Trimmer Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Well, it's been 10 days since his last post. I figure that since then, they've (a) spent the first four in bed, f*****g like bunnies, hysterically bonding, and ordering out for pizza twice a day, (b) spent the next two on the road to Las Vegas, © spent the next two actually in Vegas, possibly involving a visit to a roadside chapel (including Elvis impersonators) but memory is getting a little hazy at this point, and (d) ended up back home, passed out on their doorstep, not exactly sure how they got back in the final 2 days, but obviously once the headaches subside and the vision clears, they need to open up this manilla envelope with their names on the outside and look over the paperwork within. Am I close? Dying to know... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hellodearest Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 (edited) Trimmer! Haha, the last week has been so strange I didn't know how to update! So - Were hanging out again. Initially, with her insistence, we are still single but not seeing each other. She's more affectionate than ever now - but we talked about giving each other space, not talking every single day etc. and taking it slow, however, she's been calling me about the smallest things going on throughout her day (if we didn't hang out that day, she used to call me once before bed. three days ago, i looked and she had called me 12 times that day) and has been asking to hang out almost every day. I'm still holding back a bit and trying to do this right. Yesterday, she came over and we hung out as usual, but then (this is where I'm realizing more and more she's emotionally crazy) she asked if I would marry her, and elope with her. I was pretty much like... well, that's how I want to get married anyway, but we're not even dating at the moment, and she was like, well... we're pretty much together, don't worry about that. This is the same girl that wouldn't move in with me when we've pretty much lived together for a year, we've just always paid for our separate apartments, but lived in one! I told her that she just wants to hear my reaction, but she insisted she was being genuine and brought it up a couple more times throughout the night, and once again in the morning. (Strangely, this isn't the first time, but the third time a girl has sincerely told me "I would marry you tomorrow") This entire week she's back home where that other guy lives. I trust her in that she doesn't want to see him. She said it was a huge lapse in judgement. I guess on one hand I'm happy that she's into me so fully, but on the other hand I'm blindsided as well. I never thought it would happen like this - and thought I would have to work for it, and was actually prepared for the "let's see other people" talk. I don't understand how for whole year and a half she hasn't had "romantic" feelings towards me, but has suddenly found them...? Is this possible? This whole rollercoaster started only a month ago. I am also really hesitant about the whole situation. As a person, I love the girl to death. She just does so many things where I'm constantly impressed by her. She hasn't been good to me though, and I'm torn up by the fact that she wanted to sleep with someone else and was willing to risk our entire relationship on that. She's admitted to not knowing what was going on with her. I'm still having a really hard time forgiving her and I keep thinking about it. How can I forgive her? I'm kind of building up resentment. I did tell her that I was willing to wipe the slate clean though, since I do know it's the only way we can move on. I'm just having trouble following through. Also - anyone know how she can go from not wanting to date me, wanting to sleep with another guy, to two weeks later wanting to spend the rest of her life with me? What the hell! She has halved her SSRI dose upon my request - but it hasn't been that long. I'm not willing to put too much stake into this reasoning. Thanks for checking up on me Trimmer. Sorry I haven't been better at updating - I've come back a few times to say something but ended up silent. Things were changing so quickly! Edited April 25, 2012 by hellodearest Link to post Share on other sites
rob_h Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 This: She says that while we were broken up, she missed me like crazy and couldn't stop thinking about me. But as soon as I came over to hang out, she felt relieved, but the same type of connection or feeling wasn't there as soon as she knew I was available. (Want what you can't have...) She feels like there is something missing in the relationship though she is unable to put her finger on it. I feel like maybe I pamper her too much. When we hang out, I am always giving her a back rub or shoulder rub or something while were watching movies etc. It's not just to please her though, I genuinely enjoy doing it, I feel like I have idle hands otherwise. Maybe this is an issue? I'm too giving when were together? And This: What SHE wants, is that if we haven't gotten to a point in the relationship where were both completely committed, she wants to make our relationship into an open relationship. She wants to have flings and go on dates and see other people in order to determine if she can make the same type of connection with them as she does with me. She said although she wants to date other people, she also feels that deep down she won't find someone who can connect with her in the same way that I do. ...Was me in November 2010. I'm only just back to normal now. Please do not invest all your emotions in her return, especially as you said this has only been a month in. It will probably be about 10 months before she even considers you seriously again. And after that she will then err back and forth, yes and no until she is truly done looking. My story is that I started out (as with your ex) feeling that what I felt for my partner was a "family" type of love, and felt like the romance was gone. I was aware I would find nothing better out there, it was a fact in my mind, however until i went out and found the evidence for this, the doubt remained. I had a relationship with another guy, slept with many people. Went back to my ex in Oct 2011 but still persisted to wonder if I was ready to settle. I don't know everything about love, but I know two things: 1. You don't grow closer to one man by jumping to another. Weirdly, this is exactly what it does do. She needs to learn on her own that you are the best option for her. Believe me, she will leave again and break you if you are not ready for it. She will explore and grow and learn that what she feels for you is REAL LOVE. When she says she has never felt "romance" for you, it screams of what I went through. When I was at her point I felt that maybe I didn't even know what love is, maybe I've never been in love. I think it's a mental coping mechanism to justify the wandering thoughts we have, or something along those lines. It will only be in losing you and making many mistakes that she will return truly reformed. At the very least, expect her thoughts to wander again and for her to be confused. The marriage thing is a prime example of how irrationally she is bouncing around at the moment. Her feelings are everywhere, and will not settle for months at the very least. You cannot tame her with logic or any other actions than letting her go. Trust me on this, as hard a pill as it is to swallow. Link to post Share on other sites
rob_h Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Heres a bit of background reading to help you gain a bit of perspective on this situation. Try and tell us what advice you would give these guys: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/323460-my-story-about-gigs http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/323537-so Link to post Share on other sites
Author hellodearest Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 She's on her way back from her hometown today. She did run into the other guy (mutual friends) but she told me it had happened it, and it was in a group. At first I was upset, but I realize that all her friends were at the same place and I can't really expect her to go all the way home and ditch her friends just because he showed up. My best friend back home was there too and said they exchanged hellos, chatted very briefly, and she didn't do anything I should be worried about. She's called me every day while she's been at home and has wanted to talk quite a bit. I just got off the phone with her, she's driving back right now - and she said she's thinking crazy thoughts, and was thinking that she wants to marry me, even today, if I was up for it. This all just seems like a crazy swing, but! This seems to be what everyone on this forum has been saying you should respond to. This seems like her version of "I ****ed up, I'm sorry, let's get back together..." I know it would be crazy to get run off and elope at this point, but part of me has always thrown caution to the wind. I don't usually do what's best for me, and because of that, I've been living a really full life that many of my med school classmates are envious of. The other part of me knows that there's no reason to get married, and I know I don't have to marry this girl right away to hold on to her. It would be crazy and romantic though. And very stupid as well, hah. Anyway. I don't know. Just updating because I'm giving it all half a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
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