amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I never said I had the right to judge anyone, but I do have a right to state my opinon...I know my beliefs and I also know that others are different then mine, but i still state my own OPINIONS....Last I knew, that was my right, and that was what this board was for...To give opinions,be honest, and speak your mind and to help others....When I don't agree with something someone says or does, then hell yes I am gonna speak my mind....If I insult anyone, I apologyze, I didn't intend to...However, I will not let that get in the way of my saying what I think... Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Can I humbly say that all the OW ask is that people try to be CONSTRUCTIVE in their comments. "You're pathetic" and similar put-downs serve no purpose whatsoever and does not change anyone's situation. It just makes the person it's directed at defensive. That's ALL IT DOES. Link to post Share on other sites
Nubianangel Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Last I knew, that was my right, and that was what this board was for...To give opinions,be honest, and speak your mind and to help others.... Actually, as stated on the Home page this forum is for OW/OM: The other side of the story; SUPPORT and DISCUSSION for THOSE WHO FIND THEMSELVES INVOLVED WITH A COMMITTED PARTNER. It's not only for the purpose of speaking your mind. You can do that, speak away, but don't start pointing your finger and shaming us OW because you don't agree. And you can believe that when bashed, I will speak my mind as well. BTW, Kiababy, I loved the joke! *still laughing* Link to post Share on other sites
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I was not bashing anyone, I was speaking my opinion, which I will continue to do...If someone doesn't like it, then I am sorry...Thats me, the way I am, and the way I will always be....AND I also stated that i was sorry, because I put that post in the WRONG spot..That was intended as a reply to the other lady...I APOLOGYZED!! Damn.. Link to post Share on other sites
Nubianangel Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I am sorry, but you should be ashamed of yourself...You are married and commiting ADULTRY at the same time with another married man who is doing the same!! That is ridiculous!! If I were your husband, I would have booted you a long time ago...Its not right!! Marriage is sacred, it should be and its supposed to be....You aren't thinking about your children or your husband you are only thinking about yourself...You wanted to mess around, why not get a divorce and then mess around?!! WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND That's what you typed and granted it was directed towards someone else, it still seemed pretty harsh. As I said, continue speaking your mind thats fine but don't think that us OW won't speak ours as well. By the way, I apologized to you also....scroll back and look at some of the posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I find it to be contradictory that you would have "marriage is sacred" and "get a divorce" in the same paragraph...really...if you're going to tout religion you might want to think twice about that. Link to post Share on other sites
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I know you apologyzed as well, and thank you....I never said anything about you not speaking your mind, that is great! But I am saying I didn't mean that towards this group, I put it in the wrong post.... As for you thinking that was harsh, thats fine and that is your opinion...I have a right to mine as well, and when It comes to Adultry I don't agree with it, therefore I spoke my mind...If it was "too rude" or whatever, I am sorry again! Damn, Im tired of bein sorry.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nubianangel Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I know you apologyzed as well, and thank you....I never said anything about you not speaking your mind, that is great! But I am saying I didn't mean that towards this group, I put it in the wrong post.... As for you thinking that was harsh, thats fine and that is your opinion...I have a right to mine as well, and when It comes to Adultry I don't agree with it, therefore I spoke my mind...If it was "too rude" or whatever, I am sorry again! Damn, Im tired of bein sorry.... lol! Yeah, I know the feeling... Spock, Who were you speaking to? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Don't be sorry-it gets as tiring for us hearing "Affairs are WRONG marriage is an INSTITUTION" as it does for everyone else "I LOVE him what do I DO" that's all. Trust me. We know. Link to post Share on other sites
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 I find it to be contradictory that you would have "marriage is sacred" and "get a divorce" in the same paragraph...really...if you're going to tout religion you might want to think twice about that Now your on my a** because I said "marriage is sacred" and "get a divorce" in the same sentence? GEEZE!! Marriage IS supposed to be sacred, and to me, thats exactly what it is...BUT I also am strictly against ADULTRY, therefore, I stated the "get a divorce"...I would rather see a couple that is married (with a partner gonna cheat) get a divorce, than keep on living a married life and commiting Adultry...Or better yet, not get married in the first place... I know what I said, and I have no regrets making that statement...Its not a religous "kick" or anything else, Its MY opinion! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 amanda....she said that "marriage is sacred" when frowning upon OW but then said "People should get a divorce!!" I just thought it was funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Originally posted by amanda25 Now your on my a** because I said "marriage is sacred" and "get a divorce" in the same sentence? GEEZE!! Marriage IS supposed to be sacred, and to me, thats exactly what it is...BUT I also am strictly against ADULTRY, therefore, I stated the "get a divorce"...I would rather see a couple that is married (with a partner gonna cheat) get a divorce, than keep on living a married life and commiting Adultry...Or better yet, not get married in the first place... I know what I said, and I have no regrets making that statement...Its not a religous "kick" or anything else, Its MY opinion! Sigh. It was simply contradictory. I didn't say it wasn't your opinion. And it was funny(to me)because you used it as an excuse to frown upon OW but yet in the same breath suggest divorce, which the church ain't too thrilled about either. Link to post Share on other sites
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 And it was funny(to me)because you used it as an excuse to frown upon OW but yet in the same breath suggest divorce, which the church ain't too thrilled about either. Once again, Its my opinion..If you don't like it, thats your choice..I never brought churches into this...None of that...Yes, I said "marriage is sacred" and to me it is....And I also brought up "get a divorce"..once again, MY opinion....I am saying what Marriage and Divorces are in MY OWN opinion, Not yours the churches or anyone elses...MINE..... Link to post Share on other sites
therresa kennedy Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Amanda, You don't need to apologize or explain yourself, you have opinions and I share your veiwpoints in many regards. Don't lose your innocence, you sound young. I always tell my two nephews that. It is so important to hold on to a certain innocence when contending with the difficulties of life, when we lose it completely we are doomed to bitterness, and unhealthy connections, both in our friendships and intimate relationships. Don't apologize for your opinions regarding your anger or frustrations at what women do to each other, the avarice, the competition, the slant angles of disingenuous concern, or the harm they continually inflict upon one another in an attempt to get a man. It is unnerving and rather sad, but women outnumber men by a huge degree in this country and the world as well. We will continually fight over them, won't we girls? I also have issues with women who engage in duplicitous relationships wherein so much of the quote "happiness" and/or contentment is based solely on the level of deception and betrayal required to maintain the ignorance of the third party, the unknowing spouse who is being fooled, and ultimately made a fool of. There are so many different angles, so many different stories, so many cases in which I truly feel compassion and understanding for the woman who is involved with a married man. And then in some cases the marriage that is destroyed as a result is also a nonfunctioning legal engagement of sorts that really should be terminated. I won't say, EVERY marriage is worth saving, I left my first husband gladly, though there was not third party involved. I do not condemn every episode of infidelity, not at all, although in the early part of my membership here, I was a tad too quick to make black and white judgements in this regard. There are certain women here, who strike me as quite decent and I will reserve any penchant to offer them further words of condemn. The others who attempt to flatter themselves into stating that other FEMALE posters are "obsessed" with them will continue to delude themselves in much the same manner that they are well known for and will ultimately come to much sorrow and confusion when the inevitable conflicts that are also unavoidable also come about. All you can do Amanda, is stay true to your decent and compassionate nature, despite any criticisms you previously offered, I am certain you have a good heart and that is a good thing. Stay true to who YOU are and protect your innocence as if you are protecting your life. I am 38, and I am world weary, it has been a struggle to protect mine, but I never forget how important that is. I am not stupid, I am not naive but I DO protect my innocence, it is a very specific thing and I believe in it. It means not giving in to the various and sundry corruptions that present themselves daily. It means being strong, and it is a lonely path to travel at times. Good luck to you and best regards! Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 that was very kind, therresa. earlier today i read a reply someone sent to me that i have been considering all day. in one of her posts (in a different thread) she stated that her husband has never cheated on her and she's never cheated on him and that she's gone round and round in here with some of the ow. that made me wonder what she's doing here? why would she go around and around with the ow? it seemed to me that she made patronizing comments and made bountious assumptions about women's characters that she had no reason to make. she intimated we should ask for forgiveness from God (in the form of prayer) as if blame and shame were going to make us all feel better and see the light. if only the circumstances were that simple, perhaps we could shame ourselves out of our situations and our hurt and mistakes. but nothing is quite that simple. and shame is a big reason some of us fell into situations we got into. but all day i've wondered what her purpose is in coming here to blame us (and she did indeed blame the ow - i don't recall her assessing much blame on the mm). we were the scarlet women, the whores. does she (as well as many other women) feel better about herself when she puts us in our lowly places? i wish i knew her true intentions but i'm not sure she knows them herself. if i was overly harsh in my assessment, well, i feel she was too. my point is, who are any of us to judge anyone else? i don't think it's as simple to say a woman is a whore is she is or has been the ow. for many of us, the relationship we entered into was never quite that simple or devious. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleInTheCity Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 What's so interesting is that wives & girlfriends keep coming back to this forum to make sure their voice is heard to the OW in maybe an effort to appeal to their sense of decency (or what we believe decency is). For thos who don't know I recently called off my July wedding http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=248328#post248328 due to a pregnant OW bringing the drama (with NY Times in hand) to my front door 3 weeks before my wedding. The situation is way too complicated to sort out - all I know is it was drama and I am unwilling to sort through it because IT shouldn't exist. I do not blame the OW, despite the fact that she knew my fiance was engaged. I blame my fiance for keeping me in the dark, betraying my trust. He singlehandedly cracked the foundation of our relationship AND is responsible for it's deterioration. On the other hand, she was a very bold arrogant b with an itch. She told me that the fact that my fiance cheated on me was not her problem - that's mine. She wanted to be with him despite the fact that he was engaged and was willing to be his mistress even after we married. But she was angry at him for not making time during the last 2 months to be with her - attending doc appointments or helping her set-up the nursery she decided that I needed to know about her so that we both could suffer over being in love with the same man. I'm not sure if I am hurt yet but I know for a fact I am in complete shock. I wonder what you OW's would do if you were out to dinner with your MM or TM (taken man) and his wife or girlfriend approaches you and asks if you knew he was married or in a relationship what your response would be? How about if she called you - woman to woman - how would you treat her? If she cried and asked you to please stop seeing my husband would you feel compelled to walk away from your Happy Affair or would you disregard her feelings because you don't owe her anything - he does? Link to post Share on other sites
kirkyswife Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Hi Little Kitten (Singleinthecity) I do not blame the OW, despite the fact that she knew my fiance was engaged. I blame my fiance for keeping me in the dark, betraying my trust. He singlehandedly cracked the foundation of our relationship AND is responsible for it's deterioration. I have always agreed with placing the blame with the cheater for he is involved with you. I just don't agree with the nonchalant - D.G.A.F attitude that some OW have about being involved with involved men. Link to post Share on other sites
Nubianangel Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 why would she go around and around with the ow? I think a lot of the wives/girlfriends go round and round with us because they have misplaced anger. There are some who'll say "I don't agree with it but I know it takes two" and again there are those who'll say "You're a homewrecker, you're slime and if it wasn't for women like you men wouldn't stray." A certain poster comes to mind, if you read her posts you'll find comments like "He cheated BUT these women were so aggressive and conniving basically he couldn't help himself" or "I forgave him because he's such a loving husband and these women they just wouldn't take no for an answer so he gave in".:laugh:It's ridiculous really and it's pathetic. Some of them feel a lot more comfortable casting blame squarely on the shoulders of the OW rather than their philandeering pig of a husband. For them, ignorance is bliss! What's so interesting is that wives & girlfriends keep coming back to this forum to make sure their voice is heard to the OW in maybe an effort to appeal to their sense of decency (or what we believe decency is). IMO, these wives and girlfriends should spend MORE time communicating with their husband/boyfriend than us. Let them know cheating WILL NOT be tolerated. If their men kept that in mind, there's NOTHING another woman can say or do to change his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Let them know cheating WILL NOT be tolerated. If their men kept that in mind, there's NOTHING another woman can say or do to change his mind. That doesn't always work either. One of my MM's ex-girlfriends phoned his wife last year. Whatever they went through during that period, I'm sure his wife made it clear he was never ever to do it again. Well guess what..........he has made up his mind that his needs exceed what he is getting at home. I DO feel horrible for his wife, but her solution was for him to have a penis reduction....to accomodate her. WTF is that? What if a man told his wife he hated her large breasts and she should get a breast reduction? What's the solution for these two if they can't come to any kind of agreement on such a major issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Nubianangel Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 I DO feel horrible for his wife, but her solution was for him to have a penis reduction....to accomodate her. WTF is that? What if a man told his wife he hated her large breasts and she should get a breast reduction? :laugh:I hate to laugh but that was my first reaction, sorry. Most women would be pretty damn happy if their men suffered from his 'affliction'. That doesn't always work either. One of my MM's ex-girlfriends phoned his wife last year. Whatever they went through during that period, I'm sure his wife made it clear he was never ever to do it again. Well guess what..........he has made up his mind that his needs exceed what he is getting at home. *sigh* I suppose you're right, I guess the point I was trying to make is we're (OW) not making them do anything they don't want to do. IMO, cheating should be a deal breaker in any relationship but should you choose to forgive your mate, don't try blaming the OW for everything! It's pure denial and it's an insult to common sense. Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Most women would be pretty damn happy if their men suffered from his 'affliction'. I know eh? Isn't that insane???? He was sooooo hurt she would even consider asking him to mutilate himself like that. She has no idea how damn lucky she is to have him. You know what my take on their situation is? They've been together since high school. He is the one and only man she has ever been with. I think she resents him for taking her virginity, and unknowingly is trying to punish him. Think about it, if you've been with the same man for 10 years!!!!!....no matter how large he is, are you still going to be complaining that 'it hurts'? A woman's body is made to accomodate childbirth, I think it's all in her head. Link to post Share on other sites
Nubianangel Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Sounds fishy...she may resent him or she may have some sort of gynecologic problem. A lot of women complain of painful sex whether it be during penetration or during the act itself. During deep penetration lots of women complain of feeling like 'his penis is hitting something' which might be the cervix. There are a variety of reasons why it may be painful for her and it might not necessarily have to do with him. It sounds to me like she'd rather blame him than seek answers from a healthcare professional. Sex does not have to be painful, it's certainly not for me and a lot of other women! Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 By the way Nubianangel...I don't think you had come to the site yet but there was an incident a few weeks back where he called me to say he had cheated on ME! So - for the women who want to say 'you don't know how it feels'...YES I DO, I experienced it with this man. He had no reason to tell me he did anything, but insisted on making me admit that yes, I felt a little jealous. I think he did it to get my attention - it worked. Yes he manipulates me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Nubianangel Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Kiababy- It scares me to see how parallel our stories are. My guy has not 'cheated' on me as far as I know but he does make comments about women to me. He tells me if he finds a woman attractive, last year, he hinted to the fact that he'd love to include a co-worker of ours in our romps. My friends insist he's trying to make me jealous, get my attention and manipulate me. I don't know if that's it or it's because we've always felt comfortable being blunt and honest with each other. Well, I was blunt and honest with him and told him that if he was interested in said co-worker than he could forget about us because I have no intentions of being the OW at work as well! He quickly changed his mind and assured me that if seeing her would mean losing me, he'd pass. Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Maybe a little of both is true: he said it to get your attention, and because you're open with each other and you're the person he feels comfortable sharing his fantasies with. You said no to the threesome thing huh? Hmmmm.......we've been discussing it for months.....it's kind of the 'last frontier' for me. He said it doesn't matter if we never actually do it, but it means a lot to him that we can explore the idea and discuss it without me freaking out. After the sick a**hole I was married to; it's virtually impossible to freak me out (my ex was addicted to porn, phone sex and a peeping tom). Oh yeah, back to the wife's gynecological problems; I've been pondering for a long time whether I should mention to him that maybe she needs help. He has accepted the fact that as gentle as he tries to be with her, he still 'hurts her' and he's totally unaware of the fact that something should/could be done. Think I should say something? I care about him enough that I would rather see her get help than continue the way they have been. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts