Try to fix things or move on?

[u4379]

Hi,

 

I'm in a situation that I put myself into and need to decide the right thing to do.

 

I recently (2 months) started dating a really good friend of mine for 5 years. I have always had feelings for her, but the timing never worked out, and we finally had the opportunity. Things have been great between us until about 3 weeks ago.

 

I recently went from working in a professional setting to start med school (6 months ago). This has been an interesting transition, and a lot more partying than I anticipated. During one of these patries (my girlfriend was out of town), I ended up dancing with and eventually kissing one of my classmates. It ended there but regardless it happened. This girl and I are friends, and we have had a history before, but there is nothing there now.

 

When my girlfriend asked me about it, I told her nothing happened, and we just went to a bar and I came home. She kept pressing it and eventually saw a missed call from this girl, and I finally ended up telling her that we kissed. She also found out that she and I had a history together.

 

I honestly do love this girl more than anything, but I know I hurt her and lost all the trust she ever had in me. I started going to therapy and feel like I've made some progress figuring out exactly why I put myself in this kind of situation, but I haven't heard from her in about a week (my ex? girlfriend).

 

I know this will be an uphill battle if she is even willing to consider it, and I know (probably rightfully so) that her friends are against her even considering it.

 

Sorry for the long story, there's much more to it but I don't want this to drag on too long.

 

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

[Radu]

You shouldn't have lied.

You shouldn't have drank, alcohol is not an excuse, it just removes inhibitions.

 

Tbh, i've heard this 'i've started to improve myself and going to therapy so ... why won't she take me back after 1 week' that it sickens me. True change comes after a much longer period and after you truly deeply want to change.

You are also paying someone to solve your problems and though it may help you in the long run, in reality the only one who can solve your problems is you ... the therapist can only guide you.

 

You lost this girl, who was not only your aquaintance but also a very good friend.

 

I hope you will learn your lesson and do try to make changes, because in 5-10 yrs you will end up in the same situation with your wife ... with whom you have kids.

[veggirl]

She is right to dump you. Sorry but you have betrayed her trust, and so early on! I wouldn't forgive you. How embarrassing to be the girl forgiving the guy who makes out with classmates at parties no thanks. How would she ever be able to trust you at parties etc? and why was the girl even still calling?! You should have told the other girl afterwards not to EVER contact you if you were serious about fixing things with your GF. Any girl who takes a guy back who cheats on her and then lies to her face just 2 mos in is just telling him that it's okay for him to eff around on her. What a terrible way to start a relationship.