juxtaposed Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 (edited) I have been dating a guy for about a month. He is very nice. I have only ever been in 1 relationship before and that went for 10 years. This dating scene is very foreign to me. I am starting to feel real strong feelings for this guy. He has introduced me to some of his friends. When we are out he is very affectionate with me in front of friends. He has told me that he is a slow starter when it comes to new relationships and that he likes to take things slow and asked that I be patient. He told me he likes me and wants to continue seeing me and said that I should just "go with the flow". We see each other once a weekday, and spend Saturday night with each other. We text every day. I know maybe a month is too early, but how long is too long to wait for that "official couple" status. Sometimes I think that its just a label and I should just enjoy what I have, but other times a label to me would put my mind at ease. A wise friend told me that there shouldn't be any need for "the talk" that actions are louder than words and the fact that he says he wants to continue seeing me and he likes me, and introduces me to his friends means that he is keen and I should go with it. Does anyone else agree with this? I'm confused Edited April 15, 2012 by juxtaposed Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Stop worrying about the label and just focus on how he acts around you. One month isn't really that long to be honest.. I've dated females 2-4 months in the past before actually asking "do you want to me a couple". Right now what are you two ? Dating.. That's it.. Stop overthinking the label and just enjoy the fact that he likes you. I don't think I've ever asked a girl out as a g/f after only one month.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 People who are worried about their status with someone, shouldn't be sleeping with that person. It's a sign that they have a need for emotional security and they're probably not that good with keeping the sex casual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 A wise friend told me that there shouldn't be any need for "the talk" that actions are louder than words and the fact that he says he wants to continue seeing me and he likes me, and introduces me to his friends means that he is keen and I should go with it. Does anyone else agree with this? I disagree with your friend's view on 'the talk' - I don't like to make assumptions. Shaky foundations are built on assumptions. However, I do agree that you should take heart from the fact that he wants to continue seeing you and has introduced you to other people in his life. Having said that, from the sounds of it, you've already had part of 'the talk' - he's told you that he wants to take things slowly and has asked for your patience. One month is still early days at two days per week - though that says nothing about the quality of the time you've spent together nor the depth of your connection. If he really needs the pace to be slow, then you might have to respect that for now. I suggest that you table this and re-examine it at the 3-6 month mark. At 6-12 months, I would definitely be concerned if he were still refusing to consider that you are a couple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 OP: Reading your post, you are in a relationship I would think. I think more than a 4 meet ups would lead to being on the road to a relationship Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 FK NO you don't just avoid the talk because a guy is being sweet. Are you sleeping together? Or is official commitment the only part he wants to take slow? Avoiding the exclusivity talk is how SOME guys get away with pursuing other options while you are fawning over him and ONLY him. Your friend is naive. and I would NOT wait 6-12 mos to see if we are a couple. That's insane. 3 months max. I'd ask if he didn't bring it up at about the 2 mo mark. My BF brought it up at the 1.5 mo mark. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 If I want to sleep with a woman I am dating it really means I want to be BF and GF and I would have the talk right away. These men knowingly leave the women all confused. they get a high from that. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 If I want to sleep with a woman I am dating it really means I want to be BF and GF and I would have the talk right away. These men knowingly leave the women all confused. they get a high from that. actually you're right in practice but wrong in principle. men are practical. they don't leave women confused for their own emotions, they do it because the women like it. satisfies her need for drama while keeping her attentive due to a play on insecurity at the same time. everyone is a winner and gets what they really want. men wouldn't do it if it didn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 If he wants u to be his girl he will ask without prompt. If you are already sleeping with him then you have a rightto a talk. Its your body and if you arr developing feelings for him thrn all the more you are validated to a talk. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Maybe you're confused because he says he wants to go slow, but his actions say different? I think regardless of whether or not you are dating and/or in a relationship, there still needs to be a certain level of communication in terms of wants/needs. IE: Is he okay with you dating/sleeping with other men, are you okay with him dating/sleeping with other women. Don't be afraid to communicate your wants/needs, it takes guts, but being forthright with what you’re looking for in a relationship will get more difficult the longer you put it off. He's communicated to you what he is currently looking for, so, you can do the same. If it matches, great. If it doesn't, and you find yourself unhappy and/or you don't see things going any further, don't be afraid to walk. Link to post Share on other sites
lso802 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 1 month is too soon IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 The Secret to Keeping a Man: Forget the Future, Enjoy the Present | Evan Marc Katz Blog - Dating Coach This is.a good article I came across. It'll help u. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 even such a title puts me at disgust.... its not about "forget the future. enjoy now". there is no secret in keeping a man. its all these games that are being played which are overshadowing the simple principals and communication! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 even such a title puts me at disgust.... its not about "forget the future. enjoy now". there is no secret in keeping a man. its all these games that are being played which are overshadowing the simple principals and communication! The author never advocated playing games he simply stated the things one needs to be aware when one is dating in the early stages of a relationship. We,re always susceptible to letting emotions cloud bour judgment we start worrying and getting frustrated. In the ops case she has a right to be concerned. Yet as I've stated in my previous post when a guy wants to be with you he does not need to be persuaded. If he wants her to be his gf he will ask her. All of of this worrying is becausevthe OP is unsure of their status. If one month is too short of a time to ask him the article is a perfect reassurance in helping the op deal with her emotions and her worry. Her best action is inaction and jusgt going with the flow. Iif at some time in the future op and her guy has pogressed further in dates she has ever right to confront him with a talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author juxtaposed Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 The Secret to Keeping a Man: Forget the Future, Enjoy the Present | Evan Marc Katz Blog - Dating Coach This is.a good article I came across. It'll help u. I thought that this made a lot of sense, and probably what I had thought needs to happen in my mind. To just chill out and enjoy what we have. I'm sure if it's meant to be it will fall into place. It's not that I'm avoiding the talk, it's just I have an idea that things will fall into place. In saying that, that still doesn't mean I don't have moments of anxiety wondering what we are. It's possibly a control issue I have, wanting to label something and wondering why he has told me to be patient with him. Thank you all for your comments. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I thought that this made a lot of sense, and probably what I had thought needs to happen in my mind. To just chill out and enjoy what we have. I'm sure if it's meant to be it will fall into place. It's not that I'm avoiding the talk, it's just I have an idea that things will fall into place. In saying that, that still doesn't mean I don't have moments of anxiety wondering what we are. It's possibly a control issue I have, wanting to label something and wondering why he has told me to be patient with him. Thank you all for your comments. OP if you are like me and have a tendency to fall hard and fast I ask that you do not sleep with him. Guys are capable of using non exclusivity as a way to back out of a serious r especially after they slept with u. Learn ti protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I love it when guys say they want to take it slow but they're happy to rush into sex. That means they want to avoid commitment and string you along for casual sex for as long as possible. It's a guy's way of making sure he gets what he wants without having to give anything in return. If he really wants to take it slow, then he should be willing to wait for sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I love it when guys say they want to take it slow but they're happy to rush into sex. That means they want to avoid commitment and string you along for casual sex for as long as possible. It's a guy's way of making sure he gets what he wants without having to give anything in return. If he really wants to take it slow, then he should be willing to wait for sex. Whether there is sex or not is always the decision of the woman. Otherwise; it would be rape. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Whether there is sex or not is always the decision of the woman. Actually, it's the decision of whoever wants to wait the longest. That's usually the woman, but not always. If the woman is ready for sex first, she has to wait until the man is ready. It may be rare, but it's been known to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
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