Lack of Affection...

[findingnemo]

First of all I'm posting here because I don't consider myself as dating. I need some help understanding a new man in my life. Here goes...

 

Since April 2011, I've been seeing someone. I think I'm falling in love with him. He's a great person. Anyway, it all started as a friendship from years ago and last year turned into a sexual R. He is single, so no commitment issues there. Everything about him is perfect for me. My only issue is with the way he expresses affection...

 

From the beginning he put me on a schedule of sex once a week. I found that odd but being a busy single mother dismissed it as a concern. He won't hug me, I have to hug him. Kissing is becoming a rare thing. It wasn't something he did a lot from the beginning. It has nothing to do with hygiene or any such thing. I'm meticulous and very picky. He is super clean and really a stud. He goes to the gym daily, is super fit, handsome...basically you would never expect errr...the infrequent sex. And he's only 37.

 

It just seems to me that almost a year into being together, he isn't getting any more affectionate with me than he was in the beginning. At first he said he was super stressed and that when he's stressed his libido takes a dive. Now we're getting closer and closer but without the affection. He won't just touch me - my arm, my back, anything. When we have sex, it can range from seriously good with all the foreplay etc to sex without kissing. Then he'll immediately jump out of bed and take a shower. I'm totally confused as to what is going on.

 

When I talked to him about the lack of spontaneous sex last night, he said I have a super high libido. I've tried to bring up the lack of hugs and kisses but he skirts the issue. And then starts hugging me for a couple of days before he goes back to being...well, himself again. Recently he decided to fast. He's Catholic. He fasted the whole 40 days - no sex. While I didn't appreciate it, I suppose it's his choice being religious and all and I let it go. But Easter came and went. Yesterday I returned from the long weekend away and he stayed away from me saying we'll have sex today. So basically it's 40 days plus.... I feel a bit silly because I lost it last night and told him off.

 

Is it really possible that some men are so affected by stress that they "fail" to have sex 2 or 3 times a week? Can this situation last almost a year? Am I in a R which may end up sexless? How the hell can one tell if there is a sexual incompatibility? I really don't want to go farther down this road if this is a sign of things to come. I really like this man but I know that I won't be able to handle begging for affection for the rest of my life.

 

Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.

[TaraMaiden]

Look to his upbringing.

If he's a RC there's bound to be some guilt stuff going on there....I should know....

 

and abstaining from sex for Lent?

 

wholly unacceptable, because it compromises someone else's life.

 

the 40 days were not a sacrifice for him, they were a respite.

they didn't test his devotion, they let him off the hook.

 

Either he is asexual - or he has some serious shytt going on.

 

He either needs to face it and get some serious psycho-sexual counselling - or you have to face an unaffectionate and frigid future.

[findingnemo]

I'm a Protestant by birth. I mean I grew up Protestant so perhaps I don't understand the RC stuff. Lent seems to be important. He also goes for mass at 6 am in the morning on weekdays. So maybe there's something there with regards to his religion. But what it would have to with sex...and the frequency, I don't know.

 

His upbringing? Well, his parents are separated. His mother "ran away" from his Dad because he is a dictator but they aren't D. The mum moved to another continent. He is very afraid of his father. It's weird dynamic between them. Again how that affects sex is beyond me. Apart from the sex and affection issues, he is a really good person and we compliment each other.

 

Thanks, TaraMaiden.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm a Protestant by birth. I mean I grew up Protestant so perhaps I don't understand the RC stuff. Lent seems to be important. He also goes for mass at 6 am in the morning on weekdays. So maybe there's something there with regards to his religion. But what it would have to with sex...and the frequency, I don't know.

Sexual desire is part of original sin. Carnal lust is considered dirty unless a couple are procreating, and masturbation - well, let's not go there.

 

There's a 'funny' list talking about religions of the world...

Catholicism is; "If **** happens, I deserve it."

 

Catholics are huge on guilt. Hence the confessional.

If you do not go to confession, then you cannot partake of holy communion, because you have sinned yet not repented.

I'm almost certain his sexual repressive tendency is guilt-based...

 

 

His upbringing? Well, his parents are separated. His mother "ran away" from his Dad because he is a dictator but they aren't D. The mum moved to another continent. He is very afraid of his father.

I question the morality of a woman who would run away from her husband because 'he was a dictator' but would not seek to protect her own child.

Either she resented her son as being part of his father, and didn't want the reminder, or was too scared to take the boy in case the father tried to find them...

either way, the fact that he is very afraid of his father is tragic and worrying.

if he is afraid of his father, there is truth in his mother's fear.

and who knows what treatment he was subjected to?

He didn't therefore have a normal upbringing - did he?

 

It's weird dynamic between them. Again how that affects sex is beyond me.

the son is too old to abuse now, but the son still remembers the abuse.

Have you any idea whether he was abused by his father and what form it took?

If his father was a devout Catholic - or still is - christ, you have no idea what a twisted religious mind is capable of inflicting....

And I am not even necessarily talking about physical abuse.

Mental conditioning and abuse can be a thousand times worse....

 

Apart from the sex and affection issues, he is a really good person and we compliment each other.

so do dogs and their owners....

 

In very simple terms, a healthy sex life is a central tenet of a relationship.

when the sex is good, it's 5% of the relationship.

When the sex isn't good, it's 95% of the relationship.

 

Here - it's not good.

and trust me on this - Catholicism/upbring has a lot to do with it.

Edited April 10, 2012 by TaraMaiden

[mem11363]

Nemo,

I think you know this - and very much don't want to:

- at 37 he has been around the block enough to know that wanting more than weekly sex does not mean "you" have a super high drive. This is round one of blame shifting

- stress reduces his libido - and he is "chronically" stressed and yet there are no other apparent symptoms of stress in his behavior. This one is very useful because later, when you get extremely upset about the lack of even weekly sex he will claim that the pressure / stress you are putting on him is causing your sexual problems, not a result of them

- the lack of affection, many men in sexless marriages report that affection is ok, but it stops there. Women in sexless marriages are much more often denied affection as well

- he loves you, he just doesn't like having sex with you. The jump up and shower thing is a bad sign

- lent - really? Lent is a dry run for what marriage will be like

 

So the punch line is: classic signs of tolerating sex until marriage, after which he will quickly drop to the least amount of contact that does not produce divorce.

 

 

First of all I'm posting here because I don't consider myself as dating. I need some help understanding a new man in my life. Here goes...

 

Since April 2011, I've been seeing someone. I think I'm falling in love with him. He's a great person. Anyway, it all started as a friendship from years ago and last year turned into a sexual R. He is single, so no commitment issues there. Everything about him is perfect for me. My only issue is with the way he expresses affection...

 

From the beginning he put me on a schedule of sex once a week. I found that odd but being a busy single mother dismissed it as a concern. He won't hug me, I have to hug him. Kissing is becoming a rare thing. It wasn't something he did a lot from the beginning. It has nothing to do with hygiene or any such thing. I'm meticulous and very picky. He is super clean and really a stud. He goes to the gym daily, is super fit, handsome...basically you would never expect errr...the infrequent sex. And he's only 37.

 

It just seems to me that almost a year into being together, he isn't getting any more affectionate with me than he was in the beginning. At first he said he was super stressed and that when he's stressed his libido takes a dive. Now we're getting closer and closer but without the affection. He won't just touch me - my arm, my back, anything. When we have sex, it can range from seriously good with all the foreplay etc to sex without kissing. Then he'll immediately jump out of bed and take a shower. I'm totally confused as to what is going on.

 

When I talked to him about the lack of spontaneous sex last night, he said I have a super high libido. I've tried to bring up the lack of hugs and kisses but he skirts the issue. And then starts hugging me for a couple of days before he goes back to being...well, himself again. Recently he decided to fast. He's Catholic. He fasted the whole 40 days - no sex. While I didn't appreciate it, I suppose it's his choice being religious and all and I let it go. But Easter came and went. Yesterday I returned from the long weekend away and he stayed away from me saying we'll have sex today. So basically it's 40 days plus.... I feel a bit silly because I lost it last night and told him off.

 

Is it really possible that some men are so affected by stress that they "fail" to have sex 2 or 3 times a week? Can this situation last almost a year? Am I in a R which may end up sexless? How the hell can one tell if there is a sexual incompatibility? I really don't want to go farther down this road if this is a sign of things to come. I really like this man but I know that I won't be able to handle begging for affection for the rest of my life.

 

Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.

[findingnemo]

Sexual desire is part of original sin. Carnal lust is considered dirty unless a couple are procreating, and masturbation - well, let's not go there.

 

There's a 'funny' list talking about religions of the world...

Catholicism is; "If **** happens, I deserve it."

 

Catholics are huge on guilt. Hence the confessional.

If you do not go to confession, then you cannot partake of holy communion, because you have sinned yet not repented.

I'm almost certain his sexual repressive tendency is guilt-based...

 

Okay.

 

I question the morality of a woman who would run away from her husband because 'he was a dictator' but would not seek to protect her own child.

Either she resented her son as being part of his father, and didn't want the reminder, or was too scared to take the boy in case the father tried to find them...

either way, the fact that he is very afraid of his father is tragic and worrying.

if he is afraid of his father, there is truth in his mother's fear.

and who knows what treatment he was subjected to?

He didn't therefore have a normal upbringing - did he?

 

 

the son is too old to abuse now, but the son still remembers the abuse.

Have you any idea whether he was abused by his father and what form it took?

If his father was a devout Catholic - or still is - christ, you have no idea what a twisted religious mind is capable of inflicting....

And I am not even necessarily talking about physical abuse.

Mental conditioning and abuse can be a thousand times worse....

 

I believe from what he's shared that theirs was a home where the Dad punished the kids by whipping them. But this isn't odd in my part of the world. They believe in "spare the rod..." there are some anger issues with his father though from what he tells me.

 

so do dogs and their owners....

 

In very simple terms, a healthy sex life is a central tenet of a relationship.

when the sex is good, it's 5% of the relationship.

When the sex isn't good, it's 95% of the relationship.

 

I too believe this.

 

Here - it's not good.

and trust me on this - Catholicism/upbring has a lot to do with it.

 

Oh boy...just my luck. You see, I don't think people can change just like that. They have to want to. So if he's fine with the sexual frequency, the lack of affection and the over-scheduling of sex then I doubt that even a therapist can help him. And he seems very content with things as they stand right now.

[findingnemo]

Nemo,

I think you know this - and very much don't want to:

- at 37 he has been around the block enough to know that wanting more than weekly sex does not mean "you" have a super high drive. This is round one of blame shifting

- stress reduces his libido - and he is "chronically" stressed and yet there are no other apparent symptoms of stress in his behavior. This one is very useful because later, when you get extremely upset about the lack of even weekly sex he will claim that the pressure / stress you are putting on him is causing your sexual problems, not a result of them

- the lack of affection, many men in sexless marriages report that affection is ok, but it stops there. Women in sexless marriages are much more often denied affection as well

- he loves you, he just doesn't like having sex with you. The jump up and shower thing is a bad sign

- lent - really? Lent is a dry run for what marriage will be like

 

So the punch line is: classic signs of tolerating sex until marriage, after which he will quickly drop to the least amount of contact that does not produce divorce.

 

The thing is...it's easier for me to deal with a sexless situation because it's clear. Or even one where a man isn't attracted to me. Reading your post helps me figure out certain things.

 

1. He's already said that the more pressure I put on him, the less he feels like...you know. He tells me to accept him the way he is and to wait for the kisses and hugs.

 

2. On the issue of stress. You're right. He seems fine when it comes to other stuff. He jokes, laughs, tells stories. He enjoys nice things and shares them with me. The only thing the "stress" affects is sex and affection.

 

3. I didn't know men who don't like sex are also not affectionate. I will read up on this.

 

Come to think of it, he does act like someone who doesn't want to be touched except in bed. And he prefers to take complete control...as in no real fancy moves from me. It's annoying that it's taken me this long to figure it out. I think I've been concentrating on other qualities... He is constantly being hit on by other women and I've not heard of there being a problem with his sex drive from the grapevine. So maybe this is something one can only learn from being intimate.

 

I have to extricate myself from this situation...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Giving up sex for lent...... Wasn't this a movie (40 Days & 40 Nights)???? If it works for you, then sure continue, but sounds to me like you are a little pre-occupied by his looks and how he "you complement each other" to see the proverbial forest through the trees. Sounds vain to me.

 

Also if he claims stress as a single 37 year old "hunk", with probably a good job, income and lack of a family to support, I can only imagine the stress he'd feel if he had a spouse, kids a large extended family......

 

He is full of it.

 

However as a "busy single mother" maybe this is just a modified booty call, but don't expect more.

Edited April 10, 2012 by Toodamnpragmatic

[xxoo]

It is possible that he's gay. With his upbringing, and fear of his father, he may never, ever admit it--even to himself. But that might be why he has so little libido when in a relationship with a woman.

[findingnemo]

Giving up sex for lent...... Wasn't this a movie (40 Days & 40 Nights)???? If it works for you, then sure continue, but sounds to me like you are a little pre-occupied by his looks and how he "you complement each other" to see the proverbial forest through the trees. Sounds vain to me.

 

Also if he claims stress as a single 37 year old "hunk", with probably a good job, income and lack of a family to support, I can only imagine the stress he'd feel if he had a spouse, kids a large extended family......

 

He is full of it.

 

However as a "busy single mother" maybe this is just a modified booty call, but don't expect more.

 

I am actively trying to pick a man NOT like my H who was perfect in all ways but his NPD. So while looks are important, it's really about values and such. This guy is spot on in that department so it's quite probable that I was so happy I was willing to overlook this problem. Funny enough I've been uncomfortable about this issue for a while but didn't take it seriously. It just kind of floated into my conscious, I brought it up and then it was gone. Until this Lent thing..that is. Last night is when it hit me that this is a big issue and that he's been doing quite badly in that department from day one.

 

Modified booty call that lasts a year? Haha. I'd believe you if it wasn't for all the other things he does for me. The thing about being a single mum is that I don't have too much time on my hands for romance. Having come out of a bad M, I'm kind of taking things slow in the love department.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I am actively trying to pick a man NOT like my H who was perfect in all ways but his NPD. So while looks are important, it's really about values and such. This guy is spot on in that department so it's quite probable that I was so happy I was willing to overlook this problem. Funny enough I've been uncomfortable about this issue for a while but didn't take it seriously. It just kind of floated into my conscious, I brought it up and then it was gone. Until this Lent thing..that is. Last night is when it hit me that this is a big issue and that he's been doing quite badly in that department from day one.

 

Modified booty call that lasts a year? Haha. I'd believe you if it wasn't for all the other things he does for me. The thing about being a single mum is that I don't have too much time on my hands for romance. Having come out of a bad M, I'm kind of taking things slow in the love department.

 

Wasn't trying to be mean, but I like to be blunt on this site and call it as I see it...

 

You say he is great, but didn't say anything else about the relationship outside being friends from a way back, getting along and a good personality, but nothing about what he does for you.

 

If he is particularly attentive about those things, then yes the gaydar goes off. Sorry the reason one is attentive and does things is BECAUSE HE WANTS IN YOUR PANTS......

[TaraMaiden]

Oh boy...just my luck. You see, I don't think people can change just like that. They have to want to. So if he's fine with the sexual frequency, the lack of affection and the over-scheduling of sex then I doubt that even a therapist can help him. And he seems very content with things as they stand right now.

 

Yes... while you don't rock the boat, and complain that this is not enough for you, then everything is as he wants it....

 

 

Come to think of it, he does act like someone who doesn't want to be touched except in bed. And he prefers to take complete control...as in no real fancy moves from me.

The control thing concerns me... chip off the old block, in a way.... the 'giving up sex for Lent' was not only something for him to experience - it meant you had to be party to that too... He took that decision on your behalf, and made the assumption that this would be ok for you too....

And as you say, "Tis part of the cure to wish to be cured." If he don't see it, it won't figure. Ever.

 

It's annoying that it's taken me this long to figure it out. I think I've been concentrating on other qualities...

 

I have to extricate myself from this situation...

That happens... we tend to 'blind' ourselves to the obvious, in order to not admit to ourselves that our radar is malfunctioning...

 

And yes, somehow, you do have to extricate yourself....

[findingnemo]

It is possible that he's gay. With his upbringing, and fear of his father, he may never, ever admit it--even to himself. But that might be why he has so little libido when in a relationship with a woman.

 

Wow. I never even thought of that. Where I'm from, being gay can get you in major major trouble. If he was, he would have to hide it.

[findingnemo]

Wasn't trying to be mean, but I like to be blunt on this site and call it as I see it...

 

You say he is great, but didn't say anything else about the relationship outside being friends from a way back, getting along and a good personality, but nothing about what he does for you.

 

If he is particularly attentive about those things, then yes the gaydar goes off. Sorry the reason one is attentive and does things is BECAUSE HE WANTS IN YOUR PANTS......

 

"The gaydor goes off" as in? So you think he could be gay too and in the closet? Or that if he's doing things for me such as below then he wants into my pants? I don't follow....

 

He does things like take care of my car issues, deals with my gardening, shops for my kids when he travels, he will basically go out of his way to solve any problem I say I have. In terms of money, I'm very independent. But he'll pay for many things even when it isn't necessary.

 

He pays for dinners and drinks and generally acts like a "man". He is a great addition to my life and acts like a husband, a partner. I actually took it for granted that his actions show that he loves me. As I said, perfect in all ways but you know...

[findingnemo]

Yes... while you don't rock the boat, and complain that this is not enough for you, then everything is as he wants it....

 

 

 

The control thing concerns me... chip off the old block, in a way.... the 'giving up sex for Lent' was not only something for him to experience - it meant you had to be party to that too... He took that decision on your behalf, and made the assumption that this would be ok for you too....

And as you say, "Tis part of the cure to wish to be cured." If he don't see it, it won't figure. Ever.

 

 

That happens... we tend to 'blind' ourselves to the obvious, in order to not admit to ourselves that our radar is malfunctioning...

 

And yes, somehow, you do have to extricate yourself....

 

My radar must be malfunctioning because I didn't see an inkling of a clue of future sexual issues. I've just been reading up on men who won't kiss, hug or have sex. Upbringing is actually an important factor. Also this lack of intimacy from male partners is not uncommon. There are plenty of women out there suffering from sexless Rs...women whose partners have seriously low libidos AND are not cheating!!! The thing is many of them aren't able to tell there's a problem until they are committed...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

"The gaydor goes off" as in? So you think he could be gay too and in the closet? Or that if he's doing things for me such as below then he wants into my pants? I don't follow....

 

He does things like take care of my car issues, deals with my gardening, shops for my kids when he travels, he will basically go out of his way to solve any problem I say I have. In terms of money, I'm very independent. But he'll pay for many things even when it isn't necessary.

 

He pays for dinners and drinks and generally acts like a "man". He is a great addition to my life and acts like a husband, a partner. I actually took it for granted that his actions show that he loves me. As I said, perfect in all ways but you know...

 

Well many women would be thrilled to have the whole package and not have to worry about anymore then a minimum of sex:p:lmao::laugh:.....

 

I just joke and say men who are such gentlemen and perfect in so many ways are usually genuinely good guys, but the payoff is also having great, copious amounts of sex particularly early in the relationship.

 

If sporadic sex and minimal affection, there are obviously deep issues.

 

BTW it is now one year and do you know what his "intentions" are?

[Bellechica]

Nemo, over time this R is seriously going to damage your self esteem. You are not married to this man and it sounds like he has serious intimacy issues. As you know I have dealt with lack of sex in my M but my H wasn't necessarily unaffectionate. He does say he feels pressured at times by me.

 

The rigid scheduling of intercourse you describe does not sound loving at all. I have never dated a Catholic but I believe your bf's issues are unique to him. It doesn't sound like he wants to "work" on the problem.

[findingnemo]

Well many women would be thrilled to have the whole package and not have to worry about anymore then a minimum of sex:p:lmao::laugh:.....

 

I just joke and say men who are such gentlemen and perfect in so many ways are usually genuinely good guys, but the payoff is also having great, copious amounts of sex particularly early in the relationship.

 

If sporadic sex and minimal affection, there are obviously deep issues.

 

BTW it is now one year and do you know what his "intentions" are?

 

Yes, it'll be one year in a few days and he is psyched about it. He talks about babies and M. I'm no where near that stage yet. In any case, I'm not D. My H refuses to sign the papers and there is a 3 years separation required before I can be granted a hearing. Fortunately, the three years are up next month. yeah!!

[findingnemo]

Nemo, over time this R is seriously going to damage your self esteem. You are not married to this man and it sounds like he has serious intimacy issues. As you know I have dealt with lack of sex in my M but my H wasn't necessarily unaffectionate. He does say he feels pressured at times by me.

 

The rigid scheduling of intercourse you describe does not sound loving at all. I have never dated a Catholic but I believe your bf's issues are unique to him. It doesn't sound like he wants to "work" on the problem.

 

 

We just had a "discussion" about it on the phone. Remember I said he told me he'd come see me today? This is like a tragic comedy really and I'm now only understanding that the joke is on me. I'm laughing right now but it's very very sad. He called earlier and immediately started listing all the things that went wrong with his day including feeling sick. A prelude to "Oh darling, I really don't think I can...today." I just laughed because I didn't know what to say.

 

Belle, he doesn't want to work on this problem. It's weird because he's loving in other non-physical ways. He'd rather deal with any other issue but not this one. I think you're right about my self-esteem going to the dogs if I keep this up. I do know for sure that not having the kind of sex I need is a deal breaker and I'd rather break it off now than do it later.

 

Thanks Belle...and TDP of course. TDP, in answer to your question about his intentions, let me further state that I'm still gun shy about M. I'd rather have a life partnership for now.

[stillafool]

It is possible that he's gay. With his upbringing, and fear of his father, he may never, ever admit it--even to himself. But that might be why he has so little libido when in a relationship with a woman.

 

This is what I'm thinking. If that's not the case maybe he loves you but isn't attracted to you sexually. I don't care how religious a man is if he is capable of having sex and wants his woman he will be happy to perform. He obviously isn't too religious or he wouldn't be fornicating.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

more the question is what he hopes for in the future. Sounds like unfortunately he is very confused sexually about what constitutes a normal loving sexual relationship.

 

Did I jump saying he was "gay"? Probably, but he is screwed up. Giving p sex for lent???? C'mon that is just plain unusual.

 

Then he is loving, planning a future, recognizing a pseudo-anniversary and then making excuses again about sex after he has gone 6 weeks without.

 

Sit him down and give him an ultimatum and gauge his response and what he is truly ready to do (ie. not a short term fix).

 

Good luck

[findingnemo]

This is what I'm thinking. If that's not the case maybe he loves you but isn't attracted to you sexually. I don't care how religious a man is if he is capable of having sex and wants his woman he will be happy to perform. He obviously isn't too religious or he wouldn't be fornicating.

 

You know my first thought when I noticed this issue? That something was wrong with me. Well, I quickly realized that this isn't the case because there isn't a logical reason for him to be with me, right? Bear in mind that I hadn't really thought of him being gay. In which case, I could be the cover-up? But surely wouldn't I be able to tell if he was gay?

 

And yes, he is a Catholic who obviously doesn't mind fornicating. However, to his credit, many don't. I just wish he could fornicate more consistently.

[findingnemo]

more the question is what he hopes for in the future. Sounds like unfortunately he is very confused sexually about what constitutes a normal loving sexual relationship.

 

Did I jump saying he was "gay"? Probably, but he is screwed up. Giving p sex for lent???? C'mon that is just plain unusual.

 

Then he is loving, planning a future, recognizing a pseudo-anniversary and then making excuses again about sex after he has gone 6 weeks without.

 

Sit him down and give him an ultimatum and gauge his response and what he is truly ready to do (ie. not a short term fix).

 

Good luck

 

Thanks. I will talk to him and try to get to the bottom of it before I jump ship.

[TaraMaiden]

yeah but remember. when you reach the bottom, it's wise to stop digging....

[Babolat]

My ex use to accuse me of not being physically affectionate.

 

I did not grow up with affection, no I love yous, no hugs, no touching. She did..her family was very affectionate.

 

I would hear all the time "You are not affectionate, except during sex". Yes, I was affectionate during sex and I felt the most intimate with her during sex...though not just during sex.

 

I had "my ways" of expressing affection, not physical, that she did not recognize. We talked about this and she basically did not care. And I would try to work on being more physically affectionate, like more daiuly hugs, though she would say something sarcastic like "I know you do not like this". Which would hurt me and then turn me off.

 

To this day I remember when we were dating, probably 15+ years ago, when I first met her dad, she told me the next day that her dad commented on me not being affectionate. That hurt. It's not like I did not know it already enough from her, now her dad is saying it.

 

So, I am not sure what advise I can offer other than to talk to him, and let him know how serious this is and how it makes you feel. Come up with a compromise maybe. But do not tell him over and over and over...have a serious talk, agree to a plan, follow thru. If, in the end you are not getting what you need, well, end the relationship.

 

And to your sex comments..I am over 40 and can have sex every other day, no problems, multiple times the same day. He may have a problem and should go see his doctor before you both start guessing.