Affairs....do they eventually take a toll on you?

[LoveTKO]

He already admitted that emotions have come into play. Maybe he's "in love" with his MW.

 

 

In love? hmm.....don't know.. emotions that wax and wane, but there's def. something there for both of us. I would describe it as really good friends with an amazing physical chemistry that gets out of hand from time to time. I'm aware that I live in a compartment in her heart/mind just as she does in mine.

[MissBee]

In love? hmm.....don't know.. emotions that wax and wane, but there's def. something there for both of us. I would describe it as really good friends with an amazing physical chemistry that gets out of hand from time to time. I'm aware that I live in a compartment in her heart/mind just as she does in mine.

 

 

So if she is in a compartment in your mind, why are you here posting about her and her behavior and motivations?

 

I'm sorry but it doesn't make sense to me. From my experience and how most people operate, when someone exists in a compartment, I basically only care about them in the time I am with them but once they are not around it is out of sight and out of mind. I have no interest in their psyche or why they do as they do or discussing their behavior on forums.

 

We all tell stories about what we want or hope or think or would like other people or even ourselves to think...but our actions often tell a truer tale.

[MissBee]

Does your arrangement keep you from dating and becoming emotionally attached to single woman?

 

It would appear so...

 

As a man who is also dating other women would probably not be as concerned with what this MW is doing, as his time is divided between other women and activities with them, so he would not have any huge stake in this MW and her life.

[wannabdone]

In love? hmm.....don't know.. emotions that wax and wane, but there's def. something there for both of us. I would describe it as really good friends with an amazing physical chemistry that gets out of hand from time to time. I'm aware that I live in a compartment in her heart/mind just as she does in mine.

 

 

But you PLAINLY said you wanted your question answered... which it was. So no need to speak about your feelings, or being friends, or good chemistry.

[LoveTKO]

Does your arrangement keep you from dating and becoming emotionally attached to single woman?

 

 

Not it doesn't. She does drill me on occasion whether or not I'm seeing someone else, and I've not been forthcoming;however, this other girl that I "see" on occasion knows all about this MW, but she doesn't care at all. There are two other girls that I've been flirting with big time.....something might happen who knows. Looking back, women always tend to linger in my life for some reason...it's weird. Perhaps because I'm a good listener and remember little details, or maybe because I'm not pushy but know just when to back off to will someone towards me? who knows.

[LoveTKO]

But you PLAINLY said you wanted your question answered... which it was. So no need to speak about your feelings, or being friends, or good chemistry.

 

 

Oh sorry...I was just trying to live up to the signature/quote at the bottom of your posts.

[wannabdone]

Oh sorry...I was just trying to live up to the signature/quote at the bottom of your posts.

 

Oh no, I'm sorry. I was just trying to follow your guidelines you set when we were trying to talk about other points of your post, and not just answering your question you asked. You seemed to be very condensing when we brought up other subjects.

[LoveTKO]

Oh no, I'm sorry. I was just trying to follow your guidelines you set when we were trying to talk about other points of your post, and not just answering your question you asked. You seemed to be very condensing when we brought up other subjects.

 

 

I'll try to not condense, or evaporate.

Edited April 16, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[PeineDeCoeur]

Well they certainly don't "just happen."

 

So yeah, there is most certainly a degree of planning involved in the evolution of EVERY affair, even one-night stands.

 

And just a little tip Belle - most BS's would never believe a WS's nonsense claim of "I didn't plan for it to happen." That's laughable, not to mention insulting.

 

I have to agree, here.

 

Maybe Belle, yours was not, but there's a lot of pre-meditated out there.

[Bellechica]

LoveTKO makes it easier to stay away from my exAP. Wow! Just saying....

 

No I didn't premeditate the As. I was at first caught up in an EA never thinking it would profess. The OM was 1,000 miles away...it was harmless flirting I thought, that's what I told myself. I could quit at any time. It was when it got physical that I realized I made that choice. That's when it hit home for me as to how bad I had become.

 

Alice, you are completely correct that I have boundary issues. It was my own vibe that got me into to A opportunity. I thought it would be men harmlessly flirting as usual....I wasn't the wayward type and then boom, I got caught up in it. That's not an excuse. It's just I didn't premeditate my choices....I was just stupid.

 

LoveTKO, this is your thread....keep posting and feel the "love" for your choices.

[LoveTKO]

LoveTKO makes it easier to stay away from my exAP. Wow! Just saying....

 

No I didn't premeditate the As. I was at first caught up in an EA never thinking it would profess. The OM was 1,000 miles away...it was harmless flirting I thought, that's what I told myself. I could quit at any time. It was when it got physical that I realized I made that choice. That's when it hit home for me as to how bad I had become.

 

Alice, you are completely correct that I have boundary issues. It was my own vibe that got me into to A opportunity. I thought it would be men harmlessly flirting as usual....I wasn't the wayward type and then boom, I got caught up in it. That's not an excuse. It's just I didn't premeditate my choices....I was just stupid.

 

 

 

 

 

LoveTKO, this is your thread....keep posting and feel the "love" for your choices.

 

 

 

Are you kidding me or what? The Nile is not just a river in Egypt.

[whichwayisup]

I am concerned with my married paramour who is displaying transient phases of guilt, remorse, anxiety

 

Yet you continue to aid her in this..If you truly care about her, try stepping away and let her go on with her life with her husband? if you don't like to see her in this suffering state, full of anxiety, remorse and guilt - End the affair!

[findingnemo]

TKO, a MP can keep going with an A forever even when they have feelings of guilt. The A becomes like a drug. They know it's bad for them but they can't resist going back for more. What your MW is feeling is normal but as you know, it doesn't have a real effect on her actions.

 

So what kind of person does this? I think it's someone who may not start off as being entirely selfish. But with time, she has become very self-centered. She is cheating on her BH with you. Then she is burdening you with her up and down emotions which lead to week long absences and this frustrates you. Your MW is a classic cake-eater not because she feels guilt but because she feels it but still goes on doing it. She knows it irritates you but does it anyway. She knows her BH would feel betrayed but continues doing it. She will not stop until one of you, her BH or you her OM, put a stop to it.

 

This can go on for years and years. The power to stop it is in your hands and those of her unsuspecting BH. For her, she is getting the best of both worlds. While she still feels bad about it now, eventually she will overcome the guilt. As long as she keeps getting away with her actions, ie. there are no damaging consequences, she will keep having you both.

[pureinheart]

I might posted about this before, and I'll preface this post by stating that I fully understand that sleeping with a married person is wrong, and that you can't have real expectations since you're dealing with an individual with a serious case of a "decision making disorder". That being said, how on God's green earth can a woman who is married carry on a sexual relationship with single guy for years and still cope on a day-to-day basis, facing her husband and child?

 

She has mentioned on several occasions in the past that leading a double life is too much for her to bear at times, not to mention the fact that the ball is in her court when it comes to us, with her having to do all the planning, lying, subterfuge, alibis, etc. This aggravates her at times because she views me as that single guy without a care in the world who just gets all the good stuff, with nothing at stake. After listening to her vent about the guilt that will manifest about four times per year, she'll retreat back to her real life, putting a cease and desist on all forms of communication with me for a couple of days/week. But it won't take long before my phone buzzes with some text or call about wanting to see me, which invariably always leads to sex. We've been having sex for years, but with the occasional guilt ridden hiatus, that introspective period for her in which she needs to come to terms with "what she has been doing" all these years to her family.

 

 

But how much longer can she keep on doing this before she really suffers a nervous breakdown or something? I can tell that it's killing her inside at times, but she ALWAYS come back to me for affection, even when I think it's the end because reality has finally sunk in. What do you all think? Not a future for her and me, but her long term prognosis.

 

Based on what you said her long term prognosis isn't good, and I would suggest she get some counseling (I have not read many of the previous posts) ASAP. She needs to make a decision and needs professional help IMO to get there.

 

Im surprised she has not had a nervous breakdown already! She sounds like she's close to it though, real close.

 

She is violating her moral compass bigtime, and if she doesn't do something soon her emotions will spider off into a lot of different phobias and such, she also sounds very traumatised. It's much like a physical illness...for instance, I had hyperthyroidism for most of my life without knowing it, I was doing things to make it worse without knowing it till finally I was full blown hyperthyroid...it got to the point where other parts of my body were on the verge of some serious complications...

 

I'm not trying to be uncool to you, although it sounds much like an addiction on her part. I am not saying she doesn't care for you by any means, but it appears as if she's using you to fix something she is unwilling to and you can't, it is up to her.

 

How is all of this making you feel? I am thinking maybe not too good? I say this because you wouldn't be looking for advice here.

 

You both have my prayers:( and please keep us updated ((((hugs)))

Edited April 16, 2012 by pureinheart

[LoveTKO]

Based on what you said her long term prognosis isn't good, and I would suggest she get some counseling

 

 

 

She is violating her moral compass bigtime,

 

I'm not trying to be uncool to you, although it sounds much like an addiction on her part.

 

How is all of this making you feel? I am thinking maybe not too good? I say this because you wouldn't be looking for advice here.

 

You both have my prayers:( and please keep us updated ((((hugs)))

 

 

Very poignant what you stated in your post, because these are things that she has expressed on numerous occasions. She has mentioned that she is addicted to me from physical aspect and she often looks "high" after we're together - it's really weird.

 

How do I feel? I am a bit concerned because the recurring theme during many of our conversations. She feels a bit trapped and overburdened living two lives and it can't be healthy.

[William]

OK, with fifteen minutes of cleanup under my belt, I'll make a final statement here. I used this thread to identify members who appear to not be able to control themselves and adhere to the community guidelines when posting on a controversial and provocative subject. I made a list of those members. I will be watching them. This was not possible before the existence of a moderation team but it is possible now. I'll go on the record right now and announce that such behavior, moving forward, will earn members, whether old or new, vacations from posting privileges. We all make choices in life. I hope those made here are wise ones and ones in line with the community guidelines all members agree to. Thank you for your participation and many thanks to those members who chose to discuss the topic within our guidelines.