Upset

[Gloria25]

Hi,

 

I am glad I found this website because I really need some advice.

 

I got involved in a FWB thing with a married guy with no kids (so he says). He complains how his wife won't give him sex, she won't keep her self attractive, and she seems to belittle him - yet he has not left her for years.

 

He says it's finances and cuz she said she would change why he never left. But they have no kids....

 

I'm not sure if he feels guilt cuz she had a serious illness one time and maybe he has some "mommy issues" or something why he is with a woman who treats him like a mean mommy.

 

Long story short, I didn't intend to fall for him, but he seemed so sweet, great, and I'm like "why is he still with her?".

 

I broke it off recently and almost broke it off a couple of times before that because I could not bear the pain of such a great guy who didn't want to let me love him and be with someone treating him so poorly.

 

I'm not sure if he's a playa and gets off on giving sob stories or he has "mommy issues".

 

Anywho, I contacted him to hang out and he said he's already seeing someone else on the side - even though just a few days ago he told me he just needed to see my pictures!!!!

 

I am so upset, I don't know if he's messing with my head, or probably moved on so soon cuz he missed being with me....OR, all along he just wanted something wet to put his penis in.

 

I mean, he's never made promises to me...But I am so upset.

[WildHorses]

Well, breaking up this unhealthy relationship is the RIGHT thing to do.

 

Many married men, give many excuses. Do the "poor me" thing. My wife is sick, she treats me bad, I cannot leave due to our finances...etc. The list goes on and on. My aunt is doing the same thing right now. Dealing with a married man.

 

I realize how things can happen. But, you are taking the right steps to get out of this, move forward. You can meet a healthy, single individual who is not looking to have a woman on the side.

 

Women should stick together. Think how it would feel if that was your husband, cheating on you. These men NEVER leave their wives. Hardly ever.

[CarrieT]

I am glad I found this website because I really need some advice.

 

Not sure what advice you are looking for...

 

You slept with someone you knew was unavailable and was lying and cheating on his wife.

 

I know you are hurting now but the best thing you can do is go No Contact with him and heal yourself towards looking for healthy and happy relationships with available men.

 

I'd also recommend avoiding FWB situations; they rarely end well.

[whichwayisup]

I broke it off recently and almost broke it off a couple of times before that because I could not bear the pain of such a great guy who didn't want to let me love him and be with someone treating him so poorly

 

He is married. Bottomline. Whatever his reasons are for staying married to his wife are valid to him.

 

He is now seeing another OW, that says a lot, doesn't it?

 

Why are you so concerned about the way his wife treats him (so he says) and not concerned about the way he treats you?

 

End it for good and let yourself grieve the loss. The guy isn't worth this heartache..He's married and yes, he IS a player. Why would you want someone like that? Because you "love" him and like how he makes you feel? It is and was an affair.. Do you want more out of a relationship? My guess is yes, so why bother with some married guy who isn't looking for anything serious.

 

You're letting your heart and emotions guide you and not letting reality in. HE is capable of lying to you, hello, he lies to his wife every single day, so why wouldn't he lie to you as well? Don't fool yourself into believing that just because you two are in an affair he won't lie or omit truths to you.

 

End it and walk away.

[alexandria35]

Hi,

 

I am glad I found this website because I really need some advice.

 

I got involved in a FWB thing with a married guy with no kids (so he says). He complains how his wife won't give him sex, she won't keep her self attractive, and she seems to belittle him - yet he has not left her for years.

 

Why did you put "so he says" after you you say he has no kids? Sounds like you don't know his personal life well enough to even know if he has kids or not.

 

He says it's finances and cuz she said she would change why he never left. But they have no kids....

 

I'm not sure if he feels guilt cuz she had a serious illness one time and maybe he has some "mommy issues" or something why he is with a woman who treats him like a mean mommy.

 

Lots of guys do prefer domineering women and do better with them than they do with submissive women. Lots of guys describe there wives as bitches when they want to entice another woman into thier bed. I don't know how come this works for them as I have never found a guy trash talking his wife even remotely attractive, but apparently this method does work on some women. Why care why he does what he does? What difference does it make?

 

Long story short, I didn't intend to fall for him, but he seemed so sweet, great, and I'm like "why is he still with her?".

 

I broke it off recently and almost broke it off a couple of times before that because I could not bear the pain of such a great guy who didn't want to let me love him and be with someone treating him so poorly.

 

You don't know how his wife treats him. You don't even know if he has kids or not.

 

I'm not sure if he's a playa and gets off on giving sob stories or he has "mommy issues".

 

Again, Who Cares?

 

Anywho, I contacted him to hang out and he said he's already seeing someone else on the side - even though just a few days ago he told me he just needed to see my pictures!!!!

 

I am so upset, I don't know if he's messing with my head, or probably moved on so soon cuz he missed being with me....OR, all along he just wanted something wet to put his penis in.

 

Oh yeah...whenever I really miss someone the first thing I do is jump into bed with someone else. His new fling is probably hearing the same sob stories he gave you and is also twisting up her brain trying to understand why that sad man stays with his big bad wife. He's got a good gig going there. He's using his wife as the bait to hook his women.

 

I mean, he's never made promises to me...But I am so upset.

 

Move along. Stop wasting your time trying to understand a serial cheater. Clearly his emotions are shallow and he finds it easy to pick up and discard women as he goes along his way. Stop thinking about what makes him tick and instead start thinking about why you do what you do.

[wannabdone]

Well, breaking up this unhealthy relationship is the RIGHT thing to do.

 

Many married men, give many excuses. Do the "poor me" thing. My wife is sick, she treats me bad, I cannot leave due to our finances...etc. The list goes on and on. My aunt is doing the same thing right now. Dealing with a married man.

 

I realize how things can happen. But, you are taking the right steps to get out of this, move forward. You can meet a healthy, single individual who is not looking to have a woman on the side.

 

Women should stick together. Think how it would feel if that was your husband, cheating on you. These men NEVER leave their wives. Hardly ever.

 

 

Agreed!!

 

But, here are some HUGE red flag I see. 1-YOU are already making excuses for him. he's belittled my his W, its finances, etc. 2-You don't know him well enough to know if he really has kids or not? Your statement "so he says" stood out to me. and 3- your asking if he is a playa, and yet after breaking it off he has already found someone on the side? HELL YES HE IS. If he has already picked someone else up, this man is plain and simple....CAKE EATER.

 

In the words of Jennie off Forrest Gump... "RUN FORREST, RUN!"

 

That is the only thing you can do at this point. This guy is a dead end to nowhere.

[Gentlegirl2]

He's messing with your head.

 

He is telling yo a whol heap of crap to jerk your chain.

 

Drop it and walk away.

 

GG

[Artie Lang]

i don't get the attraction to married men/women. can someone please explain?

 

what is so appealing about someone who's already taken.....what's so appealing about being second best.....what's so appealing about being fed table scraps?

[Gloria25]

Thanx everyone for your opinions....

 

I just wanted to add that he told me from the get-go that he didn't want to change his "situation" (marriage to his wife), but after we started sleeping together, he just started blabbing about his marriage and I don't know why.

 

I guess he couldn't resist turning on the water-works with a sob story. That's how some people/playas get off I guess.

 

What also hurt was he asked a lot of stuff and would volunteer to "help" me with things around the house. I mistook it for interest in me as a person outside of the bedroom, but he said that he just wanted to get to know me and the things he did for me is because he's just a person that likes to help others (like a friend would).

 

I've had casual relationships before, and they were usually very dry. But I feel so stupid for thinking this guy was developing feelings/interest in me while he probably gets off on playing the "sad, sorry husband".

 

I feel so stupid...

[Gloria25]

i don't get the attraction to married men/women. can someone please explain?

 

what is so appealing about someone who's already taken.....what's so appealing about being second best.....what's so appealing about being fed table scraps?

 

Well, I thought I could handle something casual with a married person because I felt I wouldn't have to deal with the complications of having something casual with someone single. I mean, you know from the get-go that the married guy is only gonna want to hook up and that's that.

 

That's why with this guy I would get upset when he'd start wanting to talk about his stuff going on and he'd wanna do this/that for me. Next time I'm gonna tell the guy to just shut up and the only thing he needs to do is get in my bed and get out when it's done.

 

I know it's not a healthy RL to seek and engage in. But some of us have problems with intimacy. I have times that I hold out and try to seek something better, but then I have times I don't. That's why when I'm seeking something casual - I like to keep it simple.

[Owl]

Here's your problem.

 

You forget that physical intimacy nearly always leads to emotional intimacy. Just as emotional intimacy nearly always leads to physical.

 

The two are interconnected. Treating them as though one has no impact on the other is a sure-fire path to emotional devestation.

[nofool4u]

Hi,

 

I am glad I found this website because I really need some advice.

 

I got involved in a FWB thing with a married guy with no kids (so he says). He complains how his wife won't give him sex, she won't keep her self attractive, and she seems to belittle him - yet he has not left her for years.

 

With no kids, then he would have no excuse.

 

Hence this tells me all of his complaints about his wife are bunk, and are only designed to garner sympathy from you, or any other woman, so that you give him what he wants.

 

People don't typically get others to cheat with them by showering praise on their spouses.

 

 

He says it's finances and cuz she said she would change why he never left. But they have no kids....

 

Exactly. So he is staying with his wife because she isn't the troll he is making her our to be. He is just playing you to get you in bed. And its working.

 

 

Long story short, I didn't intend to fall for him, but he seemed so sweet, great, and I'm like "why is he still with her?".

 

Of course he is sweet to a new woman that he is finding exciting to get his rocks off with. He wouldn't get you to help him betray his wife if he didn't come off as sweet. Or maybe he would, who knows.

 

 

I broke it off recently and almost broke it off a couple of times before that because I could not bear the pain of such a great guy who didn't want to let me love him and be with someone treating him so poorly.

 

There is nothing great about a cheating man.

 

If you think so, then good luck with that.

 

 

Anywho, I contacted him to hang out and he said he's already seeing someone else on the side - even though just a few days ago he told me he just needed to see my pictures!!!!

 

I am so upset, I don't know if he's messing with my head

 

He is cheating on his wife, is banging someone else in addition to you, and you don't know if he is playing you?

 

 

 

or probably moved on so soon cuz he missed being with me....OR, all along he just wanted something wet to put his penis in.

 

BINGO!!

 

 

I mean, he's never made promises to me...But I am so upset.

 

You brought it on yourself. He is married. Only reason guys like this can cheat is because there are women out there that don't care they are helping to betray another woman.

 

Sorry, goes with the territory. Only person who has a right to be mad is the wife, or any woman that might not have known he was married. But you did.

 

Consider this a bullet dodged. Ever consider telling his wife? She deserves to know what kind of POS she is married to. Although it would be highly rotten to only now tell her out of being scorned, I wouldn't protest too much if you decided to tell her now. Whatever works. Whatever gives some unsuspecting woman the knowledge she deserves to have about what kind of man her husband is.

[UpwardForward]

I think the reason you're confused and don't want to close the door, is because you don't know if he really has another OW, or if he sought another OW because you ended the R - or if he has really attached himself to another.

 

Bottom line Gloria: Once someone has turned their back on their marriage, for Any reason - they cannot be trusted, and they will line up replacements. It's as: being a player.

[LoveTKO]

Don't make excuses for people who have affairs but just except it for what it is....don't go in it with long term expectations. The BS is never as bad of a person as they're made out to be by the WS, because if that were the case they would be gone by now, right? I've heard it all: he's mean, controlling, too much a routine man, not attracted to him anymore.......but something must be mitigating all that ($$$, security, kids, etc.) to make them not leave the marriage.

[whichwayisup]

Thanx everyone for your opinions....

 

I just wanted to add that he told me from the get-go that he didn't want to change his "situation" (marriage to his wife), but after we started sleeping together, he just started blabbing about his marriage and I don't know why.

 

I guess he couldn't resist turning on the water-works with a sob story. That's how some people/playas get off I guess.

 

What also hurt was he asked a lot of stuff and would volunteer to "help" me with things around the house. I mistook it for interest in me as a person outside of the bedroom, but he said that he just wanted to get to know me and the things he did for me is because he's just a person that likes to help others (like a friend would).

 

I've had casual relationships before, and they were usually very dry. But I feel so stupid for thinking this guy was developing feelings/interest in me while he probably gets off on playing the "sad, sorry husband".

 

I feel so stupid...

 

He said what he said to keep you interested.

 

 

Anyway, now you know what's what and you feel yucky about it all, there's no choice left but to walk away.. If you choose to stay and continue on, you'll always feel bad and feel yucky. You are into him more than he's into you. It hurts but reality is, now you have a choice to stop!

[scatterd]

It is so typical for a cheater to make his wife look bad.He sounds like a great guy hes so good to his wife.Is this the kind of guy you deserve?To bad his wife does not know what kind of person he is.Be happy you are not with him.Tell him thank god he found someone else because you want a honest single man.Sorry your hurt this is a blessing in disguise.

Edited April 17, 2012 by scatterd

[nofool4u]

It is so typical for a cheater to make his wife look bad.

 

Its also typical for an OW/OM to hear the badmouthing from the MM/MW about their spouse and think that excuses sleeping with them.

[scatterd]

Yes we here it all hear.

[wannabdone]

With no kids, then he would have no excuse.

 

Hence this tells me all of his complaints about his wife are bunk, and are only designed to garner sympathy from you, or any other woman, so that you give him what he wants.

 

People don't typically get others to cheat with them by showering praise on their spouses.

 

 

 

.

 

 

I'm sorry, no kids..... a dozen kids..... IF someone wants to leave, they will figure out a way to make it happen. IF someone is truly unhappy and miserable and no sex life.... they will certainly leave.

 

Why do ppl (women especially) fool themselves into thinking that men will stick around for an unhappy SEXLESS M??? CTFO.

But, I was one of those stupid women who did this.... but I smh when I think how I bought that.

[LoveTKO]

i don't get the attraction to married men/women. can someone please explain?

 

what is so appealing about someone who's already taken.....what's so appealing about being second best.....what's so appealing about being fed table scraps?

 

 

Yes, I'll explain it to you. If it's just for affection and sex, you can't ask for a better deal. You don't have to take them out to dinner, movies, vacations, etc. It's like you're not living in the real world because it's so unreal good! Table scraps? The BS is the one getting the table scraps, whining about not getting any. Now, if you're an OM/OW holding on to pie-in-the-sky promises that the MS is going to leave the marriage to start a life with you, then you do need to have your head examined.