My boyfriend of 7 years met someone else when we split up and i decided i wanted him back plus they needed somewhere to live and he was depressed so I asked him to ring her and tell her he wanted nothing to do with her and he still now living with me. He went back to her once when we had a fight and i kicked him out but she has no stable accommodation he has no where else and but ive said if they contact each other again i will leave him. He said if i leave him he will kill himself and he's proposed. She rang him to see if he was ok i answered and I have told her if i leave him he'll kill himself and ill leave if she calls again. Do you think theyll contact each other again ive changed his number? He never ever loved her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jody005 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 I can t understand why he proposed tho? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 This situation is insane frankly. Your boyfriend needs professional help and you and he need to stop manipulating each other.This is an unhealthy relationship. No one seems to love anyone in this triangle and everyone seems to have issues they need to sort out. Please see a professional and tell them about this so that they can give you further insight, as some deeper stuff is going on here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 I can t understand why he proposed tho? He proposed to shut you up, so that he could talk to her on the sly while you dont suspect anything. But she keeps contacting him, im sure against his wishes to keep it secret, so if that was his idea it didnt work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jody005 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 He proposed to shut you up, so that he could talk to her on the sly while you dont suspect anything. But she keeps contacting him, im sure against his wishes to keep it secret, so if that was his idea it didnt work. Me saying ill leave him makes him suicidal he must love me Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 No, it makes it clear that he is an unstable individual. Plus he is evidently a homeless man, so you leaving him means he's back on the street. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Me saying ill leave him makes him suicidal he must love me Umm no it does not...it means he has serious mental issues. And I really am not trying to be rude, but most normal people would be scared if someone said that to them, not equate it to love. The fact that you equate it to love means you're views about relationships and love are a bit off kilter too. I do suggest you talk to a counselor in real life about your situation to gain some perspective. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jody005 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 No, it makes it clear that he is an unstable individual. Plus he is evidently a homeless man, so you leaving him means he's back on the street. Well homeless thing is very serious because he has no one else but he's not homeless as in an old tramp if you know what i mean its just circumstances but yes if he goes with her he'll have no where Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 My first thought is stability, but I don't know. What I DO know is that a relationship where one person threatens to commit suicide if the other leaves is not a healthy dynamic whatsoever. You'd be smart not to accept a proposal, but rather, try to get him to seek mental health services. This post and Miss Bee's post pretty much sums it up. Question. you say you were together for 7 years and broke up. Why the break up? How long were you two apart? When did he meet someone else? How long were they together before you decided you wanted him back? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Me saying ill leave him makes him suicidal he must love me Sorry, but it's manipulation and unhealthy love. Or is this you believing that he MUST love you, if he is willing to off himself if you leave him? The way you worded this, it could go either way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 This entire thing is messed up. He manipulates you by saying he will kill himself...fyi... ppl don't tend to tell ppl if they are going to commit suicide, they just do it. She calls him, you answer and say he will kill himself if you leave and you will leave if she calls. GEEZ. Too much drama. IF he wants to talk to her, he will. You can't control that. And if he wants to, you should not want him. Plain and simple. He needs help, and you two need counseling together. You have laid down the ground rules, if he breaks it, then kick his ass out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jody005 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 This post and Miss Bee's post pretty much sums it up. Question. you say you were together for 7 years and broke up. Why the break up? How long were you two apart? When did he meet someone else? How long were they together before you decided you wanted him back? We had a fight and i called the police on him and kicked him out he got accommodation with help from the authorities we were split for two months and during this time he met her. They seemed to get close very quickly but they had accommodation problems like they had no stable place to live it caused problems between them he contacted me and begged me to take him back but they continued to live with each other at a friends place for months before i moved him back in the friends place wasn't stable either and they were often at hotels. i know she loved him but he DID NOT love her he's told me and even sent her a nasty text in front of me to prove it Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 We had a fight and i called the police on him and kicked him out he got accommodation with help from the authorities we were split for two months and during this time he met her. They seemed to get close very quickly but they had accommodation problems like they had no stable place to live it caused problems between them he contacted me and begged me to take him back but they continued to live with each other at a friends place for months before i moved him back in the friends place wasn't stable either and they were often at hotels. i know she loved him but he DID NOT love her he's told me and even sent her a nasty text in front of me to prove it girl... why are you even messing with a "man" that after 7 years can't afford or have his own accomodations???????? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jody005 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 This post and Miss Bee's post pretty much sums it up. Question. you say you were together for 7 years and broke up. Why the break up? How long were you two apart? When did he meet someone else? How long were they together before you decided you wanted him back? I bumped into him 2 months after we split and he was with her. I was shocked. He texted me 20 mins later. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 We had a fight and i called the police on him and kicked him out he got accommodation with help from the authorities we were split for two months and during this time he met her. They seemed to get close very quickly but they had accommodation problems like they had no stable place to live it caused problems between them he contacted me and begged me to take him back but they continued to live with each other at a friends place for months before i moved him back in the friends place wasn't stable either and they were often at hotels. i know she loved him but he DID NOT love her he's told me and even sent her a nasty text in front of me to prove it So the two of you already had an unhealthy dysfunctional relationship even before the new gf came along. So he's incapable of supporting himself, the other gf is homeless, and you think manipulative threats equals love. I agree with MissBee, the whole lot of you have issues and need help. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jody005 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 girl... why are you even messing with a "man" that after 7 years can't afford or have his own accomodations???????? He was away and came back to nothing except me Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 girl... why are you even messing with a "man" that after 7 years can't afford or have his own accomodations???????? And whom you've had to call the police on. Sorry....but the more details, the more crazy this entire thing seems. You two need to leave each other alone and seek individual counseling to detox from this toxic dynamic. What is so appealing about a man who can't afford to take care of himself, whom you've had to call the police on, who wants another woman and who will kill himself if you leave him. Please show we which aspects are cute and desirable?? Jody...you are stuck in an epic Jerry Springer episode. You need to get a professional to help you evaluate why this is so and help you to find a way out and towards healthier choices. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 He was away and came back to nothing except me How old are you? Do you have plans for your life? Does he have plans for his life? Or do you enjoy the fact that he has nothing so HAS to depend on you? You should think about the answer to that. I think you both manipulate each other and you use the fact that he has nothing as a way to make him stay with you. It's fine to help someone get on their feet but frankly, if you're a woman with goals in life you should be interested in a man who has goals too and who you can make a life with and who is contributing positively to yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
18Years2Late Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 We had a fight and i called the police on him and kicked him out he got accommodation with help from the authorities we were split for two months and during this time he met her. They seemed to get close very quickly but they had accommodation problems like they had no stable place to live it caused problems between them he contacted me and begged me to take him back but they continued to live with each other at a friends place for months before i moved him back in the friends place wasn't stable either and they were often at hotels. i know she loved him but he DID NOT love her he's told me and even sent her a nasty text in front of me to prove it Of course he did...again to shut u up...and to make sure that roof over his head says just the way he likes it...without leaks and FREE!!...WTH r you thinking?...run from this free-loading POS...who cares who he loves?...let her have the "prize"... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 We had a fight and i called the police on him and kicked him out he got accommodation with help from the authorities we were split for two months and during this time he met her. They seemed to get close very quickly but they had accommodation problems like they had no stable place to live it caused problems between them he contacted me and begged me to take him back but they continued to live with each other at a friends place for months before i moved him back in the friends place wasn't stable either and they were often at hotels. i know she loved him but he DID NOT love her he's told me and even sent her a nasty text in front of me to prove it He loves nobody but himself. He is unhealthy and dramatic. You know this from past experiences with him, yet you invite him back into your life? You must like this up and down rollercoaster ride, the messed up dynamic happening. You can love him all you want, and he can love you, but the two of you as a couple just doesn't work. Hope you see this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 i know she loved him but he DID NOT love her he's told me and even sent her a nasty text in front of me to prove it How can you trust a word that he says? Maybe he loved her, maybe he didn't. It really doesn't matter because he knows how to push your buttons and make you cave. UNHEALTHY. Get away from him and tell him to come talk to you after he's sorted out his issues, then maybe one day you'll consider dating him. Stay with him, expect heartache, lots of drama and pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Um... I'm sure I would not want to be with a man who threatened to kill himself. That would be a red flag for me to step out of this relationship backwards. Now if this is a relationship you see as healthy... I am more concerned about your state of mind. What's going on with you. Why does the 7 year figure have you staking claim into someone who's unstable. Unstable or a no good liar.. either way. Why? Is the 7 years of worth your sanity. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 (edited) Me saying ill leave him makes him suicidal he must love me No, he says he will commit suicide to prevent you from kicking him out, so he wont be homeless. Because that way, he will have a home, an he can still cheat on you. Its not fun to be in a relationship when youre on the street, looking for food. He is not suicidal. He is just using you, he does not love you at all. Edited April 10, 2012 by Eddie Edirol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Girl I am so sorry, If he loved you, he would make sure that he had far more to offer you then mooching off of you and threatening to kill himself, while dissing another girl. it isn't love, it's dependence. Read about Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It helps, a lot. They also have a dating boundaries book. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 He was away and came back to nothing except me That still doesn't answer the question. Why does this man have nothing but you to come back to? If you have been dating for 7 years, I am just wondering why he has no accomadations of his own. And why on earth would you want to settle with a man who doesn't? I am not trying to be hateful, I am trying to make you see what little to nothing this guy has to offer. And wondering why on earth you would want that for yourself? He offers no financial stability, no emotional stability (since he threatens to kill himself) and you have a relationship to which police are called. Are you addicted to the drama somehow? This thing seems like its too much drama. How are you even able to concentrate on work or anything else with all of this going on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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