Give a 3rd chance?

[dlb311]

I am having a REAL HARD time deciding if I should give my ex a third chance. I know 3rd chance? I gave him the second because in my heart, soul and mind, I have no doubt that I would be happy and that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We had a great two year relationship.. then we planned on moving in together. He got scared and broke things off. 4 months later he came back saying he missed me..and he wanted me back. He was sweet and loving and was a good guy again..but he pushed me away alot. for some reason I just stayed. then we broke up after 3 months. I was so unhappy. I was like I have to move on. He is not serious about me. He kept saying I am so young I don't want to think about marriage. He is 24. I am 23. Mind you I was not pressuring him or anything..I swear never brought it up.

 

I dated someone else but it didn't work out. I know I can be happy and live my life with out him. But I don't want to. He came back after a month of being broken up saying he made a big mistake. But I ignored him because I was dating someone else and I didn't want to mess with it anymore. But he has been persistant for 2 months now. And finally this past Sunday I met him for coffee. And he asked for me back..I told him I couldn't...now since Sunday he calls me all the time saying he will do what ever it takes to get me back. I asked him well do you think I am the "ONE" he said I know you are. I said don't come back and call me if you are not sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me. He said I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I made a big mistake and I was scared. I should have talked to you about this. But I was scared. I said well I need you to prove this to me and I need you to comminicate with me. Actions speak louder then words.

 

In a way I want a ring. I want him to say I love this girl I want her forever. But I know that we have alot of time. But still I feel like since he has left twice I need that security. I haven't told him I feel this way because I want him to realize on his own that he want to marry me and give me the ring not because he feels pressured to. But I told him I couldn't date him and hang out with him until I felt safe and secure with putting my feelings out there again. He said what can I do if I can't see you. I said that is for you to figure out. in your heart what will try to repair the damage that has been done? I dont' want to play games with him. But without a serious commitment I can't give him my heart again. I am to afraid that when things get hard or he gets scared he will run out again. And not that a ring will keep him there. But its like he is investing into something. And when he does invest into something he is very strong about it. It wont do something like that or anything big for that matter that he hasn't put thought into and that he is determined to finish. He is a sucessful man.

 

I am so torn about giving into soon. I want him to remember what he had and to appriciate it. Before he took me for granted.

Any advice or has any one been through this or going through it.?

[quyster]

Your situation is similar to mind, but I happened to be the one who "wants to give out the ring"

 

My ex is 21 and I'm 22. We've been together for about 4 years, broken up for 3 months. I've been successful in my career. I've grown much older than my age but my ex is still in the going, having fun phase. I want to settle down, she wants to have fun. I would scare her if I talk about marriage and having kids with her. She's not ready for committment and scared of it.

 

She is so confused about what she wants. Well, she's scared to lose me when she know that I start dating some new girl. But she doesn't want to get back with me yet because she knows that I won't b happy living with her if she keeps going out like that. She did this several times already, she started to work things out, then tell me no, it's not working out and tell me to move on. Later, she comes back and do the same thing again. Well, she knows she has problems, she's confused and she feels really bad for what she have done but she just can't help it.

 

So we decided to have no contact, whatsoever..... Maybe, she'll realize how much i'm worth, and she can't afford to lose me and can't live without...... Hopefully, that would work out for the confused person. Maybe you should try that too...... At the same time, we can see if it works.

[cherished]

I say if you don't tell him how you feel then how will he know? I know you shouldn't have to tell him you want a ring so let him know that the reason you left was BECAUSE you wanted a commitment! Tell him you can't be with him until he is ready to COMMIT to you!!!!

 

A ring doesn't do anything but make the girl feel special! Commitment is in your heart and soul, not in a ring!

[dlb311]

That will might work for your situation. But for mine i did that and he realized I am the one. He wants to be with me forever..but like I said we know we want to marry each other but I don't want him to walk out on me again out of fear..I want a ring. not that it will hold him there.. but its him investing in me. I need him to show interest. I need to see him sticking around for me to feel like he wont leave again. So no contact will just make me feel like umm well he doesn't care enough..to work for it.

 

If you give her time and she comes back again.. and again pulls that but I still need to party then I would move on her loss. You sound like you got your **** together and a good head on your shoulders. You need a girl that will appriciate that..good guys don't come around that often.

[cherished]

You're right a ring WON'T hold him there, only his love and respect for you will keep him with you! It does sound like preasure because basically you're saying if he doesn't make that commitment with a ring then you won't give him a chance to come back into your life and show you he's serious!

 

What if he can't afford a ring?