truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Hi all....haven't been around for awhile, for those of you who don't know the situation, I was involved with a married man, who was in an open marriage,an otr truck driver and the love of my life. Things went south, not because his wife found out she and I were friends, but because I couldn't handle it. I was doing well until mid January when they spilt and he moved in with me. Things have been great until lat week. I think he is cheating on me with this woman he met on another website. He lied about where was was and I found out by accident. I was devastated, and I am devastated. I didn't come right and say anything but we talked last night before he had to go to work t one in the morning, which is a lie, he met up with her and I know it, I feel it in my gut, I feel it in my heart, now he is lying to me, he said he had to go over to the port and do some driving there, he has been there all day but I know he didn't have to be there till this morning, not at 1 in the morning like he said, do I have proof? Nope but will have it Monday, I am friends with his dispatcher. I have had no sleep, I have been up since 8 a.m friday morning, if his kids were not here when he comes home his stuff would be packed and sitting on the porch. Yes, this was his weekend with the kids, whom I love like my own, so we have had fun actually went exploring today and it has been fun. he is still at work and won't be home till god only knows when and then has to go back for a few hours tomorrow. He wants to know what is wrong with me, like I said i told him in a round about way, and he said all the right things and hugged and kissed me and said not to worry everything is good, all I could think about is once a cheater always a cheater, once a liar always a liar, my grand mothers words are haunting me.....he asked me again on the phone what is wrong, this is not a conversation I want to have on the phone, nor without any sleep, I dont even know how to say it, other than to call him a cheating, lying rotten sob...gee that would be so mature. it has taken me a very long time, a very long time to trust him and in one fell swoop, he has not only destroyed that trust, if he told me the sky was blue i would look out the window to make sure. Boyfriend/lover aside, we were, key word here is were suppose to be friends, he has destroyed it all... How do I confront him about this, without coming off like a raging shrew? Thanks once again for the advice and help Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 (edited) who was in an open marriage what part of open-marriage didn't you understand? by "open," it means non-exclusive. which means you guys aren't exclusive, either. Edited April 15, 2012 by Artie Lang 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 he was in an open marriage they are getting divorced and HE MADE us exclusive Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Just because the a pig is moved from one pen to the next does not stop him from being a pig. It just means he is a pig in a new pen. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 yes you did and yes I am upset because he said we were exclusive, not my words, his words........i deserve everything I get with this because I knew it and still took him back Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 OMG LOL.....thank you that is an incredible way to put it....thanks for the smile and I never looked at it like that but damn if it ain't the truth Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 Thanks but I still like a complete idiot. They are not getting a divorce because of me and she didn't kick his ass out of the house, they had been having problems even before they opened the marriage 5 years ago. The kids are here and he is at work, he had to work over t one of the ports for the company he drives for and has been there all day and due hoe later tonight around 10 or so. I am telling him he has two days to leave once they kids are back at Mom's which will be tomorrow. Like I said if the kids were not here last night his stuff would be sitting on the porch and if they were not here I would have gone to the yard, it s 20 minutes from where we live and busted him there, because more than likely they were in his truck. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 he was in an open marriage they are getting divorced and HE MADE us exclusive But he is used to the lifestyle of an open marriage. His actions show this, forget what he's said...Words vs his actions don't match. End it and walk away..This man will never be all yours. He loves women, loves that life of doing what he wants without having to be committed. Sorry you're hurting, but I am surprised that you are surprised he cheated on you.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl2 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I wouldn't give him two days. Take his stuff down to where he works and dump it there. Get the locks changed and don't give him the opportunity to ever come in your home again. If you do he will try to talk you out of your decision and you know what you will probably do. He's betrayed your trust. GG Link to post Share on other sites
JamieA Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 You said you were done before. And that was when it was easier before he lived with you. What makes this time different? It's much more complicated now. His kids are probably attached to you too. This can't end well. I'm sorry you're going through this. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'm sorry to hear you took this man back again, tg, because he sounded like he was going to make you very unhappy from what you posted earlier. Although he called his M open, he only told his W what he thought she wanted to hear and would be fine with, and he withheld or lied about anything else. I think people who behave like that have to do a lot of soul-searching and work to change into someone more honest and open and most don't. Really, I see a lot of misery in your future if you continue to want an exclusive R and you continue to be with this man. I hope you have learned enough about him by now to stick to NC. Your last attempt at ending the romantic R and still staying in contact as .... friends?... didn't work last time. Don't expect it to work this time either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Just because the a pig is moved from one pen to the next does not stop him from being a pig. It just means he is a pig in a new pen. GREAT QUOTE!!! Thank you, Bent, I'm going to remember this one forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 Yes, I don't know if I am surprised he cheated or more pissed I think if i look at it honestly it was just a matter of time, kinda knowing it would happen, but hoping it wouldn't.....I am gonna end up the old crazy cat lady...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 yep, his idea is sex is just sex ......as long emotions dont get in the way it is just sex, well that is fine a lot of people think that way......however I am not one of them and knows, knew that ....so much for honesty Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 Of course he lied to her open marriage or not...and he is/has lied to me. i mean if he got away with it with his wife, who is the mother of his kids, I dont know why I thought he wouldnt lie to me....when i truly look at it I knew it was just a matter of time him doing it to me......I once asked him if his wife were to close the marriage it would end it for us,he said no, I am really good at lying....duh......any bigger of a red flag the astronauts in the space station would have seen it ...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 What he REALLY meant is that YOU were to stay exclusive while he continued being the pig that he is. I know it, as I said good old Glen isn't even walking down the same street, it was one way and only for me...when he said all I ask if you meet someone else that you re honest about it and don't hide anything ...not a problem you know I would .....yeah guess I should have asked then if it was a one way or two way steet Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 I wouldn't give him two days. Take his stuff down to where he works and dump it there. Get the locks changed and don't give him the opportunity to ever come in your home again. If you do he will try to talk you out of your decision and you know what you will probably do. He's betrayed your trust. GG I actually did think of doing that, I am taking the kids back to their Mom's later and when I get back home, that is exactly what I am going to do, his pick up is at the yard, I have the gate code and I am gonna dump it all in the truck, lock it back up and leave........won't he be surprised when he pulls in his rig, walks to his truck and there will all his stuff be........gotta wait until tomorrow to change the locks.........I think he will get the message not to come home at least not right away, then again there is no reason I need to stay here if he doe come home...I can take off myself, not for good, but he has to work tomorrow, if he bring his stuff back in I will just drop it ff at the office....should surprise his dispatcher Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 yep his kids and I are very close, I will let him explain it to them why Daddy and i dont live together anymore and wonder what he will tell them, gonna be kinda hard to have his kids every other weekend with no place to live other than his semi...I am going to miss the kids very much Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Yeah the kids part is the hardest part of this I would think. Aren't you glad that he moved into your place and you didn't have a co-lease or something like that? It's so much easier to get his ass out of your place without a written contract that would interfere. At least you got that positive to think about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 AAARGH. I am mad you carried on with this loser. I remember your posts from the past. It's not just the "open marriage" this guy had; his behavior was completely trashy all the way around. Please, please really do move on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Hi Truckergirl, I remember you. I am very sorry for your hurt. I know we often don't make the wisest decisions when there are emotions involved. So, please when I say this...know I don't mean it to come across hateful. But, you need not to blame this 100% on him. You knew full good and well what you were getting into, and this would more than likely be the outcome. His actions previously showed he was a serial cheater, so why on earth would you think you would ever be "exclusive". The blame for your situation lies on you. You knew what the deal was, and you made a choice to be with him. And unwise choice, but still yours. So, now you have to decide what you want for you life. I think you deserve a man who loves YOU and only YOU and is committed to just that. What do you think you really deserve? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 (edited) AAARGH. I am mad you carried on with this loser. I remember your posts from the past. It's not just the "open marriage" this guy had; his behavior was completely trashy all the way around. Please, please really do move on. I agree. Bent already put it so well. I have no idea why we often delude ourselves into believing that someone's crappy behavior is just a one time anomaly and not something that is a part of them or at least something that they have to address and work through before we ride off into the sunset and get burned. As trucker said, she "knew" the truth but simply "hoped" by some magic it would turn out well. We need to stop lying to ourselves. Trucker....I personally believe you and most people embark upon relationships too quickly and don't allow a relationship to grow in a natural way where you have all the time to openly and honestly date and see whether or not you want to move in or marry someone and worse take on their kids. So many women meet a man now, or meet him and have an A and then before you know it, they have moved the man and his kids in and then are crying over some problem. We have to be more conscientious about our decisions, some of us, me included have been lonely and desperate and so allow ourselves to ignore all common sense and run off on this idea of "love" that presents itself, in some of the least desirable people and then make big decisions that are ruled by feelings even if they have no basis in reality. I doubt he is going to change and if he will...it won't be because of hope or empty promise but serious work. If you and he aren't ready for that, you need to promptly tell him to find elsewhere and you need to move on and don't make the same mistakes. Edited April 15, 2012 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Open marriage means that the spouses are allowed to screw other ppl without forming relationships. You 2 formed a relationship, he cheated on his wife with you. You never get in a relationship with a cheater, because what they did to the one before you, they will do to you. I really hope you kick him out after his kids are gone. Sounds like a horrible father and a ****ty rolemodel, i am sorry for those kids. PS: I live in Eastern Europe, and truckers are notorious here for being cheating bastards ... how is it in the US ? Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I hope it gets easier for you, while I abhor cheating, I also abhor anyone feeling hurt by the actions of another. Giving someone your trust and finding out they weren't worth it always hurts. Hope it gets better for you. x Link to post Share on other sites
Author truckersgirl Posted April 16, 2012 Author Share Posted April 16, 2012 AAARGH. I am mad you carried on with this loser. I remember your posts from the past. It's not just the "open marriage" this guy had; his behavior was completely trashy all the way around. Please, please really do move on. Good morning Yes, you can be mad, I know I am and I am mad at myself more than him, I put myself in this situation AGAIN and have no one to blame but myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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