Happy Being The Other Woman

[meagara]

Woman, regardless how old your children are, you are teaching them bad values which will teach them that it is okay to hurt people in that manner. I hope you really are happy for ruining two peoples lives.

 

I know this is a support site, and I support that you are happy, but I think you went about in the wrong manner. Have fun in love, just don't forget your past.

[kiababy]

Teaching my children bad values? WRONG. Not only do they not know any of my dating habits as I only date out of the house or when they're with their father - my boys have a bible study - with someone other than me - every week because I do believe in values.

 

I was raised in a very strict religious household. If someone makes a couple of wrong turns in life does that mean they are evil and trying to teach their children bad values? Ridiculous.

 

I'm not on here extolling the virtues of having affairs. I'm here to work out MY ISSUES, and support other OW in the same situation as me.

[swtbonita]

I can't Believe it.. These "other women" have no remorse.. So whether or not the children know right now that you are having an affair isn't the point.. because one day they will find out.. and i'm sure you people are not therapist or psychologists and you won't understand what is going through their lives...

 

Also how about the wife .. you make it seem like you don't care if she knows.. What if i give you a scenario... what if the wife is also having an affair with another man.. what if the other man has an STD.. What if he gives it to you.. What would you do then.. you wouldn't to blame anyone but yourself for your situation..

 

You say that the only thing people to here is give their opinion whether or not they are wrong or right.. Isn't that what people are suppose to do here.. I think you OW should realize that no one will be on your side because you have wrecked so many lives around you.. you have done this knowingly without any remorse.. so why would people be on your side of this?

 

These people that are criticizing you... are people that want to have healthy relationships... You OW are in unhealthy relationships with people that thought they had healthy relationships.. so how can you not realize how people feel towards you..

 

Personally I feel sorry for you people.. Because if you feel you have to wreck so many lives to be selfishly happy.. Then you people really have no heart..

[shortbus74]

Another question.... I am just wondering...........If you are not seeking approval for your actions why would you even post something of this nature knowing that people here are going to critize your actions....?

[therresa kennedy]

One word of advise girls, this goes to you Kiababy, yes, you're going to get criticised on this forum when you are so incredibly unrepentant, and so proud of your pathetic status as the glam-girl other woman. Second, you've admitted that "your" married man loves his wife, that he has never denied that, but that they have lousey sex! Oh it is to laugh!! This is the biggest line in the book by MM, you have to be smart enough to know that one, or maybe not. This is the textbook line MM give their naive OW, to play on their sympathies so they can get even more of a good thing, which of course is purely sex! That's all he wants from you and that's all he's getting.

 

I can't tell you how many times I have heard that tiresome song and dance in my discussions with women who had affairs "I don't want to talk about it baby, its just that my wife and I rarely have sex, and when we do its just so robotic, so cold, Oh, I'm sooooo lonely, but at least I have YOU!" The biggest overused line in the book and YOU are incredibly naive for falling for it, surely you're smarter than that.

 

What you need to accept Kia, is that your guy probably has a very rewarding sex life with his wife, just think of it Kia, they are probably having as good a time together as you and he have. And if he has cheated on her before, he knows he can get away with it, so here he is again, using another woman for cheap sex and thrills, that being you. It sounds like you have accepted quite well your role as secondary significant other, or second fiddle to his wifes role as NUMBER ONE. On those lonely nights when he can't come because his WIFE is sick or he has to out to a dinner or social function with HER than I am certain all your hot memories will comfort you then when you're all alone.

 

 

Best Regards to you Kia,

[kiababy]

I wondered when you'd get around to me.....on those nights when I feel like I WANT company I'll call one of the other guys I see. I was married for 9 long, miserable years, I'm quite happy to be FREE.

 

Aren't you the woman whose husband is so SPECTACULARY GORGEOUS (LMAO), that women literally have to be taken to court to leave him alone?

 

Has he learned to keep his zipper up yet? Or do you have to sniff his undies everytime you do laundry.

[Nubianangel]

Count me in as another happy, unrepentant, shameless and oh yeah...SELFISH OW! I'm perfectly comfortable in my 'special' situation. I provide something for him and he does the same for me. Whether or not it's sex, passion, thrills, love isn't important to me. I never been happier and it works for the two of us, so I definitely relate to the OW.

[therresa kennedy]

Kiababy,

 

There was a wonderful girl, here a couple of days ago, she was confused, and wanted certain information about some things, but in her posts she had some grace, some humility, it wasn't as if she was bragging about how happy she is with her MM. She wanted some advise, and I could tell she seemed really concerned about doing the right thing, not just engaging in childish bragging and such, the kind of display you see on Jerry Springer's show of Human Misery. I quess there are just more wives out there who know the in's and out's of these kinds of HOPELESS and DIRECTIONLESS affairs that end up having no future, except to tittilate the ego's and sexual desires of selfish MM. Sounds like you have a real good situation, being second fiddle, I hope when it ends one day, probably very soon, that you don't go off the deep end with self-hate and rage at being abandoned, and then go on a rampage of revenge, trying to destroy the marriage, calling his wife etc.

 

I really feel sorry and sad for women like you and some others who feel this is all they deserve, that they aren't worthy enough for something better, and I also DO understand that perhaps, you don't want a real concrete relationship, because you have had those fail in the past, I can understand that you want this thing to remain what it is, a friendship with benefits kind of thing, at least you won't have to be picking up after him, doing his laundry, fetching his smelly socks, that sort of thing. But what you are doing is potentially dangerous, not only for you but for his wife's mental and emotional well being, but I quess this is not about his wife is it? She's a nonentity, she is only THE WIFE. This is ONLY about YOU and your desires and sexual needs. SO be it, I hope it serves you well when you are alone once again.

 

Best Regards to you Kia,

[therresa kennedy]

Kia,

 

Well, I am happy to see that you have been reading my previous posts, yes my husband was unfaithful to me, kinda like YOUR man has been unfaithful to HIS wife and probably YOU too. OH, that's right, he would NEVER cheat on YOU, you're the glam-girl other woman, ya right!

 

I was married the first time for six long years, ended in divorce, no kids, no tiresome OW. But my second marriage has lasted 13 years, we had our 13th wedding anniversary on the 20th of June. And yes, he was unfaithful to me twice, that ended almost ten years ago, and yes he is gorgeous, he used to model, and yes I did have to take one of the women to court for stalking, it does happen. We are happily married now, does that make you envious, do you need to believe that once a cheater always a cheater? Is NO man redeemable to you, if that is the case then I quess if a man KILLs another man in a bar and gets Man 1 then he will NEVER be able to redeem himself? He will always be a killer? OH Pul-eeeze, get real! If a woman can be unfaithful and learn from it, never to do it again, then so can a man.

 

My husband was unfaithful because he had two women, one of whom was quite attractive and he thought he could get away with it, it was not because of ME and I have never for one minute accepted any of the blame, our sex was and is VERY HOT, in fact on fire HOT! Yes, that is also possible, don't think for one minute that when a woman becomes a wife then all of a sudden she loses all semblance of her previous sexual identity, desires or playfullness. Good sex can last in a marriage where the two parties are still attracted to each other and share a playful repore.

 

And you're seeing more than one guy, GUYS is it? Well, I just hope you're using protection, ever heard of diseases honey? Oh, yes, I am so impressed with the way you live, gosh, why am I not falling all over several guys at once? I quess because I have self-respect and I know that women who sleep with mulitple partners are'nt really happy individuals. It gets hollow and shallow, sleeping around, its nothing to be bragging about or smug about, it's sad.

 

Good luck to you Kia!

[kiababy]

Please read the thread I started titled "Came here looking for help"....and then read the posts after it which got nastier and nastier....

 

Since you know nothing about me, let me tell you that about 2 weeks ago I WAS ready to call it quits....very little kindness encountered there either. And you can stop saying I'm 'lonely'. I'm an only child and was always a loner. I was married to a man who smothered the life and happiness right out of me. The MM in my life right now is the only person who I have ever truly loved. Do I want to leave him? DAMN STRAIGHT I do. But, I do have feelings too and have not been able to get that one foot out the door. I know I come off as an evil b*tch but after getting dumped on over and over by the women on this forum...... I just got fed up and decided to fight back. Sorry, but I'm just not going to take anyone's sh*t.

 

And *sigh*, I'm sorry your husband cheats on you. My father cheated on my mother, then married his OW...then divorced her 10 years later!!!! Did I EVER think I would be in this situation when I was still a good little housewife? Not in my wildest dreams. Yeah, I have a story too. There are lots of reasons behind why people do things.

[kiababy]

You're wrong, he cheated on me too - and that's in another post. Just when I was going to be nice to you - you went and wrote a mean post.........

 

Oh, I had to laugh at the 'glam-girl' comment........his previous women were all in their early 20's. I'm 42 and he's 26. He's in construction, I'm Assistant to a V.P. of Sales for a Pharmaceutical company. You see, it takes all kinds. And since it's my job to be a pit-bull and keep irritating people away from my boss.....I guess it comes out in my posts.......

[therresa kennedy]

Yes, Kia I understand that women can get really bitchy on this thread, and I had no idea that you wanted to call it quits with this MM. I also understand that life makes us weary, and that it's hard to maintain a kind of youthful innocence and hope, when we have been dumped on. Believe me, I know what it's like to be dumped on.

 

And another aside is that no, my husband does NOT cheat on me, he stopped that nearly ten years ago when he feared he would lose me and our daughter.

 

I know what it is like to feel alone, and abused and to totally, or close to it, lose faith in people and in any hope for a bright future. And yes, I also know that a lot of these women who post on this particulr thread can get a bit judemental, but that is because there are so many different elements that exist in relationships based on deception, and I will reiterate that these kinds of relationships are the cause of so much human misery, death by murder or manslaughter, and orphaned children are often the last part of the sad sagas that are part of "just" having an affair.

 

I am sorry that you have been subjected to numerous scoldings on this thread, it is hard not to post our feelings, but if you want unconditional support, may I suggest that you begin private email correspondances with people like Spock, day and night and others who can provide you all that you want to hear, that it's okay what you're doing etc. etc.

 

I, and others may have a difficult time doing that, as we know things that perhaps many other , younger, more inexperienced Other Women may NOT know, and we may find it nearly impossible to do any hand holding etc. I have seen the worst believe me, I cannot condone women who have affairs with married men, it is too toxic a poison in this society and in the world!

 

Good luck to you, I hope you are keeping safe during all of this.

[therresa kennedy]

KIA,

 

I am trying to be nice and to understand this a bit more fairly, I will continue to attempt to do that with regard to you and your posts, you do seem to have more sence than some of the OW who post on this thread. I am 38, so I also know it takes all kinds, he's 26? You must be something and I mean that. Once again, I know how it feels to lose faith, to get tired and fed up. Good luck to you.

[HokeyReligions]

Ok, I'm going to jump into the fray.

 

Here is my opinion.

 

People keep talking about support and "deserving to be happy"

 

People keep slamming OW/OM

 

 

Um--- the OW/OM are and will get exactly what they deserve. How many nights are they lying awake crying and miserable? Look at some of the posts here -- how full of pain they are. Isn't that reaping what they sow? (to borrow a bibilical reference)

 

Are OW/OM the object of scorn and ridicule? Yes. They have that to cry about too. I imagine it can be pretty devastating (for some) to realize that they are the cause of their own worst pain. For those with cavalier attitudes -- they will grow up someday, give them time---they are still sowing. Their reaping days are ahead.

 

For those like me who have said NO to an affair, or who have never been confronted with the possibility---yes, I am proud of it. Why shouldn't I be? I had opportunity for an affair. My own husband thought I would be perfectly justified in it too and would not have left me. But I said NO. I KNEW what was right. I quit a job because of it. I am DAMN proud of that. Does that make me a better person than an OW/OM? No. Absolutly not. I just made the right decision whereas an OW/OM made the wrong decision. I've made plenty of wrong decisions (& will again) in other areas and the OW/OM will and have made right decisions in other areas of life.

 

 

Maybe, just maybe, some of the slamming will wake people up to make the right decision or to follow through with it and stop the affairs. Those who have done that, or are trying to do that, should be able to find some support here too--even in the slamming posts, if they look for it.

[kiababy]

I guess all I ever wanted to express was that I know I'm in a bad situation but my relationships with other men are empty (and safe, thanks for that), this MM is the one person in my life who makes me feel loved. Or feel anything for that matter. I want to feel this way about other people but I never do.

 

I don't have other people to turn to for advice, or anyone in my life who'll say 'don't do it!'. My mother took my ex's side in my divorce, not because I cheated or did anything except try to be a good wife, she just hates me. That's not an exaggeration, she literally sat with him in court!!!!!! So....looking to her would be useless.

 

My father did the very same thing, cheated on my mother. What on earth could I talk to him about?

 

I want to wake up and have all of this be over and not feel anything for him anymore. I know the future holds nothing but pain for all of us, but after my divorce, I can't face another emotional upheaval, which is what it will take to end this.

 

That's what I meant when I said I like things the way they are. I'm afraid to change it.

[therresa kennedy]

Kia, Yes, I just wanted to say something regarding your family history. It is such a common thread when a woman has a father and watches her father abandon her mother for anther woman, it happened to Marykay Letourneau when she was a child, her father was openly and destructively unfaithful to his wife and Marykay's mother, it destroyed the family in the long run, at least in my opinion. This also happened to Carolyn Warmus. Marykay, of course we all know was unfaithful to her husband with a 13 year old boy, NO comparison here Kia, and then of course Carolyn Warmus murdered the wife of her married man, only to be convicted of it a year or so later. Carolyn Warmus also had a father who cheated and then left her mother for his Other Woman.

 

She was a small child and was subjectd to going to the wedding. It had a warped effect on her for years and she was consumed with the, to her, "glamor" of the Other Woman, she was never able to resolve this conflict or how it consumed her life and early childhood and ultimately she was doomed to repeat it, in her failed attempt to (master) it, she was not successful, and her story led to the death of a blameless and decent woman and to HER ruin also, a life term in prison for murder one. Some people speculate that Carolyn Warmus's rage at the wife, was a warped form of rage at her mother for failing to keep her father present during her childhood.

 

It is interesting to note how often that theme is present in women who cheat with Married men. I am continually fascinated by the everpresent connection in this regard. This is just a rambling, thinking out loud kind of thing on my part, but I am genuinely sad that you KIA, had to see that, it may have had effects on you that you are not even presently aware of. My father was never unfaithful to my mother or vice versa. I am SO sorry that you, as a little girl had to witness that, it must have been so painful and sad for you and your mother.

 

Good luck to you.

[kiababy]

Therresa, you know I have never, ever heard that perspective before? It never occurred to me that my father's actions affected me at all because even though my parents divorced, my dad was the reliable one. My mother was mean and spiteful and talked about how evil he was (and how much I'm exactly like him). It used to embarrass the hell out of me because she would talk about him in front of me to other people.

 

Also, I know my mother hates sex because she would never talk about it except to tell me how 'bad' and 'wrong' it was and when I got older she would say she could never stand some man 'pawing' at her ever again. She never remarried or even went on a single date after the divorce. I figured it was just my bad luck to end up in this situation, didn't think my parents had anything to do with it.

 

Thank you very much for that insight Therresa. I'm going to mull that over.

 

Even though we're on opposite sides of the fence, we don't have to be enemies

[therresa kennedy]

Kia, Yes, life does suck in certan respects, it IS sad that your mother took your husbands side in the divorce. That is unforgiveable! Toxic mother-daughter relationships are out there, protect yourself if you need to! I understand how painful it is when you have no support, and lots of family problems or tragic circumstances.

 

I am the seventh of nine Irish-Catholic children, four of whom are mentally ill, bipolar disorder and depression. The other five of us are fine, or relatively so, so I do understand how you want to cling to the one semblance of support that you have. I don't condemn you for that, as another poster once said, it is really hard to communicate via a keyboard, its hard to gauge the tone, the attitude of each particular poster, its easy to be flippant.

 

It sounds like you are doing the best you can, and that you have been through a lot, so you have my sympathy, I have been there also, and I for my part will try to be less touchy, I am not perfect by any means, as you know, I can get pretty snippy and sour when I want, but I really do care about people and want to impart a bit of what I have learned, as you can too. Good luck to you and take care!

 

 

Best Regards,

[Nubianangel]

For those with cavalier attitudes -- they will grow up someday, give them time---they are still sowing. Their reaping days are ahead.

 

I have a cavalier attitude about my 'situation' and I'm not afraid to say so. I've come to terms with my behavior and the hurt it might cause his girlfriend but I have no obligations to her--he does. Whether I'm/we are mature or not is not the issue or for you to say. I think people who wag fingers at others, judge them and call them names are the ones needing to grow up. Judgement is God's job, not yours!

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Nubianangel

I have a cavalier attitude about my 'situation' and I'm not afraid to say so. I've come to terms with my behavior and the hurt it might cause his girlfriend but I have no obligations to her--he does. Whether I'm/we are mature or not is not the issue or for you to say. I think people who wag fingers at others, judge them and call them names are the ones needing to grow up. Judgement is God's job, not yours!

 

Get a grip! You posted so you opened yourself up for judgement by others, so I will say what I want and if I pass judgement -- what do you care? I'm not a divorce court judge. Just curious---what do you think is the "issue" of this thread?

 

Just where did I name call? And leave your God out of it. You have freedom of choice.

[Nubianangel]

Get a grip! You posted so you opened yourself up for judgement by others, so I will say what I want and if I pass judgement -- what do you care? I'm not a divorce court judge. Just curious---what do you think is the "issue" of this thread?

 

Ok, breathe. I have a grip, thanks for offering. My problem with you is you insinuated the the OW with 'cavalier attitudes' will grow up someday. My attitude is pretty cavalier and I consider myself mature as well. This tread has to do with being happy while being the other woman and I am, that's why I posted.

[shortbus74]

aww. Hokie!! Kennedy..... You both know that truth hurts.... If you do not agree with choices that people make you are against them.........

 

I believe that Kennedy has a valid point regardless of her harsh words..(sorry)

She has been there and done it... give her credit for that at least..(and she can spell )

 

 

I know that when my ex husband cheated I was out for BLOOD.............I did some evil things to him that I am not proud of...... but, I let him go and I have moved on.............. as my mother said..........once a cheater always a cheater..... You may be the new flavor of the month but there is always another one out there.... Beware.. cheaters ............you will become the old flavor............ I would stake my life on it...........

[shortbus74]

regardless of what the forum says.... you are going to have women/men that have experienced the cheating aspect.........and they are going to show you No sympathy what so ever....

 

That is the pit fall of dating married people....

 

The people that post here really need to understand that there are other people who read their posts and are going to try to show the other side of the situation ....................Take it or leave it..............

 

I myself, could NEVER cheat............nor would I go after another womans husband..... I feel that I am better than that and I deserve the best in life.............

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by shortbus74

That is the pit fall of dating married people....

 

I think this is one of the best statements, and most accurate, posted on this - or any other OW/OM - thread.

 

The only change I would make is to say that being bashed or being shown no sympathy is ONE of the pit falls of dating married people.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are lots of people who do not agree with me about a variety of topics. I'm not against them and I just don't understand why my opinion is so important to some of them that they get all worked up over it. I don't agree with a lot of other people but I'm not seeking their approval and their opinion does not matter to me. The only time it matters is when it has a direct effect on me and mine, and then its an individual basis--not strangers on an internet board!

 

Its sad for the innocent victims in an affair -- but then anyone who is any kind of innocent victim I'm sorry for. The guy at the gas station who gets held up, the kid whose parents have died, those are innocent victims too. Women (or men) who choose to be in an affair and stay in an affair with no regard for others--nope, no sympathy there! The man or woman whose spouse cheats and breaks their heart, or brings home a disease---THEY have my sympathy. Even if they are horrible people and don't love their spouse or treat their spouse right -- its the cheating spouse who makes the decision to cheat instead of ending the marriage or the committed relationship. It's cowardly.

[supermom]

I called my H's OW sat night (she lives in Idaho) and had some closure I told her that what my H did was wrong (he persued her at 28 - she 16) and that I am over wanting to fight her, but that I don't think that we could ever be friends (she was my younger sis's friend and I loved her like a sis myself, that's why it hurt so much!).

 

She said she still loved me (like a sis) and that it has bothered her all this time (they did this in 2002 when I was preg w/ our daughter, but I just found out this last feb-04).

 

I think it has also help me with my anger towards these OW posts, because of my pain. My H and I are together but HE IS DAMN LUCKY. If he ever did it again he'd be gone.

 

Yesterday I found a Hard Core porno mag w/ notes to him from what looked like a girl. I was so hurt. Asked him to move out etc and he was say "it's not mine" and crying imagining losing his fam. Come to find out....My GRANDFATHER PUT IT IN MY CAR, IT WAS HIS WRITTING trying to pull a joke. NOT FUNNY!!. I had to apologize to my H and we are both now hurt that he would do that.

 

Anyway babbling on....