I love a girl who has a BF of almost 2 years.

[Kev88]

Ok so my story in the past 6 months is really long but I will try to shorten it up. Basically i know a girl who I have had a huge crush on since high school but never thought that she liked me. A few years after high school i heard that she liked me but didn't believe it. A few years after that i was going to start talking to her but didn't have a job and was not doing to good so another guy (her current boyfriend) started dating her right before i could ask. I thought it would be short lived since the guy is not to attractive. But she has been with him for over a year. He left to Iran or somewhere for a year of deployment. Me and the girl were decent friends and kept in touch on facebook.

 

She said that he cheated on her 3 months before he left but they were still trying to make it work. She would post that she was sad and was crying her self to sleep thinking about him. I know she loves him but what i think she really likes a lot about him is that he pays for all of her things/takes care of her. And even puts money into a bank account for her so she has money because she does not make much and he takes care of her over seas. And almost bought his own house, as well as a nice car and some other things like that. Me and her started talking going to movies and what not about 2 or 3 months after he left. Then things started moving fast and it was as if i was her bf and we were together.

 

She would pay for things for me too. And after the 2nd time we went on a "date" to the movies we kissed and she said "you cant tell my bf about this ok?". Basically i earned her trust and we were talking for about 5 months or so. But after the 2nd week or so that we were talking she is the one that asked ME if i wanted to have sex (not exactly those words though) which i thought was pretty fast. Things we would do... She would call me just about every morning to talk to me for an hour or so, sometimes telling me what a jerk her bf was when he would call her from half way across the world. She would cry on the phone sometimes telling me about how he was different and things like that. I was always there for her. We would go to the movies about 2 times a week and go out to bars and go get food and what not. She would call me when she got home and we would fall asleep on the phone every night (Because we both lived with parents).

 

She would ditch out or not go to events with friends most of the time but did go on 2 Vegas trips with girlfriends. Sometimes when we were at the movies like half the times we went she would always talk about how hot some of the actors were, which was annoying. She has low self esteem, a lot of guys find her really hot but she is almost obsessive with having to put on eyelashes and make up, and doing her hair. She gets a lot of text messages all the time and keeps in contact with 2 of her x-boyfriends. She tells me all the time that she loves me and that i am perfect and always tells me i am sexy or hansom. She has pretty much told me all about her relationship and everything about her life. She was always pretty pramiscuous and had about 5 long relationships lasting more then a year. Her first love broke her heart and cheated on her (i don't think she has been the same since this). She also said her BF now feels like her first love she loves him so much. She was always a party girl. I just don't see how she is so involved with this boyfriend she has. She would always talk about him and how he was a cheater and she wasn't getting along with him and how they would fight and had almost nothing to say on the phone, but that she loves him. It has been 2 years now that they have been together.

 

He just came home for his 2 week and then has to go back to Iran or whatever. She has been keeping our relationship a secret from all of the people around town that we know also. We have to act like friends when we are out in public. She said she has to make a decision soon and she has always told me after his 2 week stay here that she would be able to make up her mind and know where they are at in their relationship. But about a month ago she was mad and said she most likely wont even stay over at his house because she does not get along with his family to well and that she does not even know if she will give him a hug or be happy when he comes home for his 2 week. But since then she said she will be sad when she cant talk to me for 2 weeks.

 

He came home from Iran about a week ago for his 2 week. And she has hardly texted me, and has been spending the night at his house every night since day one. I asked how things were going on day 3 and she said "things are going ok surprisingly". The next day i said some stuff like if she loves him more and would rather be with him and thats fine, and she said "we have been fighting a lot, you don't know whats going on" then the next day i saw on FB that she posted "making up my mind... is easy now" and then i asked her what that was about and she said it was just in general... lol... which is a lie.. then she deleted it later.

 

She use to be all about me and would call me and leave voice mails and text me a bunch if i made no contact with her for even 30 min to an hour. And she would get mad if i talked to any girls or went to guy friends houses. Now that her BF is back she texts me like once every 15 hours maybe 24 hours.. like she could care less. I mean if she really did love me and miss me as much as she said she did then she would be with me and not spending the nights and 24/7 with him. She also said no one can make her as happy as me and that she misses me so bad it hurts and that this is hard for her. She said she is really confused and she has to do this for the 2 weeks then she will be back in my arms... I just don't get how she could do this to me if she really loved me and How she can have sex with me and do everything with me like i am her BF if she really loves him, which i know she does.

 

What is everyone's opinion on this and what i should do? Is she just using me because she is lonely and he is gone? Because i feel like i am being played. Its just hard to believe that when someone is being so sincere and telling you all the time how much they love you and giving you kisses and other things. Is this girl a narcissist? Or have some other mental illness? Or does she really love us both but she feels secure financially with him? Any insight especially from a girl who has done this would be great. I am 24 by the way. Thx in advance.

Edited April 11, 2012 by Kev88
Made paragraphs for an easyer read is all.

[skywriter]

What is everyone's opinion on this and what i should do? Is she just using me because she is lonely and he is gone? Because i feel like i am being played. Its just hard to believe that when someone is being so sincere and telling you all the time how much they love you and giving you kisses and other things. Is this girl a narcissist? Or have some other mental illness? Or does she really love us both but she feels secure financially with him? Any insight especially from a girl who has done this would be great. I am 24 by the way. Thx in advance.

 

My opinion is this girl is selfish, and yes I believe she is using you and her deployed boyfriend.

 

How do you know that she is being sincere and not just saying what she knows you want to hear. How do her actions match up with her words?

 

I won't label her a narcissist from one post, but I can say that I've been involved with a guy like her and I've known many women that are users like she sounds to be.

 

I say, cut your losses and thank the heavens that you have realised that she is'nt the right girl for you.

[Nextlane]

Maybe you're her back up plan, so don't settle to be second best (move on).

 

Another theory would be that she maybe she is truely confused.

 

End of the day, give her time and space to let her know what she wants. I'd highly suggest you got NC with this girl. If it were ment to be, she would run back to you and break it off with the other guy.

 

Taking another man's woman is a time consuming process and requires a lot of patience.