s315399 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. We broke up once and were both beyond miserable and decided to get back together. Everything was wonderful for a while but now everything is going right back to how it was before we broke up. He believes that when you are in a relationship, there is no reason to ever mix your friends with your girlfriend. I have never met any of his friends. He often decides to hang out with them without ever telling me so I wind up wasting my time waiting for a call or a text to let me know if we're going to hang out. I'm trying not to be jealous but I can't stand that he hangs out with them for 5+ hours without having the courtesy to tell me or at least let me meet them. All I know is that they are girls and he 100% refuses to let me meet them. Am I over reacting? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 why you are still with the guy is beyond me. He is hiding something from you if he doesn't want you meeting his friends. Time to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 3 years and your still not a part of his life? do you really need advise on this? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveAnimals Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Im sorry but i cannot even begin to fathom how you have been with this guy for three years. That is NOT normal, far from it. You cannot possibly tell us anything about your relationship that could rationalize this. Do yourself a favor and find yourself someone that will actually let you into his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author s315399 Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 I really appreciate all of your comments. I just needed to know that I'm not the only one who feels your friends and significant other should mix. I don't know if this detail changes anything but these aren't friends he's had since we started dating. He'll make friends, hang out with them until I beg to meet them, and then he stops being friends with them. During his friendless times we do fantastic, so in his mind I just don't want him to have friends and I cannot get him to understand that I just want to meet them. I don't want to crash all of their get togethers or even hang out with them for 15 minutes, I just want to see them, smile, and say hi. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Chances are that as far as his friends know he does not have a GF. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Or his friends know of anothet GF (or FB). Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Ok, let's see if we can make it easier for you: D-U-M-P H-I-M. got it? Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 When that happened to me, it was because his friends knew his girlfriend, and I was actuallly an OW. I didn't know that, but it became pretty obvious when he treated me in this way. A man that loves you wants you to share his life with him, not just a little box to put you in when he doesn't want to play with you. Don't ever let a man treat you like a blow up doll. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Chances are that as far as his friends know he does not have a GF. THIS! I was going to ask, are you public via FB or anything like that? It's taken you 3 years to question this... You are most likely the other woman. Have you met his family? Link to post Share on other sites
Author s315399 Posted April 22, 2012 Author Share Posted April 22, 2012 THIS! I was going to ask, are you public via FB or anything like that? It's taken you 3 years to question this... You are most likely the other woman. Have you met his family? We are public on FB but he's not friends with the girls that he always hangs out with. I went to him with my concerns at the 2 year mark and we broke up, then he kept promising things would change so after a 4 month break we got back together and things were great for a until he made new friends and still refused to introduce me or even send me a text just to let me he was going to hang out with them. Last semester it was a group of guys that he spent every weekend hanging out with (the other guys brought along their gfs) and this semester it's the group of girls. He finally talked about it with me this weekend and explained that he's always compartmentalized his life and doesn't even like for groups of his friends to meet. I told him I understand but will never be okay with it, I'm tired of waiting around alone at home just to find out he had no intention of seeing me that day because he was busy hanging out with people he won't let me meet. If things haven't changed by next Saturday, I'm for sure calling it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 We are public on FB but he's not friends with the girls that he always hangs out with. I went to him with my concerns at the 2 year mark and we broke up, then he kept promising things would change so after a 4 month break we got back together and things were great for a until he made new friends and still refused to introduce me or even send me a text just to let me he was going to hang out with them. Last semester it was a group of guys that he spent every weekend hanging out with (the other guys brought along their gfs) and this semester it's the group of girls. He finally talked about it with me this weekend and explained that he's always compartmentalized his life and doesn't even like for groups of his friends to meet. I told him I understand but will never be okay with it, I'm tired of waiting around alone at home just to find out he had no intention of seeing me that day because he was busy hanging out with people he won't let me meet. If things haven't changed by next Saturday, I'm for sure calling it off. I call BS on his compartmentalized excuse. Smells like he's ashamed of you or hides you for whatever reason (maybe you're the other woman, who knows). Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 As you can see, it is not normal. YOur boyfriend needs to know it is not normal behaviour, and address his issues. Link to post Share on other sites
firehawk_1 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 As you can see, it is not normal. YOur boyfriend needs to know it is not normal behaviour, and address his issues. indeed but also with some support and not a wishy washy type support either Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 As you can see, it is not normal. YOur boyfriend needs to know it is not normal behaviour, and address his issues. No he doesn't. Her BF knows exactly what he is doing and is perfectly happy doing it. He is off doing whatever he likes with his mates and other GF's while OP waits around at home. And then when he decides he wants a change, he pops round to see her. He is living the happy life, having his cake and eating it. Why would/should he change? The OP cannot force him to change. All she can do is tell him to piss off forever. And this is exactly what she should be doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Or, he could find a far more meaningful life, where is turns into a nice guy, to his girlfriends. If he enjoys being a jerk, he will not find lasting, true, joy and contentment. He may not realize it now, but the happiness he derives by living like a jerk, is not te rich, true happiness u get through s loving relationship. OR, being single with f*cking integrity. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Or, he could find a far more meaningful life, where is turns into a nice guy, to his girlfriends. If he enjoys being a jerk, he will not find lasting, true, joy and contentment. He may not realize it now, but the happiness he derives by living like a jerk, is not te rich, true happiness u get through s loving relationship. OR, being single with f*cking integrity. Who are you to tell if his life is meaningful or not? And besides, who cares what he should or should not be doing, he ain't here anyway to read, reply or care. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Who are you to tell if his life is meaningful or not? And besides, who cares what he should or should not be doing, he ain't here anyway to read, reply or care. LIke attracts like - terrible people, and nasty people who act the way this jerk does to this girl, will surely not attract s huge bunch of lovely, decent, very nice people. In my experience, the very nicest people are attracted to positive, very nice people themselves - not people who treat others like CR@P. I believe that , mostly, those people who are great people, get more out of life, because it PAYS to be nice to others. It makes u far happier. Previously, I have lied, bitched about people, and not always been a good person. I cansafely say, I was not as fulfilled in my life, as I am now, that I am a far nicer person. I derive such great pleasure from simply treating people well. Some people can put up a facade, treat people like sh*t, and come across nicely OF COuRSE; but, they are missing out on the feeling that comes with being nice to people. That warm, gratifying feeling u get when you help others. I doubt a really nice person, who loves helping charity and is super nice to all his friends and cafe workers and hair dresses, is a super jerk behind everyones back, with the girls he sees. It happens, but not often. Why on earth would a truly great person, have a girl he f*cked, but thought she was too unattractive or nt good enough to show his mates!?!?!?! A person who was truly clever and nice? I doubt it. ANd, I feel nicer people get more true happiness in life. Sorry. but a cold hearted jerk who treats most women like Sh8t, is missing out on the nice feeling you get through being a decent person. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellamay Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Are you over reacting? WOW, I cant believe you could even ask that. You are NOT his girlfriend. Hes ashamed of you, he hides you, he neglects you, he disrespects you, and to top it off somehow makes you wonder if you have a RIGHT to feel that way. wow, get some self worth, woman! Hes playing you and doesnt care about you!! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 a cold hearted jerk who treats most women like Sh8t, is missing out on the nice feeling you get through being a decent person. You do realize that not everyone in the world likes the same things right? Saying that, is like saying I am missing out on that nice happy feeling you get at the end of a Twilight saga movie marathon. I would rather pluck my eyeballs out with a spoon than watch that. I would say that you are missing out on that warm happy feeling after watching the entire Star Wars box set back to back, but you might prefer to put bamboo under your fingernails than watch that. What I am saying is that different people enjoy different things. Just because you have an opinion on what gives your life meaning and contentment and happiness, does not mean others share it. The OP's BF is obviously quite happy doing what he is doing, you don't know him, for all you know his life is full of happiness and contentment. But if you want to go around believing that bad things always happen to bad people, then carry on. It's self delusional. Bad things happen to good people, and bad people get away with being bad, every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author s315399 Posted May 6, 2012 Author Share Posted May 6, 2012 So just an update - we broke up. We talked everything over very calmly and it sounded like things would change so I gave it a week and nothing did. When I told him I wanted to break up he apologized for being so stubborn - said he felt like I was trying to control and change him so he fought it as hard as he could. I don't hate him, I'm not even mad and I feel no regret. We had our rough patches but most of our time together was wonderful. Overall, I feel relief and I appreciate all of you for the support. For those of you wondering why this didn't happen sooner - if you met him you would understand why breaking up with him was difficult. He is a truly amazing man, loved by everyone who meets him. I just can't handle being in someone's life rather than a part of it and I thank you again for helping me see that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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