Happy Being The Other Woman

[kiababy]

Besides the bad spelling, she also missed the fact that you, NubianAngel did not 'post such a taboo topic'....Day and Night did. Wonder where she went?

[Nubianangel]

Kiababy-Most of these women have put all OW in one box not realizing that every story is different. Rarely do some of them read the WHOLE story before they go spouting off. Because they would never take the path we have, they feel superior to us. They label us man-stealing, shameless whores without a hint of morals. We're no longer women, we're "skanks" as one poster kindly put it. Name-calling will not change the situation. Affairs have been going on for ages and as long as there is man, woman and a little thing called desire it will continue to be so.

 

I also noticed a common thread among the more vicious posters. They've been cheated on before so we now become 'whipping boys or girls' for them. Guess they were too cowardly at the time to express their anger at husband/husband's lover.

[therresa kennedy]

To anyone who may wish to hear this,

 

I want to say that I have learned a lot from Spock, and from Kia. They have both become human for me, they are honest, they are troubled about their lot in life, they are trying to grab some happiness, and it is a tricky business to do that. I totally understand that process of trying to make some happiness for oneself. I can feel compassion and empathy and perhaps even concern for their really, nameless, faceless personas. I hope no harm comes to them.

 

But when other posters are so incredibly exibitionistic with regard to their status as the OTHER WOMAN, when they are so shameless, it taxes the patience. And yes, to work with a woman and then sleep with her husband or boyfriend, what ever the case may be, is not only incredibly self-destructive, it is incredibly unfeeling. Women like this MUST get off on the hurt they are laying down for the wife or girlfriend in question. It is called (****ting in ones own backyard) and for a good reason.

 

These heated and passionate protestations of pride in what they are doing, and in absolutely no regard for what happens to others also denotes a tone of not caring what happens to THEM. I do not beleive that women of this ilk are happy, no matter how desperately they attempt to shove their "I'M SO HAPPY" statements down our collective throats! These women are unhappy and desperate for attention and absolution in this regard. Their shrinking or weakened conscience's are leading them right here, to this website, for whatever reason.

 

I am NOT speaking of Spock or Kia, I think we know who I am referring to. And I hope that nothing really horrible happens to her, people have lost perfectly fine employment over just such situations. Hope that doesn't happen to her.

 

Best Regards,

[therresa kennedy]

Nubianangel,

So, now you admit that you are being stalked, though if we were ever to communicate with HER, she might only say, "you know, I just wanted to know why or if she is sleeping with my boyfriend", naturaly I am going to take your statement of HER stalking with a huge grain of salt, but to look at it honestly, you have admitted in previous posts to having been so unhappy that you used to "cry" when he left to go home to his REAL life presumably, but now you are saying that you are being stalked?

 

Shortbus, are you with me on this one? Is this not one more reason why these situations are so unfilfilling and just don't work? I'm sorry for you, but it sounds like your life has become completely "unmanageable" as they say in Alcololics anonymous. The more you reveal about your situation, the more I am concerned that you will do what many in these situations do, crash and burn. I DO NOT envy you Nubianangel, not one bit! your bitterness and rage are absolutely palpable, I can feel it across the computer screen. I hope you get the help you need before some kind of tragedy befalls you, the man or his girlfriend. It DOES happen, every day in this country.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

Spock…you write:

 

 

 

And then you write:

 

 

 

Are you able to see the correlation? ...You say you are not happy and want to end this relationship. Yet, like a smoker who his trying to quit…you can't put it down. Just one more phone call, just one more email…just one more fix.

 

The relationship is toxic, he's BAD for you, your health and emotional well-being is already compromised. Yet you can't put him down…you can't walk away. This is not "love" Spock, real love doesn't feel this way. What you have is an addiction to this man.

 

Like any other addiction, it will be impossible to "wean" yourself from him. It will only prolong the agony, only to end eventually one way or another. Either way, you'll have to endure the pain. The longer you wait, the harder it will become. Unfortunately, they haven't invented "the patch" for relationship withdrawal. You'll have to go it "cold turkey" or remained hopelessly hooked on the endorphins you are feeding through all this drama.

 

I have gone back and read the posts from all three of you ladies. And there seems to be one commonality between you…please correct me if I'm wrong. But what I gather is that none of you have ever been in a "good" relationship…or seen an example of a healthy relationship between your parents as you were growing up. Unfortunately, if you've never been given a good example of how "healthy" relationships function…you wouldn't be able to recognize one even if it bit you on the ayas.

 

Even if you were lucky enough to fall into one accidentally, it wouldn't feel "natural" or "comfortable" to you. Having never acquired to skills to function normally within a non-dysfunctional relationship…you would probably end up subconsciously sabotaging it…or even purposely running away from it. It would scare the h*ll out of you.

 

You see, this goes much deeper than just your current situations with your MM. If you truly want to make positive changes in your life, and break the endless cycles you've been stuck in, then you need to go waaaay back to the beginning and examine "how" and "why" your thought processes evolved the way they did. Then you have to work on changing it. AND ITS GONNA HURT…like purging…when are confronted by the truths. But it is a very necessary process if you are to grow, mature and evolve beyond that injured child that you still are inside.

 

It's strange…and I mean no insult by this whatsoever…but even understanding that two of you ladies are in your twenties and Kia even older than I, I get the sense from reading your posts that I'm corresponding with girls who are much younger. My own daughter is in her twenties, but her maturity level is that of a sixteen year old. The councilor explained that when someone experiences abuse (physical or mental), emotional abandonment, lack of parental bonding…or becomes addicted to substances (as in my daughter's case)…they fail to mature beyond the level where it started. It's almost as if they can't get past that hurdle and move forward with their emotional development until they've confronted and overcome their own personal demons. And I've seen the same thing time and time again where I use to work. It was enough to break your heart.

 

I'm not so sure engima...really I'm not-about the love addiction thing. I'll keep it in mind however.

 

It's very true that my last relationship was unhealthy. 4 years of it. But it didn't FEEL unhealthy when it started, just towards the end.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by shortbus74

as for leftovers are yummier...........

 

What is like to taste the other womens punnany when you are licking the schemkle?

 

and what other people think makes a difference...you keep posting looking for solace in your actions.................

 

You know, it's OK to use the proper words like "vagina" and "penis". Some of the younger posters may not have heard of the term "schmekle"

 

Which actually means "kiss" in yiddish, I believe.

[kiababy]

Thank you for saying those kind, supportive words Therresa. I've learned a lot from this forum and had to face some really ugly truths. It's such a sloowwwww process........Please be patient with NubianAngel, if you read her post in reply to Enigma you'll notice that she has some pain too- I don't mind if any of you get mad at me for sticking up for her, there's more layers to peel away there yet..... I've gotten rid of my misdirected anger so I won't be getting into any more verbal spats (not with you Therresa)

[isabella]

[font=arial][/font]

 

I am currently in a situation that I ended an almost 5 year relationship with a man that I just had a baby with...we are not married though but almost was. I found out he was living a double identity with OW. I cannot believe there are so many people like you out here. I truly believe in Karma as well, after going through what i have gone through, feeling the surges of pain go through my heart & its only been 4 weeks so their is still plenty pain to go through & my baby is is so innocent in all this one day I need to explain to her what daddy did & why....I have no idea why.

 

How can you be so happy...your life will neevr be whole & fulfilled cuz you have ruined to many peoples lives & souls to ever be deserving of true happiness!

 

I am sorry to be so blunt but its not worth it....there are SO MANY men out there why why go after someone spoken for with kids as well. You are too young to probably understand it all. Like I told my ex he will feel my pain one day....& maybe the same for you will go that someone has to betray you and you will be on the other side of the spectrum

 

I am so speechless ....no more to say!

[Paradise]

dayand night:

 

I know it's sad when you break up a family, but to break up 2 families are even worse.

I just can't understand people like you dayandnight.

It would be fine if you get a divorce first and get into another relationship, but why get into a relationship when you're married?

I'm sure you would understand if your new boyfriend cheated on you and found a new girlfriend while he's dating you.

[honey2005]

If you realize you love someone else other than your husband, you should get a divorce before you have sex with someone else and hurt him. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

[Paradise]

Originally posted by shortbus74

fanou22.... when I was 23 I met a man who was married..........As so as he told me he was married...........I ENDED IT........... I did not want to be the third wheel........... When he called me 4months later I deleted his message............ Have Not Seen him since...........

 

My ex cheated on me and when I found out the truth I filed for divorce............. I refuse to be second best in a relationship.............

I wish everyone have strong mind like you. Mind of others who want to be OW and being proud has a weak mind. I know I'm going to piss off some people here, but.... I had to say it....

[Paradise]

Originally posted by shortbus74

My mother always told me.... ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER...

That's so TRUE!

I don't know why but some of these so called other woman likes the sloppy seconds...

[Nubianangel]

Mind of others who want to be OW and being proud has a weak mind.

 

Paradise,

Being proud and being happy are two different things. As for myself, I am in love with my 'taken guy' and while I'll admit some of my posts come across as boastful, they're bursting with happiness NOT pride. I don't pride myself on being the OW, I pride myself on being a good mother, daughter, sister and friend to loved ones.

 

IMO, to characterize someone as having a weak mind without personally knowing them is rather tactless. You don't have to agree but don't attack or insult.

[Paradise]

Originally posted by Nubianangel

Being proud and being happy are two different things. As for myself, I am in love with my 'taken guy' and while I'll admit some of my posts come across as boastful, they're bursting with happiness NOT pride. I don't pride myself on being the OW, I pride myself on being a good mother, daughter, sister and friend to loved ones.

IMO, to characterize someone as having a weak mind without personally knowing them is rather tactless. You don't have to agree but don't attack or insult.

I didn't say being proud and happy are the same. How can you be ac proud mother breaking up 2 families? Breaking up your family is being a good mother and you take pride in that? That is insane.

How can you be happy that your children and his children will grow up without having both parents?

You just being selfish and not even considering the feelings of your most loved ones. I said it once before, just be prepared to be happy when your new b/f tell you that his having an affair with another women while you two are dating each other. I'm sure you have strong mind to take that crap in.

[Nubianangel]

didn't say being proud and happy are the same. How can you be ac proud mother breaking up 2 families? Breaking up your family is being a good mother and you take pride in that? That is insane.

How can you be happy that your children and his children will grow up without having both parents?

 

I really don't understand your logic here but I will try to answer. My pride in being a mom is the time and care I take in parenting my son and watching the results of my hardwork unfold into my son being a wonderful person and I must say he's definitely on that path. My being a mom has nothing to do with my being the OW. I may provide respite for my 'taken guy' and for that I share in the unraveling of his relationship but HE'S the one breaking up HIS family--not me! Because I'm sure if I wasn't his OW someone else would be. Whether that's insane or not is your opinion. Before you assume you know the story, please read my story. I am not a MW and he is not a MM. I am a single mom to one so it looks like my son is already growing up without both parents. His child will always have both parents, it's whether or not they're living in the same house.

 

You just being selfish and not even considering the feelings of your most loved ones. I said it once before, just be prepared to be happy when your new b/f tell you that his having an affair with another women while you two are dating each other. I'm sure you have strong mind to take that crap in.

 

I know I'm being selfish, you're not telling me anything I don't already know but you can save the sermon, I've come to terms with my behavior. Should karma bite my in the you know what somewhere down the line, I will be strong. And you're right, I do have a strong mind but I won't take that crap in. There are some women who allow their men to cheat and they stay with them and I won't name names but I'm not that kind of woman.

[therresa kennedy]

No, you're only the kind of woman who admits she is partially responcible for the "unraveling" of the relationship of her "taken" guy and that if he wasn't cheating with YOU he would be cheating with someone else?! That makes you feel special? That's good enough for you? I quess you have just admitted that if he wasn't with you he would be with someone else, sounds like he's one heck of a loser to me, and that in the long run, you're really not that special to him after all, by your own admission. That is the oldest excuse in the book though, and it doesn't succeed in further justifying anything.

 

And yes, you ARE selfish, and seemingly proud of it. What a terrific example you are for your son. If you think for one minute that kids don't take in and assimilate the warped and immoral behavior of their parents you are one deluded young woman.

 

As I have said before, you come to these forums, not just the Other Woman/man forum and you flaunt and boast about how you are the other woman, trying to shove down the collective throats of the other posters about how HAPPY you are, and frankly, I find your assertions disingeniuous and rather hollow. This does not mystify me as before, it seems you are on a mission to convince others and through them, yourself, of your alleged happiness. If you are so happy and so content in your relationship why then do you need the approval OR disapproval of others on a forum like this? Paradise is correct not to believe your false and desperate statements of happiness, ad nauseum, infinitum. Yes, Karma does exist, and it WILL get ya. Good luck to you angel girl, maybe one day you will convince us all and in so doing YOURSELF.

[EnigmaXOXO]

There are some women who allow their men to cheat and they stay with them and I won't name names but I'm not that kind of woman.

 

Holy Molly, Nubian!!

 

I'm going to just assume you weren't thinking very clearly when you posted that last statement. Heat of the moment, I suppose?

 

But clearly, you are allowing the man you claim to love to cheat on you…by admission that you are aware he has another girlfriend...and your continued claims that "you don't care."

 

Man…You young ladies sure are confusing the h*ll outta me!! I feel like I'm losing I.Q. points just trying to follow the logic of some of these posts.

 

I think I'll go and re-read Dave's latest post entitled: "zooaphelia". Perhaps it will make more sense to me now…

[shortbus74]

OXOX.... I feel you confusion!

[Paradise]

Originally posted by Nubianangel

My being a mom has nothing to do with my being the OW.

It is a fact. Children learn from their parents. Children look up to their parents and most of them want to become just like their parents. That's the reason why more likely the children of alcoholic or smoker turn out to become the same (of course not all of them).

Sometimes even though they don't show it, subconscious mind over rule. Your post 'My being a mom has nothing to do with my being the OW' is not true. Your action does matter what kind of mom you are to your children.

[EnigmaXOXO]

.... I feel you confusion!

 

Did you mean "your confusion"?

 

You see, Shortbus! It's happening to you, too!!

 

I think I'm going to unplug before I catch something!

[kiababy]

...please don't assume that all OW have men sleeping in their beds when the kids wake up in the morning. Some of us draw the line at having men and children under the same roof at the same time. This goes back to my post the other day about the assumption that you must be a BAD MOTHER if you make a poor choice in one part of your life. Well let me say I'm very proud that on Thursday my 13-year-old graduated grade 8 from Grade School WITH HONOURS (in case you didn't see my previous very proud post about it). I feel great about that, I'm not perfect but I put all my heart and soul into being a good parent and any nasty comments that will be flung my way can't take that away from me. ta ta darlings........

[therresa kennedy]

It's really nice to hear that your child graduated with honors, its always nice to hear those kinds of things. I don't think we are lumping YOU in with what we have been saying, as you have struck me as a thoughtful and reflective type of person, and I have infinately MORE sympathy with your situation, (even if you keep seeing this young man that you have been seeing) than with some other situations. This is due mainly to YOUR attitude which is different, and not hard, boastful or arrogant. You seem sensitive, perhaps even melancholy and I certainly can relate to THAT, as I have had my share of sad events take place in my life as well as joyous events also.

 

It's hard to be alone in life and when you have an attractive man who is pursuing you I can imagine it would be nearly impossible to say "no", when the end result is going to be an evening of satisfying sex. I know how tempting the promise of a good night in bed can be. There's nothing like the smell, and feel of a truly confidant and masculine man laying next to you. I really do have a lot of compassion for you Kia, its just when some posters are so extraordinarily exibitionistic with regard to their boastfulness and total lack of remorse or concern for other parties involved, it taxes the patience. I think we all know to whom I am referring. So, please at least don't think that am lumping you in. Not at all.

 

I just find some posters continuous and naseatingly repetitive posts tiresome and redundant. I am very glad that you are so protective of your children Kia and that you put them first. It IS hard to grab some happiness or contentment in this life and I sympathize with you in your desire to find that happy place to be. Best Regards.

[kiababy]

It's humbling for me to know that someone who has been the partner who was cheated on,and hurt so badly, can show so much compassion!!!! I am trying soooo hard to work this all out, and almost had my worlds collide last night when he came over even though my boys were home....grrrrrrrrr.......but I will continue to be the protective lioness and not let it happen again!!!!!!

 

All the best to you too!

[Nubianangel]

Wow! Hail, hail the gangs all here! I find it amazing that so many of you women have such disdain for what another woman is doing. Maybe it's the fact that I'm happy, I don't know. I do know this none of you will steal my joy. I will never feel ashamed about what I am doing, believe it or not. That doesn't mean I haven't questioned myself, it only means I've come to a conclusion and my conclusion is I'm comfortable with this. I can live with myself and the choice I'm making.

 

I'm going to just assume you weren't thinking very clearly when you posted that last statement. Heat of the moment, I suppose?

 

But clearly, you are allowing the man you claim to love to cheat on you…by admission that you are aware he has another girlfriend...and your continued claims that "you don't care."

 

Enigma,

I'm quite certain I was thinking clearly when I typed that post but I will explain. The man I am seeing was not my own to begin with so I wouldn't say I'm 'allowing' him to do anything but be a part of my life. I came into this knowing he had a g/f so if he's cheating on anyone it's her. I like the fact that I can keep him at a distance. I don't have to deal with his stressful day at work, cook his dinner or do his laundry. Works for me!

 

It is a fact. Children learn from their parents. Children look up to their parents and most of them want to become just like their parents. That's the reason why more likely the children of alcoholic or smoker turn out to become the same (of course not all of them).

Sometimes even though they don't show it, subconscious mind over rule. Your post 'My being a mom has nothing to do with my being the OW' is not true. Your action does matter what kind of mom you are to your children.

 

Paradise,

As you pointed out that may be true for some but not all so please don't assume you know what's going on in my household. If you were to ask my son today who is mommy dating, he would either shrug his shoulders or say 'I don't know' and that's because he doesn't. My son spends the weekends at his grandmothers house and that is when my guy and I take some time for ourselves. My son is an outstanding student and was referred by his former teacher to be tested to see if he's a genius. He's a warm and affable little guy and I have no doubt it's because I've been a wonderful mom. None of you ladies can take that away from me so please don't try.

 

Some of us draw the line at having men and children under the same roof at the same time. This goes back to my post the other day about the assumption that you must be a BAD MOTHER if you make a poor choice in one part of your life.

 

Amen to that Kia! That's a no-no in my situation but I think some of these ladies have their minds made up about what kind of parents we are and they hold fast to these assumptions. It's pointless trying to convince them otherwise...as long as we know the truth and that's all that matters.

[kiababy]

I believe you are a wonderful mom Nubian Angel You must be doing your best to provide a stable environment for him if he is doing that well in school. Kudos to you too!