racist inlaws

[Aclare]

My bf and I have been together for a year and a half. I didn't realize his parents thought this way until I heard what happened with his sister. His sister prefers dating non-whites. After she broke up with her most recent boyfriend, their parents told her that dating blacks and latinos is not okay due to cultural reasons but dating asians is okay, whatever that means. the comments are esp troubling because I'm half japanese. they have never been rude to me and they told my bf that they like me, but I cant help think that they secretly disapprove of our relationship. what should I make of all of this?

[january2011]

Let it go until they/he says something. Right now, they don't appear to have an issue with you. Relationships are difficult enough as it is without setting up barriers yourself.

[Aclare]

Yeah, I wasn't planning on saying anything unless they bring it up. What's odd is that they welcomed the sister's last boyfriend into their home and treated him well to his face. Yet behind his back they were trying to break up their relationship the entire time. Granted, the guy was sort of cocky, but it wasn't until the relationship ended that the parents told her she should not date certain minorities. They also forbid her from dating another guy because of his race. Maybe they just care more about who their daughter dates?

[Eve]

Is this your first experience of racism?

 

Why are you so surprised?

 

Take care,

Eve x

[zengirl]

It doesn't seem like there's anything to "do" about it. It was an ignorant comment for them to make. They may not apply it to you -- for instance, they may be more racist against males of those races, which often happens, or they may not "count" you because you're half-Japanese. Who knows what people think? I've seen all kinds of weird amalgamations of racism. Anyway, that's pretty gross, but there is no "doing" anything about it.

[setsenia]

My husband is half Filipino and initially, it was hard for my grandmother and grandfather to wrap their heads around our relationship. Not surprisingly so as they come from a generation where most were homogenous. I'm white. My H is half white. But technically it was still the first interracial relationship in our family. My dad only dates Asian's, so that's never been a problem. He only doesn't like my H for other stupid reasons. Anyways, my husband isn't easily offended but he told me when my grandmother says "oriental" or "colored" those are racial slangs I never would have thought of before. She doesn't mean anything by it, but she does come from a generation which people talked like that so she isn't thinking it's offensive. We have brought it up to her before that those words are considered racist.

[Aclare]

It's not my first experience with racism. It was surprising because they are really friendly in front their kids' significant others and don't say anything bad. But apparently their parents were trying to break them up for the longest time. I'm just wondering what they really think about us, which may be problematic if we decide to get married, but I guess it doesn't really matter.

Edited April 13, 2012 by Aclare

[FitChick]

It's not my first experience with racism. It was surprising because they are really friendly in front their kids' significant others and don't say anything bad.

 

That's called being polite. I suspect these people would probably act the same if the sister was dating a day laborer who was white and they wanted her to date a man with an MBA.

[shorty7]

Sometimes the whole separation line becomes really gray and fuzzy when it comes to racial or socioeconomic prejudice. Other times it really just depends on the person.

 

I wouldn't worry about it until it really starts affecting you.

[Tayla]

My bf and I have been together for a year and a half. I didn't realize his parents thought this way until I heard what happened with his sister. His sister prefers dating non-whites. After she broke up with her most recent boyfriend, their parents told her that dating blacks and latinos is not okay due to cultural reasons but dating asians is okay, whatever that means. the comments are esp troubling because I'm half japanese. they have never been rude to me and they told my bf that they like me, but I cant help think that they secretly disapprove of our relationship. what should I make of all of this?

 

To answer your question, I think you already are wise and intuitive to know where their cards lay. Just be true to yourself and your current relationship.

When or if an off the cuff remark is made, be gracious and find a way to turn it around into a positive light. I've witnessed it so I know it can be an eye opener if done with a bit of honesty and wit.

[DateMyFamily]

Remember that when you date someone you not only date that person but you also date their family. You can get a lot of insight from the person you are dating by listening and learning from their family. Most importantly I wouldn't take anything personal unless something is personally directed to you.