Is he going to break up with me?

[neptoon]

I've been feeling things get a bit shaky between my bf and me, as it's getting into routine. We've been going out for 7 months, talked about getting married somewhere down the road, etc. etc. etc.

 

He likes it when I go to his baseball games. He was playing two games on Tuesday night. I could only make it to the later one because I had to finish up some work for a client at home (I run my own business). During his game, when he wasn't playing, he told me that he had a really bad day at work and he was really mad at his boss for not letting him take the day off the next day.

 

Usually, after the game, we go to his house and I spend the night there. But on Tuesday, he was making it so that he goes home by himself. He dropped several hints and said, "I'm just going to go home and go to bed and I'm not going to be good company."

 

He also gave me an excuse saying that he had a this obligation to go to on Wednesday night and that he won't be seeing me.

 

He calls me around 11 on Wednesday night and said that he didn't go to bed and he just sat up thinking "about work and stuff". I asked him what other stuff and he said, "just stuff..." I asked him if he went to the obligation that he didn't really want to go to and he said no.

 

We don't usually see each other every day but I felt like he was making an excuse to make sure he doesn't see me on Wednesday. He said he went to his mom's after work to drop off a tape measurer.

 

I asked him if he felt there was anything wrong with us and he said, "No, you're about the only bright thing in my life right now and if there's anything wrong, you'll be the first to know. You aren't the first girl who would've asked me this -- it's just something I go through." And he said he loved me.

 

I told him that I understood about things seeming really glum sometimes and that I go through those things too where I question what I'm doing with my life and if I could be doing more. And he said that's the way he felt.

 

And then I said that I was going through a sad phase right now and he asked why. I hesitated for a moment because I didn't know how to put what I was feeling. (Side note: I was in a long relationship before him where I was living with a guy for about 3 years and that relationship ended about a year ago because I wanted to have children someday and the guy never wanted to have children and we just wanted different things -- therefore, it wouldn't have worked out -- we parted ways and we haven't spoken to each other since then. I did some really cool stuff with this guy and we were breeding fish and we had lots of fun while it lasted but it got ugly at the end). I told him that I didn't want him to take it wrongly or to misinterpret what I'm going to say but that I missed having something to go home to (as opposed to missing my ex)....that I missed having something to look forward to at the end of the day instead of going home to an empty house.

 

He said he understood (and I don't know how he could possibly understand because he's never lived with a girl so I don't know if he was just saying that) and that he felt that way sometimes too. I said that even though it was a bad situation and that the previous situation got bad, I had been afraid to leave because I feared this -- the loneliness I felt of not having something to go home to. It was the most personal and honest thing I've told him since I've been in the relationship with him and I hesitated to tell him so before because I didn't want him to think that I missed my ex because I don't think I do.

 

And then, after talking for a half hour, he said, "I want to see you tomorrow."

 

We have a bowling club we usually go to on Friday nights -- so why does he want to see me on Thursday? Does that mean he wants to see me to break up with me? I just don't understand all the mixed vibes going on.

[lydiamarie]

i don't think he's sending mixed vibes. i think you're misreading him.

 

he told you he still loves you. he said you're the only good thing in his life. i don't think that he would have chosen those words to lie with if he wanted to lie. he probably would have just stuck with i love you, or ditto, or something. no problems here.

 

so what if he wanted some alone time. he really proved that it wasn't you that he didn't want to see, he just didn't want to see anyone, when he didn't go to that social obligation. he needed to think about things. work sucks a bit, and he's wondering if there's something he could be doing differently, doing more. nothing wrong (so far as you're concerned) here either.

 

you had a great conversation in which you both opened up and talked about how you both wish you had someone to come home to. so what if he's never had that before. that just means that he wishes he had you to come home to. that's good. definitely nothing wrong here.

 

now he wants to see you and you're worried? don't be. my bet is he misses you because he loves you and because you didn't spend wednesday together like you usually do. don't stress out about this. i don't see anything wrong.