dazednveryconfused Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 me and my younger sister were close when we were younger, but over the last several years as we got older it seems i can't really talk to her about anything. It seems like a lot of it has to do with the guys she has gone out with. She has always been very persistent in being in a serious relationship, seeing as me and my other (older) sister have been in serious relationships since our late teens, and now both married and together for 10+ years. Guy 1 - They started goign out around five years ago, and from the get go he was, in my eyes and a lot of my relatives, a dick, rude, selfish, etc. I tried to tell my sister about how I felt but it didnt turn out so well. I eventually called him out on some rude behaviour at a dinner, and he starting talking back to me, and that made me more frustated. my sister apparently cried all night, and moved out from my parents place a week later. he went to school back east, and she followed him and took some random program even though she already had a degree. one year later they brokeup, and she told my dad specifically not to tell me what happened. Guy 2 - They started going out in May, moved in togehter in July, then got engaged in December. At first I thought it was quick, but that's her decision, but i found a lot of the same characteristics in this gnew guy as i did in the last bf. He was once again rude, opinionated, selfish, and like the other guy, has no problem taking advantage of my parents since they have money. It gets very difficult to be at family dinners with them there. He acts liek an *******, however he wants and says whatever he wants, and my spouse and I can tell that my sister likes the way he acts. I think she sees it as being strong midned and outspoken. I eventually sent her an email, not trying to start a fight or call her on their bs, but just saying how I feel that she loses herself in every relationship, how her bf comes off to people, and how they take advantage of my parents (because my parents wont say anything). Sorry if this is a lot of rambling, and lack of detail. I'm just very frustated and had to write this out and share with people. Anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this issue? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this issue? Yes, my advice would be to mind your own business. Your sister is an adult and obviously the guys she picks are her "type". Nothing you can do or say will change that. We all have family members who are frustrating to be around and that's one of the reasons most people hate those family get togethers. Your parents will have to learn to stand up to your sister if they feel her bf is too rude to attend their dinners and let her know he isn't welcomed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 (edited) As long as he isn't abusing her, it is none of your business. This is her life and she will be with who she wants to be with. Maybe you can try to do things with just your sister without the boyfriend being there. Edited April 12, 2012 by wow04 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazednveryconfused Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 I understand that is who she wants to be with, and I have learned that it is none of my business, but how should i deal with the way he acts and behaves? should i simply ignore this? It bothers me because he is very condescending and rude to myself, and he abuses my parents generosity to the point where I know it bothers them, but I know they would never speak up. Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 How he treats your parents is between them and him. Now how he treats you is your business. When he is being rude to you, you have the right to tell him that you will not be treated that way. Say it in a nice tone, but firm. If he continues simply walk away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ButterflyPrincess Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Yes, my advice would be to mind your own business. Your sister is an adult and obviously the guys she picks are her "type". Nothing you can do or say will change that. We all have family members who are frustrating to be around and that's one of the reasons most people hate those family get togethers. Your parents will have to learn to stand up to your sister if they feel her bf is too rude to attend their dinners and let her know he isn't welcomed. As long as he isn't abusing her, it is none of your business. This is her life and she will be with who she wants to be with. Maybe you can try to do things with just your sister without the boyfriend being there. How he treats your parents is between them and him. Now how he treats you is your business. When he is being rude to you, you have the right to tell him that you will not be treated that way. Say it in a nice tone, but firm. If he continues simply walk away. ^These. I understand where you are coming from having a distant relationship with your sister- me and my sister used to be like best friends until recently and it isn't fun. That said, I agree with all these other posters- in the end it's your sister's business and her decision to make. I'm on the flip-side of your situation- my sister doesn't like the guy that I am seeing, and tbh it really isn't her place to comment. I am very happy with my BF and he's been very good to me, and she has cast him off as a dick without getting to know him (and for his part he's trying to get along with her, but she won't have it- she's decided she doesn't like him and that's that). So I guess what I'm saying is, unless you get to know him like your sister does, it isn't really up to you to approach the situation at all- (now, if he acts like a douche to you, by all means, speak up and confront him- because he shouldn't be doing that). Your sister knows his mannerisms better than you do, and there may be more to him than you're seeing, which is making her happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazednveryconfused Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 ^These. I understand where you are coming from having a distant relationship with your sister- me and my sister used to be like best friends until recently and it isn't fun. That said, I agree with all these other posters- in the end it's your sister's business and her decision to make. I'm on the flip-side of your situation- my sister doesn't like the guy that I am seeing, and tbh it really isn't her place to comment. I am very happy with my BF and he's been very good to me, and she has cast him off as a dick without getting to know him (and for his part he's trying to get along with her, but she won't have it- she's decided she doesn't like him and that's that). So I guess what I'm saying is, unless you get to know him like your sister does, it isn't really up to you to approach the situation at all- (now, if he acts like a douche to you, by all means, speak up and confront him- because he shouldn't be doing that). Your sister knows his mannerisms better than you do, and there may be more to him than you're seeing, which is making her happy. yah after hearing it from other people and thinking about it, it is her decision, it really isn't my place to criticize who she goes out with. maybe (hopefully) he is good to her, in a way i don't see. But if he does disrespect myself or my wife, i will speak up about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazednveryconfused Posted April 26, 2012 Author Share Posted April 26, 2012 to make things even more complicated, i just found out from my older sister last night that one of the reasons my younger sister broke up with her last boyfriend was because she starting selling her services off of craigslist. Link to post Share on other sites
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