trying to be patient..waiting for him to get divorced

[dragonette]

hello. I am new to this site but cannot get enough. I have a situation I must get off my chest.

 

Over ten years ago I went to college with a guy..BIG crush. But nothing ever happened. When I was broken up with my bf he was happily with his gf and vice versa. Timing just never worked out. We flirted but remained good friends. The type who can finish each otehrs thoughts. We both worked at the same job so saw alot of one another. i would always find ways to bump into him..etc

 

 

Years go by. We remain friends, albeit emailing or talking every 6 mos or so. Both got married. I am now divorced. He and I now work together. We laugh alot and still finish each others sentences. i was a bit uncomfortable at first...there has ALWAYS been tension between us...i hoped he didnt notice. His marriage is on the rocks...(no , really).. I know what it is like when you know your marriage is over. It is just waiting for the final straw to push you over the edge.

 

 

In discussing these trying times he finally told me that he TOO had STRONG feelings for me in school and that they have always been there. We kissed. I am a very religious person so this was pretty unsettling for me. After a good Catholic confession i felt rejuvenated, but weeks later we ended up in a full blown make out session.

 

We have both agreed to not meet anymore until his divorce is final. We IM every night. we are still close, but no chance of foolish mmoves.

 

All my feelings have resurfaced. I am falling for him. I feel guilty, but HONESTLY believe he'd be divorced one way or another. You cannot live unhappily forever, eventually you just break. But i am SO optimistic about this SECOND CHANCE. A second chance to fall in love..NEVER thought i would. and a second chance with someone who has always been in the back of my mind. someone who is SO like me, who thinks like me, and who is so kind.

 

I have to admit our first kiss was so awkward. I mean we were FRIENDS...and i had not kissed anyone since before my husband 14 years ago. It was so strange. But the second time cinched it for me.

 

 

I am trying to be patient and give him his space. I want what is best for him and his family (two boys). If that means staying and working things out, I WILL deal with it and move on. But i hope that we end up together. It has been mere weeks, and i know if i can be patient, if and when we finally get to be together, it will be for a long time.

 

Thank for listening

[mtre20]

This man is married and has two kids, and your hoping he will leave his wife for you. You are a selfish person, you want him because You feel like you are falling for him.

 

Have you ever considered you are aiding (for your own reasons) the detstruction of his marriage. Do you care about his wife's feelings? She is only the father of his children.

 

Lets call a spade a spade!! You are a home wrecker and you WANT his relationship to fail so you can have him. Since you kissed him you are basically having him CHEAT on his wife with you. You justify it by stating that his marriage is on the rocks anyway. How convenient for you.

 

If you were a decent person you would walk away and let his marriage run its course. You have No Idea what king of pain you are causing.

 

It is not right what you are doing. You are interfering with his marriage and what about his kids? You are the reason the divorce rate is so high. Find someone that is NOT married. A similar thing happened to my best friend. God I hate people like you.

[CONFUSED0202]

I know exactly where you are coming from.... I am in a very similar situation. The difference is I am the one that is still married. I know exactly what you mean by your marriage being over and just waiting for the last straw. I have been married for 10 years, my marriage has been over for the last year. I'm not afraid to leave, it just is easier to stay.

 

My "best friend" for the past 5 years, left his wife last year, not divorced yet. But he has a gf, he says he loves her. But then last week we slept together. I am in the process of preparing the conversation of my life to convince him why we belong together.

 

You are not a home-wrecker, the home was already wrecked. If he is showing feelings to you, he is not in a happy marriage. You are not to blame, let the cards fall as they may. There is a reason he is back in your life. Go for it....

 

I've learned life is too short to not be happy, do what I am about to do, lay it all on the table as the old cliche goes "what is meant to be, will be"

 

Don't get me wrong, I am sorry I cheated on my husband, he did not deserve this, but I don not love him anymore. We are only live in the same house together, do not sleep in the same bed and have not had sex in almost a year.

 

Again, go for it......

[mtre20]

Confused0202,

 

QUOTE "You are not a home-wrecker"

 

 

You have some very misguided values. You state that your marriage is over but it is easier to stay, then you say your best friend left his wife and has a girl friend, but you want to convince him to be with you. All this while you are still married. It is obvious you have NO respect for what marriage stands for.

 

My opinion is that you really need to evaluate what is important in life. You say you are sorry you cheated, and your husband didn't deserve it. Then in the next breath you encourage this women to pursue this affair. You never give any regard the the wife's feelings or the children. Why should you care about them when you just want the husband for yourself.

 

Why do you have to play these ****ing games with peoples life's, weasel your way between a marriage, slithering in like a snake, and then act like you deserve the husband.

 

And in the end, if you get the husband to leave his wife , he does it to you down the line, every time. Oh' you don't think he will get bored with you, just like he did before. Karma always prevails in the long run.

[dragonette]

I considered not acknowledging mtre20...what are YOU so angry about? You made your point, but seem to want to dwell on how right you feel you are.

 

 

From your high and mighty soap box, you missed the point that i am NOT pursuing him. I will not "date " him while he is married and besides, it was mutual attraction for BOTH of us. He broached the subject with me.

 

And CONFUSED is right about it being easier to stay. It is easy to stay in your comfort zone, assuming you do not deserve, nor will ever find happiness with another. I was paralyzed for probably two years in a miserable marriage, until i finally got the courage to venture out on my own and take my life back. I have been alone for two years, (but longer if you count being "alone" while married), but I am finally HAPPY. I do not NEED a man to fulfill my emptiness.

 

 

 

Yes, our timing sucks, but he is a very decent person. He also has been smothered in his marriage, forced to bury his opinions and feelings. He will only make the final break if he is absolutely positive that there is no hope and that it will be for the best. Unfortunately, not every marriage (with or without children) is destined to be loving, fulfilling and successful. WE are human and make mistakes, but failing at marriage does not in any way make that person a BAD person.

 

 

I plan to wait and see how this unfolds. I am not egging him on. If he and I do get together in the future, I believe we will be better equipped to deal with communication issues. I refuse to be sorry for finding someone who is damn near perfect.