The Anti-GIGS Thread - IRRELEVANCY EXPLAINED!!!!!

[lalalandman]

Let me start off by making one thing very clear:

 

I AM NOT TRYING TO DISPROVE GIGS.

 

What I am attempting to prove in this thread is: Irrelevant.

 

So you think GIGS explains your breakup. Relationships end for all sorts of reasons. And when you mesh it all up, it really is just, unexplainable. Similar to love. And just as unexplainable as love is, so is falling out of love.

 

And I can tell you one thing for certain. GIGS is not the answer. It's just not.

 

What you're actually doing is alleviating your ex from reason. GIGS essentially concludes that your ex left you for NO REASON. I know I know, you were great. Loved them. Showered them with affection. Always there for them. And just out of the blue, they were gone. It's not your fault.

 

GIGS is denial. I'm sorry to say. Truly.

 

There was something missing, even if you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

 

GIGS is only as real as you make it. And really, it's just a cop-out. Your actions, words and thoughts all had something to do with your breakup. The best thing you can do now is seek happiness. Learn and grow. Better yourself. Heck, your ex may even come back later, and you both may have reconciliation...

 

...yea, great. But in the meantime, leave the past behind.

[Nightsky]

The only value in GIGS is to cheer yourself up by looking at relationships in black and white format. It hardly can explain any action taken when examined more clearly this should be obvious from the limitless situations it attempts to apply itself to.

 

So in essence GIGS can cheer you up by telling yourself "ah its so simple the grass looked greener on the other side" but the detriment is such a simple approach can leave you with less then full life philosophies in dealing with the ongoing complex issues of relationship which never truly end.

[heartonsleeve76]

Interesting. But what it really boils down to, is there is always a reason why they left. And what people are trying to do here is seek answers for when the dumper so often gives none. GIGS is perhaps one of many possible explanations for what caused them to leave, although most of us will probably never know the true reason why their exes left. It is an idea that this community of dumpees has clung to because it helps answer or at least alleve the hurt that is caused. Even if it isnt really what happened, people find just a bit of comfort in believing GIGS could be a possible answer, and therefore helps us cope with some of the pain.

 

When my ex left last year for example, she gave me all the classic lines as to why she was leaving me. 6 months later she tells me the supposed real reason why she left me back then. And yet it still didnt solve anything. She still left me again, even though I did none of the things this time that were supposedly why she left the first time. Only she knows why she left each time, and I will probably never get a straight answer. The only simple conclusion was that she no longer wanted to be with me. Why that is is anyones guess. I can only imagine, thats its because she went back to her ex baby daddy. And since that is what I decided to believe, I will never take her back again. It will be much easier for me to just get over her and eventually find someone new.

[gibson]

What you're actually doing is alleviating your ex from reason. GIGS essentially concludes that your ex left you for NO REASON. I know I know, you were great. Loved them. Showered them with affection. Always there for them. And just out of the blue, they were gone. It's not your fault.

 

GIGS is denial. I'm sorry to say. Truly.

 

There was something missing, even if you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

 

Your actions, words and thoughts all had something to do with your breakup.

 

Got to love this post...

 

This coming from a kid that has little or no life experience and was just dumped. Let's also overlook the fact that he stayed in a dysfunctional relationship where he was cheated on and dumped numerous times and keep going back for many, many years.

 

That's right people... if you were dumped, it was due to something that you did or didn't do and always your fault!

 

If you were cheated on, it's your fault!

 

If you date someone and they abuse you, it's your fault!

 

If you date a commitment phoebe and they don't commit to you, it's your fault!

 

If your HS sweetheart dumps you so they can go have the "college experience", it's all your fault!

 

If your husband leaves you for his assistant, it's all your fault!

 

If the person you are dating develops a drinking problem and destroys the relationship, it's all your fault!

 

If you date someone and they don't want to settle down, stay in a relationship or marry you, that's all your fault!

 

I mean if lalalandman was really being honest he would tell you...

 

You would not even be here on LS if you weren't such a bad GF / BF or if something wasn't wrong with you... Otherwise you would have married your first love.

 

Get a clue lalalandman. Considering your history with dating and since you are all or nothing even if they cheat on you and treat you like crap... no wonder G.I.G.S. is such a hard concept for you to grasp.

 

I had G.I.G.S. most of the people I knew around 18 - 25 had G.I.G.S. too. You can also see the countless posts here on LS of kids in this age range that dump or get dumped by someone who wants to "sow our oats", see what was out there, focus on careers, focus on school, travel, go backpacking through Europe, sleep around, party, have the "college experience", etc.

 

Being dumped by someone who is going through that "Phase" (G.I.G.S.) doesn't change the fact that you were dumped, it doesn't make the pain of losing someone any less and it doesn't bring the person back. It is what it is... The relationship is over.

Edited April 13, 2012 by gibson

[Million.to.1]

I agree. The only thing that matters is that they don't want to be with you anymore.

 

GIGS is just something to grasp onto to make it easier. Whenever i read posters here ramble on about GIGS as if it's a formula that can be accurately predicted I just feel sorry for them.

[leoc1973]

How can you explain the hundreds of posts you read that say they dumped a guy/gal who was so sweet and perfect and don't even know why they did it. And now they would do anything for a second chance but their ex doesn't want them?

 

Yes I will admitt when I see people on here that say they made mistakes and treated their ex's like crap and think their ex's are going through gigs its another thing but its a real thing. A young person sees all their friends out having the time of their lives and want a taste of it so they start to look at the person they are with and pick them apart and make up a million little reasons to dump them.

 

They go out have some fun. Run into a lot of ****ty guys then it hits them that the grass really isn't greener. I am sure that there are girls that dump their really great over all boyfriends and go out to find an even more compatible guy so in that case the grass was greener.

 

And how do you sit there and tell someone that went through it that there is no such thing when they have first hand knowledge of what the feelings were while they were doing it?

[gibson]

Whenever i read posters here ramble on about GIGS as if it's a formula that can be accurately predicted I just feel sorry for them.

 

Nothing can be accurately predicted huh?

 

You will think I am a modern day Nostradamus then....

 

A Break = Break up

 

Commitment Phoebe = Will not commit to you

 

Serial Cheater = Will cheat on you

 

Dating someone who is married = Doesn't leave their spouse and if they do, will cheat on you.

 

People that jump from relationship to relationship = Before yours is over, will have someone / another relationship to jump into.

 

If you "steal" someone from someone else = Someone else is going to "steal" them from you.

 

If the person has a history of abusing people they date = They will abuse you.

 

Drug / Alcohol / Gambling Addictions = They will love it more than you, it destroys lives and families.

 

BPD / NPD / Etc. = A ticking time bomb waiting to go off and it will not end well for you.

 

18 - 25 age group = You will date several people, be in several LTR and go through many break ups.

 

I could go on and on and on...

Edited April 13, 2012 by gibson

[Reddice]

I think GIGS should be seen as an explanation to a phenomenon and not a serious diagnosis. The phenomenon being: Ex'es who try to come back years after a break-up. This is something which does seem to happen from time to time. What might have contributed to the break-up and why do they want to come back? Only then can one look at GIGS and try to find some kind of peace in what happened. If you look at it the other way around, it will only serve as some kind of false hope for many people.

[wilsonx]

LOL @ the bitter op whose ex keeps hosing him because he doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand what she says or does. Every single time you posted about your ex Smokey and i gave you flawless advice on how to deal with it. We gave you the football and you continously fumbled it. It's ok if you aren't ready or don't understand but don't say something doesn't exist because you suck at listening not only to us but your ex, your ex is a walking gigs case.

 

You are just being a coward because you don't want to look in the mirror and see you are wrong and emotionally immature to handle that situation. At any time you can move on, stop posting here and go out and find what you want but you don't, you come here and troll

 

Your last post about your ex saying she was pregnant, she was joking with you, you took it seriously, I saw it a mile away. You should have told her to come over let's make twins, she would have been on you like white on rice. You arent ready for someone as good as her

Edited April 13, 2012 by wilsonx

[Jono85]

I agree. The only thing that matters is that they don't want to be with you anymore.

 

GIGS is just something to grasp onto to make it easier. Whenever i read posters here ramble on about GIGS as if it's a formula that can be accurately predicted I just feel sorry for them.

 

 

Agree with everything million.to.1 said, word for word.

 

GIGS proponents or theorists are weak-minded. Yeah, I said it. The whole thing is a complete joke. The stages? LOL. People in here think they're doctors or professionals, I've grown to just ignore them. But it's pathetic.

 

"They're just not that into you" ...the end.

[lalalandman]

My thread IS about looking in the mirror. The power is in our hands. That is part of the point I am trying to get across. I'm not trolling. I am trying to help people. As mentioned in the op, I'm not saying GIGS isn't real necessarily. All I'm saying is that it's just something you need to let go of.

 

Trust me my friend, if there's anybody that needs to "snap" out of something, it's you.

[Jono85]

Nothing can be accurately predicted huh?

 

You will think I am a modern day Nostradamus then....

 

A Break = Break up

 

Commitment Phoebe = Will not commit to you

 

Serial Cheater = Will cheat on you

 

Dating someone who is married = Doesn't leave their spouse and if they do, will cheat on you.

 

People that jump from relationship to relationship = Before yours is over, will have someone / another relationship to jump into.

 

If you "steal" someone from someone else = Someone else is going to "steal" them from you.

 

If the person has a history of abusing people they date = They will abuse you.

 

Drug / Alcohol / Gambling Addictions = They will love it more than you, it destroys lives and families.

 

BPD / NPD / Etc. = A ticking time bomb waiting to go off and it will not end well for you.

 

18 - 25 age group = You will date several people, be in several LTR and go through many break ups.

 

I could go on and on and on...

 

what the hell does all that rambling have to do with GIGS

[Nohbody]

I think GIGS serves a purpose up to a point, may facilitate some healing, and may act as a (flawed) road map at a very confusing and painful time in one's life.

 

That being said, I don't believe in GIGS.

[wilsonx]

Friends admire, respect those that have a different opinion then them. They are willing to listen. They are understanding. They accept their friend for who they are and dont wish or try to instill change on them. They dont publicly call them out and say I can't wait till they give up.

 

You haven't bashed gibson? He's been doing this A LOT longer then I have.

 

You have some sort of vendetta against me, which means Im on the pedestal, you fear my advice, that I could be right so you try to change me or hope that I do to validate yourself as being right because you dont want to be wrong, especially with your ex.

Edited April 13, 2012 by wilsonx

[EmergenC]

I have to say, when I was 17 - 18. I'd been with my High School sweet-heart for about 2 years.

 

She never put a foot wrong and loved me with all of her heart.

 

For 3 or so months before we broke up I already had thoughts I couldn't supress running around my mind. I wanted out and it was growing every day. No reason, I just did. Looking back, I don't even know why I wanted out. There was no reason, in my case, there wasn't even another girl on the scene.

 

I didn't say a word to her about what I was thinking or feeling, to all intents and purposes she probably thought everything was beautiful. I wasn't sure how to end things, so I just sat and waited. One morning I had a lesson cancelled so I went to look my girlfriend. I found her chatting innocently with a group of guys and that was it, that was all I needed. One tiny bit of jealousy was enough of a catalyst for me to use it as "a reason". She looked at me walking down the hallway, caught my eye. I shook my head and her expression dropped. I turned around and started walking away. She knew what I was doing. She was crying her eyes out and I kept walking. I didn't have anything to say to her, had no consideration for what she was feeling or any respect for the years and memories we had shared. I was single minded. I didn't know what I was thinking, there were no reasons I could offer up I just kept walking.

 

2 or 3 weeks later after all the guys were showing interest I got jealous and wanted her back. Had she been on a forum like this, i'm sure people could have offered her good advice on how to handle a guy like me. Instead, she took me straight back. We had sex, spent the day together and almost immediately my feelings changed back to wanting to be single again. I had my cake, I was eating it. She asked me there and then with tears in her eyes again, "what do you want ? Today was like falling in love with you all over again." I didn't know what I wanted, so again I walked. That was the end.

 

Had things like social networking/facebook etc etc existed I may have tracked her down several years later. On occasions over the years I would think of her from time to time. All I knew was her home number, I would never have the balls to ring that. Had we somehow found a way to get back in touch, things may have been different.

 

10 odd years on, am I anything like the guy I was back then ? Absolutely not, I haven't been since about the age of 23. In retrospect, my personality has been pretty rocksteady since then. But before that I was just a swirling mix of opposing thoughts and changing minds.

 

*I guess what i'm saying is from my own point of view, call it GIGS call it growing up, call it what you like. It is a very real, confusing process that a lot of people go through. I'm sure we all have in some way shape or form. Maybe relationships werent caught in the crossfire, but we all go through this weird conflicting metamorphosis around these years 18 - 25. I think the reason GIGS is getting so much stick is because the one thing everyone, EVERYONE wants after a breakup is a REASON. Something concrete, something to hold onto. Because the nature of GIGS is one that also offers up some hope and wipes the dumpee of blame to a degree. I think perhaps too many people who more than likely don't fall under the category truly, latch onto it. It's perfect... you can sleep at night, you have your reason... it's not you, it's him/her, they're going through a phase, give it a few years they'll be back. It's almost like a quick fix to your broken heart. Which is partly why I think it's getting stick, because A LOT of people latch onto it on these forums. I don't see too much wrong with that. Whatever gets people to sleep at night... to find their appetites returning... to give them some piece of mind... to get them through those first couple of really crappy weeks/months until the healing can begin and they can look back at things with a bit more clarity and balance. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.*

Edited April 13, 2012 by EmergenC

[Nightsky]

People often have a short term memory for why they broke up. That goes on both sides. After time has passed the dumper or dumpee will often contact each other and stir up old feeling. I think it’s very good thinking to avoid going back to a relationship that ended but some times it’s unavoidable. This doesn’t mean GIGS at all though.

 

As far as a young relationship ending for no profound reason that doesn’t mean GIGS either. I mean did a killer who has no real reason other than “they needed to die” have GIGS for committing the crime of murder. That’s why GIGS is silly to me. It’s a real reason to end a relationship if you’ve stopped enjoying it the point you want out for even a silly or serious reason depending on how much importance you put on enjoying your life.

 

People latch onto catchy titles for comfort. I think its important to remember that it’s not your fault if a relationship ends necessarily. Some times relationship don’t work out and it doesn’t have to be any ones fault. Opening new doors is fun, but closing the old open door of a relationship is painful. People try to keep that door open and that’s really what is at play. Trying to keep doors open. The problem is this prevents you from opening new ones that might have been better. Some times its worth, and some times its not. Hind sight is always 20/20 though. You make decisions in real time, not hind sight.

 

So yes just saying oh it was GIGS is comforting. Though I think it would be better to just focus on the idea that its no ones fault and a relationship that ends was supposed to end. Then of course healing techniques like NC. Also understanding the human psychology to want to keep all doors open.

 

Oh and Gibson you just wrote a bunch of stuff like serial cheater that has nothing to do with GIGS.

[leoc1973]

I think some people confuse gigs with taking someone for granted. Knowing how much someone loves you and knowing that you can go play the field and still come back when you want to.

 

I think thats where a lot of the breadcrumbs come in. With gigs they just don't really care. They are free they can do what they want but the taking someone for granted is different. You keep throwing out breadcrumbs and seeing how much longer you have and if you can continue to do this to someone.

 

See in my case I am confused. Originally it seemed like gigs and when I came on this site smokey and wilson told me the stages she would go through and she did. Like literally right to textbook form. But now looking back I think that she always kinda had her hooks in me and now that I am moving on she is coming around.

[lalalandman]

Wilson, listen, man, I don't have any vendetta. Honestly. I'm not denying whether or not people have GIGS. My argument is, who cares? Why focus on the disease? Why focus your attention on them. This thread is about YOU. Read it again.

 

@ Gibson, I can't tell if he's agreeing with me or bashing me or both. So no comment there.

[Hol]

I do think GIGS exists, but I also think people use it to help themselves feel better.

Cming from a person who had GIGS, I obviously didnt know at the time. But when I look at it now its so true.

I leftt my ex ex who I had been with for a year for someone else, a bad boy. After 2 months of being with this other man, also stringing my ex along, I went back to my ex. Realising that the he was the best thing for me.

So as I said I do think it exists, but it is used too much as an excuse. Break ups happen for a lot of reasons, which sometimes arent explained.

[Mme. Chaucer]

There's no "syndrome." Sometimes people are not ready for what they have. Maybe they think there's something better, maybe not. Bottom line is, they were not ready. Or, it was not right for them.

 

Some people are never going to be content. It's still not a syndrome - it's a characteristic, and we're all better off if we don't end up with such a person.

 

AND, sometimes the grass REALLY IS GREENER elsewhere. This doesn't mean that the dumped person was flawed. It just means that the dumper needs something different than what that relationship offered.

 

I am flabbergasted by the large amount of posts I read here that include an "analysis" of somebody else's break up, that all boils down to this so-called "syndrome."

[EgoJoe]

What I don't get is how this whole thing is getting so blown out of proportion.

 

GIGS agrees with observation as far as an explanation for the crazy behavior, inconsistencies and breadcrumbs Dumpees experience.

 

But, Lala has a good point as well. The problem I see festering is the same thing I saw festering when CaliGuy and I were posting back and forth is the fact that people while disagreeing about certain things; agree on a fundamental level with regard to the explanation itself.

 

I suppose my point is that of course it might be irrelevent to the point of moving on but it is not irrelevent to the point of WHY and WTF just happened?

 

When I see these threads pop up now, this is my thought process when I read the replies and arguments:

 

Did my Ex "get GIGS"? Yes.

Was the relationship perfect? No.

Am I to blame for some dissent? Yes.

Did I do everything wrong that I was accused of? Not even close.

Why was she so crazy and ridiculous? Emotional immaturity, lack of knowledge with regard to her ego and life in general.

Will she be back? I don't even want to think about or consider it.

What does it mean in the long term? That my relationship is over and this is one reason, among many, why.

What am I going to do now? Continually expound upon my perspective and improve myself to lengths that will repair my broken pride and wounded ego.

[69ways]

Let me start off by making one thing very clear:

 

I AM NOT TRYING TO DISPROVE GIGS.

 

What I am attempting to prove in this thread is: Irrelevant.

 

So you think GIGS explains your breakup. Relationships end for all sorts of reasons. And when you mesh it all up, it really is just, unexplainable. Similar to love. And just as unexplainable as love is, so is falling out of love.

 

And I can tell you one thing for certain. GIGS is not the answer. It's just not.

 

What you're actually doing is alleviating your ex from reason. GIGS essentially concludes that your ex left you for NO REASON. I know I know, you were great. Loved them. Showered them with affection. Always there for them. And just out of the blue, they were gone. It's not your fault.

 

GIGS is denial. I'm sorry to say. Truly.

 

There was something missing, even if you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

 

GIGS is only as real as you make it. And really, it's just a cop-out. Your actions, words and thoughts all had something to do with your breakup. The best thing you can do now is seek happiness. Learn and grow. Better yourself. Heck, your ex may even come back later, and you both may have reconciliation...

 

...yea, great. But in the meantime, leave the past behind.

 

Thank God some users are still sane in here

[threebyfate]

Technically, GIGs doesn't exist within the psychiatric community but it can be symptomatic of a valid personality disorder.

[gibson]

It's not a DISEASE or a DISORDER and nobody has every said it was.

 

G.I.G.S. is just a TERM we use here on LS to describe what is very common in young adults who go and "sow your wild oats", youth rebellion, "take a ride on the wild side", see what was out there, focus on careers, hang with friends, focus on school, travel, go backpacking through Europe, sleep around, party, have the "college experience", etc.

 

There is nothing wrong with someone who has the need / desire to go through that "Phase".... It's a perfectly normal, natural and healthy thing to do.

 

Why people get hung on the TERM we use to describe that "Phase" that a lot of young adults go through it beyond me.

 

Being dumped by someone who is going through that "Phase" (G.I.G.S.) doesn't change the fact that you were dumped, it doesn't make the pain of losing someone any less and it doesn't bring the person back. It is what it is... The relationship is over.

 

People attacked the TERM... So if we all don't like the TERM G.I.G.S.... Anyone else have a suggestion on what we can call it?

 

S.T.W.O.S. (Sow their wild oats syndrome)????

 

I.W.T.A.L.A.C.C.F.S. (I want to act like a crazy college freshman syndrome)????

 

A.L.I.S.B.I.C.M.S. (Act like it's Spring Break in Cancun, Mexico syndrome)????

 

I.A.M.O.W.H.M.R.S. (I am man or women, hear me roar syndrome)????

 

T.T.P.L.A.R.S.S. (Time to party like a rock star syndrome)????

 

Y.A.D.A.F.O.C.S. (Young and dumb and full of cum syndrome)????

 

Any other suggestions? I am all ears...

Edited April 29, 2012 by gibson

[69ways]

It's not a DISEASE or a DISORDER and nobody has every said it was.

 

G.I.G.S. is just a TERM we use here on LS to describe what is very common in young adults who go and "sow your wild oats", youth rebellion, "take a ride on the wild side", see what was out there, focus on careers, hang with friends, focus on school, travel, go backpacking through Europe, sleep around, party, have the "college experience", etc.

 

There is nothing wrong with someone who has the need / desire to go through that "Phase".... It's a perfectly normal, natural and healthy thing to do.

 

Why people get hung on the TERM we use to describe that "Phase" that a lot of young adults go through it beyond me.

 

Being dumped by someone who is going through that "Phase" (G.I.G.S.) doesn't change the fact that you were dumped, it doesn't make the pain of losing someone any less and it doesn't bring the person back. It is what it is... The relationship is over.

 

People attacked the TERM... So if we all don't like the TERM G.I.G.S.... Anyone else have a suggestion on what we can call it?

 

S.T.W.O.S. (Sow their wild oats syndrome)????

 

I.W.T.A.L.A.C.C.F.S. (I want to act like a crazy college freshman syndrome)????

 

A.L.I.S.B.I.C.M.S. (Act like it's Spring Break in Cancun, Mexico syndrome)????

 

I.A.M.O.W.H.M.R.S. (I am man or women, hear me roar syndrome)????

 

T.T.P.L.A.R.S.S. (Time to party like a rock star syndrome)????

 

Y.A.D.A.F.O.C.S. (Young and dumb and full of cum syndrome)????

 

Any other suggestions? I am all ears...

 

I know one I.T.T.S.O.A.C.S.B.I.C.S.I.U.C.S (I try to shout over a computer screen but I cant so I use caps)