Will she ever come back to me?

[Mindfr3ak]

So..i've been with my girlfriend for 2 years,and we had our ups and downs.Five months ago while in a fight with her over stupid things i insulted her and she was devastated.I did that same mistake 3 more times and didnt even notice that she was constantly hurt by my words.Then,a new guy came and he started wiping her tears every time she cried about me,he made her feel happy and "alive" again,but he was still just a friend in her eyes.She loved me more than her own life,cared about me even when i acted like a total idiot.I loved her too,even more than she loved and cared about me,but i dont know why i acted that way and hurt her.Well,one day while she was crying that new guy told her that its enough and that she should break up with me,and i knew that he meant trouble.She trusted him more than me,and we broke up.I was devastated and lost,i begged her to get back with me,i even changed my behavior just so that she can be happy with me,but she said that she doesnt want to cry anymore,and that she doesnt trust that i wont hurt her again.She also told me that im her one and only love and that im the perfect guy for her,its just that she doesnt trust me anymore and doesnt want to be sad.So,i just searched online for help and i was told not to contact her for a while and she will come back to me.But,one week after our breakup she entered in a relationship with that friend.She told me that i shouldnt try to win her back again,and that she doesnt want to think about the future.I felt hurt and depressed and i told her that we'll be back again for sure...her answer was "we may get back together,or not,i dont want to think about that".Then i once again started ignoring her with the "cat and mouse" tactic,so that she can realise how good it was when we were together.Its been 2 weeks now,and im still thinking about her every minute of the day,even tho im busy and dont have much time to be "alone".I feel like im going insane,i want to text her but my will is stronger(for now).She texted me once yesterday and she just asked me how am i and what am i doing...i replied that i dont have time to talk now and that was it.She seems happy,i dont know if she really is or if she's just acting,but i know for sure that she isnt over me,that she still loves me(she told me that herself-she just doesnt love me as much as she used to,but its still love),and that im her only love...so my question now is: can i win her back again?she's worth my love and my time,and if i can win her back i will do anything that is in my power to do so...i really need help.

P.S. I'm sorry for all the grammatical mistakes i made,english is not my first speaking language.

[Nohbody]

Maybe.

 

Maybe not.

 

You need to get over the other person. If they come back, then you have to decide if you really want them back.

 

If they never come back, then you have to be able to be ok with that.

 

Good luck to you.

[Mindfr3ak]

Hmm,but what makes you think that she will or wont come back again?Im missing out something for sure,since im very confused,its like she doesnt even know what she wants.

And thanks,i'll try to do my best at getting over her if she doesnt come back..

[Chi townD]

NC (No Contact) is used as a tool to help you get over the relationship. To heal and move on. SHe isn't your friend and she's with someone else right now. She choosen him over you. That's something that she has to live with, not you. Go NC. Heal and move on. You said that you were mean and not a very nice person to be around. You stated that you hurt her with your words. Well, that's a problem. But, at least you recongize that it IS a problem. You need to work on that. Go to counseling a figure out why you did that.

 

Fix yourself and learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them in your next relationship.

[Mindfr3ak]

The thing is that i already changed my behavior!But she doesnt trust me anymore,and if she trusted me,she would be with me.I just want to find a way to win her back,bc i know she still loves me,still thinks of me and that im everything she needs,but i cant find a way to make her forget about my mistakes in the past...do you think that NC is going to help her realise what she lost or is it just there to make me get over her?Bc if the whole point of NC is getting over her,its not for me,im just suffering more than i did when we were still in contact.

[Chi townD]

If you use NC as a way to try and get the other person back, this RARELY works. Some people have posted that they were in NC and the Ex wanted to come back, but the ones that were in NC have healed enough that they didn't want to enter back into a relationship with them.

 

You state that you KNOW that she still loves you and she wants to be with you. Let's have a dose of reality. You can't possibly know this or else she WOULD be back with you. The more you try to understand a womans mind and how it works, the more lost you'll be.

 

Does NC suck? HELL YEAH IS SUCKS. But, it really only sucks in the beginning. But, if you stick with it, one day you'll wake up and she won't be the first thing that pops into your head. That's when you know that you've started to heal.

[Mindfr3ak]

I think that you're right about the part of knowing if she wants to be with me or not.But the part that confuses me is the part where she says "we might get back together or not,i dont want to think about it now".I mean if she DOESNT want to be with me,she would've said "i dont want to be with you anymore,thats it",but she didnt say that.One time she even said that she wants to be with me when i come to live in her city(we live 60 kilometers from eachother),and then few days later she said that she doesnt want to see me again bc i would be hurt if i see her with her new bf.I just dont get it,whats on her mind and what the hell is she thinking.And like you said now,i wont even try to understand it anymore,its just all messed up.

[Chi townD]

It's called letting you down easy. Which is worse because they're not brave enough to say it's completely over, which leaves you holding on to false hope.

 

Not much different than a girl telling you, "Who knows what will happen in the future." or "I hope we can still be friends."

 

But what you just wrote was very telling. She told you is that she didn't want to see you because she didn't want to hurt you because you'll see her with her new boyfriend. Which tells me, she has NO INTENTION of leaving this guy anytime soon.

 

Sorry. But, I think it's time to move on.

[Mindfr3ak]

Yeah,that is all true what you said,but dont you think that this situation is comparable with g.i.g.s?That new guy started to influence her way of thinking and i did notice changes on her a month before our break up.I just now realised thats its really similar to the syndrome.Even the part of the syndrome that says "she will say to you that he/she is just his/her friend even if its not like that" is the same,she told me that he was just a friend that is helping her not to cry that much and to make her laugh,but since they're now together i know its not just that.So what makes it even more obvious is the part where it says that she will one day learn that i was "the right one" and she will try to get back with me...and she told me the same thing when we were talking.I told her "you do know that im the perfect guy for you and that im everything you ever dreamed of?" and she said "then i'll learn it the hard way"...her relationship with that guy wont work out bc he isnt a very sensitive guy,he has the "macho" type of personality and i know he just wants to use her,but i cant do much about it cant i?

Edited April 11, 2012 by Mindfr3ak

[Chi townD]

Yeah, I agree. This other dude is definately a rebound. But, here's the rub. She choose him. Sorry to be blunt. But, she choose him over you. She made the decision to have you out of her life. So, that's exactly what you should give her. She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all.

 

She shouldn't be out playing the field and when she gets bored or she gets kicked to the curb by this guy, she shouldn't know that she can just run to the sidelines to your waiting arms. How is that fair to you?

[Mindfr3ak]

You are definitely right about that,and i told her the same thing before i went NC.I wont be there waiting for her to realise what she lost(even though i will be,i just dont want to give her the chance to play with me),and i now know that i have to continue my own life for the sake of my own sanity.I know she's the right one for me,and she probably doesnt know yet that im the right one for her,so i let her go so that she can learn it the harder way.Rebound relationships rarely work and i know that,but there is another thing that i cant get out of my mind-intimacy.She told me already in these words: "I enjoy his touches,but im just a human being",by that she meant that she isnt in love with him but is sexually attracted to him for sure.And an even stranger thing happened,when i visited her the last time(about a month ago,when we broke up),she was seeing him but still she couldnt stand it and she started kissing me and telling me how her body reacts on my every touch.That night before i went home,i told her that i love her and she told me that she loves me too.Then,after a few days,while we were chatting she said that the explanation on why she acted "in love and wild about me" was just passion.I still dont believe that her body can shiver that way if she feels just sexually attracted to me,i think that inside her she still loves me as much as she always did,but for some reason i cant get to that side again.Well,i went from the point of this post-the point is,she will definitely try to replace me with that new guy in every way,and they will sleep together,even though she said that she wont,i know it...the thing is that i cant stop thinking about it..when she returns i dont know how am i supposed to get over that,i was the first guy for her and i cant get that thing off my mind,that she "sells" her body to another guy even though she doesnt love him truly.

Im really sorry for the huge post,i just had to say that..

[Chi townD]

Okay dude, you REALLY need to bring her down off that pedistal you have her on. Dude, she already cheated on her new boyfriend by making out with you. There are 7 billion people in this world. There are a lot of girls out there with a hell of a lot less baggage. Stay NC, heal (and get it out of your head that she's coming back to you!) and move on.

 

Oh, and she's lying to you. She said she isn't going to sleep with this guy? Chances are she already has. Why should she tell you she's screwing this guy? So she can watch you hurt? No, she's going to lie to keep the facade going that she's a good girl that just really confused right now. She wouldn't want you to think less of her. She dating a "bad boy". You know damn well he wants some of that, and if she wasn't giving it to him, he would have kicked her to the curb by now.

 

Just let it go!

[Mindfr3ak]

I know im really weird but she is a special girl.Im very VERY picky about girls and she is the perfect match for me.And i dont think that she already slept with him.She is very stubborn and she doesnt allow so easily to be controlled,and that guy is just a creep.He is going to stay there for a while until he had enough,and i dont know,maybe she will fall eventually,but right now i think that she isnt in that phase yet.But my question wasnt if she slept with him or not,it was how can i ever get over it if she did?I know that she'll be back now for sure,but i cant clear my mind of those "intimacy" thoughts.

[Lostris]

So, I've read all of this... I'm the girl Mindfr3ak is talking about

First of all, Mindfr3ak, why haven't u told them the whole story? 1. we live 220km away from each other. 2- cuz of u not listening to me i haven't seen you more than a year IN TOTAL. 3- everyday u somehow manage to go into a fight with me over stupid things, which made me cry every time! 4- not to mention all the bad things u said.... And that u wanted to see me crying so u can just laugh at sight of me like that.... That's just one example, i don't wanna type to long... 5- u wanted to control me, u needed to know everything 24/7, i wasn't able to go out for a walk without getting into a fight with you "why do you need to go out, if you can stay ALL day in front of computer, talking to me" style... 6- yeah, u hated all my friends, u told me everyone of them were bad influence, even though i knew them 10 years and i could trust them with my life if needed....

And all this time, i really did loved you... I'm not gonna lie, maybe i still do, but not in a way i once did, and not so much. I NEVER cheated on you. I stayed loyal till the very end!

As for my new bf, what i told you is also true... he was ONLY a friend. But yes, he was there to wipe away the tears i cried for you and to bring me up when u got me down. That never made him anything more than a normal friend. I know that someday we (my new bf and i) are gonna break up. I'm fully aware of that. As i said, i really don't think 2 of us are gonna get back together... But if u think two of us are soul-mates, believe... I cant stop you from believing in love, and us also.

ps- like Mindfr3ak already said, english is also not my first speaking language.

[HollyBolly]

This is getting interesting...

[hellodearest]

whoa.

 

well, the two of you probably need some time being single to figure everything out - especially if you think you're going to break up with your bf at some point... why drag it out and break his heart too?

 

while you were happy with mindfreak, did you think the two of you were going to last?

 

from these comments, mindfreak, it does seem like you were a little too controlling/jealous. those are thing you need to work on before you two have a chance of getting back together. it's too soon, but it doesn't seem like you two don't have a chance at a future.

[JoeyLove]

I know that someday we (my new bf and i) are gonna break up. I'm fully aware of that.

 

If you know your gonna break up with this kid, why are you with him. Thats a horrible thing to do to someone. Did you just use him as a crutch to get over your old bf, and then just gonna dump him when your ready to move on...not cool.

[JoeyLove]

@ mindfreak, I read your whole story, the part that bothers me is you state you changed your behavior. Im going though a behavior modification right now because I felt I needed too. If you think you can just change this type of jealous controlling behavior overnight, you are wrong. It takes a lot of work to modify behaviors such as this therapy being one of the better options. It just sounds to me that the both of you need to go your ways and grow a little more. yes maybe one day you will reconnect if it was meant to be. I just sense that this will be an ongoing problem if you jump back together...

[Lostris]

Listen, i dont want to get into a "fight" with anyone. I wrote a comment, cuz if Mindfr3ak told you about his problem and asked for help, atleast i can do is to tell you the whole story before you start telling him he should fight for me, forget about me, that i cheated on him, and so on... Nothing more

[JoeyLove]

Thats fine but, now your here, do you think its right that the guy your with is investing time with you and your telling us that you know your gonna break up with him...do you think thats right?

[Mindfr3ak]

As if i would believe in your lies...and dont try to twist my thoughts and words just to make me the bad guy here..

And since this is not a thread for debates,you can write all you want,im not gonna reply to these lies and false accusations.

Bb

[Lostris]

Nope, im not using my new bf to get over Mindfr3ak. When i told you that im gonna break up with my bf at some point, i said it, cuz, lets be honest... witch teenage relationships work out perfectly, and in the end they get married and so on?

While i was with Mindfr3ak i really did believe in true love, and that the 2 of us are "the one"... I really did go through a lot of things to hold our relationship together. I sacrificed a lot of things. And i think that so did he. I know that no one has a perfect relationship, but for me it was really to much. I just couldn't stand the fights, all those nasty things he said, jealousy, his way of controlling me, making me cry and so on... thats why i left

[Lostris]

hmm, i didnt put it right. IM NOT gonna break up with him. I said, if we wont work out... like a couple...

Im not trying to make u a bad guy over here!! Like i said to you in person... U are a wonderful guy, ur smart, funny, ice to talk and be around, caring and etc... U just took almost everything i gave you for granted, and started acting like... well, i wont say it... But ur not a bad guy....

[Chi townD]

No...this is getting really stupid. Okay, OP's Ex-girlfriend, if you are done and over with Mindfreak, then why the hell are you on here? Mindfreak admitted in his first post that he wasn't the best boyfriend in the world to you. He admitted it.

 

You decided to end it. You decided to not have Mindfreak in your life anymore. You basically said that you don't want him anymore and you dumped him for someone else. You entered a relationship just days after dumping mindfreak. So, what do you care if he goes onto a forum asking for help figuring himself out?

 

How did you find him on here? And how do you know it's him?

[jennisfora]

lost, it is not fair to mindfr3ek to tell him its over, but maybe in the future...just tell him its over period, thats it. if you dont want to date him, dont give him mixed messages. it is cruel, and keeps him hoping and waiting for a future that may not exist.

 

also, if you dont see your current relationship lasting, break up with that guy. be alone, single, date casually. unless your current bf is also just doing it to pass the time, someone is going to get hurt. think about others feelings. if there is no point in dating, don't date. no relationship is gauranteed to last at any age, but if you go into it thinking it wont last, then it wont and you are both wasting your time.