mazzy55 Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Hi just wondering if a 14 year age difference is a big deal...I met this guy we went out had a great time that was a more than a year ago....we see each other but more like " friends with benefits" but I would like to be in a real relationship and I believe he does too...now he says I'm too old for you but I believe the real reason is he's wife cheated on him and he's afraid because of our age difference he may think one day I may leave him for someone else my own age...how do I convince him that I wouldn't do that?? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Hi just wondering if a 14 year age difference is a big deal... I've done an 18 year difference...she was older...I've realized it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal...no one else's opinion should matter... ...how do I convince him that I wouldn't do that?? My suggestion is that you don't. Don't make blanket promises like that. If he needs "convincing," then he might not be for you... In essense, you are saying that you need to convince him to be with you...? No thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazzy55 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 I shouldn't say convince him...more like how do I talk to him about it...he's says he's damaged goods...he was really hurt by what she did and I don't blame him but it's been 4 years now and I think he needs to trust again...I really want to be with him and see what happens...I think we were meant for each other and he does too...what do I do...thanks for your reply Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 It's absolutely fine, no, perfectly fine with me. (As long as I'm the elder since I'm already passed the big five O.) Link to post Share on other sites
firehawk_1 Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 it should NEVER be about age. thats just being judgemental. its about maturity, connectivity and sensibility and making it happen. I know alot of women who are older than me and are VERY immature. its about the mindset and what you both want, not about age AT ALL Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazzy55 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 Thanks firehawk1...I agree with you I just have to sit down and have a heart to heart with him and see what happens...if someone makes you happy you should go with it...men thanks for the replies Link to post Share on other sites
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I wish I had a cougar/MILF..... *applications please* Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 More probematic than the age difference is the fact that you have already established the parameters of your relationship with this guy as basically "FWB." I think it is very difficult to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 not really. never add complications..... and never make a judgement on something just because of how it currently may be Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazzy55 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 But just because we're FWB doesn't mean it can't turn into something more though right?? If we both want it to...I don't know just have to see what happens I guess Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 But just because we're FWB doesn't mean it can't turn into something more though right?? It happens sometimes. I think you would be a fool to let something good go just because of an age number. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazzy55 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 Well I'll just tell him how I feel and see what happens...if he doesn't feel the same way then at least I know where we stand.. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 If he's 80 and you're 66 then no, I don't think it's that big of a deal. If you are in your late teens/early 20s and he is in his mid 30s then yes it is. He is a grown man and you are still under construction as a human being. You still have a lot of maturing to do and you will change a lot over a relatively short period of time. If he has a clue, he realizes that. Of course he is enjoying banging you because you are nice and yound and firm and pretty and he is getting a good ego boost out of it and enjoying the youthfull passion. He reluctance has nothing to do with his wife cheating on him...get over it. His reluctance may be that he has a shread of decency and he knows it's wrong. Hopefully there is also a part of him that yearns for relationship with a woman that is equal to his life experience and wisdom and has a shared lifestyle. I would honestly be more worried for you if he was the one wanting the relationship because that would mean that he is a failure with women his own age because they are able to recognize his $h!t and it is easier for him to dupe and manipulate a younger woman. There is nothing wrong with going out on a date with an older guy just to get out of the house and experience something new. There really isn't anything wrong with bopping one now and then just for the heck of it either. But you really should view any guy wanting a relationship with a much younger woman in such a different life-stage with much suspician and skepticism. If a mid 30s man is actively seeking a relationship with 20 year old it's because he isn't capable of a supportive and healthy relationship with a woman of equal maturity, wisdom and life experience and he is looking for a woman that he can manipulate and control. It's easy for young women to think that these charming sophisticated older men are pursuing them because they are prettier and firmer than women their age but it isn't. It's because mature women can smell a rat and won't put up with their $h!t. I realize you think I'm full of crap now but in 15 years when you are 35 and you see 35 year old douches chasing 20 year olds, you'll get it because by then you will have been there/done that just like the 35 year women of today have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazzy55 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 I don't think your full of crap but just so you know I'm 35 and he's 49 so we are both mature adults Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 The way to convince anyone is thru consistent actions, signs that indicate you are trusting and trustworthy. A Man or even a lady never fully recovers entirely from a heartbreak of infidelity, they do though show greater resolve for the next time. And they will be more mindful of the signs and signals. Its thru behavior that marks consistency of trust that will convince him. He is using "age" as a defense barrier. Gently chip away at it and allow the maturity of you both to shine thru. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazzy55 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Share Posted April 19, 2012 Yes exactly he's using "age" as a barrier...because when we first met and he told me how old he was he said it's just a number..so why now say I'm too old for you...and yes you don't really get over someone cheating on you especially after being married for 23 years...thanks Tayla I'll keep chipping away and see what happens Link to post Share on other sites
Author mazzy55 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 Ok so I have another question...what do u think about him going to his ex wife's house at 10 o'clock at night...was over his house Saturday night and when I left he left at the same time and when I saw which street he turned down I thought lets see...I was right his car was parked in front of her house... Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I realize you think I'm full of crap now but in 15 years when you are 35 and you see 35 year old douches chasing 20 year olds, you'll get it ... My present GF is 22 years younger but I would never call her a douche for chasing me down. Harsh. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I don't think age makes any difference at all personally, but if he says it is an issue, perhaps it is for him, or maybe it's an excuse. Don't make an issue of it and just leave it be. He may come round. He may not. Link to post Share on other sites
goldengirl11 Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Maybe the age gap wasn't an issue initially but as time went on he discovered it was more an issue than he thought it would be. Has happened to me when I realised I preferred to be with someone nearer my age. Link to post Share on other sites
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