Tyran Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 First of all, just wanna say that I'm new here and I'd like to thank anyone taking the time out to help me out. I've read some other people's threads and have some very similar problems as well as some confusing conflicts as well.My gf and I have been friends for about 2 years now, but over this short period of time, became almost the best of friends and eventually, I made the first move in making this a love relationship.After about two months, we broke up due to some jealousy as well as some possessive behaviors that were caused by a friend of hers who she referred to as "her little brother" (not a real brother, but just a friend) and seem to me that she's getting too close with all the kisses they threw at each other and how much they would hug each other.I didn't mind her being around any of her other guy friends, but I think this being my first relationship, I didn't know how to trust my partner too well. I think what really got her stressed and into us breaking up is the fact that I would get into silent depressions often because of how she would act around this "brother" of hers and after enough of them, she just couldn't take it any longer.I realize now that, I should have either let her continue with this, or gave it up all together, but loving her so much, now I regret having behaved so poorly.Over our break up, she told me she'll give me another try if I get more experience or she feels that I'm ready enough to put up a successful relationship as long as I don't take too long in gathering myself. Recently, she's become very confusing to me.Since our break up, she's been dodging me in public and I pretend not to notice but I see it anyways.If I approach her, she'll talk to me but seem as if she weren't too interested, yet other times she'd smile and try to give me hugs.Just the other day, she hugged me and told me "You still smell good" like she used to say all the time when we had been going out.It's hard to tell what she's thinking and I dunno what I should do to get her back if it's even possible at all.It seems like she still wants to be friends even though she won't be the one to approach me because she still came over on my graduation party that she could've easily said no to because she had other things going on during that day.I just can't figure out why she dodges me in public though, like our last few days of graduation rehearsals, she would talk to her other friends but avoid running into me.I saw her looking at me a couple times from her seat, but she never called out to me or anything and being the person she is, she would have easily done so with most of her friends.But I also recall other things since our break up such as when I drew a self portrait on a drawing site we both go to and she commented that the picture made her sad and she memoed a friend on the web site that the reason it made her sad was because we had to break up for the benefit of our health and it was a picture of me from winter formal.I think she still has feelings for me, but with the addition of these other events, I can't even start guessing.Does anyone have any idea what this whole flip flopping thing is about and what I should do if I want to keep her interested?It's got me completely lost.....thanks for your opinions in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tyran Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 Btw...I forgot to mention, if she needs the space, how would I keep her love for me from fading away?Wouldn't the "no contact" thing just speed up that process....?Hard to say.... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamguy Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Tyran, Dude this girl is the queen of mixed signals. In the dating game, when someone displays interest in you then ignores you the next second, they are usually sending you mixed signals to confuse and destabilize you. Of course when you lose balance, they gain supremacy. After all, that's what we all try to do once we get engaged in a relationship whether we like to admit it or not. Talking about her being interested in you, I can tell you this: When a girl is really interested in you she will sometimes cancel great plans just to be with you. That's how far she can go ! When a girl is really interested in you then her behavior is consistent and coherent. And if sometimes she persists in acting confused then the best choice is to stay away until her behavior hopefully readjusts to become once again perfectly linear. What you should do is start becoming a challenge to her. Not only should you stop approaching her when you see her but you should also look busy and start dodging her yourself. Make her wonder "What on earth happened to this guy ! Was he hit by lightening ?? It's like I don't exist to him anymore ! Can it be that he has someone else in his life ??" I know, my advice sounds totally irrational but whoever said that women respond to rational behavior ! Men and women's brains are not wired the same. You cannot use male logic to predict female behavior. Just doesn't work this way. I surely don't want to be labeled as an anti-feminist (because I am not one) so I'll be clear about this. I have nothing against women. A break up is always painful no matter what your sex is, be it male or female. I'm just trying to be objective when I reply to people. And believe me, men have a lot of things to be criticized about as well and they can be the ones to blame in many break ups. It just so happens that, according to what you told us, this girl is the one playing you in this relationship. The longer you take her crap, the longer she will abuse you. To reply to your second post. No, the no contact process is usually what speeds up her "coming back to her senses about you" process. Again, an illogical thought for men but unfortunately it's the truth. Just ask anyone who has been through a break up and decent enough to give you the plain truth about the "no contact" process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tyran Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 Thanks dreamguy.I'll take your advice into action, but I might want to wait until tomorrow because tonight is grad night and I want to have fun, so....but I'll be at practices this summer that she's going to be at so I'll start then.Hopefully this works out well.....thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Again, an illogical thought for men but unfortunately it's the truth. Just ask anyone who has been through a break up and decent enough to give you the plain truth about the "no contact" process. which is? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamguy Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Sid, That it drives away the other person 99% of the time. Which group do you prefer to belong to ? The 1% or the 99% ? Tyran, Good luck and get wild at that party. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Originally posted by dreamguy That it drives away the other person 99% of the time. Which group do you prefer to belong to ? The 1% or the 99% ? Oh, that's total BS. It's not about percentages. If you bother them, they're not going to take you back. If you leave them alone, they may take you back, or they may not--but by that time you're not dependent on them anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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