Bellechica Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Hmmmm blue knight. Really? I would think a man would never want to touch his WW again. And if I were to tell my H the name of the exOM who he knows, he would never believe I'd be with a man like that. He will think I'm trash. No need to respond with "yes, that's because you are trash" posts since I know many people here think it. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Hmmmm blue knight. Really? I would think a man would never want to touch his WW again. And if I were to tell my H the name of the exOM who he knows, he would never believe I'd be with a man like that. He will think I'm trash. No need to respond with "yes, that's because you are trash" posts since I know many people here think it. Well there are obviously personal differences, but if you read the postings here, amazingly . . . that happens all too frequently. I suspect it to be something primal in us that makes us react with intense sexuality to the person we fear we are losing. You haven't seen me "trash you" in any posts. You're as welcome here as anyone in my opinion. You have to deal with your deal on your own terms. People should be free to offer advice, but you need to be allowed to follow it as you best see fit. Link to post Share on other sites
Bellechica Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Sorry, BK, I wasn't referring to you. You've been nothing but kind. I actually don't mind the trashing me posts. I know what I did was wrong. I was just asking them to save their breath. I know what certain people call me....I've called myself the same names at times. Anyway, I hope the OP is able to work through these issues in her M. Sex is important but it's only part of a M. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 You're always funny giotto. It's a tragic kind of funny, but at least you can find some humor in your situation. best way to deal with it... Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Hi, I just wanted to ask if you guys think I should be concerned. My husband and I have not had sex in quit awhile. But let me add that our son is just now 4 months old. Up to this point I really have not been interested in sex but lately I would like to focus on our relationship and get it on track since it feels like up to this point all effort has been going to our almost 2 year old daughter and 4 month old son. My husband travels with his work and I work. My husband just started a new job a week ago because his last job was increasing his travel and it was to hard on our family. He is a good man when he is home. He does help me a lot with our children and he takes good care of us. But I must admit things have been stressful around here meaning we bicker a lot and argue some. We are both very tired regularly and drained. Let me add that we moved into our new house 1 day before our son was born and we have not had the time to unpack or organize everything yet. So I feel that our relationship is suffering, we live for the kids. We don't have date nights cause their is no one we feel comfortable leaving the kids with except my mom who watches them while I work so to ask her to do extra is just to much. But for the last two nights I have made efforts to be intimate with my husband and both nights he has rejected me saying he is tired and that he wants to try to sleep before the baby wakes him for night feeding. I just don't understand it. I am tired to but I care enough about our relationship to try to make an effort. And if this goes on much longer maybe we will loose desire for one another all together and it wont work out. I don't want this to happen to my family. I wonder if there is a chance he is cheating on me. I mean how in the world can a guy go without sex for almost a year!!! When a wife denies sex to a man for too long, he can always turn to old Rosey. So basically you can deny him sex, and now that you want to he should jump right in? Why is it women think they get to say no, but their men can't? Its rich that you'd think he is cheating on you because he doesn't want to have sex. He could have been thinking that about you for the last year. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 TELL HIM this. And let him know that you're afraid of losing him. Let him know that if he is cheating on you, he can pack his bags and get out of the house. That you aren't going to put up with him rejecting you, in and out of bed. Uh, excuse me? But she can reject him this whole time? And don't assume he is cheating. Alot of men, I would venture to guess, learn to do without sex with a wife that rejects them all the time. What a load of bs. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Hi Sunflower. Nothing to do but communicate and escalate this to establish the truth. There is a syndrome where some guys get turned off to sex after child birth but no sex from a man for a year is extreme. He needs to fess up. Maybe you didn't read it right. She was the one that wasn't interested in sex for all that time. There is nothing for him to fess to. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 But according to him it's an insult for me to ask him if he's cheating. He says it upsets him that I would even look at him that way. How does a guy act when he's cheating? Thanks I think you need to drop the accusations of cheating. Because I'll tell you one thing, he could say the same about you. If you have been denying him sex, that is a red flag in alot of cases. Not all, but alot. It was in my marriage. I just thought it was because she was mommy now, and I learned to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 You have to decide if you are willing to live this way? Aye yi yi. What part of the following statement don't people get here? Up to this point I really have not been interested in sex Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Giotto, did I come off as saying the rules don't apply to women as they do to men? If so, I apologize. I meant that when the OP rejected her H for so long, he had to find a way to deal with it. Either an A or porn and masturbation. I don't think it's an A. I know for a fact that a human being can decide to put their sexual needs on hold. Not everybody has As. OP, how are things with your H now? The first step would be to apologize for rejecting him, explain what happened and promise to communicate properly in the future. He may be full of resentment for how you treated him. A sincere apology would do a lot for you. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Giotto, did I come off as saying the rules don't apply to women as they do to men? A bit... When we talk about men refusing sex, it's always because they are having an affair or are using porn. And in this case, I think the husband has every right to be turned off after having been turned down for so long! I have been turned down for a long time and I can assure you that the love inside you dies... personally, I wouldn't mind not having sex with my wife anymore, because the connection is gone. We are having it (once or twice/month), because I don't want to hurt her feelings, especially with her mental state. It doesn't surprise me that husbands and partners create their own little world when refused sex. They have to, to survive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Big three: new job, new baby, new house Find a babysitter and get out of the house Link to post Share on other sites
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