If he thinks I'm pretty, he don't let me know it, but anyone else.. yeah she's cute?!

[Miss_Behavin143]

Well, it sucks.. and while my boyfriend is wonderful and I love him. He can make me feel so stupid sometimes and it sucks so SO bad. Maybe it's my own insecurities... but..........

I've always had boyfriends who've complimented me all the time, I never had to ask for it, they just always said it, your beautiful, you look so good, your sexy, all of it..... I never had to ask, they just did.. and it made me feel SO good.

Well, I've been with my boyfriend the past 8 1/2 months and he NEVER compliments me unless I'm like "you never say anything about me!" and then he does, and it's not even that sincere to me, you know? He will sit there and talk about how pretty other girls are, in real life, or on tv, "she's pretty.." whatever, all the time, but never about me? It makes me like... God! If he says Jessica Simpson is pretty, I don't wanna watch Newlyweds anymore cause I know he's sitting there thinking she's pretty yet, he never says anything about the girl he's "in love with"?

I understand that it IS probably my own insecurities... but do you know how bad it sucks to hear your boyfriend say all these other girls are pretty, but to ever hear something like that out of him about me, I practically have to ask for it. It'll hurt your self-esteem bad, and I used to feel reaaaaally good about myself but he's starting to make me feel kinda crappy. He does little things all the time that just make me feel so inadequate and it sucks, because of all the guys i've dated.. he is probably the LEAST attractive physically, (he makes up for it mentally and personality wise), but why does he not think I'm pretty or let me know it? I don't understand it. Okay, I didn't really ask a question here. I guess I just wanted to "RANT" for a second... so.... I'll post it here and let them end up moving it to the other Forum. I'm feeling better already...

 

Thanks for listening? lol[color=indigo][/color]

[Phelly]

I'm really not sure on this one myself.

My GF is the same way, never gives compliments... unless I'm naked that is lol

But it stopped bothering me after a while because I know I'm not really good looking, but it does not bother her (she loves me so much and that's all it takes to make me feel great. i never doubt it for a second and that's more important than being hot)

 

But I am just curious on this, do you compliment him on his looks very often?

 

I notice that you said he's the least physically attractive out of all the guys you've dated. Maybe he thinks your greatest qualities come from your personality the same way that you think of his.

 

When I asked my gf if she thinks I'm good looking, she didn't say yes. She said that personality can make a person very attractive. At first I was like wow, that sucks. But the more I thought about it... What more can I ask for? The last thing I want to hear is a lie. And all I ask is not that she think I'm "good looking" but that she love me for who I am.

 

Maybe I'm wrong but I would suggest you adopt a similar attitude toward this thing.

 

From an optimistic point of view, even if he doesn't think you're all that beautiful(hypothetically speaking, of course) at least you know that his feelings for you run deeper than mere physical attraction.

[UCFKevin]

When I was with my ex, before we'd go to sleep, I'd tell her, "You're so damn beautiful." Or simply, "Pretty..." NOt every night, mind you, but often.

[CurlyIam]

Hey, phisical attraction is Important! No matter if you have a long term relationship or not! Self esteem is important.

 

If it buggs you (his not complementing you) why don't you tell him? It's like if he likes Jessica Simson so much, why doesn't he date her then?

 

Just don't take this from him, it is rude! He should appreciate what he has and exteriorize it (btw, does wonders not only for you, but spices up sex life too).

[Miss_Behavin143]

Phelly, I don't mean it bad.. and I would settle... but I used to think I was an attractive girl! So did everyone else........ I've always got anybody I wanted. If my friends thought a guy was sooo hot and they couldn't get him, I'd get him just to know that I could and I had control kinda... over most guys. lol Let me say this was a few years ago, since then, I've been married, had a kid, and now I got a new boyfriend...............

However, since I've been dating this guy.... he NEVER gives me compliments, all I can think is I've changed? The best thing I can get is "you look cute tonight" or "you look good"... that isn't really sufficient for me, and I DON'T get that but maybe once every month???? uh.. okay..... so yeah, he's always like trying to hook up with me and be with me, so I'm guessing he wouldn't be with someone he's not attracted to, he wouldn't feel all over me all the time... I don't think? But he's a guy, guy's are always ready for sex, so maybe he would???

ANYWAYS.....

 

I give him compliments all the time, you know... you give compliments, your sweet, usually they give compliments and they are sweet, well no. lol

 

and I'm with Curly, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION is important. Damn..... he could use some help in that department :| It would be so easier to look at him sweeter when he gets on top of me or tries to kiss me. lol

 

Anyways, Curly, I tried to talk to him tonight, and I told him maybe it IS my own insecurities but I never had them till I started dating him, I also told him I get more compliments from strangers, than I do him, and he said "your the most beautiful girl to me because I love you, I've never given you compliments our whole relationship, but I know I need to start" Okay, Well.. if I'm only the most beautiful girl because he loves me, that's not enough for me. lol and I realized I AM just insecure now and nothing he can say will make me feel better, and I proceeded to tell him there's no point to start now after almost 9 months, when he hasn't done it any sooner, I know it'd be because I told him it bothered me he doesn't.

 

So, It sucks. But, I guess I've come to the conclusion I'm the insecure one now.... and it's only my problem......?!

damn. .....

 

..............

damn. lol

[CurlyIam]

At some point, insecurites are normal. But NOT when they are being created by your own bf...

 

Something isn't quite clear to me: do you feel unsecure because he's not complementing you or because he's saying you're not attractive, or act as as if you weren't? Some guys, especially the "intellectual" type simply don't do this. IT is not in their nature to complement women they know! My ex was like that. It just wasn't as important as our talks, or the way we used to joke, or share moments. HE would show his appreciation for me differently, because he knew that physical apearance was not that important to any of us.

 

When we would go out he would be pround to observe that the other guys would be staring at me, or that I would be really nicely dressed. But would not make any comment unless I put on something he didn't like (hihihi).

 

IT was a different type of relationship.

 

 

 

My current bf showers me with compliments. It is so lovely, honestely, I've never felt that attractive or appreciated in my life I guess because I would always prefer to go out with "intellectual" type of guys . It's really nice, it is relaxing and fun! Did wonders for my self esteem. Plus he would get upset if I lost weight - he "makes" me eat icecream (gave me a book about different types of chocolate and about cooking chocolate cakes.HE said in France there are many famous chocolateries and I could use some tips when buying)! All my galfriends are on the floor laughing, but that's just him!

 

 

Anyway, what you have is NOT bad. Just enjoy it, as you have it. Sometimes I miss the little word games I used to make with my ex, the comments, the allusions, the complicity (we were pretty compatible from this point of view). But we didn't have the spark, or the variety in bed ( ). If he is all over you, this is a very very good sign. I don't think lots of guys are like that - not in a steady relationship, I mean. If you have physical attraction, although he neglects to express it, than what else do you want? This is THE biggest compliment a man can make to his woman. Actions speak louder than words, and one cannot dissimulate the physical response of the body. IT is pretty darn impossible to fake desire, so... you're a lucky girl!

 

 

Put on sexy little dresses to tease him more, maybe he'll come to his senses ! Try not to hold a grunge against him for that, you'll be raising issues! Think hard about how important this is and compare it to your relationship's strong points. Only after that decide what to do!

[thecake]

my ex-husband. He NEVER complimented me (until the day I told him I wanted a divorce...by then it didn't mean diddly)...he told me once that I "heard compliments all day"...he didn't want me to get a "big head". Whatever. I told him what HE thought of me was all that mattered to me. And, it wasn't that I HAD had to hear compliments but it was more about his flat out refusal to say anything nice that was disturbing.

 

I learned after our divorce that he had major insecurities where I was concerned....he told me he never understood why I dated him him and eventually married him in the first place...he said he never thought he was good enough for me. And, he was intimidated by where I worked...an executive environment. Pretty sad....because I thought he was great in every way but he royally screwed it all up with his own weird issues.

 

Tell your guy that you want to hear him say nice things to you. That is just what you do when you love someone....you don't have to do it...you should WANT to do it...we all want to feel desired and told we're attractive by someone who supposedly loves us, right? If he can't do something this simple god knows where it will lead. If he refuses then dump his ass.

[CurlyIam]

If he refuses then dump his ass.

 

I take the smiley at the end meant that this was a joke. Dump a guy for not complementing you enough? How insecure can one be?!?

 

It is important, he should do it, that I agree. But ending it because he's not doing it often enough seems waaay too radical. It depends a lot on how strong you feel about this issue, but if it is that important, maybe you two don't have enough in the first place!!!

 

Curly

 

This is one of the strangest reasons for a break up I have heard... It's not like he's making her feel unattractive...

[thecake]

I guess. Only 1% of the population is considered beautiful so most people probably don't even understand this issue.

 

Personally, that wasn't the ONLY reason I divorced my husband. My point is that if Miss_Behavin143's boyfriend can so easily compliment other women yet not compliment her it either means a) he doesn't find her attractive or b) he's being emotionally abusive on a certain level. It obviously bothers her and I don't think she should necessarily feel that she's insecure because her boyfriend refuses to occasionally tell her he finds her attractive.

 

This may not be a good comparison, but say you spend hours cooking a great romantic dinner for your boyfriend/girlfriend, etc....you've got candles burning, soft music playing, you've spent time and effort making it a special evening....and you get no response from your date....no, "this looks great", no "this is delicious", no "you're a great cook", no "you look nice tonight', no "thank you for dinner", but rather he just stuffs his face and watches t.v. the whole time.

 

That's kind of how it feels.

[CurlyIam]

I understand what you mean, but I think it is a bit of a differance between how we see this issue.

 

He will sit there and talk about how pretty other girls are, in real life, or on tv, "she's pretty.." whatever, all the time, but never about me?

 

The only time I have heard my talking about another woman's looks was if she was on the tv or that she was a remarcably beautifull girl. Probably this is why I never had a problem with it.On our scale of value, the physical appearance had a certain importance, but was not at all capital. He would talk about me as belonging to "that kind of women" (those whom he had a weakness for, those whom he finds attractive, those... eligible ones). It would be a total turn on to me, 'cause it wans't just looks he liked, it was a combination of attitude, personality, and physical apearance).

 

My point is that if Miss_Behavin143's boyfriend can so easily compliment other women yet not compliment her it either means a) he doesn't find her attractive or b) he's being emotionally abusive on a certain level.

 

That we don't know! I did not understand for sure that he makes compliments to other women aroud him, nor to what type of women (sometimes "she is beautifull" is not a compliment, is just the truth).

 

It obviously bothers her and I don't think she should necessarily feel that she's insecure because her boyfriend refuses to occasionally tell her he finds her attractive

 

I agree to this. But does not work in little peices. One works as a whole! only by looking at his attitude towards women are we to understand why he's not complimenting his gf.

 

Me, for one, I refuse to think he's doing it on purpose, or that he takes you for granted.

 

 

About thecake's comparison: I don't agree! There is no reseamblance between the two. If she were to make efforts lo loose weight, would totally change her looks and her wardrobe, and still he wouldn't appreciate her or see any differance, maybe I would have said you were right!

 

 

It all depends on her. On how strongly she feels about this subject. On the impotance they as a relationship give to physical appearance. But what if he has other ways of expressing it then through words? Is he doing other things for you?

[Confused123]

I actually have the same issue with my current boyfriend. He is by-far the best man I have ever been with, sweet, caring, but not very good on the compliment side. It is not because he doesn't find me attractive, it is because he doesn't tihnk of telling me

 

I would definately suggest being honest with you boyfriend. Everything you said in yuor post, say to him.. My last boyfriend told me I was beautiful everyday, but this one is just like that. I think I partly have to get used to it and partly he needs to fullfill my needs more..

 

My boyfriend can be self-centered sometimes.. I think that is his issue and I told him that. I told him I need to feel special, I need to feel like I "do" it for him... I told him he can self-centered and he needs to make more of an affort to feel special... He was very understanding of my needs and agreed, that he can be self-centered at time. I can tell he really has been making me an effort..

 

Give hi ma chance, tell him how you feel, some guys just don't get it, but just be honest, he may not even realize that he is neglecting you in this way...

[Miss_Behavin143]

See, I've talked to him about it repeatedly though.. he just never really does anything different, he doesn't try to help it any.

 

I don't guess it's a huge issue, like break up wise, but it does bother me.

 

He does show other ways I guess he thinks I'm attractive.. like he's always freakin' READY... grabbing me, or rubbing me, kissing me, whatever.. but still.... any guy is gonna do this cause guys are all freakin' horny and always ready for some action.. so I don't really take that as a compliment and "ohhh he thinks I'm attractive, ya know?" I guess I should. I don't know. lol

 

*shrugs* I'll get over it. I really feel like maybe I'm looking more into it than he actually means and I am just insecure about myself now because I haven't been recieving compliments from my new boyfriend, like I did all my previous boyfriends. I'm guessing I need to work on accepting that it's just his personality, he's not the complimenting type. yeah.....

[dyermaker]

I understand that people should prioritize their needs, but just think about what you're asking for. You're asking for someone to tell you that you're good looking. I really don't think that should be high on the emotional needs list. I think if he doesn't find you as attractive as Jessica Simpson, you should be happy that you have a man who is able to appreciate what else you bring to the table, besides your looks.

 

I think you may be projecting, since you seem to have difficulty dealing with the fact that he's not so attractive--perhaps you're different people? You value different things?

 

In terms of physical attraction, sure there are things you do to maintain beauty, but a lot of it is just dumb luck. You just turned out good-looking, it's not like that's an acheivement, or it's something unique about you. Certainly there are other redeeming qualities about you, or he wouldn't waste either of your times.