The Anti-GIGS Thread - IRRELEVANCY EXPLAINED!!!!!

[lalalandman]

And now you're being patronizing. But I hope you enjoyed your stay.

 

I'm sure this thread had an impact. I'm out.

[gibson]

After a 5 year, she dumped me 4 months ago. I thought we could take it slow but instead she just spilled a bunch of crap on me about how much she screwed around town. Seems like a case of GIGS since she finished school, started her career, moved to a new town, out of the parents house with roommates at 24 yrs young.

 

lalalandman, the above quote is taken directly from the following thread:

 

Difficult Not Picking Up her Calls

 

Let's see...

 

1. 5 year relationship - Check

2. 24 years old - Check

3. Just finished school - Check

4. Started Career - Check

5. Moved to a new town - Check

6. Left mommy and daddy - Check

7. New "good time" friends - Check

8. Dumped you - Check

9. Screwing Everything that moves - Check

10. Dropping tons of breadcrumbs - Check

 

Based on everything I have written about G.I.G.S... Your Ex sure does "check off" a lot of the boxes.

 

You saying your Ex has G.I.G.S... Priceless!

Edited May 2, 2012 by gibson

[betterdeal]

And therein lies the difference between him and you: his thinking has evolved.

[lalalandman]

Yes i understand you and Wilson are masters of research. Do a little more and you'll see how I progressively left the GIGS idea in the gutter. How do you think I got to this point?

 

You see, I understand where your "research" falls short. Yes, I wasonce a believer, in my weak days. I read your brochure. I needed SOMETHING at the time. I was weak and didn't know any better.

 

But thank you for introducing me to your GIGS theory. It took me a believer to eventually see what a load of crap it was.

[betterdeal]

The thing with every theory, be it BPD, GIGS, HSP or any you care to mention is they are created at a fixed point in time, with whatever knowledge was available to the theorist at that time, and goes through the interpretive filter that is the mind of the theorist, and the reader. Assuming no-one has complete knowledge, almost all theories will be incomplete. Einstein extrapolated on this, when asked about his theory of special relativity, and basically said, someone will disprove it in time.

 

American pop culture looks down on theory as being insubstantial, almost akin to hearsay or gossip. But in science, theory is not so disregarded: The theory of gravity is still a theory, and one that so far no-one has convincingly disproved. It is therefore, a valid theory so far as we know.

 

As far as we know. That's key to scientific progress. It's key to personal progress too.

 

With specific regard to GIGS as a theory, given there are myriad ways in which people can be, any theory about how people behave and are is likely to be true in some cases. This does not make it a good or bad theory, just that it's limited like any other theory, and is like pulling 3 socks out of a drawer with 3 red and 3 blue socks in it and declaring you have found a way to guarantee you have at least one matching pair of socks.

 

GIGS as it is used, and particularly wilsonx's regular reference to it, in his distinctive fire and brimstone style, doesn't offer much love, affection, kindred spirit, support, camaraderie, kindness, understanding, to the people it's being offered to. It comes across more as a point-scoring exercise between wilsonx and his perceived opponents on this site. It's about some internecine argument rather than helping another, per se.

 

Mysterious-to-the-uninitiated comments along the lines of "Phase 4 GIGS, definitely" followed by a scrappy argument about GIGS in a thread about a specific situation more often than not see the OP rapidly disappear. Rightly, IMO, they find it unhelpful and move on, hopefully to get better advice elsewhere. Otherwise their curiosity is pricked, they read up about this new theory that isn't to be found elsewhere on the interwebs and become absorbed in it, either briefly or for a long time. Some reject it; others support it.

 

Basically, I find the use of GIGS tortuously dull and unhelpful, and GIGS itself as a theory pretty nebulous and obvious. And, to get to the nub of the problem I have with it is that what GIGS doesn't offer, as far as I can see, is a way out of having your head so far up your ex's arse that you forget to live your own life. Help people do that and you're onto a winner.

[wilsonx]

what no bash at gibson/homebrew?

 

awww youre so cute betterdeal. you turn me on sometimes when im lonely. can we cuddle too, you me 69ways and lalalandman alll in a big circle and watch sex and the city reruns

 

We help people lalalandman wanted his ex back more then anything, still does, only lies about it on this forum. He doesnt respect it so it slaps him in the face

 

I did the same with 69ways, he doesnt respect it, so it slaps him in the face too.

If these people wanted to truely move on, they would. Its been OVER A YEAR for both of them. Their words do not match their actions. They do not have to come to the forums anymore, they can go out live their lives, make new friends, date new women, etc. They choose not to for whatever reason.

 

That is their problem. Not GIGS. Not the advice I offer. Theirs and Theirs alone. To bash the theory of it and say it doesnt exist when ITS ALL OVER this forum is stupid

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/324077-if-there-such-thing-gigs-3.html#post3977884 Guy got hosed by GIGS 3 times. He respects it. He doesnt resent it or his ex's. He moved on just fine 3 times

Edited May 2, 2012 by wilsonx

[EgoJoe]

I don't understand how the underlying point of GIGS is being lost here. Move on because it is unfeasible to wait. Rather than work on things your Ex chose to run away with some residual feelings.

 

For me, everything else falls by the wayside to the aforementioned facts.

 

In that light GIGS is (IMO) an inalienable truth.

 

Afterthought: I do agree and appreciate Betterdeal piping in with a very concise description and example of theory and the practical applications of theoretical thinking as far as one can when applying models to reality.

[betterdeal]

what no bash at gibson/homebrew?

 

Because I find your use of it particularly dull, monotonous and unhelpful. Rather like your BPD phase.

 

awww youre so cute betterdeal. you turn me on sometimes when im lonely. can we cuddle too, you me 69ways and lalalandman alll in a big circle and watch sex and the city reruns

 

Intimacy and kindness scare you. I get it. When you lack a strong sense of self, it's easier to hide behind filibuster and half-cocked understandings of other people's ideas. Develop your sense of self, that thing that resides right in the centre of your reality and you won't need to erect these artifices.

 

We help people lalalandman wanted his ex back more then anything, still does, only lies about it on this forum. He doesnt respect it so it slaps him in the face

 

Ah, more of the wilsonx preternatural skill in knowing what other people want. If they say otherwise, they're lying. You do realise that is the same tactic the Taliban use?

 

I did the same with 69ways, he doesnt respect it, so it slaps him in the face too.

 

I don't respect ideas, be they Islam or GIGS. They're just thoughts.

 

If these people wanted to truely move on, they would. Its been OVER A YEAR for both of them. Their words do not match their actions. They do not have to come to the forums anymore, they can go out live their lives, make new friends, date new women, etc. They choose not to for whatever reason.

 

Much like yourself then?

 

That is their problem. Not GIGS. Not the advice I offer. Theirs and Theirs alone. To bash the theory of it and say it doesnt exist when ITS ALL OVER this forum is stupid

 

You're still not getting the point, but then you have a lot invested in not getting the point so it's not surprising. The theory itself can apply to some situations. The way in which you tout it around is positively tedious to observers and a hindrance to the naive who waste time and emotion on something that is over. Perhaps it's enticing to do so because they are overwhelmed by the idea that they have to live their lives, to engage with someone else, to possibly be hurt again. But really, it's just sticking a dirty thumb in the wound and then wondering why it won't heal. So just like the little crowd of followers you had during your BPD / Emotional Abuse routines, there's people who take what you say to heart. How long before this latest mask you wear slips, I wonder?

[GaelicSoul]

If you go with "GIGS" and assume it's real, then you are giving your dumper Ex an easy break by saying, "Hey, they just don't know it yet, but someday they will snap out of it". "There growing up, it's natural, i need to relax and let them sow their wild oats" Fine.... "ill Let them do whatever they want, let them sow their wild oats. It's cool" " Got a breadcrumb, ill ignore that, its GIGS Phase X"

 

But deep down, you are just making excuses, and you will always be looking at the watch and phone and wondering, "When will i hear from him/her!?" "They are still in Phase X" , "Any day now..." "It's a rebound".... "

 

That's unhealthy and it's not getting real.

 

This prevents true healing. Your not really accepting the reality of their gone.

 

The problem is that blind and stupid love can make someone unwilling or unable to accept see the realities of a poorly matched partner from the outset. Attraction isn't a choice, but you must look at yourself and ask why you choose these types of partners. Concerning Unconditional love when applied to your family is fine. Your mother is your mother, your sister is your sister, you might disagree and fight with them, but there is still a basic love and understanding. Relationships are different.

 

Here is an excerpt from an article i read

 

Is Unconditional Love Healthy? | Happen Magazine

 

"When this concept of Unconditional love is applied to romantic love, things get a little murkier. “Expecting or granting unconditional love in romantic relationships poses real hazards to individual emotional health,” says Anderson. “It creates optimal conditions for abuse (‘I love you unconditionally, so you may treat me horribly, but I’ll still remain true’), codependency (‘I’ll be everything to you and ignore my own needs’), and loss of authentic self (‘I love you so much I’ll be whoever you want me to be!’).” If love is given completely without any conditions attached, then forgiveness for any and all transgressions or slights can be reasonably expected — at all times, and without question. By this definition, you are in effect saying you will be willing to tolerate whatever comes along — good or bad — because you love the person, regardless of how healthy or unhealthy the relationship is for either partner.

 

The idea of unconditional love sets the expectation for complete forgiveness, always, but what I don’t hear people talk about in this situation is the idea of forgetting,” says Major. “People remember significant events in their lives and, to that end, tend to remember quite vividly every time they get hurt, both physically and emotionally. The mind remembers these events in the hopes of being able to avoid that pain from happening again. So the question now becomes, where does the memory of that pain go?” It may be less about loving unconditionally than about discovering your personal threshold for forgiveness. "

 

I will not love any Girlfriend "Unconditionally" It's not healthy. Your not setting any boundaries, and are setting yourself for more torture and heartbreak

 

"romantic love means being in a relationship with someone that is mutually rewarding, pleasurable and beneficial. If anything ever happens to change those conditions, that romantic love can (and often does) fade. “Typically, when couples speak of ‘unconditional love’ it’s with the unspoken understanding that certain criteria will always be met; that is no one cheats, lies, steals, or abuses the other,” says Major. “Depending on who you are, you may not need all of these criteria to be met in order to proclaim your ‘unconditional love’ for someone; you may only need one or two of them to be satisfied. It’s different for everyone, depending on your temperament and your romantic history or reference point.” As long as those basic understandings are being met, a couple can love each other ‘unconditionally’ without losing anything in the process. It’s only when those basic conditions start to break down that the rationality and logic behind “unconditional love” should be challenged.

 

Perhaps it’s time to reframe the idea of “unconditional romantic love” in more moderate terms. The concept may be more attainable if it’s viewed as something that endures despite unfavorable circumstances. In this case, you wouldn’t ask yourself or a partner to disregard the relationship’s realities, but instead to look at it as the glue that helps you work through obstacles together or strive to compromise with each other in mutually satisfying ways while respecting each other’s pre-set limits and boundaries. With that in mind, you can truly be free to love with all your heart. "

[betterdeal]

I don't understand how the underlying point of GIGS is being lost here.

 

It's not that it is being lost here in this thread that matters (although I don't think it is). It's that it's being lost when it is touted on threads started by newcomers who are perhaps at a vulnerable stage in their lives. It's often referred to cryptically, in the same gleeful arcane style as comic book guy would reference a particular edition of an obscure organ, as though such obtuseness confers wisdom or intelligence on the author. We can all write tricksy English if we want to. But why do that when you can be helpful?

 

Move on because it is unfeasible to wait. Rather than work on things your Ex chose to run away with some residual feelings.

 

Absolutely! Life's too short to spend it living in someone else's neurosis.

 

For me, everything else falls by the wayside to the aforementioned facts.

 

In that light GIGS is (IMO) an inalienable truth.

 

Good for you. There's a world of difference between holding something to be true in your opinion, and postulating that it's true for everyone. That is a crucial difference between you and wilsonx.

 

Afterthought: I do agree and appreciate Betterdeal piping in with a very concise description and example of theory and the practical applications of theoretical thinking as far as one can when applying models to reality.

 

Thanks! I do appreciate your candour. Now I must disappear and go for a swim. Having moved to the beach, seems a shame not to.

 

Take care.

[wilsonx]

Talking to you someone that does not believe in the idea itself is like arguing with a kid with down syndrome, its not going to get anywhere.

.

[69ways]

69ways and Lalandman, you two are real sour saps. What was the point of this thread? To start an argument? You two are completely ridiculous. Wilson and Gibson are good people, who are only explaining their experiences. I was a master at my craft that I too, call Gigs. Much easier to sum up then explaining it all in detail. People are too focused on that term. Get over it. Obviously you two are so sour over your beak ups. Shame on you two. It is completely disappointing to see such a waste of a thread over this. Grow up, learn from your relationships that failed, and move on.

 

 

Well if you believe this thread is pointless why bothered to get involved, I dont see UN on your forehead.

 

Just read the comment from various users after you posted, obviously me and Lala are not the only ones sharing the same opinion m8....

[69ways]

what no bash at gibson/homebrew?

 

awww youre so cute betterdeal. you turn me on sometimes when im lonely. can we cuddle too, you me 69ways and lalalandman alll in a big circle and watch sex and the city reruns

 

We help people lalalandman wanted his ex back more then anything, still does, only lies about it on this forum. He doesnt respect it so it slaps him in the face

 

I did the same with 69ways, he doesnt respect it, so it slaps him in the face too.

If these people wanted to truely move on, they would. Its been OVER A YEAR for both of them. Their words do not match their actions. They do not have to come to the forums anymore, they can go out live their lives, make new friends, date new women, etc. They choose not to for whatever reason.

 

That is their problem. Not GIGS. Not the advice I offer. Theirs and Theirs alone. To bash the theory of it and say it doesnt exist when ITS ALL OVER this forum is stupid

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/324077-if-there-such-thing-gigs-3.html#post3977884 Guy got hosed by GIGS 3 times. He respects it. He doesnt resent it or his ex's. He moved on just fine 3 times

 

Judging form the comments that you want to cuddle with males I guess you must have a YMCA poster in your toilet

 

Each post you want to cuddle because you dont know what else to say, as I said you are a parrot , just repeating what you see without the mental ability to explain or even justify what you say

[wilsonx]

Gaelicsoul, you moved on with your life, in a new country, why are you on the forum? Cant move on too?

 

Funny thing about unconditional love, its something you learn while going through gigs.

 

Ill say it before and Ill say it again All GIGS is a set of patterns/behaviors for someone going through the process of becoming emotionally and cognitively mature. To say it doesnt exist or is irrelevant is to say that you are essentially immature

[69ways]

Gaelicsoul, you moved on with your life, in a new country, why are you on the forum? Cant move on too?

 

Funny thing about unconditional love, its something you learn while going through gigs.

 

Ill say it before and Ill say it again All GIGS is a set of patterns/behaviors for someone going through the process of becoming emotionally and cognitively mature. To say it doesnt exist or is irrelevant is to say that you are essentially immature

 

Your mentor says he has a gf and denies to speak about his ex Wilson so why is he is still here and why are you?

 

 

 

With the above comment you just admitted that you cant let go and neither your mentor , as you are hinting that people that are here are still not over their ex so that includes you.

 

As you are not over your ex, it means you are biased, leading to each time you read a thread you become defensive and go to that GIGS mode that you believe it would apply to each case because to your mentality and mental ability its the only logical explanation to what happened to you so you guess it must apply to each case on this forum.

 

Wake up man.....

 

So we come back to my question...

 

If you guys are over you ex , why are you here?

 

Are you both such good personalities that you are trying to do something good?

[GaelicSoul]

Gaelicsoul, you moved on with your life, in a new country, why are you on the forum? Cant move on too?

 

Funny thing about unconditional love, its something you learn while going through gigs.

 

Ill say it before and Ill say it again All GIGS is a set of patterns/behaviors for someone going through the process of becoming emotionally and cognitively mature. To say it doesnt exist or is irrelevant is to say that you are essentially immature

 

 

Well simply I like to help people WilsonX. No need to bring up my story, but you did. So to answer, yes I'm happy with my life, and yes i have moved on, and met somebody new.

 

People helped me last year when I was going through a really hard period in my life, so i can empathise with people. For me it's a way to give back, and also share from my own experiences and give advice to others. People don't have to take it, and I won't force my beliefs on anyone. I enjoy taking part in this debate, what's wrong that? If people don't want like my posts or want my advice that's fine. I won't lose sleep over it.

 

Why are you here? Have you not moved on yet?

 

 

Back to the point of this post, i just don't agree that GIGS is a one size fits all for a lot of relationships troubles that people have on LS. It's just too vague. Yes we all understand what growing up is. Who doesn't!? You will not be making the same decisions as when you were 16, 26, 36. But that doesn't need to be Labelled GIGS or anything else. As mentioned before by you and others its emotional immaturity. A lot of the background of the GIGS's is true, as in growing up, sowing wild oats etc, i agree with this. What i don't agree with is that it MAY give people false hope, when all variables are not being taken into account. We always give our sides of the story, both dumpers and dumpees, but never will we understand the full nature of any relationship. Relying on "Phases" etc delays true healing.

Edited May 2, 2012 by GaelicSoul

[69ways]

Well simply I like to help people WilsonX. No need to bring up my story, but you did. So to answer, yes I'm happy with my life, and yes i have moved on.

 

People helped me last year when I was going through a hard period in my life, so it's a way for me to give back, and share from my own experiences and give advice. People don't have to take it, and I won't force my beliefs on anyone. I enjoy taking part in this debate, what's wrong that? If people don't want like my posts or want my advice that's fine. I won't lose sleep over it.

 

Why are you here? Have you not moved on yet?

 

 

Back to the point of this post, i just don't agree that GIGS is a one size fits all for a lot of relationships troubles that people have on LS. It's just too vague. Yes we all understand what growing up is. You will not be making the same decisions as when you were 16, 26, 36. But that doesn't need to be Labelled GIGS or anything else. As mentioned before by you and others its Emotional immaturity A lot of the background of the GIGS's is true, as in growing up, sowing wild oats etc, i agree with this. What i don't agree with is that it MAY give people false hope, when all variables are not being taken into account. We always give our sides of the story, both dumpers and dumpees, but never will we understand the full nature of any relationship.

 

 

Wilson me and Gaelic asked you the same exactly question.

 

Why are you guys here?

 

We all agree that it gives people false hope and that it does not apply in all cases....

 

Imagine GIGS like a bacteria, it will cause one type of infection but not all, you are saying it does and this gives the people wrong hope , wrong healing process and wrong guideline

Edited May 2, 2012 by 69ways

[gibson]

If you go with "GIGS" and assume it's real, then you are giving your dumper Ex an easy break by saying, "Hey, they just don't know it yet, but someday they will snap out of it". "There growing up, it's natural, i need to relax and let them sow their wild oats"

Fine.... "ill Let them do whatever they want, let them sow their wild oats. It's cool" " Got a breadcrumb, ill ignore that, its GIGS Phase X"

 

If a dumpee wants to CHOOSE to do that, than that is a CHOICE they make.

 

I have never suggested or told a dumpee they should ever wait around, not to heal and not to move on.

 

Have you actually read my write up on "The Phases of G.I.G.S." (A broad overview of what a dumpee can expect from dumpers with G.I.G.S.)?

 

Throughout it I CLEARLY state with WARNINGS why you should avoid, ignore, stay away from a G.I.G.S. dumper and reasons why you probably will never want them back.

 

For a time 69ways and lalalandman believe in G.I.G.S. If they actually followed my advice and listened to all my WARNINGS about what G.I.G.S. dumpers do / what you can expect... they should have known their Ex would be dropping a ton of breadcrumbs, that they shouldn't stalk, that after a long period of time their Ex would return and ask for a reconciliation and then quickly end it, that they should ignore the cries for help, stay NC, etc.

 

How can you accuse me of causing them additional pain? How you can accuse me of forcing "false hope" upon them?

 

Had they followed my advice and listened to my warnings about G.I.G.S. dumpers, they wouldn't have had to endure the additional pain they brought upon themselves.

 

I gave them a map, compass, flashlight, food, water, etc. and showed them the way out.

 

What those two did and like many other dumpees on here do... They CHOOSE to ignore my advice and didn't listen to my warnings.

 

How many other dumpees on here ignore our wisdom and advice concerning NC, Stalking, Chasing a Dumper, Begging, Pleading, Second Chance Letters, Rebounding, Showing up where their Ex will be, etc?

 

Pretty much all of them for a while and some are worse than others.

 

But deep down, you are just making excuses, and you will always be looking at the watch and phone and wondering, "When will i hear from him/her!?" "They are still in Phase X" , "Any day now..." "It's a rebound".... "

 

That's unhealthy and it's not getting real.

 

This prevents true healing. Your not really accepting the reality of their gone.

 

For you, it doesn't matter why or what the reason the dumpees sought out LS. You have decided for them that the one and only reason someone should come to LS is for healing and healing alone. To you, it doesn't matter what the dumpee is looking for, it is irrelevant.

 

Don't ask questions, it's over, second chances are rare and even though every dumpee wants one for a period of time, you are defective for thinking it, NC, Heal, Move On, F U very much.

 

You forgot that people who come here, do so for a lot of different reasons and those reasons can change as time goes on.

 

Some people come to LS to tell their story, to talk, for healing, for compassion, for knowledge, for understanding, to learn how to get their Ex back, to learn how to cope, to find answers to questions they have, for solutions, to commiserate with people going through the same thing, to find hope their Ex might come back, to want to know they are not they only person who is feeling the way they do, etc. I could go on and on and on about the various reasons people come to LS.

 

Sure we could have the LS break up, second chance and coping forum take you to a page that says... "If your Ex wanted to be with you, they would" and be done with it and eliminate the forums altogether. Since LS hasn't done that yet and the forums still exist, it's up to each of us to decide what we are going to read / post.

 

Since you are on the other side of fence now and healed from your break up... You forgot what it is like for those freshly dumped.

 

If you recall, I spent a great amount of time with you answering your questions, talking things through, discussing what your Ex was and was not doing, turning the focus back onto you, etc.

 

For a time, did you have hope / "false hope" that you and your Ex would reconcile?

 

Almost all dumpees are going to have hope / "false hope" no matter what you or I say. How long this hope / "false hope" last, is solely up the dumpee and nobody else.

 

Did you not eventually CHOOSE to heal and move on?

 

Of course you did, just like most of the people on here will.

 

When did you decide to heal and move on?

 

That's right, when you were damn well good and ready and not a minute sooner.

 

The problem is that blind and stupid love can make someone unwilling or unable to accept see the realities of a poorly matched partner from the outset.

 

Not sure about you but I haven't met to many dumpees that were blind and stupid in love.

 

Haven't met to many dumpees that didn't just accept a break up or grasp the reality of the fact that the dumper might not be that great to begin with and probably isn't going to change their mind.

 

Joking aside, basically what you are telling me is dumpees here are still going through the various "Stages of Grief", they could be be blind, stupid in love and might be unable or unwilling to see / listen or hear what they want to hear... Right?

 

I have been dumped and talk to plenty of people that have been dumped...

 

They want to know what happened, did they do something wrong, is there someone wrong with their Ex, can it be fixed, is their Ex going to change their mind, do they contact, do they not contact, do they write a letter, do they send their stuff back, do they go get their stuff, do they contact them on their b-day, what do they do if the dumper contacts, do they change their status, do they tell their friends and family, is there someone else, etc.

 

Whether you were dumped by someone with G.I.G.S. or not (even if you don't believe in it) At least I take the dumpee through a process, answer their questions, let them know what they should or shouldn't do, what they can expect, how they should handle contact, etc.

 

Attraction isn't a choice, but you must look at yourself and ask why you choose these types of partners. Concerning Unconditional love when applied to your family is fine. Your mother is your mother, your sister is your sister, you might disagree and fight with them, but there is still a basic love and understanding. Relationships are different.

 

If I was just dumped... I could give two sh*ts about this!

 

How in the hell do you expect a person who was just dumped, who you say basically is out of their mind, knowing they want their Ex back with every fiber of their being, etc. to read the statement above and take it in, feel it, believe it, accept it, become it without making some mistakes, learning, growing and going through a long process?

Edited May 2, 2012 by gibson

[69ways]

If a dumpee wants to CHOOSE to do that, than that is a CHOICE they make.

 

I have never suggested or told a dumpee they should ever wait around, not to heal and not to move on.

 

Have you actually read my write up on "The Phases of G.I.G.S." (A broad overview of what a dumpee can expect from dumpers with G.I.G.S.)?

 

Throughout it I CLEARLY state with WARNINGS why you should avoid, ignore, stay away from a G.I.G.S. dumper and reasons why you probably will never want them back.

 

For a time 69ways and lalalandman believe in G.I.G.S. If they actually followed my advice and listened to all my WARNINGS about what G.I.G.S. dumpers do / what you can expect... they should have known their Ex would be dropping a ton of breadcrumbs, that they shouldn't stalk, that after a long period of time their Ex would return and ask for a reconciliation and then quickly end it, that they should ignore the cries for help, stay NC, etc.

 

How can you accuse me of causing them additional pain? How you can accuse me of forcing "false hope" upon them?

 

Had they followed my advice and listened to my warnings about G.I.G.S. dumpers, they wouldn't have had to endure the additional pain they brought upon themselves.

 

I gave them a map, compass, flashlight, food, water, etc. and showed them the way out.

 

What those two did and like many other dumpees on here do... They CHOOSE to ignore my advice and didn't listen to my warnings.

 

How many other dumpees on here ignore our wisdom and advice concerning NC, Stalking, Chasing a Dumper, Begging, Pleading, Second Chance Letters, Rebounding, Showing up where their Ex will be, etc?

 

Pretty much all of them for a while and some are worse than others.

 

 

 

For you, it doesn't matter why or what the reason the dumpees sought out LS. You have decided for them that the one and only reason someone should come to LS is for healing and healing alone. To you, it doesn't matter what the dumpee is looking for, it is irrelevant.

 

Don't ask questions, it's over, second chances are rare and even though every dumpee wants one for a period of time, you are defective for thinking it, NC, Heal, Move On, F U very much.

 

You forgot that people who come here, do so for a lot of different reasons and those reasons can change as time goes on.

 

Some people come to LS to tell their story, to talk, for healing, for compassion, for knowledge, for understanding, to learn how to get their Ex back, to learn how to cope, to find answers to questions they have, for solutions, to commiserate with people going through the same thing, to find hope their Ex might come back, to want to know they are not they only person who is feeling the way they do, etc. I could go on and on and on about the various reasons people come to LS.

 

Sure we could have the LS break up, second chance and coping forum take you to a page that says... "If your Ex wanted to be with you, they would" and be done with it and eliminate the forums altogether. Since LS hasn't done that yet and the forums still exist, it's up to each of us to decide what we are going to read / post.

 

Since you are on the other side of fence now and healed from your break up... You forgot what it is like for those freshly dumped.

 

If you recall, I spent a great amount of time with you answering your questions, talking things through, discussing what your Ex was and was not doing, turning the focus back onto you, etc.

 

Did you not eventually CHOOSE to heal and move on?

 

When did you decide to do that?

 

That's right, when you were damn well good and ready and not a minute sooner.

 

 

 

Not sure about you but I haven't met to many dumpees that were blind and stupid in love.

 

Haven't met to many dumpees that didn't just accept a break up or grasp the reality of the fact that the dumper might not be that great to begin with and probably isn't going to change their mind.

 

Joking aside, basically what you are telling me is dumpees here are still going through the various "Stages of Grief", they could be be blind, stupid in love and might be unable or unwilling to see / listen or hear what they want to hear... Right?

 

I have been dumped and talk to plenty of people that have been dumped...

 

They want to know what happened, did they do something wrong, is there someone wrong with their Ex, can it be fixed, is their Ex going to change their mind, do they contact, do they not contact, do they write a letter, do they send their stuff back, do they go get their stuff, do they contact them on their b-day, what do they do if the dumper contacts, do they change their status, do they tell their friends and family, is there someone else, etc.

 

Whether you were dumped by someone with G.I.G.S. or not (even if you don't believe in it) At least I take the dumpee through a process, answer their questions, let them know what they should or shouldn't do, what they can expect, how they should handle contact, etc.

 

 

 

If I was just dumped... I could give two sh*ts about this!

 

How in the hell do you expect a person who was just dumped, who you say basically is out of their mind, knowing they want their Ex back with every fiber of their being, etc. to read the follow statement, take it in, feel it, believe it, accept it, become it without going through a long process?

 

Did you ever notice the words you use:

 

My wisdom.....

 

My Phases of GIGS....

 

Which wisdom?

 

Are you some spiritual person who has enlightenment from the the bearded man above?

 

You are just a normal bloke like anyone else.....

 

No one said and again I stress this, no one said that GIGS is all wrong some points on GIGS are not wrong and I will elaborate further down but you apply it in each situation, is not black and white...maybe you are suffering form the black and white syndrome (i made that up now )

 

What is GIGS?

Something you came up with....

 

Did you try to publish this as a thesis and maybe get it approved by the medical community?

No

 

Why?Because its not applied to each break up and its full of loop holes.

 

 

 

No one accused you of putting extra pain on me, my pain came form the break up , my actions and hers and the feelings I had for her.

 

I never forgot how it felt to be dumped and the whole world collapsed , so dont go patronising me.......

 

You dont help anyone through a process, the process comes naturally, I am sure millions of people get dumped and they dont even know your existence but still manage to move on and heal, why?

 

Because its human nature..... and not some theory you put together man.

 

We all here try to help dumpers but to do that , you need to have a big picture of the relationship, the reason behind the break and there is different approach to each person based on emotional and intellectual level, previous relationship experience, gender, social background, religious and so on.

 

You are plagiarising the human pattern of behaviour you add salt and pepper and you call it GIGS.

 

Is not like that.

 

I really appreciate your motive but I am telling you, as a fellow LS member, your ego is the problem and nothing else, you go around circles , you and wilson repeating the same over and over in this thread but avoid to answer:

 

1.Why are you here?YOu said you got a gf and spoke about your ex once, so why are you here?

 

If you are here to help, then accept the feedback you get from us...

 

2.Wilson admits he is not over his ex, if you are not either then you are biased, dont you believe you should maybe not go and develop syndromes , my God you even made it into a syndrome and maybe take some time to clear you emotional state before you urge to advice people in such a strong way?

 

 

Gigs is full of holes and actually you are giving the wrong hope, Wilson wrote stage 4:Coming home...

 

To a person this sounds like getting back together.

 

My ex had depression , I see no connection with GIGS , except the breadcrumbs which again is human nature after such a long relationship to exist but again you used it to incorporate it in your syndrome theory.

 

You see what you want to see Gibs and that a shame, honestly.

 

Accept the feedback and if you really like to assist, check out other relationship forums.

 

People use the words advice, opinion and not wisdom and my theory of the syndrome of wtf or you are to blame for what you did or did not...

 

 

Honestly that you are responsible for what ever you did or not do will stay with me for a while as its something my brain cant perceive as you are blaming the dumpee for everything.

 

Period

[GaelicSoul]

If a dumpee wants to CHOOSE to do that, than that is a CHOICE they make.

 

I have never suggested or told a dumpee they should ever wait around, not to heal and not to move on.

 

Have you actually read my write up on "The Phases of G.I.G.S." (A broad overview of what a dumpee can expect from dumpers with G.I.G.S.)?

 

Throughout it I CLEARLY state with WARNINGS why you should avoid, ignore, stay away from a G.I.G.S. dumper and reasons why you probably will never want them back.

 

For a time 69ways and lalalandman believe in G.I.G.S. If they actually followed my advice and listened to all my WARNINGS about what G.I.G.S. dumpers do / what you can expect... they should have known their Ex would be dropping a ton of breadcrumbs, that they shouldn't stalk, that after a long period of time their Ex would return and ask for a reconciliation and then quickly end it, that they should ignore the cries for help, stay NC, etc.

 

How can you accuse me of causing them additional pain? How you can accuse me of forcing "false hope" upon them?

 

Had they followed my advice and listened to my warnings about G.I.G.S. dumpers, they wouldn't have had to endure the additional pain they brought upon themselves.

 

I gave them a map, compass, flashlight, food, water, etc. and showed them the way out.

 

What those two did and like many other dumpees on here do... They CHOOSE to ignore my advice and didn't listen to my warnings.

 

How many other dumpees on here ignore our wisdom and advice concerning NC, Stalking, Chasing a Dumper, Begging, Pleading, Second Chance Letters, Rebounding, Showing up where their Ex will be, etc?

 

Pretty much all of them for a while and some are worse than others.

 

 

 

For you, it doesn't matter why or what the reason the dumpees sought out LS. You have decided for them that the one and only reason someone should come to LS is for healing and healing alone. To you, it doesn't matter what the dumpee is looking for, it is irrelevant.

 

Don't ask questions, it's over, second chances are rare and even though every dumpee wants one for a period of time, you are defective for thinking it, NC, Heal, Move On, F U very much.

 

You forgot that people who come here, do so for a lot of different reasons and those reasons can change as time goes on.

 

Some people come to LS to tell their story, to talk, for healing, for compassion, for knowledge, for understanding, to learn how to get their Ex back, to learn how to cope, to find answers to questions they have, for solutions, to commiserate with people going through the same thing, to find hope their Ex might come back, to want to know they are not they only person who is feeling the way they do, etc. I could go on and on and on about the various reasons people come to LS.

 

Sure we could have the LS break up, second chance and coping forum take you to a page that says... "If your Ex wanted to be with you, they would" and be done with it and eliminate the forums altogether. Since LS hasn't done that yet and the forums still exist, it's up to each of us to decide what we are going to read / post.

 

Since you are on the other side of fence now and healed from your break up... You forgot what it is like for those freshly dumped.

 

If you recall, I spent a great amount of time with you answering your questions, talking things through, discussing what your Ex was and was not doing, turning the focus back onto you, etc.

 

For a time, did you have hope / "false hope" that you and your Ex would reconcile?

 

Almost all dumpees are going to have hope / "false hope" no matter what you or I say. How long this hope / "false hope" last, is solely up the dumpee and nobody else.

 

Did you not eventually CHOOSE to heal and move on?

 

Of course you did, just like most of the people on here will.

 

When did you decide to heal and move on?

 

That's right, when you were damn well good and ready and not a minute sooner.

 

 

 

Not sure about you but I haven't met to many dumpees that were blind and stupid in love.

 

Haven't met to many dumpees that didn't just accept a break up or grasp the reality of the fact that the dumper might not be that great to begin with and probably isn't going to change their mind.

 

Joking aside, basically what you are telling me is dumpees here are still going through the various "Stages of Grief", they could be be blind, stupid in love and might be unable or unwilling to see / listen or hear what they want to hear... Right?

 

I have been dumped and talk to plenty of people that have been dumped...

 

They want to know what happened, did they do something wrong, is there someone wrong with their Ex, can it be fixed, is their Ex going to change their mind, do they contact, do they not contact, do they write a letter, do they send their stuff back, do they go get their stuff, do they contact them on their b-day, what do they do if the dumper contacts, do they change their status, do they tell their friends and family, is there someone else, etc.

 

Whether you were dumped by someone with G.I.G.S. or not (even if you don't believe in it) At least I take the dumpee through a process, answer their questions, let them know what they should or shouldn't do, what they can expect, how they should handle contact, etc.

 

 

 

If I was just dumped... I could give two sh*ts about this!

 

How in the hell do you expect a person who was just dumped, who you say basically is out of their mind, knowing they want their Ex back with every fiber of their being, etc. to read the statement above and take it in, feel it, believe it, accept it, become it without making some mistakes, learning, growing and going through a long process?

 

 

 

Firstly I'm not telling anybody what to believe Gibson. I just don't believe in GIGS. I'm entitled to that.

 

I think it vague and very obvious and delays healing. Sue me.

 

BetterDeal's previous posts put it better than I could.

 

I have read the Phases of GIG's thread plenty of times, and those phases could be true, but doesn't mean they are. You do, and good luck to you.

 

Why should them guys listen to your advice, and nobody else's? So your saying If they followed your advice and phases you can you almost guarantee them reconciliation with their Ex's???

 

All I'm saying is there is an alternative view.

 

I did not say you cause dumpees additional pain Gibson. Your nitpicking my post to death. I enjoy and agree with some of your posts and agree with posts on NC, Stalking, Chasing a Dumper, Begging, Pleading, Second Chance Letters, Rebounding, and you have helped many, including me in the past, and I have appreciated that. But I have grown, moved on and looking back now I see things VERY different. Reading GIGS when i came here first was like putting a band aid on a gun shot wound. But it's not the finished article and I can't buy into it. It's a one glove fits all approach to breakups.

 

I'm saying and others agree, that reading GIGS's MAY give people false hope that their EX's might come back,as they focus too much time on their Ex's "Phases" and what their Ex's are going through.

 

If Ex's want to come back, after a long period of time, great. If 2 people love each other, then what's mean to be will be.

 

Where have I said that people should follow only my advice and if they do they will be guaranteed success when coming to LS? don't try and misquote me or try to put words in my mouth. I don't think you read my posts properly, or maybe I didn't say it clearly, if so then fair enough. I'm all for debate, and questions, and often spend time reading about other people's issues, and try and relate as honestly as i can with them. People can ask what ever they want. So why cant I, or others question GIGS? Is it the written on Stone?

 

I can't spend all my time on these forums, but when I do, I try and help as many as I can , in all kinds of different situations. I don't know where you think I don't understand about all the different types of people that come to this site?? Where have i said that?? I have given my opinions on NC, Stalking, Chasing a Dumper, Begging, Pleading, Second Chance Letters, Rebounding etc in all different phases of recovery from a breakup. Except I don't label things as GIGS Phase X etc If people don't like what I post, then that's cool, i have no problem with that. Whenever you don't like it, or people question you...its a different matter. I admire your passion Gibson, but that doesn't mean GIG'S it's real.

 

We all have experience of growing up. We all have gained and lost people along the way. So we are all as humans are indeed GIGS experts.

I love when people say "I remember when i had GIGS, i can help you" That makes no sense to me it's like, " I remember when i was growing up" It's so vague and obvious.

 

Anyway. I have nothing left to say about GIGS.

Edited May 2, 2012 by GaelicSoul

[GaelicSoul]

For the record as a reminder,

 

Gibson/Homebrew did not come up with the G.I.G.S Theory. It was a member at Enotalone. So that's where it started.

 

 

Gibson has already acknowledged this before ok.

Edited May 2, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[gibson]

For me...

 

Grass is Greener means your now Ex broke up with you because they think / feel / believe there is someone or something better out there than you.

 

For me...

 

A Break Up is the answer to a question. The question, is this the person I will spend the rest of my life with?

 

If either of us break up, the answer is NO.

 

Why should them guys listen to your advice, and nobody else's?

 

When did I say they should only listen to my advice?

 

I am not offended that 69ways and lalalandman didn't take my advice. To be perfectly honest, most people here don't. Like most other dumpees here, I too had to learn things "the hard way" and I realize many of them will too. My issue is when I am blamed for advice I did not give or saying I FORCED someone to have "false hope".

 

I mostly comment or dish out advice on break ups, situations and other things that do not have to do with G.I.G.S. If it is G.I.G.S., I usually post a link to various G.I.G.S. threads.

 

So your saying If they followed your advice and phases you can you almost guarantee them reconciliation with their Ex's???

 

My advice has never been with the intent of getting an Ex back, it's about healing and moving on. This reflects in my posts and throughout all my G.I.G.S. threads too.

 

Again you quote this "Phases of G.I.G.S." thread. There isn't one, it's a single post within the G.I.G.S. thread. It's clear that you haven't read it. It is not about getting a G.I.G.S. dumper back... it's advice and a warning as to why you want nothing to do with them and why you will probably never end up with them ever.

 

I'm saying and others agree, that reading GIGS's MAY give people false hope that their EX's might come back,as they focus too much time on their Ex's "Phases" and what their Ex's are going through.

 

People do reconcile, they make movies about it, it's in TV shows, there are a lot of songs on the radio about it, some of us have reconciled with other people we dated in the past or we all know other people who have reconciled after a break up. Because of this fact...

 

For a time, almost every Dumpee is going to want their Ex back and there isn't a thing you and I can say or do that is going to stop that. They are going to have hope and will cling onto any "false hope" they can no matter how crazy, random or stupid it sounds.

 

NC for example:

 

Almost every new dumpee that comes here that learns about NC, twists it and has "false hope" that it will be successful in winning their Ex back.

 

Is that our fault for making them aware of NC or the dumpees fault for having "false hope" thinking NC will have their Ex return?

 

Since this happens very frequently should we protect dumpees from themselves and not tell them about NC or let the dumpees figure it out on their own?

 

Point is, if a dumpee wants their Ex back... they invent the "false hope". Some it could be NC, some it might be G.I.G.S., some it might be a story of a couple getting back together and for others it could be the message they got in a fortune cookie.

 

People can ask what ever they want. So why cant I, or others question GIGS? Is it the written on Stone?

 

Of course not, I respond and answer questions about G.I.G.S. from the people who think they are on the receiving end of it and people such as yourself who do not believe in it.

Edited May 2, 2012 by gibson