ello Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Hi there My boyfriend and I were together for about two and a half years and moved in together quite soon. I am 24 and so is he. I was very busy in my last year at University and most of my time was devoted to my schooling. One day I came home from school, and I received a call from my bf saying that he had won a trip in a contest and asked me if I wanted to go. I told him that I didn't know because I was so busy in school, etc, and he told me he needed to know right then because the company needed to put names on the plane tickets. This started a foolish arguement that got out of hand and I was frustrated and told him "fine I am not going" basically and that was the end of the conversation. He told me when he got home that he had put his brothers name on the ticket, and I was upset. He hadn't even really discussed it with me, and I thought we would discuss it when he got home. Anyway, we were both acting really stupid, and we fought really bad until the day before the trip. He discussed this with his mom because he really didnt want to take his brother and it made things worse. HIs mother said that he had take his brother, which i agree cause he asked him, and went on to say rude things like he didn't know what love was, he is too young, etc, and that he needed counselling. She also said alot of other things that really hurt me. I was furious at this point. I felt that this was really not thier business to discuss especially without me present, and the fighting got worse to the point I finally told him to get out and take his things. I was angry because it was her idea just to take his brother and she actually invited him before he had the chance to talk to me about it. His brother said that if he didnt get to go he would be mad.This was a trip to a Spring Break party which I didnt really feel comfortable with him going in the first place, although I didnt think it would turn out to have such a terrible result. I really did trust him. He ended up going and when he came back from his trip he came over and we talked. I felt terrible, and he said to me " I thought you didn't want to see me anymore." We talked and decided to work things out, but he was acting strange. A few days later he confessed to me that he has slept with someone else. It was really hard for me to deal with, but I had a hard time for awhile, and I moved out. This was about a year ago. He says that there are no excuses for what he did and I know that he is having a hard time with his too. He says that he feels that he has never been this low his entire life, and this is something that he is totally against, and he doesn't really know why he did this except that it happened only once, and he felt like he was liked at a time when he felt no one did, and he says that he really thought we were over. I have had other relationships before for long periods of time and I was never as happy as I was with him. He always treated me like a princess, and we got along really well. I am so confused. I am sure he has learned agreat leson from this, although I don't know if I can forgive and forget this. I know I acted terrible, and treated him badly as well. but I don't think that is an excuse (he says its not as well. ) What do I do! ilove him! Im not even sure if this is cheating.sorry for such a long message. If you need more detail please ask. It may be missing some detail cause I am trying to keep it as short as possible, so you can ask any questions.I am aware that my behaviour was bad as well. Please help me! Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 It sounds like you both acted in haste and are taking a long time to come to grips with your mistakes. I don't think there is any excuse for cheating but that doesn't mean you can't forgive one mistake and move on If that's what you want. Unfortunately you said you don't think you can forgive and forget- Honestly I don't think you have any future if that is how you feel. If you do want to try again you are going to have to see a therapist or something because your relationship will never be worth salvaging if you can't trust him. He screwed up in a big way but it doesn't sound like he's a natural born cheat. He lashed out and made a GIANT ass out of himself and seriously hurt you. You can't move forward until you address those issues together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ello Posted June 19, 2004 Author Share Posted June 19, 2004 do you guys know how to deal with this, I mean what would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t32729/ I forgave my H because it was a one time thing and he has not done it before then or after then. Yeah, we had issues for awhile, and sometimes I still have them. The bottom line is if you can trust him again - then work it out. If not, then don't work it out because the relationship will be a stressful one until someone leaves. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author ello Posted June 21, 2004 Author Share Posted June 21, 2004 I am just not sure which is the healthiest choice, to forgive, or move on without him. What would you guys do in this situation? I mean, how do youget over it? It seems to me sometimes, that leaving is the easiest way out, I just don't want to make the wrong choice. I am confused as to if this even is cheating, although I believe it is. I don't hink that things were settled betwrren us, and obviously he didn't if he continued to pursue me. Link to post Share on other sites
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