1000 Truths (the story of what happened to me)

[AshleighL]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]As I sit here and write this, I have to wonder for what purpose. What good will it do me to sit here and tell a story that I don’t even want to believe myself? Is it to finally get the closure I need? Is it to finally just get it off my chest? Perhaps it is to only put into words what I refuse to believe is true. There are 1000 Truths in this world, and this is Mine.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] To grasp the whole situation, I must start from the beginning. This is a story about me, Alyssa Keller. It is more so the events that happened when I met the cause of my person as it is now. That cause is a boy whose name I whisper so quietly that the winds might just carry it away. It is Trent Stewart. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I can barely fathom the life I had lead before Trent. Did I even exist? Sometimes I am not so sure. Granted, I was young and memories from before this time are fleeting as they are, but honestly, to me, it just seems that I cannot imagine or grasp life before or after Trent. It does not exist.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] However, I know enough that I was young and only wanted what my friends had: someone special to like me and be my best friend as well as a boyfriend. I had never had someone like this before, and at one point, it was all I wanted. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Trent was the first, and sometimes I still look back and believe he was the only one. I still can see those glimpses of the boy I knew in him today, despite the new person standing in his place.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] When I first met Trent, it was nothing I had ever known. I had always been quiet, and no one paid too much mind to me. He was the first boy to ever get my attention and talk to me before I struggled to find words to speak to him. He knew my name already, though I had barely known his. I had never had someone show so much interest in wanting to know me and then liking what they found out. It was amazing.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] He talked to me late at night and sometimes well into the morning saying that talking to me was more important and so much better than the sleep he could have been getting. We talked for a few weeks before he finally asked me if I liked him as much as he really liked me. He would be my first boyfriend. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] The couple weeks after that night he asked me would be the best in the whole relationship and some of my most fond memories today. When I was with him, nothing could possibly get better. I smiled so much more, I laughed so loud, and he is the one who really started to get me to come out of my shell for the first time in my life. He helped me so much in that way. He made me feel beautiful.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I remember us exchanging Christmas presents, I remember his warm hand holding mine, and I still can picture that beautiful smile that stole away my heart forever. It was the most earth shattering smile I would ever see in my life. It still remains this way today.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] January was the first month that things would change, though I didn’t notice it until months later that that month had been the beginning of the end. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] A first kiss in my mind had been something I thought would be very special and a cherished thought for the rest of my life. I fantasized about having that one really special person, who loved me so much taking me in his arms and kissing me like there wouldn’t be a tomorrow. It was what I thought would be a “movie kiss” as I called it. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] My first kiss was nothing like that.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] For weeks he would pressure me and even sometimes harass me. He said it was no big deal and that I should because we loved each other. He said he was getting frustrated because he was a freshman, fifteen, and had still not received his first kiss yet. At one point, he even stole his sister’s phone, posed as her, and pressured me pretending it was her. There would be a slow song that played that sang “Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you, baby?” and he would say after singing that, “Well, I guess since someone is too chicken to kiss me, we will NEVER find out.” As soon as he said that I ran to the bathroom and cried. I would later return. It would be after this that I would finally give in. That was my first kiss with Trent Stewart.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] March only brought worse things. Trent was becoming angry, and I tried and tried to calm him but nothing would work. His moods were unpredictable, and he started to pull away from me.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] One night, I would ask him if he wanted to see a movie with me. He refused at first. My heart was shattered because for weeks he had been dodging me. I thought fast to see what could I possibly do to lure him in. I made a deal with the devil.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] “Trent,” I had said, “If you will please go to this movie with me tonight, I will give you a pass just for tonight. You may touch me wherever you want for as long as you would like.”[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Trent jumped at the chance to go to the movie after that.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I remember exactly what movie it was. It was Alice in Wonderland. He led me by my hand in to the packed theatre. We sat right in the middle. I breathed a sigh of relief, for he would not dare to touch me in such a packed room.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I was so wrong. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] It started with my thigh then it went in between my legs. I was only fourteen and did not understand what it meant. However, I knew just how wrong it was somewhere inside me because my face burned like it had been lit on fire. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I would try to kiss him, but he said he couldn’t because there were too many people who would see. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Then he would move his hand to my chest. Still he refused to kiss me. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Then what I hadn’t at all expected happened.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] He actually had the nerve to throw his hand down inside my shirt and bra. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I burst out sobbing right then and there. My face was ablaze and nothing could stop the tears from teeming out of my eyes. I could barely breathe. I couldn’t believe what had just happened.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Not even two weeks after this, he dumped me for the first time.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] All night I sobbed. I went to school the next day and skipped all my classes. I stayed in the clinic for nearly eight hours, sobbing so hard that the nurse and assistant principal came in to make sure I was fine.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I lied and said I would be. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Before school had even let out, he came to my locker and started begging. I slammed it in his face and ran away. I should have stayed away.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] But I didn’t. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] He called me from golf practice and pleaded for me to please return because life that day and night had been hell without me. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I didn’t care if he meant it or not. I ran back as fast as I could. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] April brought a month of fights as well as May. I couldn’t make him happy no matter how hard I tried for him. He would yell at me all night and the next days at school I would begin to fall asleep in class (something I had never done), let my grades fall behind, and even sob in school because I was so miserable. I would be out of school “sick” six days in those two months that I wasn’t really sick.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I was so glad when school ended. I was tired of people asking me what was wrong.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] June was horrible. I remember most distinctly a pool party we had gone to together. It was a thirteen-year-old boy’s birthday party none-the-less. It would be here that he would begin to push the envelope again. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I was just swimming and having a good time when he would come up behind me and shove his hand down my swimsuit shorts. I yelled out loud, slapped him across the face, and ran away as fast as I could before he had the chance to finger me like he had wanted to. I cried so hard that night, and he was very angry and said I had caused a scene for nothing and had made him look like an idiot. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] It was also in June that a lot of harassing happened. He would make me talk dirty to him on the phone through text or call it didn’t matter. It was the only way I could get him to talk. I was still only fourteen and didn’t know that this was called phone sex. I had no clue. I was just trying to keep him around. Ironically, this would not get him to stay because then he would reply to my talking with “I’m sorry, but I am going now because I just masturbated, so, yeah…” To this day, I loathe the word masturbating and hearing any jokes or comments on it makes me sick to my stomach, and I always just walk away in disgust. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] In June I would leave for a hell of a horrible vacation to Florida. It would have been great had it not been for Trent. He had me worried and on edge every second of every day that week. I didn’t swim or play in the sand with my family because I was glued to my phone hoping he still loved me. It would be here that he would first ask to see me naked. He wanted pictures or the real thing would be even better. I said neither would happen, and he harassed me saying that if I loved him, I would. I decided to settle on showing him as revealing pictures of me in bikinis as I could manage. That would get him to be quiet for a little while. Those pictures have been long delete from my phone, but they will forever be burned in my mind. I am so ashamed. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] One day in June, I would go to his house. His friends would be there too. We were all in the back room, and he was having me give him a shoulder rub while he played video games. Then he winked at me. I knew what this meant. He asked if I was thirsty, and at first I said no. Then he would ask more forcefully, and I would say no again. He would look at his friend and say that we would be right back because I was thirsty. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] He took me by the hand, and he led me up the stairs. He had me outside his room. He started to grope me and kiss me all over. I kissed back. It wasn’t ideal, but it was still better than him threatening to leave or being angry with me. He tried to lead me into his room. I said no. He said he just wanted to lay me down in his bed, but I refused. I started to walk away from him, but then he would grab me by the arm HARD. He would pull me back with so much force I nearly fell to the ground. He would pick me up by my butt and wrap my legs around him for me. He mumbled, “Where are you going? I am not finished with you yet.” And the groping and kissing would begin again until he was. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] There would be another time that I was at his house with his family. They were making dinner. Trent wanted me to help. He wanted me to grate cheese for the tacos and salads. He came up behind me while I was working on it, and pressed himself against me and I could feel him. My face turned bright red. His mom and sister were right there with us. Then he would say, “What do you want to drink, Kelly?” [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Kelly.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] My name is Alyssa, not Kelly. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] I was silent all through dinner. I then asked his sister to go on a walk with me. Instead I ran. Fast. I left her behind and ran into the woods so I could cry. Trent chased me down on a quad and caught up with me. He would stop, but I kept running. He was much faster than me. He caught up and grabbed my wrist once again. He held on tight and I screamed. It hurt. He told me again what an embarrassment I had been and said the next time I pulled a stunt like that he was leaving. He let go of my wrist, which had turned purple form loss of blood and small brown spots, BRUISES, began to appear. He said he was sorry and that he loved me. He kissed me and touched me. He got me on the quad and took me back into the woods where the groping would continue against my wishes. I never let him see me cry, though, and I never showed him the bruises on my wrist. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Later in June, he would tell me that I wasn’t a handsy enough girl for him and that it made him sad and angry that I wouldn’t touch him. He said it wasn’t fair. So one night, I did. Everything he had done besides that one night in March had been outside the clothes, so I did the same. He yelled at me that I didn’t do it right. I cried and gave up, ashamed I had even tried. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] July came. This month was the worst of them all. One day I had been working the concession stands for the youth football program down at the local baseball diamonds. Trent texted me that he was moving. I fought tears, but I let him see how distressed I was through my messages back. I told him how sick it made me to my stomach, and that I didn’t want to have to live without him, something we had said to each other many times before. He lashed out and yelled, “FOR GOD’S SAKE I AM NOT MOVING ALICE. BUT DAMN YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES, AND I THINK YOU NEED TO SEE SOME HELP. GOD.” My mom had to take me home because I became so upset by this. To this day, NOBODY calls me the nickname “Alice”. It brings back too much hurt. If they do, I usually yell and lash out, much to their surprise. Later Trent would call me and apologize saying his poison ivy medicine was the reason for his bad mood. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] All in July he would say that we weren’t meant to be. He would say I wasn’t good enough for him. He called me a whore and bitch on a regular basis. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] It wouldn’t end though, until the worst happened. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Before that even though, one night, he took my hand and placed it on HIM for the first time since the night I had. He started jerking off with my hand. I tried to move it, but I couldn’t because his hand was on top of mine, holding it down.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Then, on the final night that I would to his house, it happened. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] We had been in the back room watching baseball. We had been laying on the couch. He rolled over on top of me. His legs were on top of mine, all his weight on them. My right arm had been smashed into the couch, while his arm was on my left arm. He used that arms hand to put his fingers down my throat. I didn’t know what he was doing. He used his only other free hand to touch me all over. It was still all outside the clothes, except for a couple close calls when I thought he was going to go down my shirt. I struggled under him. He whispered, “Sh, Alyssa. You will like this.” I made sounds in protest, his fingers still in my mouth. He pushed them in further and said, “Quiet, you can’t be too loud now.” He continued to touch me, and I continued to struggle and began to cry. I don’t know how long this lasted, but it seemed like eternity. Finally he got off and demanded to know why I was crying. I said it was because I needed to get home soon and was going to be late. That was a lie. I just didn’t know what else to say.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] A week after this he would dump me. It turns out he had been cheating on me anyways. It has been two years since he first found me, but the scars feel like they were made yesterday. I go back and forth with myself loving and hating him. I don’t even know what happened that night. I just know I can never forget the taste his fingers left in my mouth. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] Trent means so much to me and at the same time only destroys me. I still cry, and yet I try to get his attention daily. I don’t know what to do with all of these things that have happened to me. All I know is I cannot let go of them, and Trent will forever be burning in my mind. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] So let the truth be free to you who reads this, if you are then know how special you must be to me. I am trusting you with my truths, and I am hoping that maybe one day, they will die away and then this could be nothing more than just a story of a girl named Alyssa Keller and Trent Stewart.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri] [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] (p.s. names were changed)[/sIZE][/FONT]

[AshleighL]

p.s. sorry for the grammatical errors and misspellings. I hate proof-reading/: