My Story

[Samz]

As part of my job training I recently had to attend a seminar on child abuse. I left feeling really weird. Im a female in my 40s and Ive had a terrible life which I just cant work out. After I got home I started thinking about my childhood. When I was young I all ways new there was something wrong with my family. They never talked at all ever. The house was always completely silent. When I turned 15 I realised that my mother hated me. I had no idea why I just got that she didnt like me. I couldnt stand being home so I left and went and lived with some friends. I dropped out of school although I was a high achiever. My parents didnt care that I got exceptional grade they just ignored it. Once I went to a school counsellor and I didnt know what to say. Our house was nice and tidy and my mother would always have dinner on the table but I couldnt stand the atmosphere. When I was 21 my dad got cancer so I decided to move home. My dad told me that he had no money which was really odd. Apparently my mother had taken control off all the finances and she had cut him off all though he still lived in the house and they were still married. I notices at dinner my mother would give my father a small bowl of watery soup with nothing really any it. I asked my father if he would like a nice meal and he sounded really depressed. One day he said he had some money and that he was going to buy some food so he went out and bought some meat and vegetable and cooked a great big meal we sat down and ate it together and he was really happy. I was out one day and I got a phone call that my father had died. I didnt know what to do so I went home. My mother seemed really happy. About this time I decided to go to uni because I was always good a school. So I applied and got in and I left home again. My mother said nothing. Uni was great. I loved it. ALthough I felt odd sometimes and never told anyone that I had a bad childhoo. I graduated. While I was at uni my mother would ring me up all the time and hassle me about when I was leaving and getting a job. After I graduated I wanted to work in the Womens and Childrens Hospital. My mother rang me and told me I should work in a bar. I gave in and I dont no why but I got a job in a bar and I got really depressed and cried all the time. After that I started having problems. Looking back I think I started to develop a mental illness. I was really unstable and moved around all the time. My mother would ring me all the time and tell me to get a job. I went to stay with my brother who is really sucessful and happily married. I dont now why but he was always treated differently than me and was the ideal child. When I got there my mother rang my brother and said I couldnt stay there. I had to leave. I realised that anywhere I would go my mother would ring and tell them that they should get rid of me because Im a nuisance. One day things got really bad. I was staying with my brother again although it made my mother angry. I got in my car and drove into the country. I had no idea where I was going but I went to a local store and asked them if there was anywhere around that had a house or room or anyone looking for a tenant. There was a guy in the store buying a hamburger he said I could come back to his place and that I could sleep on the lounge if I didnt mind a lounge for awhile. I was desperate and going to sleep in my car so I tried to sound casual and I said sure why not. When we got there I was really surprised the house was in the country and old stone large home with an open fire. He made me a really nice dinner and then made up my bed. I thought he would kick me out after a week. My mother rang as usual and told him to get rid of me and appoligised that I was living at his house. He told her that he was happy to have me that he really like me and that he was going to look after me for the rest of my life. I was really shocked. He went out and bought all new furniture for the spare room and turned it into a bedroom. He told me he was happy to live with me. He went out and spent $500 on groceries and I didnt know what to do but he said it was fine. He spent thousands on furniture. He also took me clothes shopping becuase I left my brothers house with no clothes and he bought me a new car. Now Ive been here for 2 years. Ive fallen in love and he told me he loves me as well. Over Easter he told me to look on the internet for diamond engagement rings. I was so happy and had so much fun. I cant believe how lucky I am. But I still think about the past. Im thinking about getting counselling and I feel I really need to talk about my childhood. My mothers abuse was relentless and never ending for nearly 40 years. Shes stopped ringing and after all this time I finally feel safe and secure. I want to have a family and I want my children to be happy and content and feel safe and secure. Ive started talking a lot about how I feel and I love having long conversations. I dont know what else to say just that I really want to talk to people about what I went through most of my life.

[january2011]

How did your mother get all the numbers to make the calls to people (especially the guy in the local store)? Were you giving them to her? Perhaps you should stop doing that.

 

I think it's worth talking to a therapist so that you have a professional to help you examine what happened in your childhood and help you to build strategies to ensure that you continue to feel safe and secure.

 

As an aside, you may wish to use paragraphs when you post. It makes posts much easier to read and increases the likelihood that people will respond. Otherwise, if all they see is a wall of text, they're likely to just leave the thread without responding.

[CopingGal]

Wow. Glad you met a wonderful, wonderful man.

 

But I'm wondering this too, like the person who posted before me. How is your mom getting these numbers? You should never choose a job because your mom wanted you to. You have the education. Choose the job that you want. Stop giving mom your numbers and cut her off if you have to. I know that sounds bad, but it sounds like she's abusing you and that she abused your dad.

 

Stay with this guy if you are happy and cut your mom off. Live your life. Be happy. Get some therapy to deal with your past.

 

Take care of you.