this is killing me!

[avacado]

Some serious pondering going on, and like many guys I'm seriously blind to how relationships are supposed to work. In a way, I kind of know the right answer but I need someone to slap me in the face.

 

There's my girlfriend of one year, we'll call her Rose, and the other girl, we'll call her Megan. I met megan four years ago and we became very close. She was *extremely* sexy and charismatic, confident, spontaneous, adventurous, great conversationalist, and more. We traveled together, hiked, went on road trips, just the two of us and had a blast, she really became my best friend. I didn't realize that I was in love with her at first but after a few years it became clear to me. She always had a boyfriend, (and now looking back on it it's weird that I spent so much time alone with a girl who was taken) but she cheated on him every so often (and on her previous boyfriends), especially when she got drunk. I didn't realize that I was in love with her at first but after a few years it dawned on me that I was helplessly in love with her and it made me miserable. Then, one night when we were both drunk, she led me back to her house and and she tried to seduce me - we began making out and things escalated, we told each other we were in love with each other, but I would not let it get too far because she had a bf and we were "friends", after all, so I (very difficultly) pulled myself away. The event raised me higher than I've ever felt but the next day she told me she couldn't remember anything that happened, and I was crushed. But we never really spoke much about it, I just hurt for a long time.

 

A few months later she introduced me to her friend, Rose, and tried to set us up. It worked. We've been in a serious relationship for a year now and I can definitely see marrying her. She's totally honest, caring, and she loves me completely and would never do any of the hedonistic or "bad" things that megan would do. The problem is that I'm still so stuck on megan, secretly, who happens to be far off in distant lands, recently single, and I promised her that I would join her for part of the journey. Rose can't go on the trip because she can't afford it. I made this promise and I never go back on promises, and megan is still a very good friend. But how can I go, knowing the unspoken history I have with Megan?

 

I have been told by my friends that it was obvious to them that Megan was just teasing me for years, "because that's what insecure hot girls do", they'd tell me. Is this a typical personality trait of some girls? It's hard to believe that someone so good to me for so long could secretly be using me. I really want to never see her again, I want to hate her but I can't find a reason for my hatred, and she's so magically alluring that I simultaneously want to be with her forever. But I don't want to lose what I have with Rose.

 

Ahhhhhhh!

[january2011]

she's so magically alluring

 

You're in love with the idea of Megan and I suspect that she knows it and plays on the adoration.

 

If you want to continue to be a dreamer, then follow Megan. But let Rose go. You can't have both. At some point or another, you're going to have to let one of them down.

[KathyM]

If you want a woman who will cheat on you, go ahead and go after Meghan. I think you would be a fool to give up Rose.

[Amorfati]

From your message, Mehan looks like kind of a girl, who is not trustable. I dont think you will have future with her. Because eventually she will do the same things that she did before.

 

Its obvious that you are seriously attracted to her. But i think this is something like the things look charming because you couldnt get them. And she knows it as well.