Have I missed something here? :o(

[abouttoloseit]

Quick background because this really stumped me last night. I've been going out with this girl for 4 months, and things have been going so well. She asked me 1 month ago if it was "official". I was happy about it, so we both agreed.

 

Her last ex gave her a few problems regards trust, apparently he was hiding pictures of a girl or something on his laptop and was communicatng with her behind my now current girlfriend's back. So this left her a bit paranoid. Understandably.

 

So anyway, it's been going very well and I've enjoyed everything, we recently went to Paris for the weekend, very romantic.

 

She has quite a few male friends, of whom some she met through travel, and others she's known for a quite a few years, 1 from hight school. No probs. I also have female friends, but I don't consider them close or my best. I consider my girlfriend a best friend lol.

 

 

We were sat watching a film, when she asked me if it was ok to go around to one of her male friends house on a night I was busy. They call it a random movie night. I dont know this guy, but he's been friends with her for a while. I was a little uneased but I wasn't too miffed. I explained my feelings about it, I would NEVER stop her from going, I trust her, but I'm a guy...and if a girl Im friends with has a boyfriend, I just wouldn't ask her to watch a film alone with me. It's just weird.

 

But this is when all **** erupts. SHe lays into me about one of my female friends.

 

She has accused me of lying to her, that I obviously fancy her (my female friend). Yet she has no "proof". Only the fact that I don't talk about this girl in front of my girlfriend. Not because I'm trying to keep her a secret, I've told my girlfriend about her, and also the fact that she also has a boyfriend, of whom I know and get on with! (He even made me breakfast once).

 

I understand that because I don't talk about her that much in front of my girlfriend, it can come across has "hiding", but I can't see what I should be hiding? I don't fancy her, or want to do anything that my girlfriend is accusing me of. I've not spent any time with this girl while I've been with my girlfriend. She then also accused me of saying bad things about her to this girl (which I haven't! My girlfriend is amazing, there is nothing to complain about! Except maybe this! lol) My female friend also knows about my girlfriend. So there is nothing sinsiter.

 

So it all erupts into a big argument. Let alone on the sme day, I bought us both tickets to go watch a classical concert after she said noone has ever gone to a concert with her. The same day I also sacrificed a hobby of mine to meet her after work as she had a rough day and was having troube at home. The same day we snuggled up watching a movie all night.

 

She just erupts "You obviously fancy her because you never talk about her." I don't talk about her because she is not on my mind. It's quite simple.

 

I spend most of free time trying to meet with my girlfriend, we get on so well, she is just amazing. But I was actually scared of her, the way she threw the acusations. I coudln't beleive what I was hearing. After I explained there was nothing to worry about, she then brough up the fact that she has been through my entire facebook history (years) and found a photo of a girl I commented by saying "You have a hot body!" PLease note, this was when I was single and didn't know my current girlfriend.

 

So then my jaw just dropped. I was trying to defend myself from business she has no right digging in to! She accused of fancying this girl too. I'm like FFS.

 

Meanwhile, I still have to be cool with her going to her male friends house tomorrow.

 

I just can't believe the fact I bought us both tickets for a concert we like, spent the night with her after sacrificing the things I needed to do, and she blows up like this after I explain Im uncomfortable with her hanging out with this guy.

 

Sorry for the long post.

 

[HeartCure]

Quick background because this really stumped me last night. I've been going out with this girl for 4 months, and things have been going so well. She asked me 1 month ago if it was "official". I was happy about it, so we both agreed.

 

Her last ex gave her a few problems regards trust, apparently he was hiding pictures of a girl or something on his laptop and was communicatng with her behind my now current girlfriend's back. So this left her a bit paranoid. Understandably.

 

So anyway, it's been going very well and I've enjoyed everything, we recently went to Paris for the weekend, very romantic.

 

She has quite a few male friends, of whom some she met through travel, and others she's known for a quite a few years, 1 from hight school. No probs. I also have female friends, but I don't consider them close or my best. I consider my girlfriend a best friend lol.

 

 

We were sat watching a film, when she asked me if it was ok to go around to one of her male friends house on a night I was busy. They call it a random movie night. I dont know this guy, but he's been friends with her for a while. I was a little uneased but I wasn't too miffed. I explained my feelings about it, I would NEVER stop her from going, I trust her, but I'm a guy...and if a girl Im friends with has a boyfriend, I just wouldn't ask her to watch a film alone with me. It's just weird.

 

But this is when all **** erupts. SHe lays into me about one of my female friends.

 

She has accused me of lying to her, that I obviously fancy her (my female friend). Yet she has no "proof". Only the fact that I don't talk about this girl in front of my girlfriend. Not because I'm trying to keep her a secret, I've told my girlfriend about her, and also the fact that she also has a boyfriend, of whom I know and get on with! (He even made me breakfast once).

 

I understand that because I don't talk about her that much in front of my girlfriend, it can come across has "hiding", but I can't see what I should be hiding? I don't fancy her, or want to do anything that my girlfriend is accusing me of. I've not spent any time with this girl while I've been with my girlfriend. She then also accused me of saying bad things about her to this girl (which I haven't! My girlfriend is amazing, there is nothing to complain about! Except maybe this! lol) My female friend also knows about my girlfriend. So there is nothing sinsiter.

 

So it all erupts into a big argument. Let alone on the sme day, I bought us both tickets to go watch a classical concert after she said noone has ever gone to a concert with her. The same day I also sacrificed a hobby of mine to meet her after work as she had a rough day and was having troube at home. The same day we snuggled up watching a movie all night.

 

She just erupts "You obviously fancy her because you never talk about her." I don't talk about her because she is not on my mind. It's quite simple.

 

I spend most of free time trying to meet with my girlfriend, we get on so well, she is just amazing. But I was actually scared of her, the way she threw the acusations. I coudln't beleive what I was hearing. After I explained there was nothing to worry about, she then brough up the fact that she has been through my entire facebook history (years) and found a photo of a girl I commented by saying "You have a hot body!" PLease note, this was when I was single and didn't know my current girlfriend.

 

So then my jaw just dropped. I was trying to defend myself from business she has no right digging in to! She accused of fancying this girl too. I'm like FFS.

 

Meanwhile, I still have to be cool with her going to her male friends house tomorrow.

 

I just can't believe the fact I bought us both tickets for a concert we like, spent the night with her after sacrificing the things I needed to do, and she blows up like this after I explain Im uncomfortable with her hanging out with this guy.

 

Sorry for the long post.

 

 

Just to let you know,it seems her ex has done a a very large amount of damage to her and obviously places some kind of thought that you could also do it to her.And for the going out with a male friend thing,its kind of right to feel uneasy about such things,think about it,why would you wanna go out for amovie with just a 'friend' .The fact that she brought up your 'girl' friend is most likely an excuse so she can go out with this male friend of hers.Well this is honestly what I see from your posts.

[nofool4u]

I'd say her reaction is all too telling. She is really getting all pissed off because, I think, she is expecting something really wonderful to happen when she goes over to this male friends house...like sex. The problem is she thinks its appropriate for her to be alone at his place when you aren't anywhere around.

 

Friends of the opposite sex is fine, but there are certain interactions that are just inappropriate if you are in a committed relationship. Being alone and behind closed doors with her boyfriend nowhere in sight is one of them.

 

You need to tell her, "look, I have female friends, but I wouldn't disrespect you and hang out with one of them alone and behind closed doors while you were nowhere around"

 

And if she still doesn't get it, then I'd say you might need to think about finding a better gf.

[SoulStorm]

That's a BIG HUGE RED FLAG the size of Jupiter.

You, my friend, are now a victim of blameshifting and gas lighting.

I bet my 401k that she has used these same accusations to give her the go ahead and cheat on you. I would venture to say..she already has.

Tomorrow night will be the christening of her already emotional affair to going all out affair.

[loversquarrel]

First of all, even if she was cheated on in the past there really is no need to blow up at you like that....It's abusive behavior and it has a design. It's designed to make you feel bad for acting like an adult and talking calmly about a concern you have. You did nothing wrong, in fact you were about as mature and levelheaded as one could be. She doesn't want you to talk about something she knows is wrong.

 

Her reaction would be more normal if you were the one going over and hanging out with a female friend, especially if she had been cheated on in the past, but....SHE'S THE ONE DOING IT!!!!!

 

She is throwing a double standard at you where one doesn't really exist - she's creating one, and i'd also venture to bet she is harboring a personality disorder and you're on the verge of discovering it. I've dealt with this **** before in my own life, you are only 4 months into it and you have a huge red flag warning. Let her be someone elses problem.

 

When you are involved with someone, the place for "friends" of the opposite sex is outside and uninvolved. Period. It creates way too many problems like what we have here.

[Wanderer25]

Denial at its finest. It might well be that she is projecting her cheating on you. Too many red flags. Consider the scenario that she maybe she is cheating on you first so that you can hurt her later by cheating on her. She seems to be damaged by her past relationship.

[Leigh 87]

When I fikst met my b/f, after about 4 months, although we really liked each other, I thought it would be ok to watch a DVD with a guy.

 

 

I had slept with the guy before, before I met my b/f, and he was super hot. However, I am a loyal girl, and I liked my boyfriend and knew I had no intention of cheating; the guy coming over agreed, he just wanted to hang out and watch southpark DVDs, as he finds me funny to be around.

 

I did not think I was wrong, because I had no intention of cheating. I knew it was just a guy I was going to watch a DVD with. However, upon thinking more about it, it WAs totally innapropriate, even though I DID NOT have any ill intent towards my partner.

 

You should tell your gf that it is innapprioriate to hang out with dudes and watch movies with them alone, when u have a boyfriend. I realized the error of my ways, and have never done it again since.

I would not like my bf doing it to me, so ....