Has anyone here ever had a reconciliation? Or snapped out of GIGS?

[gibson]

There are many G.I.G.S. reconciliation threads here on LS, you just have to go looking for them. Due to the fact they happen many years later, you aren't going to have many people come on here and post about it. By that time, they have moved on, healed and no longer need LS anymore.

 

You will have better luck talking with people at your work, relatives, friends, etc. who are late 20s and older. Many of my friends and several of my co-workers married their former G.I.G.S. Exes who they broke up with during college, in their mid twenties to focus on career or date others, etc.

[robkris8079]

actually there is one gig's return story I have. My good friend's gf left him like 3-4 years ago. She went on to date multiple people. Then went back to my good friend. I was actually just in their wedding earlier this year and she is pregnant. But honestly she doesn't seem to be the happiest person about it. Who knows what the future holds for them.

[loveydove]

what is the best way to deal with a GIGS ex? LC to keep them from moving on easier or NC because they want what they can't have? Sorry this sounds so awful, but my goal is to turn the tables.

[wilsonx]

You can chase, lc, nc. All result in the same outcome. I know people that have chased and gotten their ex's back, I know some that have chased and didnt.

 

For most, I suggest NC. You dont want to deal with someone going through GIGS

[gibson]

what is the best way to deal with a GIGS ex? LC to keep them from moving on easier or NC because they want what they can't have? Sorry this sounds so awful, but my goal is to turn the tables.

 

You can't turn the tables on someone with G.I.G.S. or at least not till Phase 4.

 

Your Ex is on his G.I.G.S. "High Horse" and doesn't give a crap about anything or anyone other than himself. If you understand G.I.G.S. what I just said will make sense to you. He thinks, feels and believes the sun rises and sets on his a55.

 

There is another thread from former G.I.G.S. dumpers that talk about what I am describing above... I will look for it and post it in here when I find it.

 

What is best to do is go NC until you are healed from the break up. Which I am guessing will be a year or so. Then if you want, go for NIC (No initiated Contact) and respond if you feel the need or have the desire.

 

It's not till the end of Phase 3 / beginning of Phase 4 that you can have a decent / normal conversation with them. Until then, their feelings are shut off and they do not care much about anything or anyone but themselves.

Edited April 12, 2012 by gibson

[loveydove]

oooyyy a year : ( good Lord I hope I can live to see the other side of this.

[gibson]

I'm 5 for 5 for former G.I.G.S. Dumpers coming back with their tale between their legs.

 

My friends and I and anyone I have known that had G.I.G.S. later regrets it. Yes, we do grow up and learn a great deal by going through the process, it's still miserable and not a very enjoyable experience.

 

On the surface it looks like we are having the time of our lives... we aren't, it's all a facade. We are lost, confused, torn, miserable and the bad days far outweigh the good ones 100 times over.

 

Their bad decisions, their bad choices, their "good time" friends, their egos, their pride, the lifestyle, the drama, the chaos, the drinking, the drugs, being carefree, irresponsible, etc. and wait till you see the losers they date. It all ends up with them making a big mess of their lives / hitting rock bottom.

 

Some G.I.G.S. people "don't make it out alive" (ruin their life forever)... Addictions, knocking someone up / getting knocked up, arrests, ruin their careers, drop out of school, the whole "bad boy" phase screws them up in the head so bad they never can recover, etc.

 

It takes a while for all of this to catch up with them... Believe me though, it most certainly does.

 

As promised, below is a thread you might find useful:

 

How does an ex feel during GIGS?

Edited April 12, 2012 by gibson

[EmergenC]

See for me, my ex who left me after almost 4 years together, is due to turn 21 in the summer.

 

This year I will turn 30.

 

Our age gap was never an issue, the "age" was. The last 8 months or so of our relationship was a steady decline as she was discovering a wide social circle, attention from guys, having a boyfriend come and pick you up at 3 am from parties hammered off your face puking your guts up and spending the following day in bed etc etc etc.

 

Now i'm the other side of the "growing up phase" and I look back at the 5 longterm, serious relationships ive had in my life and the one my ex just walked on was head and shoulders, by far better than anything i've experienced.

 

But then I think about how I was around her age. She doesn't have anything to contrast and compare what we shared to. And it's only through the ability to contrast and compare do we learn to appreciate what we have. I remember breaking up with my high school sweetheart around the age of 17 or 18 after 2 years together... for nothing. No reason, I just wanted out, something just screamed inside I want out, there has to be other things in the world. Within a week or 2 of breaking up I was regretting it, guys were swarming over her and jealousy set in...clouded judgement. Got back together, broke her heart again in a week and that was it. I didn't know what I wanted or how I was behaving was affecting her etc.

 

I was stunned at first when my now ex called time on us, because I didn't believe she would ever walk out on what we had together. It was only when part of me started to think about her situation, how ive been her first for everything, that I started to at least find some small peace in the breakup. By reflecting on my own behaviors when I was that age.

 

I know what we had was beautiful, far and above anything i've experienced, with a wealth of just amazing adventures and journeys together.

[loveydove]

I was my ex's first and only relationship, although he had been intimate with other girls before we met. He was not my first relationship, but my first serious one, first real love, and everything else. So we kind of were opposites, but still eachother's first for something. When we met he was a big time college party boy, and he got his act together. I never thought that in his mid-twenties he would regress to that place. He drinks more than ever now, is super focused on his appearance and goes out all hours of the night with idiot new male friends. His career is going well, but being an actor, he is extremely focused on himself. He has a decent head on his shoulders, so I don't totally expect he will hit "rock bottom" by getting involved with drugs or something...but I do think his drinking has become a problem, and that one day years from now he will recognize he is almost thirty, living an empty lifestyle, with a mediocre career he sacrificed everything for.

[gibson]

I was my ex's first and only relationship, although he had been intimate with other girls before we met. He was not my first relationship, but my first serious one, first real love, and everything else. So we kind of were opposites, but still eachother's first for something. When we met he was a big time college party boy, and he got his act together. I never thought that in his mid-twenties he would regress to that place. He drinks more than ever now, is super focused on his appearance and goes out all hours of the night with idiot new male friends. His career is going well, but being an actor, he is extremely focused on himself. He has a decent head on his shoulders, so I don't totally expect he will hit "rock bottom" by getting involved with drugs or something...but I do think his drinking has become a problem, and that one day years from now he will recognize he is almost thirty, living an empty lifestyle, with a mediocre career he sacrificed everything for.

 

The party is just getting started and you haven't seen anything yet.

[loveydove]

oh great. thaaaat's just great.

 

I was reading about psychology and how if a man feels in his gut that something is wrong, no matter how much he feels he loves her, he will go with his gut. which is what happened to me, plainly. I also read about how a bad gut reaction can occur from subconsciously feeling a woman/man is going to weigh them down. His career was taking him elsewhere, and I obviously wanted him not to move. The more it was clear he wasn't coming back, the further he drifted from me, as he knew I wanted the best for him hypothetically, yet really wanted him to be available to me. While I couldn't help these circumstances, and felt they were unfair to me, I know I wasn't as supportive as he probably would have been of me. I definitely made mistakes. At the same time, alot of it was out of my control.

 

But it made me feel so much better because all this time I'm thinking, did I get less attractive? Not as funny or cute? Does he not love me anymore? I thought it was me. And it's nice to believe for the first time in two months, its not really me.

[gibson]

If you have read a single thing I have posted regarding G.I.G.S....

 

It has NOTHING to do with you and there isn't anything you could do to stop / prevent it. When they tell you the whole "it's not you, it's me" speech... they actually mean it.

[loveydove]

Yes I believe it. It just suuccks to know that when his career is steady and he no longer has to worry about someone holding him back (especially from the other side of the country), he could meet some girl who already lives near him, have no real aspirations of her own, totally live her life as a wife, and then she'll be the one. It irrrkksss me.

[EmergenC]

If you have read a single thing I have posted regarding G.I.G.S....

 

It has NOTHING to do with you and there isn't anything you could do to stop / prevent it. When they tell you the whole "it's not you, it's me" speech... they actually mean it.

 

I never even got a speech. I got a text message saying I don't want this anymore, sorry to do it this way. And when I picked her up to get her stuff I got a half assed "maybe we can try again in a few years", "you need more of your own friends". Just bits of fluff and nothing... was the other guy on the scene already? I don't know, they had met a month before but she lived with me so I don't think so, but maybe emotionally he was.

 

Either way, it's thanks to forums like these and posts like yours on the matter that helped me maintain some dignity and strength post breakup and not chase her for answers. Not toss crap her way. Not get angry at her. Just stated my wants, and sure she saw me shed some tears through the first couple of weeks. I'm not made of stone and of course I wanted her to know how I felt. But when I knew there was little to nothing I could do, despite all the good times, I just let her go. And have maintained that to this day, 4 months post breakup.

[loveydove]

good for you! that is certainly not easy!

[EmergenC]

good for you! that is certainly not easy!

 

It wasn't, the first 2 months were so hard, I had to literally bite my own hands sometimes! I think the most dangerous parts for me were when I had angry moments. I found I wanted to reach out more during those times, rather during the lonely times. Wanting them to hurt like you are... that was the hardest part for me.

 

But knowing what we had deep down, knowing I wanted to stay above water and not do anything impulsive or childish that would screw up a possible future recon and make me look pathetic in the process. Thats where I found strength. And when I really needed to vent, i'd turn to the forums!

[loveydove]

I think that is absolutely amazing. Isn't it crazy how you wake up in the morning sometimes feeling proud of yourself for not giving in? It can become almost addictive...like weight lifting...your control and resolve only become stronger. I made the mistake of seeing my ex over Easter weekend. BIIIG setback. You're doing the right thing, and I can't wait to get to that place again where it feels ok. Being on here is so therapeutic, though. I love this place. I love knowing there are so many anonymous faces all over the world that get what I am going through. It's amazing.

[MIK1000]

I feel like I'm on the verge of reconciliation, but It's still very unclear what's going on.

 

My ex is 19, we were going out for over a year in what was a very innocent but intense relationship. She goes away for the summer to work in a kids camp and all of a sudden starts acting distant (I'm guessing that was the gigs starting to set in). Being the immature and insecure kid that I was, I freak out and cause a big fall out. A few weeks later she is in a relationship with a guy she's working with at the camp.

Now single, She first approached me in a club and apologised for what she did to me. A week later she texts me asking for a favour, also asking if can meet up because she "thinks we need to talk" I agree and also enquire about the favour which turns out to check if a document she scanned on to my computer is still there, it wasn't and a day or two later I enquire about meeting up, after a couple texts she stops replying and It seems she has changed her mind.

 

That following weekend her friend approaches me in a nightclub and insists that me and my ex need to get back together, says how good we were for each other and I should definitely consider getting back with her. I took this has her friend playing games, trying to see what my reaction would be.

 

Another week, and I get another text, asking me to check again for the document, (already told I don't have it!) i say I can't find it still but will check with my bro and let her know. Only an hour passed and she calls me (haven't had a phone convo with her since before the break up so it's pretty weird). She sounds timid and asks if I spoke to my brother yet (em no I only spoke to u an hour ago I'm thinking). There's loads of gaps in the conversation as if she wants me to ask her about herself.

 

That was only about 10 days ago.

 

Sorry for the long post, don't really know what to make of it, should I expect more to come and sit tight for now?

[keepdancin]

oh great. thaaaat's just great.

 

I was reading about psychology and how if a man feels in his gut that something is wrong, no matter how much he feels he loves her, he will go with his gut. which is what happened to me, plainly. I also read about how a bad gut reaction can occur from subconsciously feeling a woman/man is going to weigh them down. His career was taking him elsewhere, and I obviously wanted him not to move. The more it was clear he wasn't coming back, the further he drifted from me, as he knew I wanted the best for him hypothetically, yet really wanted him to be available to me. While I couldn't help these circumstances, and felt they were unfair to me, I know I wasn't as supportive as he probably would have been of me. I definitely made mistakes. At the same time, alot of it was out of my control.

 

But it made me feel so much better because all this time I'm thinking, did I get less attractive? Not as funny or cute? Does he not love me anymore? I thought it was me. And it's nice to believe for the first time in two months, its not really me.

 

I guess this is where "I hate your guts" comes from.