Happy Being The Other Woman

[Nubianangel]

I believe you are a wonderful mom Nubian Angel You must be doing your best to provide a stable environment for him if he is doing that well in school. Kudos to you too!

 

I appreciate you saying that Kiababy and thank you for bringing such positivity to this forum. I can see that you're a great mom as well especially when you made your guy sleep on the couch and head home at the crack of dawn!:laugh:I would've done the same thing or made him sleep in his car.

[kirkyswife]

I have watched this thread grow significantly and I'm proud to have been a contributing poster because I too have been educated and feel enlightened by the varying degrees of the personalities of OW's. Kiababy, initially I was disgusted by your initial post but have grown to respect you as a mother and a woman struggling to find true love - I pray that you are blessed to find a single, emotionally available man that will shower you with the love and support that you want, need and deserve.

 

With that said, I have to say that it is the attitudes like that of NubianAngel that just disgust me. We call women like you Savs (short for savage) because you are down with the DGAF posse - but then I step back and I re read the venom you spit back at us wives and especially this

 

The man I am seeing was not my own to begin with so I wouldn't say I'm 'allowing' him to do anything but be a part of my life. I came into this knowing he had a g/f so if he's cheating on anyone it's her. I like the fact that I can keep him at a distance. I don't have to deal with his stressful day at work, cook his dinner or do his laundry. Works for me!

 

HOW SAD FOR YOU! You really want us to believe that you PREFER being the other woman for some of the reasons stated above and it clearly sounds like maybe one of 2 things has happened which has caused you to allow yourself to be second best

 

1. No man has given you that "level" of respect and attention and therefore you don't know what it truly feels like to be loved, respected and cherished. Knowing is half the battle and so I can see if you don't know then you don't aspire to more.

 

OR

 

2. You've endured some serious emotional/physical abuse and you truly don't allow a man to get that close to your heart - always protecting yourself by affiliating with unavailable men.

 

You aren't happy being the Other Woman - no woman is happy being the other woman so miss me with that bull. You've just accepted that you can be nothing more and that's a very sad reality.

 

Ultimately the husbands are the violators in affairs for more often than not the husband is dealing with someone that is not in his inner circle. I think the issue for most wives is the lack of respect of women for other women in that we know how it feels to be hurt by a man and to be a party to something so blatantly violates our "sisterhood" and reveals a lack of morality in our society.

 

I would just say that wives who have been cheated on hurt regardless and to read your posts dripping with sarcasm and lacking compassion stirs emotions in us because we truly love our husbands and wonder what kind of woman knowingly conspires to disregard the feelings of another woman.

 

Side Note: your screen name is a name of pride and spirituality - just a little something to put on your mind Sista

 

NUBIAN QUEEN

 

Nubian Queen

Nubian Sistas

You have braved the times of change

And preserved through the malice of men

You were once highly respected

You shall soon be again

I see the tears

That stress and pain have left behind

I'm so sorry for the hurt we cause

But it will go soon just give it time

Brothers are spiteful

They do not know what they truly have

A strong beautiful, intelligent Nubian woman

Who for now is very sad

But why are we reckless?

Where is the respect?

We are nothing without you Sistas

This we should never forget

But my hopes are strong

And my dreams will reign supreme

Because I will never be content

Without the love, support and guidance

Of my NUBIAN QUEEN

 

Through The Eyes Of Lorenzo

[Nubianangel]

2. You've endured some serious emotional/physical abuse and you truly don't allow a man to get that close to your heart - always protecting yourself by affiliating with unavailable men.

 

Hello to you too,

I've already admitted to this so yes, you've hit the nail on the head. My emotionally and physically distant father is the reason I grativate towards the same type of man. That's what I am completely comfortable with and therefore, happy. Why is that so hard to believe? I didn't post about my happiness to receive any type of psycho analization. It wasn't a cry for help, I wrote it because it was what I was and am feeling. Being the OW, it's often difficult to confide in others and when you find people to confide in they really can't relate because they're not in that particular situation. I came here thinking I'd finally found that circle of women who could relate. Instead, I found a band of bitter wives ready to pounce. So, excuse me if my posts come across as venomous, spiteful or sarcastic. Reread the posts ABOUT or directed TOWARDS me, you'll find much the same venom.

 

 

You aren't happy being the Other Woman - no woman is happy being the other woman so miss me with that bull. You've just accepted that you can be nothing more and that's a very sad reality.

 

Actually, you are very wrong about this. Simply do a search on the net and you'll find plenty of women like me, Savs I guess you would say. There are lots of women who are or were happy being the OW and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Also, I am well aware of what my screen names means and I embody that regardless of what you or anyone else thinks. It's funny that you sent this and I'll tell you why later but I will say I loved the poem, some of it hit home, some of it didn't but I much prefer this poem, which was sent to me from my guy on Valentine's day accompanied with a dozen roses :

 

My Nubian Queen

 

Her hair is like that of the darkest night,

Her eyes are of deep ebony brown,

Yet her smile is like non-other I've seen thus far,

She is my Nubian Queen!

 

The lips she posses are of rose petals,

Her touch is of heaven descent,

Her beauty is rare as is natural,

A black woman, also my queen.

 

Though no one is truly perfect,

In my eyes she can do no wrong,

My Nubian Queen everlasting...

For me there can be only her.

 

To comfort me in my time of morn,

To help lift me if I should fall,

To believe there's hope when all else fails,

She's merely being herself...also my Nubian Queen.

 

A strong black woman she is indeed,

Also passionate with understanding as well,

This woman would never leave my side,

For love is never a question within my mind,

My Lady, my Queen for all times...

[kirkyswife]

Did he send that to his wife too or was that just original for you?

[kiababy]

Both poems are gorgeous. Thanks for the kind words Kirkyswife, I'm a work in progress...or maybe a piece of work lol

[Nubianangel]

Did he send that to his wife too or was that just original for you?

 

:laugh:Number one, he's not a married man and number two, she's a white woman. I don't think this poem would have been appropriate for her. If you'd like to know anything else before you speculate, he's Hispanic/Dominican, I'm black/asian/indian and she's white/italian. A regular UN here!

[kiababy]

Wow, you must be absolutely gorgeous, Nubianangel! I'm mixed race too: South American and Jamaican.

[Nubianangel]

Wow, you must be absolutely gorgeous, Nubianangel! I'm mixed race too: South American and Jamaican.

 

Thanks and same to you...what a combo! I turn some heads now and then and I'm sure you do too--thats why your guy can't let go. ;)I had dinner with my guy last night and he says he "finds me intoxicating" and that his feelings for me are "overwhelming". He said that he just can't seem to say the word 'no' when it comes to me for whatever reason. He's a military guy so he's been overseas and has been approached by many women. According to him and my supervisor (his military buddy who helped him get the job), he turned each and every woman down because of his g/f. He says when he saw me, he couldn't deny me, his control went out the window. To say that I'm flattered is an understatement. I think that's what keeps me wanting more. It's knowing that I am the temptation he can't deny and I think that gives me control in a lot of ways AND I definitely get 'drunk' off of that control.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Nubianangel

Being the OW, it's often difficult to confide in others and when you find people to confide in they really can't relate because they're not in that particular situation. I came here thinking I'd finally found that circle of women who could relate.

---------------------------------------

Simply do a search on the net and you'll find plenty of women like me, Savs I guess you would say. There are lots of women who are or were happy being the OW and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

I am confused. First you say that when you find people to confide in, they can't relate, then you go on to say that its an easy search in the Internet to find lots of women like you. I'm just not clear on what you are saying --- I don't mean this as an attack, just a question.

 

I've watched this thread and seen the bickering too and I wonder why those who are participating in the on-line cat fight feel it necessary to debate their POVs. No one is going to change someone else's behavior and the whole sniping back and forth seems more like an exercise in trying to convince oneself. The nasty remarks and bashing may have provided some morbid entertainment for the rest of us, but the exchange of useful information and support seemes to have ended a page or so ago in this thread!

[kiababy]

I totally agree with you Hokeyreligions - but it's soooo hard not to get caught up in the catfights. Once I stopped, I started learning a thing or two

 

Nubianangel - funny you should mention the 'control' factor. Please read my last post in "No, didn't work...." I had to come to the awful conclusion that I can be a controlling manipulative so-and-so; ironically the one thing I insisted I wasn't Let me know what you think.

[therresa kennedy]

Well, first of all, I'm a double major, second major is (English Literature) and I just have to say, those two poems, ESPECIALLY, the second one are just awful! That second one, oooooweee, man alive, does someone need some intro to poetry instruction! Please lets, NOT start sharing high schoolish attempts at poetry, there is nothing more hive inducing than poor poetry and a lack of proper understanding of diction, meaning, alliteration or metaphor etc.

 

Yes, Hokey Religions, it DOES sound rather like someone attempting to convince themselves of a particular thing doesn't it? But I quess you and I and a couple others are the only ones able to see the obvious. Did I mention, I'm white, Irish, Scottish, and English! My husband says that I am like a wild Irish rose, and that my blue eyes sparkle like the bluest sapphire stone, my dark brown hair is luminous and my white skin glows like an apparition on an English moor. What does that have to do with a darn thing?

 

Yes, it sounds like she DOES have some understanding of WHY she is with an unavailable man, she had a distant father who wasn't there for her, and so she is looking for the same in her relationships, so she doesn't have to pick up his stuff, do his laundry, make him dinner. I sure would NEVER look for someone like my gentle, mousey father. In fact I never have, thank God! Sounds like heaven for the superficial and shallow who go in for that. The trouble is that the older one gets the less satsifying that kind of empty existance proves to be. Give her time, she will learn in a few years. But for right now she likes getting "drunk" on being essentially a control freak. It IS the control she gets off on, not true intimacy. Sad, very sad.

[sinner]

tk, since this is LoveShack's poetry hour, I must alert you to poem-starting thread by our very own capitald. It's entitled "Poem of Myself."

 

Walt Whitman has nothing to fear...

[amanda25]

I am sorry, but you should be ashamed of yourself...You are married and commiting ADULTRY at the same time with another married man who is doing the same!! That is ridiculous!! If I were your husband, I would have booted you a long time ago...Its not right!! Marriage is sacred, it should be and its supposed to be....You aren't thinking about your children or your husband you are only thinking about yourself...You wanted to mess around, why not get a divorce and then mess around?!! WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!

[Mr Spock]

This thread truly makes me giggle.

 

I'm having a REALLY good day today. I went out last night, I didn't get drunk I just enjoyed myself-met a REALLY nice woman who knows some people I know, and I told her about MM. (That's at least 17 people that know already for the record) she knows him and his wife but is not close-(she revealed something personal about herself, tit for tat and all)so we both were able to chat about our various problems and how men in general suck (no offence to men on this board-pls don't take it like I'm a man hater now).

 

So that was nice. Plus, I mentioned earlier that I had shacked up with an older man, single, who made me forget my obsession. Well I saw him again last night, and invited him home. Just the self esteem boost I needed.

 

I think I'd rather see the cat fighting then people blowing sunshine up each other's arses....and Therresa, you smart feisty lady, if you mention your degrees ONE more time you're going to make this smart fiesty lady hurl. Put it in your sig tag!! Nubian angel is not bothered by her participation in the affair. You lambasting her on morals will not change that. That is something that will only happen IF the person is ready to acknowledge such feelings. And for some people, it may not even exist. Everyone's moral system is different, and things that may seem unacceptable to you or me may be perfectly fine for others. (polygamy, for example. I don't get it. But that's just me)

 

I am not defending anyone. I am not agreeing(sic) with anyone. Admiration is a powerful thing. Are you saying that you don't find it pleasurable to be desired? I would certainly find it incredibly exciting if a man I was sexual with couldn't control himself around me, wanted me. It's highly flattering.

 

Anyways, I'm having a GREAT day. Much better. I've started to do a set of kiegels(spelling?)everytime my mind wanders to ass head MM. I may have a broken heart but I'll have muscles of steel....

[therresa kennedy]

Actually she is NOT married, but single, and her OM is not married either, he only has a girlfriend, so like she said, it's not the same, or as bad, or something like that. I quess in her mind it's not. Frankly we should just give up on her, it's just not sinking in.

 

But at least she does have a minor understanding of WHY she looks for her father in men, albeit a shallow one and I quess if she is willing to accept such a sad state of affairs for herself, then fine, I know I sure wouldn't be looking for anyone in any way similar to my wonderful father. He was always a fine and loving man, but kind of a mouse.

 

I always think it is such a collassal mistake to look for men in any way reminiscent of our fathers, it just eventually breeds such neuroses and unconscious conflicts. In any event, she is satisfied with her lot, just be thankful its not you, I know I would never accept such low standards.

[therresa kennedy]

Yes, You are right! It is getting ridiculous and I for one had better shut up! I am really glad you are feelilng well and had a good night with your friend.

 

I always look forward to your posts and your honesty. And I quess right now I really need a laugh. How about some jokes, any yer mama jokes people? How bout this one,

 

(Yer mama, yer mama, she so fat, she put two cups of wata in the bathtub and it overflo!)

 

Any others people? Like I said, I need some comic relief, so damn it, give it to me!

 

Best Regards!

[amanda25]

DAYANDNIGHTHappy Being The Other Woman Post: 1 | Quote:

 

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

[color=darkred]

This is who I was talking to[/color]

But I can see that I put it in wrong place...SORRY!!

[Nubianangel]

I am confused. First you say that when you find people to confide in, they can't relate, then you go on to say that its an easy search in the Internet to find lots of women like you. I'm just not clear on what you are saying --- I don't mean this as an attack, just a question.

 

I recommended kirkyswife search the net to find OW who are happy in their situations. These are not necessarily discussion forums, they are articles and stories from the OW's point of view. The articles detail how happy these women are and how they chose their path with no regrets. Check it out on IVillage. Hope I cleared it up for you.

 

I totally agree with you Hokeyreligions - but it's soooo hard not to get caught up in the catfights. Once I stopped, I started learning a thing or two

 

Not hard for me anymore, I've been ignoring a certain poster but it seems she's obsessed with directing posts at me. *shrug* Let her waste her breath, from my side the forum air is now a lot more peaceful but I'll be praying for her.

 

Nubianangel - funny you should mention the 'control' factor. Please read my last post in "No, didn't work...." I had to come to the awful conclusion that I can be a controlling manipulative so-and-so; ironically the one thing I insisted I wasn't Let me know what

 

Hi Kiababy-I did read your post and I had to laugh because I think a lot of what you've been through or felt, I've certainly felt in the course of our relationship. I'm very complex, at times I'm controlling and at times I'm submissive. I know I'm controlling so I've never had a problem admitting it--it's whether or not that person chooses to let me control them. j/k

 

 

I am sorry, but you should be ashamed of yourself...You are married and commiting ADULTRY at the same time with another married man who is doing the same!! That is ridiculous!! If I were your husband, I would have booted you a long time ago...Its not right!! Marriage is sacred, it should be and its supposed to be....You aren't thinking about your children or your husband you are only thinking about yourself...You wanted to mess around, why not get a divorce and then mess around?!! WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!

 

I don't know if this post was directed at me but I'm not married and neither is he. Marriage IS sacred and should he marry his girlfriend, then I'm done. I'm always thinking about my CHILD, thank you very much so don't assume you know what type of parent I am. Don't go there honey. What goes around, comes around? Gee...where'd I here that one? No matter, when IT comes around I'll deal with IT. Thanks for your concern though.

[Nubianangel]

Nubian angel is not bothered by her participation in the affair. You lambasting her on morals will not change that. That is something that will only happen IF the person is ready to acknowledge such feelings. And for some people, it may not even exist. Everyone's moral system is different, and things that may seem unacceptable to you or me may be perfectly fine for others. (polygamy, for example. I don't get it. But that's just me)

 

*applauding* Someone give this woman an award for Understatement of the Year! Thank you Spock, I couldn't have said it any better myself! There are lots of people here who think that if they beat you over the head enough, you'll see it their way. In my case, they need to think again. When I'm ready to change my behavior or beliefs I will do so in my own time.

[amanda25]

I don't know if this post was directed at me but I'm not married and neither is he. Marriage IS sacred and should he marry his girlfriend, then I'm done. I'm always thinking about my CHILD, thank you very much so don't assume you know what type of parent I am. Don't go there honey. What goes around, comes around? Gee...where'd I here that one? No matter, when IT comes around I'll deal with IT. Thanks for your concern though.

 

 

 

 

 

[color=darkblue][font=arial][font=courier new][/font][color=darkblue][/color] NO that was not directed towards you!! I put it under the wrong one, and i posted that and said i was sorry!! DAMN! It was towards DAYANDNIGHT...my bad, i put it under wrong post, SORRY!!![/font][/color]

[Nubianangel]

NO that was not directed towards you!! I put it under the wrong one, and i posted that and said i was sorry!! DAMN! It was towards DAYANDNIGHT...my bad, i put it under wrong post, SORRY!!!

 

I apologize as well.

[Mr Spock]

Well I hardly applaud your choice of a relationship-I don't judge, as I've been in those shoes, but endlessly harping on your strength of character is unecessary and pointless really.

 

Ladies, I'm sorry but because someone has different beliefs/morals doesn't make them a W****

[Mr Spock]

Sigh. Alas, I have no humour to share......I can only remember about 2 jokes and neither are hilarious to anyone but me.

 

What's better than roses on a piano?

 

 

 

TULIPS ON AN ORGAN.

 

 

See what I mean? I kill myself every time.

[Nubianangel]

Well I hardly applaud your choice of a relationship-I don't judge, as I've been in those shoes, but endlessly harping on your strength of character is unecessary and pointless really.

 

Ladies, I'm sorry but because someone has different beliefs/morals doesn't make them a W****

 

Well said and it's perfectly ok with me if we don't agree but like you said what's the point in trying to tear someone down? Judging others? That's our creators job and it seems like a lot of people are trying to fill in for Him or Her.

[kiababy]

The Devil walks into a crowded church and all the parishoners, including the preacher run screaming out the door....everyone except one little old man who remains seated in his pew.

 

"Do you know who I am?" asks the Devil in a booming voice...

 

"Yep" the old man replys calmly.

 

"Do you know what I'm capable of doing????" the Devil thunders again...

 

"Yep" the old man says again...

 

Puzzled, the Devils asks "Aren't you afraid????"

 

"Nope" the old man says.

 

Exasperated, the Devil asks "WHY NOT???"

 

"....because I've been married to your sister for 45 years...."

 

 

 

wokka wokka