Taking forever to text back = games?

[rocketman122]

He keeps hinting at hanging out but is not actually making plans. I have 0 interest left! Silly man, he must not know that I go on at least 1-2 dates a week.

 

I hate indecisive people. such a turn off. ugh, umm, mmm, I dont know..get the hell outta my face! this guy needs to man up and take control. yes, or no, make up your mind..a weak personality IMO. he doesnt realize when interest levels in woman drop its too late. you have to hit the nail when its hot. sweetheart there's a replacement for everybody. wait it will come...

Edited April 11, 2012 by rocketman122

[starla33]

I hate indecisive people. such a turn off. ugh, umm, mmm, I dont know..get the hell outta my face! this guy needs to man up and take control. yes, or no, make up your mind..a weak personality IMO. he doesnt realize when interest levels in woman drop its too late. you have to hit the nail when its hot. sweetheart there's a replacement for everybody. wait it will come...

 

Yeah it's funny because i was 100% sure he was interested at first. I'm sure hes a busy guy, but I'm needy and need more attention haha

[dasein]

You are in the minority then.

 

So a majority of the population are frequent or even regular texters? Sorry, no, that's simply not the case. Carry on your texting however you like, but don't imply those who don't text regularly are somehow luddites. More likely "been there done that not going back."

 

I can say that texting helps in keeping a great relationship as communication and sharing with your partner is the most important part of it.

 

Once more, feel free to do as you like, but don't imply that texting is a requirement for healthy communication and sharing in a relationship. Many people feel no need to be electronically tethered to their SO all day every day.

[zengirl]

It really depends how old daesin is. A majority of the people under 30 text regularly, yes (60% have even texted while driving---I have too, fwiw, but only at a red light).

 

77% of people with a mobile phone use text messages. More text messages are sent than phone calls. Those under 30 are 4x more likely to respond within minutes to a text message compared to a voice message.

 

You are in the minority to people in certain age groups. The general minority? Not just yet. Older people are beginning to text, but the elderly will never be big texters and there's tons of them still alive. But, under 30 or even under 40, the majority of people (vast under 30, slight under 40) are texters now.

 

FWIW, I don't think "replying to texts generally" (which you say you don't do) = being "text-tethered" to a SO. Most people fall somewhere in between you and that tethered state.

[wildtrac77]

No right answer to this question on txts.. what is too much or too little, i always find that if you meet online/get someones num in the pub then you txt most days ( say a couple of txts/day ) then after you meet up if you got on well and have agreed to another date you will txt the next day say thanks for a great night etc but then what is the best approach untill the next date??

 

If you dont txt every day after the first date you may not seem very keen to the other person but if you do txt every day that might come across as too keen...

 

What is the best approach??

 

AS for the amount of time it takes to reply, unless its urgent i will never txt back in the day when im working, normally wait untill i get home and relaxed a bit..( regardless of either friends/person im dating etc ) then if they dont reply untill late and im asleep i wont reply untill the next night.. which does seem too laid back to most women but i cant spend all day txting!!

[Ninjainpajamas]

I never understand why people brainstorm their thoughts and try to come up with these shot in the dark guesses about why said person does not contact you back in X amount of time when It's clearly that person is not that interested...it's easy, plain and simple, there's no need for deliberation, there's no need for a grand jury...the reason is unimportant and irrelevant, It in no ways justifies the behavior, in this day and age with technology people don't let their phones down for 10 mins at a time...so unless you're a senior citizen you don't really have a good reason.

 

When somebody really wants something they go after it, when they don't they just let it slide by and sit on the fence about it. There's no indecisiveness just a lack of interest...there's no games, just not that interested.

 

I mean maybe...

 

- his batmobile comm link broke down and can't contact you!

 

- or he's hanging from a ledge of a volcano, and he reached down to grab his phone and it fumbled out of his hands and into the lava! but he was totally trying to contact you!

 

- Or maybe he's being hunted by assassins like in a cool action movie, he'll show up in some nice bmw, ask you to hop in and run away with him to France while you wine and dine, and he kills all the bad guys!

 

- Maybe he's a secret Russian spy! and the US jammed his electronics and he's unable to contact you beyond the EMP field!

 

- Orrrr he was fighting a crocodile that ate his phone but he wanted to contact you so badly but when he reached into the crocs mouth like Steve Irwin It bit off his hands and now he couldn't text you back because he's learning to text with his toes!

 

If someone isn't certain, or lets off the gas...then you've got your answer, there's no reason to prolong the inevitable disinterest unless you want to coax said person into trying to like you...I can guarantee you that a man who is truly interested in you is to take a chance at losing you, so he will be in contact because unlike the other women in his phone he actually takes the time and effort to make sure that he doesn't.

[rocketman122]

so if daesin is the 23% then that is the minority. with so many options to text which takes less time than a phone call why not use it. my lady loves getting attention from me and im happy to give it to her. and yes communication is key to a great relationship.

 

NP, you say why brainstorm peoples thoughts to why, then you give a huge list of excuses to that..funny ones, but its obvious he is interested just not 100% sure on what he wants. I dont think he's playing games, just indecisive. but what does it matter anyways. when a woman loses interest its not a good way to start.

[zengirl]

so if daesin is the 23% then that is the minority.

 

No, you are assuming, in that data, that everyone has a cell phone, which is not the case. Not by far, actually. It may be a slight majority that texts overall, but hard to say. Stats on mobile phone use in general are inconclusive.

[zengirl]

Just to be clear you're a guy who pertends to be this girl Starla right? So that you can ask questions as a girl in order to see what advice people give? I get it

 

Is that really the case, you think? I've been wondering about these questions. They seem so . . . odd. Not really trollish seeming though.

[FitChick]

Maybe it's generational. I'd rather get a phone call, if he needs to speak to me immediately. Otherwise an email if there is no rush.

[lso802]

I just use text to schedule. I rather talk in person and be MIA the rest of the time. I don't even comment on Facebook statuses, pictures, etc. One of the girls I date does check in once a week with a few texts. I don't think texting me a quick message everyday is cute. I'd probably not respond. Because if you respond once, those texts build up.

 

Either he's not interested or you need to find someone who likes communicating the same way.

[2sunny]

He's not interested... At least enough to make any effort.

 

At best he only intends to get laid. He's training you not to expect him to make effort for you... Even a 5 second effort to text - hey want to go to dinner tonight?"

 

Stop being so clingy. You will only attract an unhealthy man by being needy ( as you described yourself).

 

Do not contact him any further!!!

[Mme. Chaucer]

The fact that you met the guy a few weeks ago and have yet to hang out tells all you need to know about his level of interest, unless he has been away the whole time.

 

Are you really a guy?

[dasein]

It really depends how old daesin is.

 

No, the truth or falsity of the statement, "a majority of the population texts" has nothing to do with my individual age. I am late 30s fwiw, and was an active texter in the past.

 

A majority of the people under 30 text regularly, yes (60% have even texted while driving---I have too, fwiw, but only at a red light).

 

The reasons you and I get snarled up here on LS are primarily your doing. First, you offer a statement with no backup (a statement I disagree with btw, but hinges on "text regularly," even under 30). I'm sure my measly 0-10 texts a month is "regular texting" under some slanted cell provider definitions, and not "regular texting" under other more realistic definitions.

 

Then you attempt to offer a very different stat, 60% of the people have texted while driving. Is this 60% of the population? 60% of the population under 30? 60% of the people who regularly text (whatever that means)? You obviously seek to imply that the 60% stat in the parenthetical has something to do with the unsubstantiated claim you make about people under 30 texting prior, but it does not. Surely you must realize how annoying and invalid discussion tactics like this are?

 

77% of people with a mobile phone use text messages.

 

Meaningful only in that almost 1/4 of the people with a cellphone don't use texts... at all, telling. Meaningless otherwise, as even I use texts 5-10 times a month and anyone who gets unsolicited payment/bill due texts from their provider technically "uses text messages." But regardless, does not speak at all to whether a majority of people are regular texters or not.

 

You are in the minority to people in certain age groups. The general minority? Not just yet. Older people are beginning to text, but the elderly will never be big texters and there's tons of them still alive. But, under 30 or even under 40, the majority of people (vast under 30, slight under 40) are texters now.

 

None of the above relevant to anything stated prior in the thread. Once more, no point incoming from the above because whether lots of younger people text is not an issue. We all know they do. My age demographic is not at issue, and if we are making broad conjectures, I think that adults are actually turning away from texting as a primary communication technique because 1) phone calls are dirt cheap and getting cheaper, 2) texts are distracting and sap productivity, 3) texts are very easily misinterpreted because of the character limit and other reasons, 4) people are stepping back and questioning whether being constantly connected via annoying, perpetual "you got mail/text" tones is the kind of quality of life they want for themselves and their families.

 

FWIW, I don't think "replying to texts generally" (which you say you don't do) = being "text-tethered" to a SO. Most people fall somewhere in between you and that tethered state.

 

Poster makes an implication that texting necessarily enhances communication and sharing in a relationship. I disagree. You neither offer any meaningful agreement or disagreement in a straightforward way, but instead offer an objection to my word choice by way of a strawman (the strawman being here "dasein doesn't reply to texts" something I did not say... No, dasein doesn't reply to texts that don't seek a specific response, dasein tells his friends and dates that he doesn't text much so this problem rarely arises, never actually for some time).

[SJC2008]

@starla33: You wouldn't happen to live in Houston would you? Lol it seems that we have the same view on "games". Here's my take: We live in a generation where we'd be in strait jackets if our phones were taken away. They are glued to our sides and even 10 year olds have them and are texting. He either has a job that hinders him from responding, is not all that interested or is playing games. I hate games. Yes someone may like you and play games so I disagree with ninjainpajamas. They may have bad luck and lack of exp and resorted to the hundreds of sites with dating tips where it tells you to do this crap with slow responses. Hell when I text and we're having a mini conversation I'll end it with a "I'll let u go" or a "cathc u later". It's not that hard.

[zengirl]

No, the truth or falsity of the statement, "a majority of the population texts" has nothing to do with my individual age. I am late 30s fwiw, and was an active texter in the past.

 

Whether your in the majority for your age range was what I was discussing. I gave a myriad of statistics that contributed to that discussion. I actually commented on the actual majority/minority stuff later.

 

The reasons you and I get snarled up here on LS are primarily your doing. First, you offer a statement with no backup (a statement I disagree with btw, but hinges on "text regularly," even under 30).

 

I offered statistics. I could find more -- not hard to do really on this -- as well. I presented no position here and offered statistics which suggested your claim was correct (while it is a majority in certain age ranges, it is not a total majority) and you STILL got snarled up, so I'm pretty sure it's not me who gets wound up. If you get wound up over things people say that are true and statistical, that's your own doing. I learned long ago not to be responsible for other people's feelings -- especially not that of strangers. I don't know why you feel the need to be so argumentative to someone posting background info. This isn't a debate, it's a discussion.

 

I'm sure my measly 0-10 texts a month is "regular texting" under some slanted cell provider definitions,[/u] and not "regular texting" under other more realistic definitions.

 

Not really anywhere near the mean or median.

 

Here's some interesting info:

 

Overall, the survey found that both text messaging and phone calling on cell phones have leveled off for the adult population as a whole. Text messaging users send or receive an average of 41.5 messages on a typical day, with the median user sending or receiving 10 texts daily – both figures are largely unchanged from what we reported in 2010. Similarly, cell owners make or receive an average of 12 calls on their cells per day, which is unchanged from 2010.

 

The 60% was 60% of respondents under 30 which is what I said it was. It's from a very recent news article -- texting while driving and how scary it is is all the rage now. Right up there with what veggie will kill you or whatnot. News fodder.

 

My age demographic is not at issue

 

Sure, it is. How texting impacts your dating life depends A LOT on your age. People will be surprised by your extreme position if they are younger and not if they are older or understand how older people think. If you're 25 and refuse to text, you're going to be hindered by it. If you're 45, it doesn't matter.

 

At any rate, that's the position I was taking. I don't think any form of communication is, in itself, meaningful. It's the content you decide to communicate that makes it meaningful or not. Young people can't imagine a world without texting, and older people think the world was better "when" and those in between like me think it's all silly.

 

I have no position on texting vs. not texting. I think your view is extreme and out of the norm, unless you're at least 50 years old or don't own a mobile phone. A person under 50 who owns a mobile phone is more likely to send far more texts than you do than they are not to. Thus, outside the norm. The idea that we don't segment demos for norms is silly. At any rate, I'm just providing some background info that is applicable to various opinions. Age matters a lot when we discuss methods of communication in dating, though. Tons.

 

ETA: Study, btw

 

http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2011/Cell-Phone-Texting-2011.aspx

Edited April 11, 2012 by zengirl

[dasein]

Whether your in the majority for your age range was what I was discussing.

 

Discuss pink ponies if you like, doesn't make it relevant or responsive to prior posts. My age is irrelevant to whether a majority of people are regular texters or not. The end. If you want to discuss general texting trends, that's great and probably topical. If you want to respond to a specific post I made, though, do so fairly and honestly so I don't have to waste a bunch of time replying to all the irrelevance.

 

I gave a myriad of statistics that contributed to that discussion. I actually commented on the actual majority/minority stuff later.

 

You regurgitated a bunch of largely irrelevant, totally unsourced statistics that you had googled up and posted in disingenuous ways in suggesting they were linked in some way when they weren't, or support some proposition when they don't.

 

I get "snarled up" when people avoid any straightforward discussion of simple, clear topics and instead distort what people actually post and their plain intent, strew out a bunch of irrelevant, unsourced statistics as if they were merely cutting and pasting them off a wiki page, and use that kind of illegitmate discussion to try to make a point that WAS NEVER AT ISSUE.

[zengirl]

Discuss pink ponies if you like, doesn't make it relevant or responsive to prior posts. My age is irrelevant to whether a majority of people are regular texters or not. The end. If you want to discuss general texting trends, that's great and probably topical. If you want to respond to a specific post I made, though, do so fairly and honestly so I don't have to waste a bunch of time replying to all the irrelevance.

 

I didn't quote your post but merely loosely referenced it for this reason.

 

I was talking about general texting trends and age and using your post as a jumping off point for that, not refuting or claiming that you were wrong or right in the majority/minority thing (that's actually a hard stat to find because hard and fast stats about how many people are cell phone users are harder than we might think). Among cell users, you're a minority. Especially as we get to younger demos. You may not be a minority in your demo.

 

Your "rules" are not actual rules of conversation but just things you make up! As such, I will not adhere to them. Your attempt to control the conversation will fail.

 

You regurgitated a bunch of largely irrelevant, totally unsourced statistics that you had googled up and posted in disingenuous ways in suggesting they were linked in some way when they weren't, or support some proposition when they don't.

 

They were linked in some way -- relevance to texting habits in America. I wasn't positing an "argument" so it wasn't phrased with that kind of support. Don't assume everything is entry for a debate.

[dasein]

I didn't quote your post but merely loosely referenced it for this reason.

 

You very obviously spent significant time googling trying to prove my claim that a majority of people aren't regular texters wrong, didn't come up with the results you wanted, so instead of just dropping it, tried to shoehorn what you did find into some ill-sewn, hideous Frankenstein monster of bad stats and illogic. Done with you on this particular subtopic.

[turt]

I usually take a long time to respond to texts for a few reasons. I can't use it at work, I don't get a break for 8 hours straight - only if it's slow. My phone is in silent mode because I hate the text noises. I don't pay attention to my phone much at all. If I'm not expecting a call and never need to use my phone, I may not check it all day.

 

I'll make a point to explain that before hand though...

[garycoleman]

It depends.

 

I had this one girl who would take hours or days to reply to my texts and I know she was not a busy person so she was definately playing games.

 

The girl I'm seeing right now always reply to my texts right away, and if she doesn't, I know she is busy. She is really a busy person. Even if she is busy it will take her like an hour at the most to reply.

[zengirl]

You very obviously spent significant time googling trying to prove my claim that a majority of people aren't regular texters wrong, didn't come up with the results you wanted, so instead of just dropping it, tried to shoehorn what you did find into some ill-sewn, hideous Frankenstein monster of bad stats and illogic. Done with you on this particular subtopic.

 

I spent about 5 minutes Googling that (on my SmartPhone, while texting hubby). The 60% was from a newspaper article that's literally on my desk.

 

Again, I'm not sure why you're trying to put a "position" in my text that wasn't there. If it had a position -- it was more a main idea -- it was that views on texting are highly generational.

[FitChick]

I find it sad that the younger the person, the less likely it is that he or she can spell or write using paragraphs (thanks to our schools), so they prefer texting to emailing. They also seem socially awkward so don't like talking on the phone either. At least, that is what I've gleaned just reading posts here at LoveShack.

[LexiB]

I never understand why people brainstorm their thoughts and try to come up with these shot in the dark guesses about why said person does not contact you back in X amount of time when It's clearly that person is not that interested...it's easy, plain and simple, there's no need for deliberation, there's no need for a grand jury...the reason is unimportant and irrelevant, It in no ways justifies the behavior, in this day and age with technology people don't let their phones down for 10 mins at a time...so unless you're a senior citizen you don't really have a good reason.

 

When somebody really wants something they go after it, when they don't they just let it slide by and sit on the fence about it. There's no indecisiveness just a lack of interest...there's no games, just not that interested.

 

I mean maybe...

 

- his batmobile comm link broke down and can't contact you!

 

- or he's hanging from a ledge of a volcano, and he reached down to grab his phone and it fumbled out of his hands and into the lava! but he was totally trying to contact you!

 

- Or maybe he's being hunted by assassins like in a cool action movie, he'll show up in some nice bmw, ask you to hop in and run away with him to France while you wine and dine, and he kills all the bad guys!

 

- Maybe he's a secret Russian spy! and the US jammed his electronics and he's unable to contact you beyond the EMP field!

 

- Orrrr he was fighting a crocodile that ate his phone but he wanted to contact you so badly but when he reached into the crocs mouth like Steve Irwin It bit off his hands and now he couldn't text you back because he's learning to text with his toes!

 

If someone isn't certain, or lets off the gas...then you've got your answer, there's no reason to prolong the inevitable disinterest unless you want to coax said person into trying to like you...I can guarantee you that a man who is truly interested in you is to take a chance at losing you, so he will be in contact because unlike the other women in his phone he actually takes the time and effort to make sure that he doesn't.

 

And there you have it. There really is no reason for consistently respond that late to a person other than disinterest. I don't care what kind of job or activities a person has going on in their life; they can take 30 seconds out of their life to respond.

[dasein]

I find it sad that the younger the person, the less likely it is that he or she can spell or write using paragraphs (thanks to our schools), so they prefer texting to emailing. They also seem socially awkward so don't like talking on the phone either. At least, that is what I've gleaned just reading posts here at LoveShack.

 

Wish I could "like" this five times. A huge amount of relationship problems posted about here on LS result directly from using text when one should call, and another large category of problems results from the social maladjustment of the constantly connected described above.