kab04 Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 I need some feedback or advice on an Ex-Wife that has gone insane. If there is an ex-wife here that could give me some insight, that would be great. Here's my story: 2 1/2 years ago my boyfriends wife cheated on him. She admitted it and wanted out of the marriage. She immediately started dating someone else, my fiancee was alone for two years to straighten his head out and to pay full attention to their children (at the time the kids were 13 and 9). Well, he got straightened out and then he and I met and started dating. We dated long distance for a long time (10 months and 3 states away) and then I recently moved to the same area. When he and I started dating the ex-wife procrastinated signing the papers - she was the one who wanted the divorce, she's the one who filed. Well, once I moved down here about 10 months later, my fiancee really pressured her to get things moving. She still wouldn't do anything (even though her boyfriend has resided in the same house with her and the children the entire time of separation). WELL, as of June 2nd, the divorce was final after he finally had to file the papers again in his name. They have joint custody (he has them literally half the time) yet he still pays her $500 a month. She and I have never met, I don't feel she needs to be in my life like that. I have no desire to know her at all. She has called me screaming, talked horribly about my fiancee and I in front of the kids (now 15 and 11)...she's been a nasty human being. Tells her children that she isn't giving them money and to ask us for it. Do you know that last week my boyfriend asked her to watch them for a few extra days when we go out of town on vacation(gave her a month advance notice per the divorce papers) and she wanted to charge him $30 a day to watch her own children?? She has the kids crying ALL the time when they are with her, grilling them about us and what we do. Do you know that she called me one night and told me I couldn't lock my bedroom door when I went to sleep at night? How insane is it that she actually KNOWS that??? Its freaky! She got better for about a month because she claimed she was going back to church and she was a changed person, but yesterday she called Jeff yelling about money and how we should be buying for the kids left and right. We buy the kids EVERYTHING, she gets them NOTHING (unless its to out-do us). BUT he hates upsetting the kids, so he never defends himself to them, he just lets the psychotic ex rant and rave and talk poorly about us (which I understand him taking the higher road). Will she always dangle the money thing over our heads? I'm constantly afraid she'll take him back to court for more child support money that she doesn't deserve. Will this fade away when she gets over this "jealousy"? HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
KimberlyG Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 You are caught up in an ongoing toxic divorce. You must realize that when two people divorce there are usually tons of unresolved feelings (anger, guilt, etc.). The exwife seems to be acting irrationally but she's motivated by all these unresolved feelings. Although she no longer wants her husband - the thought of him going on with his life and finding someone else is painful so she's lashing out. She doesn't want him but she doesn't want anyone else to want him. This is typical. I had to deal with a crazy exwife before myself. Same scenario. She went nuts when me and her ex got serious. She caused us alot of grief. This woman is always going to be there due to the children. You need to ask yourself if you're willing to put up with it. My rule is not to date anyone who has a psycho exwife who wants to cause problems - it's not worth it. But in this day and age everyone with kids who is divorced has an exwife that comes along as part of the package. I've dated two guys whose ex's started a bunch of crap when we started dating. Jealousy and craziness. I couldn't handle it - that's why I'm currently single. I want a man who doesn't have all that baggage attached. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kab04 Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 He actually is worth it. He is the person I'm supposed to be with, the love of my life (might sound cheesy). But its true. We laugh at her and how stupid and silly she's being, so in regards to it affecting our relationship, it doesn't. She's been doing this for so long, we expect it more often than we actually get it. I just get upset for him. He actually seems like it doesn't bother him anymore, but occasionally he'll say "I hate the way she's being for the kids". There is nothing I can do to help him and I hate that. I guess thats why I need to see if all ex-wives are that insane and its not just our situation. After reading other posts, I guess the situation could be worse and she could be threatening both of us! Thanks for the post... Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 kab04, Even though I am an ex wife myself, I have NEVER been the thorn in my ex-husband's life or his new relationship. Luckily for me I am not a jealous person. He certainly has gotten on with his life but the way I see it is this......If he betters himself and his life then the children will benefit along with him. But...that's me! My children live with their father full time because I cannot afford to look after them properly. They deserve much more than what I could financially provide to them. I have been in YOUR shoes though! I was dating a fellow for 7 years and he had THE WORST ex-wife in history! You know what she did? She fraudulantly took him to court saying that he had not paid he ANY child support in 8 years. My stupid ex-boyfriend paid her in cash because she was receiving assistance from the government at the time and did not want to declare anything, so she convinced him that she would not take him to court and that it was best done this way so she could spend all of the monies given on their son. Ya right! She also had a nasty habbit of calling on the telephone and screaming the most terrible things at him & in turn that would make him absolutly foul for the next few days. Alike your b/friends ex.....she also played little head games with her son. She told him that if I had the chance that I was going to make sure that he (the child) did not see his Daddy any-more. This was absolutly un-true. She also had a nervous breakdown and landed herself in the hospital when she found out that 4 years after their divorce; he was living with me. She played all this out in front of her son and it was actually he (the child) that called 9-1-1 for her! I hated her! What I did was step up to the plate for him. I started picking up the son, I was the one handing her, her child support payments so that she knew that I am witness to the payment and would not be able to pull another stunt like the one she had pulled. I began to be "liason" between the two of them. When should would call for him I simply told her that he was not home and I would take a message for her so therefore there was NO MORE yelling, NO MORE name calling. She at that point became accountable to ME. It took some time but she did settle down after a while. I had to be very, very strong. This was not an easy task for me to take on but at the time I felt that my b/friend was worth it to me. Just my little opinion, I hope you stay strong! remain faithful and diligent to him. He will LOVE you forever for it!!! Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
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