possible BPD

[Emilia]

Need some advice please. Not sure whether this is the right place to post it as it's not strictly about abuse but it's a very serious matter and don't want it to get lost amongst 'self improvement' threads.

 

I think my ex is suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder). I have read a lot about it and many of the symptomps stick. I haven't seen him for a very long time but we have been in touch recently as he is struggling with his mental health. Well he has always struggled I think, it's just that he is getting more and more conscious of it.

 

When I first met him he admitted he suffered from excessive mood swings and that he might be 'bipolar' (his word) but I dismissed it as it's such a fashionable word nowdays. He was 21 when we met, I expected some unpredictability in his behaviour.

 

He contacted me recently because he needed to talk to a 'positive person' (his words again), I think he is getting isolated. He is in the British Army, not the best place with a potential personality disorder.

 

My question is: can I tell him that I think he has BPD and provide all the links I can find? Is that the best way? He isn't talking to me at the moment again and I don't know whether he ever will so it would need to be over an email. I don't care if he gets so offended that he doesn't speak to me ever again but I don't want him to get to the stage when he kills himself basically - not to put too fine a point on it.

 

If I email him and explain to him why I think he has it, the worst can happen is that he gets offended, isn't it? I don't want to make things worse. Maybe I should try to call him tonight and see if he answers.

 

Many thanks

[Emilia]

I know how dumb it is to try to diagnose people but I don't really know what to do. I have tried to approach the subject of how he is feeling at the moment but the response is 'I'm fine!'.

 

There is something definately off and I witnessed a meltdown with his friends last Friday. I really don't know what the most productive approach would be (even risking that he never speaks to me again, as I said before)

[rn0408]

Need some advice please. Not sure whether this is the right place to post it as it's not strictly about abuse but it's a very serious matter and don't want it to get lost amongst 'self improvement' threads.

 

I think my ex is suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder). I have read a lot about it and many of the symptomps stick. I haven't seen him for a very long time but we have been in touch recently as he is struggling with his mental health. Well he has always struggled I think, it's just that he is getting more and more conscious of it.

 

When I first met him he admitted he suffered from excessive mood swings and that he might be 'bipolar' (his word) but I dismissed it as it's such a fashionable word nowdays. He was 21 when we met, I expected some unpredictability in his behaviour.

 

He contacted me recently because he needed to talk to a 'positive person' (his words again), I think he is getting isolated. He is in the British Army, not the best place with a potential personality disorder.

 

My question is: can I tell him that I think he has BPD and provide all the links I can find? Is that the best way? He isn't talking to me at the moment again and I don't know whether he ever will so it would need to be over an email. I don't care if he gets so offended that he doesn't speak to me ever again but I don't want him to get to the stage when he kills himself basically - not to put too fine a point on it.

 

If I email him and explain to him why I think he has it, the worst can happen is that he gets offended, isn't it? I don't want to make things worse. Maybe I should try to call him tonight and see if he answers.

 

Many thanks

 

He is using your compassion as a weakness and trying to reel you back in. Tell him if he decides to kill himself..tell him it's not your problem. He is doing it to get attention.

 

I just took a pre rec course in Psychology on disorders and just recently have done rotations almost going into Occupational Therapy shadowing. If I would of known now..I wouldn't of wasted 5 months of my time with the wack job. Instead, I would of had dinner at her favorite place to eat at being generous and that is it.

 

Coming from a girl's standpoint, I wouldnt waste my time and stay far away. Guys are physically more stronger and could use a revenge factor and assault you. Could he be taking steroids? I would let the military handle it. They could save him and work as a team.

 

I gave my ex one chance to sit at a neutral place and tell her shes got issues and needs help after I broke up with her...she didn't care and wanted a relationship renewed..now I don't care at all about her.

 

Remember "It's all about them."

[pteromom]

Visit bpdfamily.com. Lots of good forums, resources, etc. They typically say NOT to tell someone you think they have BPD, but since he's an ex, you have nothing to lose, and could possibly help him.

[CopingGal]

I think if he had BPD, the last thing you should do is tell him. BPD is different from other personality disorders. These people can be highly....HIGHLY emotional and many do harmful behaviors to themselves. IF it was a different personality disorder, I might suggest that you tell him, but since it's BPD, maybe you should keep the things very general. I'm no therapist, but I think maybe the thing you should do is talk about why you are concerned about him, but don't label it. Talk to him about seeing a therapist in general and make sure you have a suicide hotline number in case he needs it.